I should had known.
The sky was pissing down,
Clearly it was a sign
I should had known.
I was picking out outfits,
To go and admit my love for him.
Cheesy, I know, but you have no say in this
So suck it up.
I wanted to surprise him,
I walked in the rain with a polka dots umbrella
Singing a happy tune
With butterflies flying around in my tummy,
With a beating heart filled with anticipation
The heart I just ransomed from the demons.
Electricity running through my veins,
I had never been so alive.
I came up to his porch
All of sudden, my hands were shaking.
Nerves made me want to run away, again
Surely it is easier than to face his pained amber eyes.
But no. I couldn't now, and I wouldn't.
Because I don't just love the way he danced with my angels,
But the way he silenced my devils, too.
Steeled myself for the encounter,
I knocked the door and waited.
1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6 seconds
Should had known
Instead of gave up and go,
I knocked the door and waited again.
1,2,3-
The door sprung open,
There he was, sweet and lovely and...
Something wasn't right.
His face froze at the sight of me
Inside, I panicked, the butterflies were dying.
But I couldn't turn back now, no way
I'm no coward, I'd tell him.
"I-"
"John, who's that?"
The voice was like a thunder bolt
stroked me deaf for a moment.
His body shifted to hide the girl, but he failed.
A girl's face appeared from behind his shoulder,
Blond hair, high cheekbones, perfectly framed.
Kelly.
The copy cat at school that was always running after me,
The jealous girl who wanted everything, everyone
That I had.
Yet never won,
I guessed she did now.
She wrapped an arm around his,
Protectively, possessively.
Suddenly I felt dizzy.
He pushed Kelly inside the house and shut the door,
Now he was only inches from me
I could feel his breath tickled my cheeks.
Voluntarily, I stepped back
Into the full-powered rain outside,
Great.
"It didn't take long, is it?
Already running after other girls.
I'm so glad that I said no,
Hurt but so much better than being cheated on."
"Please, let me explain.
It is not what you think it is,
Please-"
"Don't you dare say a word. You fucking asshole, you're just like him!
Oh boys, and I thought you were different.
I thought you were smart and sweet,
But you are all the same,
Using only your dicks for thinking, dickheads."
I tasted acid in every words from my lips,
I could tell that the poison dripped on him
it satisfied me
But it hurt me at the same time.
"Please, Fra-"
"Do not fucking say my name."
"But-"
I cut his attempt at talking by turning away.
I need to get the hell out of here
Maybe then my heart would stop throbbing so much.
I felt something warm on my cheeks
Despite the cold weather.
When had rain turn warm?
I turned to him for one last time
"Just so you know.
I fucking loved you,
I fucking loved the daylights out of you!"
Then I ran.

My name is Francesca Hamilton
I'm 17 years old,
I live with my mum and a cat named Millie.
I'm a straight A's student
I have the highest SAT score in the state,
I got accepted into Brown,
I'm a future entrepreneur.
And that is all you need to know about me,
That is what everyone need to know about me.
You do not need to know that
My dad abandoned me and mummy.
You do not need to know that
I'm self-destructive.
You do not need to know that
I tried to drown myself once.
You do not need to know that
I'm not as flawless as I want you to think I am.
My heart is contaminated,
You did not know that, or did you?
But you may know
That love hates me.
I know, such irony.
You may know,
My heart was lost and found
And lost again.
You may know,
I loved two men in the world,
Both had shunned me.
But here is what you surely didn't know,
Don't worry, I didn't either.
I was not ready for love,
I only wanted affection.
And now,
I'm not in love with any man anymore.
~The End~