Edinburgh, United Kingdom
October 1851

It was an oddly sunny day in Edinburgh. The skies were the most stunning shade of blue, and not one inch of it was blocked out by the shadowy storm clouds that had been haunting the city in the weeks prior. The only being that dared to interrupt this perfect clarity on that autumn morning was the wind, which so artfully painted the atmosphere with the fiery leaves that had at last abandoned their pose to create a multicolored artwork of their own. Vibrant reds, burning oranges and shimmering golds filled the streets, cloaking the cobblestones with a soft blanket of leaves whose beauty was so great that not one person in the city wished to disturb it.

Thomas Mercier was one such person in Edinburgh who relished in the glory of that fine morning. Despite the chilled winds that gently traveled through the squares and alleyways, Thomas sat outside on the balcony of his family's townhouse, enjoying the day for the brightness it provided him. He had an optimistic feeling about that sunny October day. He couldn't attribute this to anything that had happened to him in those days, so he supposed it to be the splendor of the morning that lifted his spirits.

The dreary weather as of late had really begun to depress him since he had traveled to Scotland, but he determined the journey to be a necessary evil. Edinburgh was not even two hundred kilometers away from Newcastle, so he thought it to be most advantageous if he were to make use of his family's apartment there. It went uninhabited for the majority of the winter, so his father had assured him that he would not be bothering anyone by staying. But more than that, the main reason Thomas decided to make the trip there was because he wanted to be able to respond to Harry with swiftness should the need ever arise.

Just as he had done in Calais, Thomas spent his days reviewing contracts for his father's business as a means to somehow distract himself from the annoying sense of anticipation that seemed to never leave him. He had left France at the start of the month when Harry's letter had been delivered to him. Jane knew about him now, and why Harry was there. He didn't even know if Jane would want to see him, but he was determined to be there if she should. He had already waited eighteen years, and he was not about to allow winter to delay him further.

But as one might imagine, there are only so many contracts a man can read before going insane. Thus, on that fine October morning, nearly two and a half weeks after arriving there in Edinburgh, Thomas decided that he would spend the day exploring the city that he had once called home.

He and Victoria had lived there together after she fled from Newcastle, and so the place held many memories that Thomas could not help but smile about as they came to his mind. They had only had a few months of marital bliss there, but even after all that had happened to him, he looked back on those months with fondness. They had been the happiest times he had ever known. 

Thomas dressed quickly, not wanting to waste a moment of the sun's beaming light, and made his way out into the streets for a pleasant stroll. He didn't know where he planned on going, but that was the beauty of it. Thomas had no where to be and all the time in the world at his fingertips.

Telling his butler Malcolm that he would be out for the day and instructing him to find him should any mail be delivered from Newcastle, Thomas stepped out into the crisp, autumn air and began his journey. The leaves he had been admiring earlier that morning lie before him, so he hesitated to go beyond the threshold of the apartment. The ground beneath him truly was beautiful, and he didn't wish to disturb the serenity of it, but despite his apprehension, Thomas needed to get out of his house. Thus, he plunged into the city in hopes of finding just a few moments of peace and enjoyment.

Burying his hands in his coat pocket, Thomas walked the streets he knew so well, the autumn leaves crunching beneath his leather boots with every step. His eyes flitted from building to building, noting how each one had changed since he had last been there. They looked older now, rougher, and Thomas felt that same change within himself. Like the architecture there, Thomas had once been daring and full of the irreplaceable vitality of youth; however, now, having been marred by the oppression of misfortune and time, Thomas was physically and mentally not the man he used to be. He was bent and broken; only in the last few months had he allowed himself to hope. Harry had given him that, and however his plans turned out, Thomas would be forever grateful that Harry should even try to reunite him with his daughter.

Thomas was carried away by his thoughts as he walked through the city, every once in a while stopping to just watch the people that went about their lives as if they had not a care in the world. He even went to one of the markets in town, and as he did, Thomas came across a vendor that he had met long ago. Had it been any other day, Thomas probably would have allowed himself to pass by without pursuing any conversation, but there was something nostalgic in the air that led him to greet the man who had once sold him the greatest pastries he had ever tasted.

Angus was an old man now, with thin gray hair atop his head and a white beard that reached just below his collarbones. He was a large man, standing well over six feet tall with arms as big as tree trunks. Thomas recalled a time when he had been afraid of Angus, but now as he saw him, Thomas felt nothing but the comfort brought on by seeing a familiar face. If not that, then at the very least, Thomas anticipated the taste of sausage rolls hitting his tongue, so much so that by the time he reached his old friend's table, he was in exceptionally high spirits.

"These prices have really become rather outrageous," Thomas declared loudly as Angus had his back turned to him.

The old Scot grunted, not bothering to look up at him. "They've been the same for near five years now, so I don't know what ye're talkin' 'bout."

"Is there any discount I might could have?" Thomas teased him, knowing full-well that he would most likely come to regret his words in a few moments. "I really don't think that one roll is worth the price you're asking for."

"Listen here, boy." Angus moved to stand upright. "If ye're gonna-" Falling silent as his bright brown eyes landed on Thomas standing in front of him, Angus was unsure of what he was seeing. The man before him looked like a boy he had once known years ago, but he couldn't be sure, not when that boy had had a merry soul and the man who stood there now looked worn and fatigued.

"Tommy?" Angus stepped towards the counter, leaning over the edge and squinting his failing eyes to get a good look at him. "Is that you?"

Thomas shrugged, smiling playfully. "I suppose it is, though no one has called me that in years."

Angus laughed, "I can see why. Ye're lookin' rather grim, if ye don' mind me sayin'. Tommy was much happier than ye seem to be."

"You're quite right, my friend. Quite grim, indeed."

Taking note of Thomas's depressed tone of voice, Angus frowned and shifted his eyes away from him. There was an awkward silence that lingered between them, and suddenly, Thomas became very aware of the fact that it was his fault. Thus, he intended to remedy it with something that had never failed to peak the man's interest before.

Thomas cleared his throat, "How's your wife, Aila? And the grandkids? How are they?"

Lifting his eyes, Angus smiled shyly towards his old friend, his eyes gleaming with joy as he talked about his family. "We have nine of 'em now. They keep us on our toes, the little rascals." Angus laughed. "And Aila's jus' fine, but she's about to be exceedingly busy now that ye're here."

"Why is that?"

Angus tried to restrain his laughter. "Well, Tommy, if ye're in town, we'll be sure to double sales in these sausage rolls."

Smiling at the memory of he and Victoria coming to the market for sausage rolls every morning brought a smile to his lips. Neither of them knew how or why these particular pastries were so extraordinarily delicious, but whatever the explanation, they happily made the trip together, even in the rain. Thomas hadn't thought about that in a long time, and for the first time in a while, he was able to think back on his late wife and not feel sad. It was a small pleasure undoubtedly brought upon him because of that place, and he knew that it would probably not be permanent given how melancholy the last eighteen years had been for him, but still, he was determined to enjoy the moment of joy while he could.

"I wish that were the case, Angus, but I'm afraid I'm not in town for very long."

Angus's face fell in disappointment. He had rather missed his young friend. "What brings ye to Edinburgh, then? Ye haven' been here nigh on twenty years."

Thomas smiled at the Scotsman's enthusiasm over his presence there, but he also could not ignore the crippling anxiety that fell upon him at the reminder of what he was doing there. His mind was dragged back to his house, wondering whether the mail had been delivered yet. However, he soon shook the thought from his mind; he needn't worry about it now. Nothing had come since his arrival, so surely, today wasn't the day either.

"I have some business in Newcastle that I'm waiting to hear about," Thomas said at last, trying his best to conceal the rabid anticipation that consumed him. "It should be any day now."

"I see," Angus frowned, but then glanced around his shop like he was looking for something. His eyes fell upon the thin cloth he had been wrapping the pastries in, so he took it in his hands and began laying out several sausage rolls for his friend to take. "Ye should at least take these, then. If ye have a chance, come back so I can see that pretty wife of yours. I'm sure she's just as lovely as she was back then."

Caught off guard by the mention of his wife, Thomas froze and his face contorted to hold an unmistakeable expression of sadness. Aside from his family and Harry, he had never had to explain what had happened to Victoria, so on the rare occasion that he did have to speak of her, it brought him significant distress each time. It never got any easier.

"I- I'm afraid she's not here. It's just me."

Taking note of Thomas's sudden shift in demeanor, Angus raised his brow in wonder, but said nothing to push it further. He didn't know what was going on in the younger man's head, but he could tell by the devastated look in his friend's eyes that whatever it was should not be pushed.

"Oh... I'm sorry t' hear that," Angus replied cautiously, unsure of what Thomas had meant by his words.

Thomas shook his head as if to shake his melancholy thoughts away, but still there was still a hint of sadness in eyes that could not be dissolved.

"I'm sorry," Thomas sighed, casting his eyes to the ground and shifting on his heels. "I haven't been myself for quite some time."

"There anythin' I can help with?" There was worry etched across the old man's face, and his kind words were evidence of it. Thomas knew Angus would help him if he could, simply because that was the kind of man he was, but unfortunately, the circumstances were much too serious for a baker to involve himself in.

Thomas shook his head and spoke appreciatively of his friend. "I'm afraid even I am out of my depth when it comes to mending my bitterness, but I suppose there is one thing you could do to help me."

Angus's brown eyes lit up as he eagerly awaited his task. "Oh, whatever it is, I'm more than willin' to do it."

"Good," Thomas grinned as happily as he could manage, though admittedly, it wasn't very bright. "Then you and you wife will be joining me for dinner tonight at my house. I'm afraid I'm in dire need of friends."

Though he hesitated at first, Angus eventually accepted Thomas's kind invitation to dine with him, provided that he was allowed to supply the dessert. Without so much as a word of protest, Thomas readily agreed and told Angus that he would send his carriage around to pick them up when supper time came.

Thus, with a handful of sausage rolls and a bit of a bounce in his step, Thomas continued his walk through town, hitting all the spots that he and Victoria used to frequent back in their prime. It made him sad to revisit them without her, but at the same time, he felt more connected with her than he had since her untimely death, so in a way, he felt peace that he hadn't felt before. Whether it was because of the city or the fact that his hopes were rising higher and higher as he awaited word from Harry, he did not know, but he was certain that despite the somewhat painful memories, that day in late October had been a good one.

Thomas returned to his apartment a few hours before dinner to inform the cook of his guests, and upon finding that there had been no letters from Newcastle, he resumed his former position at his desk, once again taking to the tedious contracts he was so unfortunately obligated to review. The time passed rather quickly, but soon, Angus and Aila were at his doorstep with some kind of cream-filled pastries in hand.

The dinner they had together was a joyful one, and for the first time in years, Thomas felt relaxed and at home. No one mentioned Victoria; Thomas supposed Angus had warned his wife not to, but all the same, he was pleased with how the evening passed between them. By the time dessert came around, the trio was glad with wine, and there was not a frown to be seen, not even upon Thomas's usually sullen face. There was light in his eyes that hadn't been there for a while, and perhaps it was the alcohol that thawed his heart, but Thomas knew that at least some of it had to do with his company. The old Scottish couple brought out the young man in him again, and for that one evening, Thomas seemed unmarred by the misfortunes of his past.

Refilling Angus's glass for the fourth time, Thomas laughed heartily as the Scotsman told a rather animated tale about his granddaughter who had so innocently run away from home to play in the fields behind their house.

"Ye wouldn't believe it, Tommy, but I swear when we found 'er, she was sittin' on a stump with three lads jus' starin' at 'er as she talked to the butterflies." Angus held out his hand and pointed his finger out. "They were jus' sittin' there on 'er finger like this."

Aila grinned beside her husband, her soft eyes alight with a joy that Thomas could not help but desire for himself. "She's only six, but she's already got the lads wrapped around her finger."

Chuckling to himself, Thomas handed Angus the crystal glass filled with wine and resumed his seat across from them, "I know the feeling." And then, he couldn't say what made him do it, but Thomas voluntarily mentioned the one subject that had been avoided the whole night. Perhaps it was the wine. "When I first saw Victoria, I felt as if I had just surrendered my own will for hers."

Angus and Aila exchanged a glance between them, but they were quick to hide their surprised expressions. Silence lingered over them, but unlike before at the bakery, there was a serenity about it that made it seem almost comfortable. They watched Thomas as he smiled to himself, like he had just remembered something distant and wonderful. No one wished to disturb the peace in the room, but there cane a moment when curiosity became more powerful than the silence.

"Thomas," Aila said quietly, her countenance devoured by nothing but sympathy and concern. "I apologize if I'm overstepping, but I have to ask–"

Thomas inclined his head to listen to Aila, though he was already well aware of what she was going to ask. They had been dancing around the subject all evening, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before it was directly discussed. The more time he spent with his old friends, the more Thomas began to realize how selfish he had been by keeping Victoria's story from them. He could see that they cared about him immensely even after all these years, and given how they absolutely adored Victoria when they had lived there before, Thomas felt that they deserved to know what had become of the girl they had once admired.

Sighing heavily, Thomas placed his glass on the table beside him and he forced himself to speak of the thing that so often caused him great pain. "No, I have been dreadfully rude by keeping you two in the dark. It's just- I don't like to speak of it."

Aila's eyes widened, and she quickly came to believe that she made a terribly intrusive mistake. Thus, with the softest of voices, she did her best to soothe Thomas in what little ways she could.

"Deary, you don't have to talk about it if it distresses you so greatly. I-"

"No," Thomas shook his head. "You are kind, but no. You deserve to know."

Again, silence filled the space between them as Thomas prepared himself to make his speech. Holding their breaths as if one sound would make him change his mind, Angus and Aila watched the wearied man in front of them, awaiting the moment when he would tell them what they suspected to be true, but didn't want to admit. It was a hard silence, one that stood between the three of them and the pain that the past would bring them. They cherished those moments, for once the truth was declared aloud, there would be no return to that wonderful place of blissful ignorance.

As he cleared his throat, Thomas looked to his two friends and began his sorrowful tale. "I know you know this already, but when Victoria and I first moved here, we were not in a good place. She was rightfully angry with me for how I had distanced myself from her after she and her family fled Paris, and I was desperate to attain her forgiveness at any cost."

Thomas inhaled deeply, for what followed, he had only ever admitted to his father. Not even Harry knew of his dreadful behavior.

"I can't condone it, but I ran away with her when she asked me to save her from a marriage to this terrible, old man with a drinking problem. I believed that this action would prompt her to forgive me... and I was right." Thomas watched as his friends' faces contorted to hold expressions of surprise and though he tried to ignore it, he could see the disapproval in their eyes. Shaking the observation from his mind, Thomas continued. "I brought her here to Edinburgh, from which she was supposed to travel elsewhere, but as soon she entered the city, she soon realized that she had no clue of where she wanted to go. So, I let her stay in my family's apartment while I rented a room down the road, but that arrangement quickly came to an end when I finally plucked up the courage to ask her to marry me.

"She said 'no' at first, but then she looked into my eyes, and I just- up until that moment, I had never felt so full of love in my entire life. She was the oxygen that fueled my fire, and I burned brightly for her alone."

Thomas could not help but smile at the memory of his proposal to Victoria, and neither could Aila. Thomas glanced over at her as she brushed a tear from her eye just before it could fall to her cheek. She was touched by his passionate description of his love, and quite frankly, so was Angus. He didn't harbor tears like his wife, but he felt deeply for the man in front of him. To lose a love as great as the one Thomas described was truly a tragedy.

"Nothing stood in our way anymore; we were married within the week, and as you might remember, that was the day we were so fortunate as to meet the two of you. You gave us a little wedding cake, and I've never forgotten your kindness to us on that day or in the months that followed. Really, you have no idea how much it meant to have people in our lives that treated us so graciously when we least deserved it."

Aila was beaming through tear-filled eyes, reflecting on the day as clearly as if it had been that morning. She remembered seeing the happiest of young couples walking towards their modest little bakery, the mere joy they felt radiating off of them like two suns on earth. To be around Thomas and Victoria was to know what it meant to take pleasure in being with the one you love, and though no one who had seen them that day could explain it, they all found that the newlyweds gave them hope in a world that was so quick to extinguish its flame.

"Anyways, as the turn of the new year passed, we found out that Victoria was with child." Thomas smiled, but there was a dullness to his eyes that kept him from feeling the joy of his words. "I remember thinking that I had loved Victoria before, but after that, it was just exponentially greater than it ever had been before. I didn't know it was possible to feel that whole.

"Things were perfect for a while, but soon, Victoria started to show some to desire of returning home. As strict as her parents were, she missed her mother, and there were just some things that I couldn't do for her that her mother could." In a moment, the brightness of his visage dimmed, and once again, Thomas became saturated by his own tragedy. He shook his head, "We should have stayed here. We went to her family's house, and we had our daughter there. Had that been the end of it, then everything might have been okay, but it wasn't."

Thomas sighed deeply as eyes began to sting with the tears that would inevitably fall upon his cheeks. Despite his quivering lip and the tightness in his chest, Thomas unwillingly revealed the truth of what troubled him. "Victoria died shortly after our daughter was born, due to complications. I still don't-" Thomas's voice cracked and he rubbed at his eyes. "I still don't know how it happened."

"Oh, Tommy." Aila tried to hold back her tears just as Thomas was, but she failed as they spilled over the rims of her eyes and sorrowfully flowed down her aged cheeks.

"I know I should be over it by now; it was eighteen years ago, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the two of them, my daughter especially."

Puzzled, Angus cleared his throat and looked to the broken man before him. "The babe, did she...?"

Thomas shook his head, "No, but-"

"Sir." Thomas fell silent and looked up to see his butler standing in the doorway.

"Not now Malcolm." Waving the man off, Thomas directed his attention back to his horrid tale. "Back to what I was-"

Malcolm coughed, "Sir, I beg your pardon, but I have a letter for you."

Thomas's heart stopped in his chest for just a moment before he swiftly arose and took the letter from his servant's hand. Angus and Aila watched in confusion as Thomas inexplicably left the room without so much as another word, apparently anxious to read whatever correspondence he had just received. It seemed to them that something significant had just occurred, though they had no idea as to what it pertained.

Several minutes passed before Thomas rejoined them in the sitting room, but once he did, they could see that his entire demeanor had shifted. There was a sense of hope in his eyes again, and though he hadn't even said a word yet, they knew that just maybe his luck was about to change.

***

y'all we're getting into it now I'm literally so excited to keep writing this story!!!!
Any guesses as to what the letter said? (hint: this is not a trick question and you should be very prepared for satisfaction in the next few chapters).. also, listen to the song at the top it's stunning

....with that being said though, don't get too used to things going too right :)

Thank you all so much for reading!! ily
-kate