Newcastle, United Kingdom
December 1851

The guilt that had arisen in Harry's mind on Christmas Day continued to plague him for next two days. Having not yet had the conversation about it with Jane, Harry's mind prompted him to agonize over whether he was doing the right thing by running away with her. He knew he wanted to, and he knew she wanted to as well, but he just couldn't help but feel that he was behaving like a true villain. He feared that the deed would taint the good character he had worked so hard to achieve, and he needed Jane to help him see what they were doing in a more positive light.

They weren't being selfish; they were just exercising their rights as free people. At least, that was what Harry told himself to keep from succumbing to his fears.

After the last of Jane's relatives returned to their homes, Harry and Jane both deemed it safe to meet each other in their house by the pond. They walked their usual path through the woods, their hands intertwined as Jane led them through the darkness. The cold was particularly bitter that evening, so Jane took the liberty of fixing a faster pace for them in order that they might reach their shelter from the cold more quickly. When they got there, Harry set some of the wood that they had collected in the fireplace, stepping aside so that Jane could start it with the matches she kept on the mantel.

Instead of getting up to sit by Harry on the couch, Jane made herself comfortable in front of the fireplace, laying her cloak down beneath her and sitting with her back to the fire. Leaning back and propping herself up on her hands, Jane smiled at Harry who seemed to be thinking very seriously about something. His brows were pulled together tightly in concentration, and there was an intensity in his dark eyes that made Jane somewhat nervous. Harry could be fairly serious at times, but this seemed to be a bit different than his usual pensiveness; something was weighing heavily on Harry's mind, and Jane was afraid that he was having second thoughts about their upcoming journey together. She would understand if he did.

Cautiously, Jane decided she would press him to find out what was on his mind. If he was experiencing doubts, she wanted to soothe them as best she could.

Readjusting her position, Jane leaned forward and delicately placed her hands in her lap as she looked to Harry with an inquisitive expression. "Harry, is something the matter?" Jane watched as Harry seemed to realize that he had been staring off into space, straightening his back and then fixing his eyes on her.

"No, not at all," Harry said hurriedly, though Jane could tell that he was not being entirely honest with her. There was something bothering him, and she knew that with his guarded response, she would have to coax it from him. With Harry's next words to her, she knew just how she would do it. "What are you doing on the floor?"

Jane simply shrugged and smoothed her thick cloak beneath her, "I'm tired of stiff furniture and sitting up straight. I just want to lay by the fire and relax." Turning her eyes towards Harry, Jane flashed a smile at him that enchanted him every time he saw it. He would do anything to be the reason for that smile, even though he knew it would most likely be his undoing. "Would you join me? It's quite warm down here."

Harry, drawn in by the warmth of Jane's countenance as well as the flames behind her, moved quickly to sit beside her on the ground, taking his own cloak and draping it over them. Jane smiled at his thoughtful actions and leaned up against him as he drew her into his arms, noticing as she did so that there was still a lingering trace of agitation etched within his features. Despite the smile he put on for her, Harry was distressed by the weight of their actions, and he was doing a terrible job of hiding it.

Taking Harry's hand in her own and tracing her fingers along the lines of his palm, Jane quietly repeated her question from before, this time changing it to be a tad gentler in her approach.

"What are you thinking about?" Jane asked him, keeping her eyes focused on his hand in hers, the heat from his skin seeping into her own as her finger continued to dance along his palm print. She could feel Harry inhale deeply behind her, and with his continued silence, Jane knew that he was trying to push away whatever thoughts he had troubling his mind.

Inclining her head to look up at him, Jane smiled softly towards him and pressed him gently to speak his mind, "Harry, you know you can tell me anything."

Harry turned his eyes to meet hers, and suddenly, he felt as if he couldn't contain his raging anxiety any longer. His chest felt so tight that he could barely breathe, and even though he struggled in bringing up the topic himself, he knew that Jane's kind, encouraging words to him would help alleviate the pressure within him.

Shutting his eyes, Harry sighed deeply and admitted to her what he was feeling, "I'm scared, Jane."

Though it wasn't in her character to do so, Harry half-expected Jane to mock him for his weakness; after all, fear was not an admirable quality to possess. However, taunting words never came from her pretty lips. She simply looked up at him sadly and whispered the words, "I am, too."

After that, several moments passed between them in silence, neither one of them making a move to speak. They both had spent weeks suppressing the fear they felt over their plans, only now with the date of its execution so rapidly approaching, neither one of them could help but feel their fears beginning to take hold of them. Only, they weren't united in their fear; they had chosen to dwell on it separately, and in that moment on the floor of their cabin, they both soon came to realize that their plan would would only work if they were entirely upfront with each other.

Thus, Jane turned herself to face Harry, the fire behind him casting such a marvelous light upon her face that Harry momentarily forgot what they were talking about, but Jane was quick to remind him.

"You're worried about something more, though," Jane said quietly, her eyes earnestly looking into his as she spoke. "I can see it every time you look at me. It's like you're uncertain- or like you're ashamed of something."

Harry could hear the hurt in Jane's voice as she spoke to him, and with the way in which the fire's light danced across her irises, Harry felt so completely enraptured with all that she was that he could hardly keep from revealing his thoughts to her. He feared saying them aloud, though; he didn't want her confirm to his fears, and so he had hesitated in speaking his mind. But as she implored him to confess to her, Harry felt that he had no choice but to comply.

"I'm not ashamed, Jane. I love you, and I would do anything to be with you. Please know that," Harry said firmly, wishing nothing more than for Jane to be secure in his feelings for her. He would need her to be before he said anything else.

Jane nodded in response, taking Harry's hand in her own and squeezing it gently. "I know." Rubbing her thumb across the smooth skin of Harry's hand, Jane smiled at him in hopes to encourage him to go on, and so he did.

Harry then took a deep breath, trying to configure what it was that he was actually trying to say. How could he express his reluctance without prompting Jane to think that she was the cause? Harry didn't know, but he had to try.

Harry sighed deeply and lowered his head, not wishing to look into Jane's eyes when she replied. He was too scared that she would awaken to the reality of what running away would mean for her, and decide to stay. But still, Harry felt that it was his duty to make sure that Jane would choose her path with no regrets.

"Jane, are you positive that you can leave your family? I just- I feel like I'm forcing you into this, and I don't want you to feel like you have to-"

"Stop," Jane interrupted him, which caught him by surprise. And Harry was even more surprised to see that Jane actually looked sort of angry at him. "You're not forcing me to do anything. If anyone is forcing the other to go, it's me forcing you. I have several good reasons for wanting to leave, and well, you just have me. I don't know how that could be enough for you, but-"

"It is." Harry looked up at her and tried k smile convincingly. "It is; I just- I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing."

Jane rolled her eyes and pulled her hands away from Harry to rest them in her lap. She was even more frustrated now that Harry seemed to think she was going into this so blindly. Where had this side of him been all those times they had spoken about their future? Surely, his doubts had haunted him prior to that evening, so Jane wondered why they just now surfacing when the event was so rapidly approaching.

"Harry, I appreciate the concern, but I do know what I'm doing. You keeping forgetting that if I don't run, I'm going to have to marry James. He'll want me to bear his children, Harry, and I know you know what that means. Quite frankly, the idea repulses me because I don't want anyone to touch me but you, and I don't want to have anyone's children but yours. I'm all in, Harry, so if you're not, then you should probably say something now before it's too late."

"I am all in, I swear, but Jane, what about your family?" Harry urged her despite the feelings of joy that rose within him at the mention of Jane's desire for him. He could not think of their intimacy just yet, not when she hadn't verbally expressed her thoughts on the matter of her family. "What about William and your uncle? And all your cousins? You seem to adore them, Jane, and I don't want to be the reason that you never see them again. You might resent me for it."

To Jane, it was as if Harry wasn't even listening to her. She knew what she wanted, and she just wanted Harry to see why. At this point, words were worthless, but Jane still needed to get her thoughts across to Harry, so she endeavored to go about it in the only way she knew he would understand.

"When are you going to listen to me?" Jane scoffed, moving herself to sit directly beside him. Looking up at him, she placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing his eyes to look upon her own while she spoke. "Harry, I'm not running away from my family; I'm running to it. If I were to marry James, I would have to leave them anyway, but this way, at least I can be happy with who accompanies me. You and my father, Harry- you're my family now, do you understand?"

As Jane stared into Harry's eyes, she could see him taking in her words to him. She watched as he seemed to physically relax under her touch, and suddenly, she began to see that his annoying questions weren't at all coming from a place of malice or fear. He really did care about her and her well-being, and Jane could see that the only reason he was asking these things was because he felt convicted to. His sense of honor and concern for her was what inspired him, and Jane could not fault him for it.

Harry nodded slowly, which gave Jane's poor nerves a break from thinking that Harry wanted to back out on her. She would have understood if that had been his design, but nonetheless, it would have broken her heart.

Sighing, Jane dropped her hands from Harry's face, but continued looking him in the eyes. "So we're good then? Was that it? You were just concerned about me leaving my family? You don't want to stay here instead of going with me?"

Harry could not help but laugh at Jane's bluntness towards him as he nodded in affirmation. He loved that about her; each conversation with her was a hundred times more interesting than any other he had had with a woman because of her openness with him, and it made him smile each time he thought of it.

"Yes, that was the gist of it," Harry said simply, his eyes taking in every feature of Jane's face in the firelight. Half of it was robed in the shadows of that small cabin, while the other half was illuminated by the flames dancing beside them.

Though he knew he shouldn't, Harry's eyes fell to Jane's lips, which were drawn into a pleased smile as he looked at her with so much affection. And had he not been so focused on her mouth, Harry would have seen that Jane was doing the very same thing, dreaming of how Harry's lips might taste on her own. They had been deprived of each other's kiss for just over two weeks now, and so, it was taking all that existed within them not to break their resolve to abstain from that kind of intimacy. But however strong their determination may have been in the night's before, now, it was weak and distracted on both of their parts. The subject matter had prompted them both to wish to feel reassurance in the other's touch, and at least for Jane, she couldn't care less about their agreement. She wanted to kiss him, and so she decided to ask him for it.

As they had been looking at each other, a heaviness had fallen over them. It was the kind that could only mean one thing, and though she tried to resist it, Jane had fallen under its influence fairly quickly. And Harry, though he knew he should not have let her, did not stop Jane as she moved herself to be impossibly close to him, her eyes never leaving his lips.

"You'll never leave me, right?" Jane asked him quietly, momentarily raising her eyes to look into Harry's. With her words, Harry dragged his focus from Jane's lips to look into her eyes as well, the motion of which did not go unnoticed by Jane. He wanted to kiss her, too; she could feel it.

Harry shook his head and smiled gently at her, lifting his hand to her cheek and tucking a curl behind her ear, "Not unless you ask me to, Jane."

Laughing quietly, Jane just shook her head and lowered her eyes to the floor, "You're mad if you think I would ever do that. You know the life I want with you; I would think it goes without saying that I am entirely determined never to leave your side."

Harry was beaming now, and the thought of Jane being so loyal to him was entirely the reason for it. He couldn't fathom why such a fantastic woman should be so set upon staying with him, but nonetheless, the thought of that woman being Jane made his heart soar. And then she spoke again, catching Harry off guard for just a moment before he was able to make his response.

"Harry, I know we said we wouldn't, but may I kiss you?" Jane paused, nervously looking to Harry's mouth again. Everything about him was drawing her in, and she could hardly stand keeping to herself for much longer. "I just- I need you to kiss me... please."

Before Jane could finish, Harry leaned forward and planted his lips firmly against hers, his warmth seeping into her as she moved closer to him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Jane clung to Harry as his lips moved slowly against her own. She felt content in those moments, like she had finally received the piece of herself that she had been missing for what seemed like so long.

But then, all too soon, Harry's lips fell away from hers, his forehead coming to rest against hers as they both sought to catch their breaths.

"We can't," Harry said quietly, shutting his eyes so as to calm himself and the thoughts that were racing through his mind. It was a struggle for him, though, as it always was.

When it came to Jane, Harry found that he was no longer the master of his mind, but instead was enchanted by Jane and that loving look that clouded her eyes whenever she glanced in his direction. It was not in his power to refuse her, and a part of him was glad for it, because if she were to ask him for more, Harry knew he could not pretend to want anything else. He had before, but as the date of their journey was less than a week away, Harry's resolve was weakened. He couldn't even deny her a kiss, and soon, he would come to find that just the one kiss would open the gates to a world of pleasure that Harry had never known.

Jane felt the disappointment of Harry's withdrawal deep within herself. She knew the reason for it, and in many ways, she respected Harry for respecting her. But she couldn't ignore the part of her that wished they could throw the rules to the wind. Jane wanted to be Harry's wife, and she wanted to know the full extent of what that would feel like.

Thus, when Harry pulled away from her, Jane could not keep herself from speaking her mind. "Please," Jane mumbled breathlessly, opening her eyes to look upon his face. His eyes were shut and he seemed to be in deep concentration.

But as soon as Harry cast his eyes upon her, Jane knew that he would not be pulling away this time. They were dark and filled with purpose, a purpose that Jane would soon come to discover. Instead of drawing back from her as she expected him to, Harry leaned forward again, pressing his lips to Jane's and pulling her to sit on his lap. Jane didn't know what had worked upon him to change his mind so quickly, but she liked to think that he realized that there was no use in caring about what society told them was right or honorable.

In reality though, Harry wasn't thinking much at all. One look into Jane's eyes was all it took for him to see exactly what he wanted, and with the knowledge that she too, wanted the same thing, how could Harry, or any man, deprive himself of such pleasure? Simply put, he loved her, and he wanted her to feel just how much.

Even so, as Harry kissed Jane, he was still trying to convince himself to hold back from her. After all, he knew he should at least try to put up a fight against his human nature which urged him to satisfy his desires. In the end though, even as Harry would mumble, "we shouldn't," he knew that he didn't really mean it. And clearly, Jane seemed to understand what his interjections meant, seeing as how every time he did speak, neither of them would even attempt to slow their actions. It was a wordless decision made between the two of them, and neither Jane nor Harry could bring themselves to regret it.

Laces fell to floor as Harry fingers worked at the already loosened bodice of Jane's dress, all the while, never allowing himself to separate his lips from hers. He groaned as Jane brushed his hands away and began to work at the buttons of his white linen shirt, peeling it back as she went along. His skin was warm despite being exposed to the cool air of the cabin, the flames in the fireplace beside them working to heat them both. Once Harry's shirt fell to the floor, Jane tore her lips away from his, her eyes drinking in his physique and gleaming with an expression of something that Harry had never seen in her before. Pressing the back of her hand against his abdomen Jane struggled to catch her breath.

"Wait," she gasped. "I need to get this off first."

Harry looked at her calmly, telling himself that this was his moment to put a stop to what they were doing, but despite the rationality of his thoughts, Harry could not bear to interrupt what would surely be the most pleasurable experience of his life. So, instead of telling Jane to keep her clothes on, he asked her a question that took her aback.

"May I do it?"

One look into Harry's pleading eyes was all it took for Jane to consent to his inquiry, the both of them lifting themselves off the ground to stand in front of the fireplace. Harry's hands worked tortuously slow to cast off the many layers of Jane's dress, first starting with the decorative layer, then to the corset, and then at last, the long white undergarment she wore beneath it all. As he did this, they were silent, the only sounds coming from the crackling of the fire, their own shallow breathing, and the sound of fabric brushing against itself. Jane watched as Harry proceeded with each step of the process, taking his time with each knot and every loop until at last, Jane was standing before him in nothing but her white shift.

Harry reached out to touch her, but before his hand could make contact with the soft fabric, he drew his hand away and looked up at her with anticipation glowing in his eyes, "May-" He cleared his throat. "May I, um, touch you?"

Jane was surprised by Harry's nervous and apprehensive demeanor; given his experience in the realm of sexual encounters, Jane was baffled to see that Harry was not at all over-confident as she expected him to be. He was stuttering and his movements were uncertain; to Jane, it seemed almost as if it were his first time, too, but she knew in her head that this was not the case. Harry knew what he was doing, and she just hoped that her inexperience wouldn't take away from the pleasure she hoped to provide him.

Nodding slowly, Jane stepped towards Harry as his hands gently gripped her waist and pulled her towards him. She gasped at the feeling of his fingers actually pressing into her flesh, the sensation sending a shiver down her spine. Up until now, it had been all corsets and and thick clothes, so for there to be a mere piece of fabric separating them was entirely new to her.

Harry kissed her slowly before pulling away and smiling gently at her, the dimples in his cheeks making Jane's heart flutter with the affection she held for him.

"I love you," Harry said quietly, rubbing his thumb gently against her side.

Jane felt her cheeks heat up with his words to her, but she nonetheless replied to him with all the sincerity and feeling she could muster, "I love you."

Harry hummed contentedly, leaning forward and gently kissed her forehead, "Jane, I want to do this with you, but I need you to know that if you want to stop, I will draw back from you without question. Do you understand?"

Jane shook her head and warmly smiled at him, "Harry, I won't-"

"Please," Harry implored her. "Grant me this. I need you to know you have a choice in this, so please, tell me you understand."

"I understand," Jane conceded quietly, looking at Harry as he seemed to physically relax in front of her. But there was something still tense in him that Jane felt she needed to alleviate before they proceeded with their evening together.

To Harry's confusion, Jane stepped away from him and stooped down to the fireplace, swiftly taking two long and bendy twigs in her hands to form two circular rings with them. Taking Harry's left hand in her own, she steadily slipped it onto his ring finger, smiling as she did so.

"I don't want you to resent me for not marrying you first, so I'm afraid these will have to work for now." Jane handed Harry the other ring. "We don't need a judge. Harry, will you marry me?"

Laughing softly as Jane's effort to ease his conscience that had all but abandoned him, Harry nodded and slowly knelt down to one knee. Taking her hands in his own, Harry held up the ring Jane had given him and cheekily smiled at her with glistening eyes.

"Aye, my love, but only if I get to ask you myself." Jane giggled as she looked down at a very shirtless Harry kneeling down in front of her, but nodded for him to continue. "Jane, my darling, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes," Jane grinned, watching as Harry slid the makeshift ring over her slender finger. Harry kissed her hand before dropping his eyes to the hem of her shift and gently running the fabric between his fingers.

"May I?" Harry looked up to Jane's face to see her blushing heavily, but still, she nodded and urged him to do whatever he wanted. Thus, with less than confident hands, Harry gently grasped Jane's ankles, tortuously moving them up her leg to pool the fabric of her dress around his forearms. Jane sucked in a sharp breath as his hands caressed her thighs, which prompted Harry to look up at her in concern.

"Are you alright?" he asked her, still keeping his grip on her thighs steady.

She smiled and nodded to him, "Yes, I- I'm just nervous."

Harry frowned, "What are you nervous about?"

Shifting on her feet, Jane restlessly wrung her hands behind her back and looked away from Harry, "I don't know; I just don't want to disappoint you."

Harry shook his head and tried not to laugh, releasing his grip on Jane's legs and standing from the ground to face her, "Jane, there is not a thing you could do to disappoint me in anything... especially this. Do you understand?"

"But I'm not experienced, and-"

"It doesn't matter, Jane. You are not capable of being a disappointment to me."

Harry's eyes were fierce as he awaited her response, so much so that she had no choice but to at least accommodate him by telling him she understood. But even so, as it is in human nature to question oneself, Jane was still not entirely convinced of what Harry was saying to her. After all, how could she possibly be remarkable to him? Jane certainly didn't think she was, and Harry was well aware of it.

Thus, as Harry made love to Jane that night, he endeavored to prove to her that she meant the world to him, and he didn't care how long it took to bring her the same incomparable pleasure that she gave to him.

As the evening progressed, they loved each other fully in all the ways each of them knew how. Harry's movements were slow and gentle as he sought to cater to Jane's every need, and it was this intentionality that led Jane to cast aside her nerves and experience the entirety of Harry's love for her. In all her life, Jane had always felt the need to hide her true feelings from the world, but in those moments with Harry, she found herself revealing parts of herself that she had never shown anyone before. In her nakedness, Jane was laid bare in front of Harry in every way, and though she should have been frightened by it, she found that she wasn't at all. Harry loved her, and he made a point to let her know with everything he did. Never before had she felt such comfort in her vulnerability, and Jane found herself more deeply in love with Harry than she had ever been before.

Harry's experience with Jane resulted in the same multiplication of his love that Jane had felt, though for different reasons. Harry had been with many women, but never before had he made love to them in the way that he did with Jane. Though the motions were very much the same, he found knew meaning in everything he did with her. He wasn't just satisfying his lusts like he had done in the past; no, he was learning what it meant to love someone with everything he had. Thus, he couldn't bring himself to once think about his actions with Jane being wrong or worthy of guilt. Harry found himself thinking that it couldn't have possibly been wrong, not when they had only brought more love into the world with what they had done. What could possibly be wrong with that?

If anything, their actions together that night only bonded them more completely than before. It was chemical, down to their very physical make-up, and both Harry and Jane knew that they would rather die than to part from each other now. They saw this as a good thing, for it only served as further motivation to successfully flee together. Failure was not an option, and both of them would do whatever it took to keep failure from seizing hold of them.

•••

That took a hot sec but I hope it was worth the wait! Let me know what you think, please!! :)
(Also, the song at the top is one of the songs that has really inspired me to write, so please listen to it bc it's incredible).

Thank y'all so much for reading, and Happy New Year!! :) ily❤️
-kate🖤