Derbyshire, United Kingdom
January 1852

The following day Jane was taken to her new home in Derbyshire, which turned out to be far more pleasant than she was expecting it to be. Due to her tendency to dramatize things in her life that she dreaded, Jane had formulated a very  dungeon-like idea of what James's childhood home would look like. However, as she and James were brought onto the grounds, Jane felt that there had been no reason to dread the place at all. Aside from James's company, there was not a thing at Chatsworth House that could merit a complaint.

As they passed through the great iron gates that lined the property, Jane could not help but look out the window in wonder at the beauty that surrounded her. Though it was winter and there was a deficit of greenery, the grounds were home to a great forest through which their carriage travelled for nearly a mile. Trees of various shapes and sizes scattered the leaf-covered floor, most of them pointing straight ahead at the dreary, English sky.

Soon, the carriage plunged out of the small forest and into the open country that preceded a quaint bridge of stone. The bridge joined one field to another, which had been divided by a small creek, and in seeing the vast lands before her, Jane had half a mind to take up a horse and go riding that very afternoon. Surely, no one would mind.

When Chatsworth House did at last fall into view, Jane had to consciously remind herself to keep her mouth from falling wide open. The mansion was even larger than her home in Newcastle, and though she knew that she was not likely to find any joy in her present situation, Jane could not help but feel somewhat smug about becoming the mistress of such a wonderful estate. It meant that her grandmother's title over her now meant nothing; it meant that at least in some ways, she had found freedom.

Jane couldn't take her eyes off of the place as she and her husband approached it, endeavoring with every passing moment to take in every wonder its exterior had to offer. Chatsworth House stood proudly at three stories tall with a grand terrace and towering columns that pointed to a Grecian-style pediment. The triangular pediment hung just above a frieze that wrapped around the entire house, both of which were complete with intricate carvings that Jane hoped to later inspect.

When the carriage rounded the corner and was brought up around the rear of the house, Jane was pleased to see the glittering, rectangular pond that lie in the mansion's vast shadow, blurily reflecting its visage in the rippling water. The edge was surrounded by sloping banks covered in grass, then finally lined with more trees some distance away from it. Quite plainly, it was a stunning property, and so Jane felt a little less discouraged than she had upon departing from London. Though she was having to live her life doing the bidding of others, she was permitted to do so with beauty surrounding her. At the very least, she could find refuge in the nature around her, and just maybe, she could overlook James's poor behavior.

The carriage slowed to a stop, at which the door was opened and Jane was helped out of the carriage before her husband. She couldn't help herself from craning her neck to inspect the magnificent structure before her, then glancing behind her at the pond, only to catch James's watchful eye.

'This is incredible," Jane complimented him, allowing him to pass before her and lead them inside.

"Thanks," James mumbled, swiftly passing her and ascending the double staircase that led up to the back terrace.

Jane quickly made her way up the staircase then crossed the threshold of the back door, which gave way to a rather grand hallway with massive columns that stood on either end of a wide staircase. James was standing at the foot of the steps waiting for her, speaking lowly to a rather striking woman who reminded Jane very much of her own destestible grandmother. With her dark, ebony hair and light brown eyes, this woman looked as if she could be Regina's younger sister; however, one look at her standing next to James was all it took for Jane to see that she must be of relation to him.

"May I present my wife, Jane," James said, lazily gesturing to Jane, who was a little disoriented by the newness surrounding her. After hours of not speaking to one another, she would have appreciated being told beforehand of the people she would be meeting that day, though she supposed she should have known that there was going to be more of James's family with whom she had yet to converse. "Jane, this is my Aunt Lorraine. She's my father's younger sister."

"Pleased to meet you," Jane curtsied, bowing her head slightly as she did so. Lorraine smiled brightly at her, instantaneously ruining her resemblance to Regina. Jane had never seen her grandmother smile as charmingly as Lorraine did in that moment, and so whatever unease she had felt before in their similarity melted away.

"And you, dear," she beamed, then looking to her nephew. "Oh, James, she is so lovely. Would you mind terribly if I showed her around?"

"Not at all," James said flatly, not even looking at Jane before he left the two of them alone. His absence was felt by Jane the instant his footsteps faded away, for once they did, she found that she could breathe again.

Jane couldn't explain why, but Lorraine made her feel at ease, though she was consistent in reminding herself to maintain the facade of a happily married woman. However peaceful an aura Lorraine had, she was still James's aunt, and as far as Jane was concerned, the whole of her actions and words would be repeated to him.

"Well, he's in a pleasant mood," Lorraine remarked dryly, watching in James's direction for several moments before turning her attention back to Jane. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, even if it is his wedding day. Was he so... talkative on the way here?"

Jane couldn't help but crack a smile at Lorraine's sense of sarcasm, "Not particularly, no."

"Hm... Nevermind him. He's always unpleasant." Lorraine offered Jane her arm as if she hadn't just spoken out against her nephew's character. "Now, would you like to see your new home? I've had your room redecorated, and it's quite splendid if I do say so myself."

Several moments passed before Jane at last consented and gave Lorraine her arm, unsure of what to think of the outspoken woman to whom she was now related. At times, Jane believed herself to be somewhat bold; however, given the first few minutes of knowing her new aunt, Jane began to rethink this notion. Lorraine seemed to speak as freely as any man might, and admittedly, Jane found herself feeling somewhat intimidated by her. Nonetheless, Jane went with Lorraine in hopes of understanding the woman further. And though she didn't realize it immediately, this was the first time since leaving Scotland that Jane's mind was entirely ensnared by something other than Harry and her father.

Jane listened intently as Lorraine spoke to her of the grounds there, her interest never diverting as Lorraine was never hesitant to add her own personal anecdotes in regard to just about everything she mentioned. She even took Jane through the main portion of the house, telling her of places where James was a frequent occupant as well as others that Jane was sure never to find him.

"You'll want to get away from him, I expect, so this is the perfect place," Lorraine had said of the library, and to Jane's horror, the comment had been made not at all quietly. "Lord knows I wished I had had a place to escape my first husband. Now, he was dreadful."

"You've been married more than once?" Jane asked her, though she couldn't have said what made her do it. She had yet to ask a single question about Lorraine; however, the prospect of Lorraine being married more than once interested Jane. If she was first married to a man she abhorred, then how was it that she came to be relieved of his company? Jane couldn't help but think that perhaps there was something to learn there.

Lorraine sighed, "Oh, yes. Three times, actually. None of them were right for me; that's for sure."

Though Lorraine's statement only inspired more questions within her, Jane held her tongue from asking something that might offend her. She was worried by the way Lorraine talked about her husbands; if they were all so terrible, then how did it come to be that all three of them should apparently no longer be a part of Lorraine's life? That seemed curious, but Jane thought it best to refrain from pursuing her curiosity, that way she didn't accidentally accuse Lorraine of something potentially murderous.

Lorraine took notice of Jane's apprehension and laughed carelessly, "I didn't kill them, if that's what you're thinking."

Jane's eyes widened in surprise. How was it that Lorraine could read her silence and her expressions so accurately?

"They were all old men, Jane, each one older than the last." Lorraine's sharp features twisted to hold a look of disgust, as if she were remembering things she had rather kept buried in her memory. "My father made me marry the first one because the man needed an heir, so I gave him one. But then he died, and I was forced to do the same for another gentleman. Then a third, who also died just after my father did. I haven't been married since."

Jane didn't know what to say. She hadn't expected such a weighty confession from someone she had just met, nor did she expect such a tragedy-stricken tale from a woman who seemed so free from grief. It appeared that apathy and maybe even a little bit of anger was the key to Lorraine's attitude, and that was something that struck Jane's conscience. Maybe hardening herself against her pain would be the key to coping with her own loss.

"Oh." Jane lowered her eyes and they continued to walk down the hallway towards the grand staircase in the entryway. "I'm terribly sorry; that's–"

"It's quite alright, my dear," Lorraine smiled that same genuine smile from earlier, which again left Jane feeling surprised. This woman's ability to talk of tragedy so lightly did not seem normal to her. "I love my children, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the world, but I did not mourn their fathers' deaths. I won't ask you to either."

Jane answered Lorraine with silence, for she was yet again rendered uncertain of what she felt she could say. Jane wanted to say that at the present moment, she could somewhat sympathize with Lorraine's apathy, given her less-than-amiable relationship with James, but she thought better of it. James was still Lorraine's nephew, and because of that, Jane would refrain from speaking against him in any capacity.

The pair of them continued their tour of the mansion, during which Jane was introduced to the housekeeper Mrs. Copperfield, who, like Lorraine, surprised Jane with her kindness and welcoming spirit. And as Jane was introduced to the cook, her personal maid, and a few other staff members, she couldn't help but feel her spirits rising higher and higher. Each of them showed her more kindness than her grandmother or governess ever had, and so Jane found hope that at the very least, she would be living amongst good people, whose joy she could admire in the face of hers having been stolen from her. Jane hated to admit it, but she began to think that just maybe, Chatsworth House wouldn't be so terrible after all.

Jane's tour came to its conclusion as Lorraine led her to her new bedroom on the second floor, which had indeed been redecorated as Lorraine had promised. The room was situated at the back of the house, looking out over the pond and the massive spread of land below. Against the left wall sat a large bed with long, draping curtains tied at each of the four mahogany posts. The right-most wall was set with a large fireplace, around which were arranged three sofas that created a rectangular space around a low coffee table.

Jane took note of the liquor cabinet near the window and supposed that maybe she could make use of it herself. Though she had cried herself to sleep the night before, she discovered that doing so with the fire of alcohol in her blood had numbed some of the pain she felt in her chest. She knew it wasn't wise to turn to alcohol in the way that James did, but nonetheless, she could not deny that when James had promised her that the liquor would make her feel good, he hadn't been lying. Maybe there was something to his methods after all.

"James's room is just next door," Lorraine told her, shutting the door as Jane observed her new living space. "This used to be his, but I convinced him to let you have it since it has a nicer view of the grounds."

Jane was quick to meet Lorraine's eye, surprised by what she had just come to know. It confused her why James should do anything to serve her, especially in this. It was a kindness that she didn't understand, but nonetheless appreciated.

"That was nice of him." Jane forced a smile, but in the end, she just ended up looking sort of sad. She didn't like the idea of owing James something.

"It was," Lorraine agreed, taking a seat on the couch at the end of Jane's bed and looking forlornly at the floor. "With how he's behaved the last few years, sometimes I forget how sweet he used to be when his mother was still alive."

This sparked Jane's attention. She had known of James's early loss, but she had never cared to ask anyone about it. Now, however, Jane was entirely interested in the subject since it seemed to have played such a significant role in shaping James's personality. And as his wife, understanding of such a change might be useful to her.

"How old was he?"

"Fifteen. He doesn't like to talk about it, but he knows it changed him."

Jane waited several moments before joining Lorraine on the couch, taking the space beside her and sighing quietly. She wanted to ask more questions, but she was concerned that she would be overstepping her welcome. Though with Lorraine, Jane had a feeling that little could offend her.

"I hope– I mean, if you don't mind me asking, how did he change?"

Lorraine waved her hand and shook her head as if to dispel Jane's concern,  "My dear, don't hesitate to ask me anything, especially about James. He is your husband after all, and you deserve to know why he is the way he is. I can't pretend to know his thoughts, but I can tell you what I have seen in him, and maybe it will enable you to relate to him more than you do now. I know that– I know this can't have been an easy thing for you to do." Lorraine smiled sadly and briefly squeezed Jane's hand in her own. "A loveless marriage is never easy, no matter how beautiful the two of you appear standing next to one another."

In that moment, Jane was reminded of Harry and how he had been meant to be the solution to such an unfavorable circumstance in her life. She was supposed to have married him, to be happy with him and her father, and to have found beauty as well as love. Harry wasn't just the subject of her affections, but he was what it meant to love and to find freedom in that love. He represented everything that Jane wanted but could not have.

Feeling that familiar sensation of her loss once again begin to grab hold of her, Jane fixed her eyes upon the fine, Italian rug on the floor in hopes of driving away the pressure she felt gathering upon her chest. Tears had begun their escape, but Jane was determined not to allow them to break through the barrier of her lash-line. As much as she wanted to cry and continue feeling sorry for herself, her pride would not allow it, not after James's accusatory speech from the night before.

Whatever relationship was to transpire between she and James, Jane was determined to be beyond reproach. If James was convinced that Jane was the reason for the near animosity between them, then she desired to prove him wrong. His own actions were to blame for the distance between them, not her own self-pity, as James would call it. Thus, Jane forced her tears away, and she silently listened to Lorraine as she spoke of James and the supposed childhood trauma that had turned him into such an intolerable fiend.

"But to answer your question," Lorraine continued, seeming not to notice Jane's sudden change in attitude. Jane supposed she did notice though; even after knowing her for less than an hour, Jane could see that Lorraine was far too observant not to notice.

Nonetheless, Lorraine proceeded as if the wounds of Jane's spirit hadn't been reopened. "I suppose the biggest change I saw in him was that since he no longer had someone to care for, he really did begin to explore his passions, though I think it had more to do with his need for attention than his desire to rebel."

Jane had figured as much after speaking with James's father, though she was admittedly surprised by how truly pained James must have felt as a boy. It made her pity him, but still, she decided that tragedy was no excuse to behave in the way that James did.

"But eventually, with the influence of his friends, James began to believe that he had no choice in the things he was doing. He saw his lifestyle as a part of himself, and he still does. My brother has told me that James thinks himself incapable of change, but I think he just hasn't found a good enough reason to try."

Several thoughts crossed Jane's mind in the face of this insight into James's life. First, she wondered whether Harry was included in the group of friends Lorraine mentioned. Part of her wanted to pursue her curiosity, but Jane decided against it. It was better to remain in ignorance than to face the pain that would inevitably come with the knowledge of Harry's past.

Jane's second thought was more of a snide comment than a question. In her bitterness, Jane wanted to scoff at the idea of James finding a reason to actually try to be better. Though she knew James to desire the love of another, Jane was not confident in his ability to love someone, nor did she deceive herself into thinking that she could change him. She was sure that only disappointment could come from such a pursuit, and Jane was not in a position where she could endure much more of it.

"Thank you for telling me all this," Jane whispered, forcing herself to smile again. "I appreciate your honesty. It– it's refreshing."

"Of course, my dear," Lorraine replied as she rose from the couch. Her voice had such a strength and conviction to it that Jane looked up at her with watchful eyes. "You have my word that I will always speak the truth to you, and never will I betray your confidence."

Jane's expression flickered with doubt as she heard Lorraine's words; she was wary of trusting anyone as deeply as Lorraine seemed to wish her to. But of course, this too, Lorraine could sense.

"I don't expect you'll believe that any time soon; nonetheless, I hope that you will come to see that I am someone in whom you can confide." Lorraine smiled sympathetically at Jane, who looked as if she were trying to use what little energy she had remaining not to break down in front of her. "I was once in your shoes, Jane, and I know the difficulties that lie ahead. I implore you not to endure them on your own."

With that as her final word on the subject of James and marriage, Lorraine told Jane to rest before dinner, excusing herself and leaving Jane alone in her new bedroom. Jane thanked Lorraine for the tour and her kindness, then shut the door as Lorraine stepped out into the hallway. Relieved to be alone at last, Jane had hoped to find solace in her solitude; however, as she pressed her back up against the door, she discovered that the tangled mess of worries writhing within her mind would not allow it. Much of what Lorraine had said afflicted Jane with too many emotions to manage all at once, and so she found herself seized by her simultaneously occurring grief and terror.

It came in waves, as it always did. Jane could feel her sadness closing in on her, enlivening her tear ducts with a sensation that felt physically discomforting. She wished Harry were there to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright, but instead, she was faced with an empty room in a house full of strangers in whom she could not trust. Completely alone, Jane had no choice but to succumb to her grief, for her happiness had been laid to rest, and so she would mourn its passing.

But as Jane sat helplessly on her bedroom floor, her grief soon became tainted by her frustration. Upon hearing of James's past, she came to realize that though James accused her of feeling sorry for herself, he was guilty of the same thing. Though Jane pitied him for having lost his mother to the grave, she could not forget that in the wake of her death, he changed for the worse in hopes of gaining his father's attention. And given that his poor behavior continued to that day, couldn't he be the one still wallowing in self-pity? He had had his time to grieve, and now Jane needed hers. As such, she felt no guilt in taking it for herself, even if James should try to blame her for it.

With this new feeling of confidence coursing through her, Jane also allowed herself to feel hopeful. If Lorraine's character proved to be genuine, then Jane let herself believe that her new aunt could soon become her companion. Lorraine's appeal to Jane, imploring her not to suffer alone, had struck her hard. Jane knew that Lorraine was right, but Lorraine's words resonated with her mostly because she seemed to be the only person who had seen the truth of Jane's unhappiness. Having endured three unsuccessful marriages herself, Lorraine gave Jane the kindness of her honesty, refusing to pretend as if all was well between Jane and her nephew. For that, Jane was thankful, thinking that one day, the trust between the two of them might develop to serve them both.

•••

Y'all im excited about Lorraine fr she's such a queen

Thank you for reading, my loves ily❤️
-Kate💖