London, United Kingdom
June 1852

Hot air saturated James's lungs as he thrashed about in his otherwise empty bed, stifling his breathing and making it impossible to find relief. Sweat poured from him, his back, his chest, his neck; every part of his skin burned with the sanguine realization of his powerlessness in the face of himself. There were some things men just weren't meant to conquer, and as James tried to detangle himself from his damp sheets, he knew that his own sin was not something he could quell on his own. He had fallen too far, and now, the depth was impossible for him to overcome using his own dwindling strength. He would fail Jane again, only when he did, she would not be so forgiving.

James awoke with a start, his lungs dragging in what little air they could as he gasped for relief. His head ached and his heart pounded so loudly in his ears that he could hardly form a coherent thought to express his fear. He hadn't felt this bad since that first night without a drink, and the fact that it was happening again now frightened him. Hadn't Thomas said that those three miserable days would be the worst of it, and that as long as he kept himself in check, he wouldn't have to endure it again? He hadn't had a drink since that regretful night with Jane; why then, was his body betraying him now of all days?

Distressed by the gathering sweat on his brow, James quickly scrambled from his bed and went to stand over the water basin on his nightstand. After raking his hand through his hair and slicking it back, James bowed his head and shut his eyes as he splashed the cool water onto his face. Rogue droplets trickled down his neck and bare chest, mingling with sweat and pooling in a puddle on the floor. When he decided he had had enough, James braced himself using the edges of the nightstand, bowing his head and breathing hard.

The water had lowered James's body temperature to some degree, but still, his heart persited to race, only now that he was slightly more awake, he knew exactly why. It was the day James was to meet with Henry Pelham for the last time. He was sure that Henry would not take what he had to say very well at all, which meant that he would need more courage than ever before if he hoped to make it out without looking like a fool. The only problem was, now that the day had actually arrived, James didn't exactly know whether he was up to the task. Jane had done her part by initiating this meeting, and now she was depending on him to follow through with his part of their plan. Failing her was not an option.

Taking up the dampened cloth beside the basin, James dried his face and chest, trying to get a handle on himself before he dressed for the day. He had a part to play, and he knew he had to look it if he hoped to face Henry without crumbling under the pressure.

James dressed quickly and checked the time before leaving his bedroom; it was still too early for breakfast, but James had hope that Thomas would be likewise awake. In the last weeks of working with him, James had come to learn a great deal more about his father-in-law, including his unnatural affinity for rising before the sun. Having only risen so early a few times in his life prior to this ordeal with the Pelhams, James didn't quite understand the draw; however, now that he was awake of his own accord, he was glad to know that he wouldn't have to be alone for much longer, even if Thomas was the only company he could find.

In truth, James had come to depend on Thomas a great deal in the last few weeks, despite his pride telling him to try to accomplish his task on his own. The physical weakness James had experienced those first few days of sobriety had been enough for him to abandon whatever shredded sense of self-reliance he had following his pivotal discussion with Jane, and though he tried to resist, he had no choice but to allow Thomas to help him. There was no one else that could, especially since he hoped to hide his struggles from his friends and the rest of his family.

Thomas though, had seen him that first dreadful morning when his hair had been drenched with sweat and his hands had continued to tremble, and it was under his watchful eye that James forced himself to endure the process of detoxification for the following days. After all, if anyone could motivate him to withstand it, it was Jane's father, seeing as how James wasn't entirely confident that Thomas wouldn't hurt him should he allow himself to fail. He supposed this was a good thing in the long run though; even if he was being intimidated to comply with his own promises, Thomas's presence helped him to swallow the constant cravings that plagued him throughout the day, and it helped even more that the time they spent in one another's company could at least be deemed as work related.

Of course, a great percentage of it was spent working; however, there was also a fair portion that was dedicated to simply wasting time for the sake of providing distraction. Thomas seemed to understand that James needed some sort of diversion from having time alone, lest he cave to himself, and so often, the two of them stayed up late into the night until exhaustion overcame them. They were both well aware that the process would eventually become unmanageable, James most of all, but until this ordeal with the Pelhams was done, a new plan hadn't yet been decided upon. James had an idea, but after a brief mention of it, he wasn't so sure that Thomas would ever support it. After all, it was somewhat drastic, nor did he even know if it would actually work; thus, it was difficult to say whether James's plan would even be worth carrying out. Still though, he thought about it often, including that morning, and he wondered whether Thomas would ever approve.

James found his father-in-law in the library, reading by the light of the rising sun as he often did, his graying blonde hair cast in a golden halo of the new day. The sight made James pause before disturbing him. In the light of the sunrise, Thomas's hair appeared nearly as vibrant as Jane's, and his face was relaxed enough to blur the lines that aged his handsome face. For a moment, he looked as he had years before, young and ready for what the day had in store for him. In truth, Thomas appeared so at ease and so entirely without worry that James regretted coming to meet him in the first place; he hated to mar the peace, for he knew that that was the only thing his presence was capable of doing.

James wanted to back away unnoticed, but it was too late. Thomas's light eyes flickered up from the page of his book, unintentionally landing on James in a moment of realization.

"James?" Thomas rested the book in his lap and frowned, "Why are you up so early?"

Annoyed with himself for having been the cause of Thomas's disturbed morning, James lowered his eyes. "Oh, um... it's nothing." He shook his head and began to back away. "I didn't mean to intrude; I—"

"No, no," Thomas waved him into the room, his usual warm smile lighting his eyes. But James felt that he could see through it. Surely, Thomas only put up with him because he had to for Jane. "You haven't. Come sit."

James did so reluctantly, but only because he knew Thomas would insist if he tried to leave. He sat across from Thomas at the window, looking out at the garden that Jane had taken the time to redesign and smiling faintly to himself. He hadn't ever really cared much about gardens, but for the first time, he was able to take some comfort in the beauty that grew there. At least one thing in his life could be peaceful.

"Couldn't sleep?" Thomas asked him, shutting his book and pulling James's attention from the flowers outside. He nodded in response but said nothing to explain himself; he knew Thomas would press him anyway. "You're nervous for today?"

"Somewhat," James answered quietly.

"Don't be," Thomas tried to encourage him. "Everything is already settled. All you have to do now is tell them what you've decided, and we can move on from all of this."

"I know," James said, thinking back to what would happen after his meeting that day. Obviously, he would speak with Jane to relay to her what had happened with Henry; but he needed to know whether he had something to ask her, and only Thomas could give him the answer. "I just... have you thought anymore about what we discussed the other day?"

Thomas's easy disposition shifted as a frown infiltrated his kind features, which didn't encourage James in the least. If he was going to have any luck with Jane after all this was over, he needed her father's approval. "I have... but I still don't think it's a good idea."

"I really do think it would help though," James countered. He knew himself well, and he knew that what he was asking wasn't just an attempt to escape his promises. He genuinely believed that if he took some time to better himself in isolation, he would have a much greater chance at being a good husband to Jane. "A few weeks wouldn't hurt, would it?"

"Maybe not, but I still don't like it. Nonetheless," Thomas huffed, then forced a tired smile, "I can't tell you what to do. You're going to have to ask Jane about it."

Though he understood Thomas's position, his response was not at all what James had hoped to hear. Regardless, he found hope in knowing that maybe Jane might have something different to say. After all, if there was one thing he and Thomas could both agree on, it was that Jane's opinion mattered far more than either of theirs; and they both knew that she would not hesitate to give it freely

Not knowing what else could be said on the subject at that time, James told Thomas that he would speak to Jane when he returned from his meeting; however, in doing so, he was only reminded of what lay ahead of him, which only soured his already anxiety-ridden mood. He sat silently as Thomas resumed his reading, eventually excusing himself and looking to find some sort of diversion until it was time for him to leave. It did him no good, but some time after breakfast with Jane and Lorraine, James went to re-examine the new contract he had already signed in front of his lawyer, Thomas, and another witness. Of course, he already knew exactly what the contract said; however, the dense language did well to distract him until it was time for him to leave.

Jane saw James off an hour before noon, wishing him good luck with a nervous smile. She thanked him as well, and it was then that despite his anxieties, James knew he was doing the right thing. This was for her, and regardless of the stress it caused him, it was worth it if it meant freeing her from her family's firm grip on her.

The carriage ride was torture to James, because even though he knew exactly what was to come of the day, he still feared facing Henry. He knew how cruel he could be from what Jane had told him, and he knew that in light of his actions, Henry might be inclined to exercise that cruelty over him. Of course, if that were the case, he would take it over Jane, but still, it was not a conflict James hoped to endure.

James arrived at the main office of their enterprise shortly before half past eleven, where his lawyer, Mr. Lawrence, met him with a tense look upon his face.

"Is Monsieur Mercier to join us?" the lawyer asked, clearly hoping for a negative response. In the last weeks, he had had to work with Thomas on this deal, though he only did so because James demanded it of him. He did not like having someone challenge his ideas, especially when that someone had no real authority over him.

James, of course, was aware of Mr. Lawrence's distaste for Thomas's company and so assured him that they would be conducting the day's business on their own.

"He's at home," James said, waving off his aggravated friend and trying to focus himself. He didn't have time to concern himself with trivial matters like Mr. Lawrence's pride when he was about to present Henry Pelham with a decision that would alter his life entirely. "Nevermind that. Are they here?"

Mr. Lawrence breathed a sigh of relief and walked with James further into the building. "Yes, sir. They're waiting for you in your office."

"Very well," James huffed. "Let's get this started then, shall we?"

When James pushed open his office door, his old friend Aaron Ferguson, accompanied by his own lawyer, was standing by the window behind his desk waiting for him. Aaron was a good ten years older than James, but he had known James for most of the latter's adult life. A number of times, he had been there for James when he had needed him most, including his first venture into London society, the deaths of both his parents, and again even now. They did not speak so much as they used to, merely on account that despite being one of James's closest friends, Aaron was often one to encourage James in taking up a drink, but still, there was a bond there that neither of them could break.

Aaron turned as James opened the door, an eager smile rising to his lips at the sight of his friend and most recent business partner. It brought James at least some comfort to see that despite his own anxiety, Aaron seemed to think the afternoon would go by without an issue. Perhaps in the next few minutes, it would rub off on him and he might attain some confidence before going in to meet Henry.

"You haven't been waiting long, I trust?" James asked, staying near the doorway. He didn't intend to dwell in that room for much longer.

The older of the two gentlemen shook his head and stepped away from the window, greeting James with a firm handshake, "Not at all. We've only just arrived."

Sighing, James smiled nervously, "Good. I think Henry should be here shortly, so we could make our way down the hall?"

"Lead the way."

James led the group of men towards the large meeting room at the end of the hallway, where the four of them took their seats along the back edge of the long, oval table. When Henry Pelham arrived, he would walk in to find them all sitting there, and if Jane's lies had taken root in his mind, he wouldn't have a clue what James was doing there with so many people in his company. The promise of his coming confusion excited James, despite the anxiety that manifested itself through his sweating palms, so much so that secretly, he could hardly wait to see Henry's face the moment he would realize he had been played. And though it wasn't the purpose of this ordeal, maybe then Henry would come to understand that James wasn't so great of a fool as he seemed to believe.

While they waited for the last members of their meeting to arrive, James tried to make light conversation with his friend Aaron, though truthfully, he wasn't too interested in much of what he had to say. It had been Aaron's party that James had visited the night his father died, and it seemed that just as all those months ago, the parties were still being thrown. He had attended a great many of them in the wake of his father's death, but it had been a number of weeks since he had last participated in his friend's lavish gatherings. Understandably, his absence was noted by many, especially Aaron and their circle of friends.

"You're sure you can't come by tonight?" Aaron asked his friend quietly, but James's eyes were intentionally fixed on the doorway. He wouldn't be nearly as determined to decline if he saw how disappointed his friend really was in him. "We owe each other a round, you know."

"I know, and I will come soon, just not tonight," James answered distractly. "I told Jane I would be home for dinner."

Aaron stared at his friend for several moments then sighed in defeat, "I never took you for one to choose a woman over his friends, but I suppose people do change."

James wanted to protest this because he knew Aaron accusing him of change was not meant as a compliment, but he hesitated to do so. Now was not the time to cling to some form of his past self for the sake of remaining in his friend's good opinion. Who he had been wasn't worth holding onto; he knew that now, and he wouldn't defend that person, even if it meant subduing Aaron's apparent skepticism regarding his new habits.

"She's my wife," James said quietly. "Most people would say that I'm supposed to choose her."

Aaron opened his mouth to reply, but he was promptly cut off by the conference room door swinging open to reveal Henry Pelham and his lawyer standing behind him. Henry was mid-sentence when his eyes fell upon James and his company, striking him into silence and catching him in the doorway. He looked from James to the others as his existing frown continued to etch itself deeper and deeper across his mouth, until at last, he met James's severe gaze, which communicated to him that this was not going to go at all the way he had planned it.

"What––" Henry coughed and addressed James directly, clearing his throat and trying desperately to hide his surprise upon seeing so many unexpected faces there. "Are you ready? Or do you need to finish up here first?"

"No, we're ready for you," James said calmly and gestured to the chairs sitting across from them. His heart was pounding in his ears, but already, his confidence had begun to rise. Just as planned, Henry clearly didn't know what was coming, and that gave James the upper hand. "Have a seat."

Henry raised his brow, failing to hide a slight scoff as he stood unmoving in the doorway, "We? Forgive me," he said, nodding towards Aaron, "but this is a sensitive matter, James. It doesn't involve anyone but you."

"Be that as it may..." James nodded towards Mr. Lawrence, who drew a file from his briefcase and opened it. "My part in this is limited, actually."

Henry narrowed his eyes at James, though not before glancing momentarily at the file on the table's surface. His brows tensed as he came to understand what it was, but still he remained otherwise stoic in his expression.

"What are you playing at, James?" he asked, his voice even and controlled, but to James, it sounded too controlled to be considered normal. He knew Henry well enough by now to know what his frustration looked like, and though it made him nervous, James was glad to see that he was in the beginning stages of it. If he could muster the courage, he could manage to turn that frustration to rage in the next five minutes, and then he would be finished with Henry Pelham forever.

James inhaled deeply and reached for the stack of papers in front of his lawyer, gathering them in his hands and inspecting his swooping signature at the bottom of the page. If he had any regrets, it was too late to turn back now. With the flick of his wrist, he had sealed his own fate, and now he would have to own that decision and live with it.

"It's quite simple, really," James said, setting the papers down in front of him and sighing. He paused then forced himself to meet Henry's eye. The coldness of his gaze was nearly enough to make James shudder, though he managed to ignore the overwhelming sense of fear that washed over him. He had to admit to what he had done, and he had to do it now. "But as of yesterday, I'm no longer your business partner. He is."

James pointed to Aaron, who with a cocky grin stood and reached his hand across the table for Henry to shake. "Aaron Ferguson. It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Pelham."

But Henry seemed to be forgetting his sense of decorum as he glanced at Aaron's hand, dismissing the gesture and his flattering words as he glared at James and James alone. Suddenly his aged face seemed menacing and dangerous, whatever charm he had disappearing with the lightness of his eyes, and for a moment, James felt that he was seeing him as Jane did. The man in front of him showed no hint of kindness or grace; he was self-serving, malignant, scheming, and intimidating, so much so that James found himself momentarily questioning himself. This was not the kind of man he wanted as an enemy.

But perhaps it was already too late for that.

"What are you talking about, James?" Henry asked lowly. "We have a contract that––"

"That says I can't divide up the shares unless I have your express approval, and vise versa," James interrupted him, somehow finding it in himself to not cower in silence. Even if he didn't feel confident, he had to at least sound like he knew what he was doing; otherwise, Henry would tear him to shreds. "I know. And I assure you the contract hasn't been breached. I haven't split up anything."

Henry's cruel eyes widened, and with a sideway glance at Aaron, it became apparent to James that he understood who Aaron was and what was happening.

"What is it that you've done?"

All eyes fell on James as he slid the stack of papers across the table then leant back in his seat. He relaxed his shoulders and answered him, the pressure seeming to slacken against his spine with every word, because really, admitting his actions was the hardest part that remained. Everything was already sorted, and realistically, there was nothing Henry could do now to hurt him or his family.

"Yesterday, I sold my stake in its entirety to Mr. Ferguson. That's the paperwork there," he said, pointing to the file he had slid across the table. "You're welcome to review it if you'd like, but you'll find that everything is in order and that no part of my father's agreement with you has been violated." Standing from his seat and trying not to crumble under Henry's glare, James forced himself to stare into Henry's eyes as he clapped his friend on the back and added, "Which means that Aaron here owns the majority share of the Garrison Trading Company. Your business is with him now."

Despite having heard the truth, Henry still refused to even acknowledge the other gentleman standing beside James. "You'd best be joking, James," Henry seethed, nostrils flaring. "This is–– this is absurd! You can't just sell half an enterprise like this without consulting your partner... And to an outsider! Don't you realize how reckless that is?"

As Henry spoke, his voice continued to rise, but it had no effect on James, who in light of having shared his weighty confession, felt like the remainder of the conversation was ultimately useless. Regardless of how angry Henry became or how many threats he made, he was no concern for James anymore. There were now no longer any legal ties that bound them together, which meant that James owed Henry nothing, not even his continued presence there in that room. He was free from obligation to the Pelham family, and more importantly, so was Jane.

"I assure you I can, and I have," James answered calmly, ignoring Henry's slight against him. He had come expecting Henry to attack his intelligence, but still, he did not wish to endure it for very long at all. "If you have any questions, my lawyer Mr. Lawrence will be available to explain to you how this affects yours and my father's initial agreement. But as for me," James sighed, "I no longer have a place here, so I'll be going."

With that, James smiled weakly at Aaron, who still seemed to be awaiting Henry's acknowledgement, and stepped around the far edge of the table. To his relief, Henry had come to stand just a few steps from the doorway, allowing him to narrowly slip out of the room in pursuit of his escape. This was it, the light of the tunnel that he and Thomas had worked so hard to reach, and now all he had to do was make it back to Jane. Maybe if she saw him actually succeed in doing something good for her, she might be able to see how much he really wanted to fix their relationship. He prayed she would, because really, there wasn't much more James could think to do to attain such an ending.

However, just as he imagined, Henry wasn't going to allow him to leave so simply. Loud, purposeful footsteps followed him down the hallway, as did Henry's booming voice, which thundered after him without regard for any of the other employees there. It seemed they would all get to hear how he had slighted Henry Pelham.

"Jane put you up to this, didn't she?" Henry said, stalking after James, but failing to gain much ground as he continued walking. The front door wasn't far, and if he could keep his temper in check, James was sure he could make it out without much of a scene. "She manipulated you, James. Surely, you can see that!"

James hadn't planned to stop to have it out with Henry there in the hallway, but now that Henry was attacking Jane, he couldn't help but defend her. He had considered many times that Jane might be manipulating him in this whole ordeal with Henry; however, he had long since concluded that it was in his best interest to trust her. From his own experience, Henry Pelham wasn't someone that James wanted to be involved with in any capacity, and Jane's account of her grandfather's deeds and motivations only further convinced him of it. Thus, James didn't care if Jane had used him for her own purposes, because those purposes happened to align somewhat with his own.

"I make my own decisions," James answered him, squaring his shoulders and hoping to silence Henry quickly on the subject of Jane. The last thing James wanted was for Henry to blame her for his selling of the business. "Jane didn't put me up to anything."

"She manipulated you though," Henry insisted. "I know this wasn't your idea. You're not nearly clever enough to have managed it so quickly on your own. I suspect Thomas as well, had a part to play?" When James refused to answer for fear of losing his self-restraint, Henry continued with a scoff, "After all I've done for him to stay here, and this is how he thanks me? You better warn him, James; his days in this city are numbered. Do you hear me?"

Again, James hesitated to respond, though this time, it was more out of a loss for words than anything else. He hadn't expected Thomas to come up in their discussion, but now that he had, James was worried that whatever he might say would only implicate Thomas further. What Henry was threatening simply couldn't happen though. Jane had only just gotten her father back, and she needed him now more than ever. James, as well, felt that he needed Thomas, though he had only known him for a few short weeks. He was only just beginning to work on fixing himself, and already, he knew that if he lost Thomas and his guidance, he would have a much harder time actually making any right decisions. Thomas simply couldn't be taken from them, that much James knew for certain.

"Thomas has nothing to do with this either," James said as resolutely as he could manage. He needed Henry to believe him without a doubt. "I acted alone, and so I alone am to blame."

Henry scoffed, "I'm not buying that. You don't have any idea what you're giving up by selling like this, James. If you did, you wouldn't have done it."

James considered Henry's words for not much more than a few moments, for the thousandth time wondering whether selling really was a good idea after all. There was money to be had in keeping the share; however, he and his friend Aaron had come to a more than fair agreement that left James in a position of potential sponsorship or investment. His estate made more than enough money to support he and Jane, so long as they managed things wisely, and given how Jane had practically reorganized the whole place while he had been incapacitated following his father's death, James thought they were in pretty good shape. They didn't need the business, but factoring in the price Aaron had paid to purchase it, they would benefit from it for quite some time. As far as James could see, he wasn't giving up much at all, only the monetary excess that chained him to Henry Pelham. He had long since determined that such a connection was simply not worth it.

"I'm not giving up anything that I'll miss," James said bluntly, his inflectionless tone aiming to make Henry realize just how little he thought of him. "Money isn't everything, and besides... Aaron is much more capable than I am. He'll make an excellent partner, and you'll be thanking me for being able to see that before I messed anything up too badly."

James smiled knowingly at Henry, who despite his intentions to take advantage of James's inexperience and recklessness, had to at least pretend to understand and appreciate James's reasoning, because they both knew Henry couldn't reveal the real reason for him wanting James to stay on. He knew James and could use him as he liked; this Aaron character, however, was unknown to him. He hadn't the slightest idea what kind of partner he would be, and that both scared and aggravated him. But of course, taking away Henry's certainty and power had been James's exact intention.

"Maybe he is capable, but your father wouldn't have wanted this," Henry responded, tiptoeing around his true motives while clinging onto hope that his plans might be saved by an appeal to James's emotions. "He and I built this company together. You can't just throw it away. You can still undo this, James. I'm sure your friend would understand. Let's go back and see—"

"I don't know why you would want me to," James answered sharply, now more aggravated than before. He knew why Henry was bringing up his father, and he didn't like it one bit. "I don't care what my father would have wanted, and bringing him into this won't change my mind. I've explicitly told you that Aaron is far more capable than I am. Now, I may not know much about this business, but I do know that ability is much more important in a partnership than my father's name, so perhaps there's another reason you're so keen for me to stay?"

James eyed Henry relentlessly, daring him to speak the truth aloud. But the truth never came, because as Henry fell silent, James took the opportunity to have the final word.

"Right then," James said, straightening his coat and beginning to back away from Henry. "I believe you have a meeting to get to, and I shouldn't keep you any longer."

"James—"

"No, no. You'll like Aaron; he's very clever. It's better this way; believe me."

And then, ignoring Henry shouting after him to come back and fix what he had done, James walked right out of the office building and was greeted by a surprising show of sunlight. A gentle breeze pulled playfully at his otherwise kempt, dark hair, and for the first time in what felt like years, James was entirely of sound mind to enjoy it. He was sober, and that had a great deal to do with the sense of peace that was beginning to seep into him, but more importantly, he was free of Jane's horrible family. The sense of relief and liberation that washed over James as he shut his eyes and leaned against the brick wall of what was no longer his place of work was nearly overwhelming.

It seemed almost imaginary to think that he had actually succeeded in doing something for himself—or rather, for his family—so much so that he wasn't entirely sure what to do next. Ordinarily, in the face of good news, James would celebrate with champagne and a game of poker with his friends, but in addition to the fact that he couldn't participate in such a gathering, James found himself thinking that seeing his friends was the last thing he wanted to do. It was strange, but he wanted to go home to see Jane and Thomas. He wanted to see their faces when he told them it was done, Jane's especially, because for once, he had hope that she might smile at him instead of frowning.

With the hope of finding Jane to be pleased with him, James began to walk home. He could have called his carriage, but the sunny weather was so fine that James wanted to enjoy it for just a short time. After all, it was summertime, and his day couldn't have been going better.

•••

Hey guys! So sorry i havent updated in a while. I'm taking the LSAT in a week, so I've been studying for that like crazy and havent had the energy to write lol 

Anyways, I hope you are all doing well and that you all are coping  with the chaos that is 2020. I think in times like this, it's important to remember to choose kindness and to stand up against injustice whenever we're given the choice. Our world is full of hate and violence, but if we work together and really learn to love others well, we can produce a meaningful change that lasts. I love you all dearly, and I want you to know that I'm always here if you need me :)

Choose love. Be kind. Be safe.
-Kate