London, United Kingdom
September 1852

Despite her initial insistence that she wouldn't turn to James for help, as Jane's restless night continued, she found herself wanting to accept his proposition. She didn't like spending the nights awake on her own, and though it was the last thing she thought she would ever want, she wished James was there to keep her company for some of it. Maybe then he could lull her to sleep, or at least make staring at the ceiling more bearable.

It took two weeks for Jane to work up the courage to ask James to stay up with her after Lorraine and Thomas went to bed. With the long nap she had managed that afternoon, she had an inkling that the night was about to be a long one; that, and with how uncomfortable she was becoming with her changing body, there was also this feeling in her gut that told her the next few days would be far from peaceful.

Thus, in late September, a few days before her nineteenth birthday as she and James were about to part ways for the night, Jane turned on her heel and asked him to sit up with her for a while. Of course, James, ever eager to be of use to her, was more than willing when she made the request of him. They sat on the couch in her bedroom for a while, until Jane's head began to nod and James managed to convince her to just climb in bed and let him pull up a chair beside her. He read to her some before she fell asleep, at which point he would then leave and let her rest.

It made James happy that he could do something for Jane during this strange time, and it made him even happier when she came back a few days later and asked him to join her again. She was allowing herself to need him, which was far more than he ever expected from her given their past. It gave him hope that just maybe, all could be forgiven after all.

The only problem with staying up with Jane was that James often found him nodding off to sleep as well, though in his chair beside her bed, he was not so lucky as to receive a comfortable rest. It often left him with a sore neck and stiff legs, but he didn't dare complain. He knew it was nothing to the discomfort she felt now that her time was drawing nearer, nor the pain she would experience when it did. The least he could do was give her time.

However, one night when he did awaken still sitting by Jane's bedside, he couldn't help the audible groan that slipped past his lips when he lifted his head for the first time in what was probably an hour. Jane stirred as a result, which made James freeze, watching her in the candlelight and silently praying that he hadn't woken her. This was fruitless, however, once Jane's eyes flickered open and met his as a confused expression flashed across her face.

"You're still here?" she asked, though it was clear by her tone that she was more worried for him than annoyed. "I thought you would go to bed?"

James shook his head and tiredly yawned, "I meant to, but I fell asleep."

"I'm sorry," Jane frowned, slightly sitting up but pausing as she winced. James could see that she was trying to hide her reaction to the movement, but he hadn't missed it, which made him concerned.

"Are you alright?" he asked quickly, a worried frown quickly taking over his expression.

Jane only shook her head, but it seemed to him she wasn't convinced of what she was saying. "I'm fine, I think... I've felt it before, so–"

"Felt what?"

"James, please don't worry," Jane sighed, though her face was still somewhat contorted in discomfort. "Lorraine said it was normal."

James, however, was evidently not about to let it go. If something was wrong, he wanted to call the doctor there immediately. "What is normal? What's happening?"

"Just... I don't know, sometimes it hurts a little... right here," Jane said with a strained voice, placing her hand over distended belly. She sat there for a moment with her eyes diverted from him until her shoulders sagged, and the tension seemed to melt away. "It's just a cramp or something... That one was a little worse than it has been, but I think that's just because it's getting closer to time."

James eyed her warily but nodded and leant back in his chair, not knowing what else he could do, "If you're sure..."

"I am," Jane said, but her voice somewhat betrayed her confidence. She sounded tired and uneasy, and James truly didn't know whether he should press it or not. "I'll be fine. You should get some rest."

James shook his head, "You go back to sleep first, and I'll let myself out."

"James, really... you don't have to do that. I'm fine."

James hesitated to agree but did in the end because he didn't want to push in, telling Jane that he was down the hall if she should need anything; and truthfully, he was more available for her call than usual once he made it back to his room.

It took James a long while before he was able to fall asleep, and it had everything to do with Jane. He just couldn't shake away the thought of how Jane had looked when she said she was fine yet was in such obvious discomfort. Given that he didn't know much about childbirth or really anything relating to women's health, he wasn't sure whether he should believe her about what was considered normal; however, he supposed he had no choice. If she was telling him that she was fine and wanted him to leave, then there was nothing he could do but comply.

Thus, troubled by the possibility that he would regret his submission, James went on to bed, only slipping into unconsciousness after exhausting himself with the possibilities of what could be wrong with his wife. He worried about her constantly, now more than ever, and it wasn't above him to panic over her.

Though his sleep was much more pleasant that what he had managed in the chair by Jane's bedside, James's night was restless and far briefer than perhaps it should have been. The sun wasn't even up by the time he found himself lying in bed and unable to shut his eyes for more than a few moments. He kept thinking of Jane and whether he should check on her, but he convinced himself that she didn't need him. She would ask for him if she did.

Not much later after James found solace with this thought did a soft knock come at his door, which had him sitting up in bed faster than anything ever had. If it was Jane, he didn't want to leave her waiting a moment longer than she needed to be, though even then, he had a feeling that it wasn't her.

James felt his heart drop in his chest the moment he saw his young valet standing in the doorway, and the boy's uneasy expression didn't begin to help his nerves. He knew something James didn't.

"What is it?" James said sharply, his eyes darting to either side of the hallway as if he could find some explanation there.

The valet only shook his head and stammered, saying, "I don't know... Her Grace... they sent for the doctor an hour ago."

James's eyes widened as all the possibilities of what could be happening flashed through his mind. "And you're just now telling me?" Turning his back, James strode back into his bedroom in search of some suitable clothes. "What's wrong? Did they say?"

"No, Your Grace." The boy turned his eyes to the ground as James began to undress. "They only said—the Lady Lorraine, that is—she said that I ought to let you know that the doctor had arrived. I– I don't know anything else."

Shaking his head in frustration with himself for having left Jane alone, James quickly worked on the buttons of his white shirt and dismissed his valet. "Nevermind then... go wake Mister Mercier as well. He'll want to know too."

The valet disappeared without another word and left James to his panicked dressing. His fingers fumbled over buttons and laces, but he forced himself not to worry too much over it. Something was wrong with Jane, and that was far more important than concerning himself over his appearance.

Without so much as glancing in the mirror, James hurriedly left his room and went in the direction of Jane's, where he found a tired-looking Lorraine stepping out into the hallway. Lorraine's dark hair was gathered in a long braid down her back, and she was still wearing her dressing gown, which James didn't think was a very good sign. If Lorraine hardly had time to get dressed in the last hour, surely, that meant something was really wrong with Jane. The thought made his heart sink in his chest.

Without checking himself or hiding his worry, James frantically searched his aunt's face. "How is she?"

"She's resting," Lorraine answered with a tired smile, though James could see clearly that the smile was only meant to keep him from panicking. There was a wariness in her eyes that told him that she was worried, so her words did little to console him. "Don't trouble yourself. The doctor is here, and he's with her now. He'll tell us soon what's going on."

"But what is going on?" James pleaded. "Is she okay, or...? She was feeling off a few hours ago.. should I have done something then that could have—I don't know—kept this from happening?"

Lorraine shook her head, but smiled gently despite the terrifying nature of her words, "No, James, but I will prepare you. She'll be in for a long day."

James's face paled. That didn't sound like perfectly fine to him in the least. "What? Why? How is that okay?"

"I'm fairly certain she's in labor," Lorraine replied, and for a moment, James saw a hint of doubt flicker across his aunt's expression, only for it to disappear and be replaced by her usually encouraging smile. "And I'd wager that when Doctor Fortson comes out of that bedroom, he'll tell you the same thing. You're like to meet your son by dinnertime."

Then, as if she hadn't just dropped a bombshell on him, Lorraine gave him one last reassuring smile before brushing past him back in the direction of her bedroom, though quickly, James spun on his heel to stop her. There was no way he could just do this on his own. He didn't know what he needed to say or do for Jane that would make the time any easier, nor did he know what to expect in the slightest.

"Wait, don't— I mean... please? Please don't go. What do I need to do? I thought we had time... a few weeks at least... isn't this... isn't this too soon?"

Lorraine turned and flashed him a reassuring smile, "Babies come early all the time... but try not to worry just yet. Wait for the doctor and speak with him when he comes out. If he says there's reason to worry, we'll deal with it. Until then, just try to breathe and relax a little, alright? I'll be right back; I just need to go get dressed."

Feeling relieved as well as somewhat stupid for failing to hide his panic, James nodded uncertainly and waved Lorraine off so she could come back to him. His mind raced in her absence, and when Thomas arrived, looking no less concerned than he did, James did his best to calmly relay to Thomas what he had been told just moments before. But as James continued pacing outside of Jane's bedroom, Thomas seemed to gather himself somewhat and tried to encourage him.

"She's gonna do great," Thomas said, watching apprehensively as he tried to resist James's nervous energy. James, however, didn't hear him. His thoughts were too loud, and so, he continued to pace without giving Thomas more than a nod of acknowledgment. He realized he was probably being rude, but given the circumstances, it was all he could manage.

The simple fact was: Lorraine had scared him with her uneasy expression. She had tried to hide it, but James had seen it anyway. Something was most definitely happening with Jane that Lorraine hadn't expected, and in childbirth, James knew that that was not at all a good thing.

The doctor came from Jane's bedroom minutes later, and instantly, both James and Thomas stood at attention to hear what he had to say.

"How is she?" James asked at once, his voice loud and demanding. His frenzied eyes didn't help to hide his panic, but the doctor seemed unfazed. James wasn't the first expectant father he had encountered who cared about his wife.

"Your Grace," the older man bowed his head then looked up at James, who met his eye and watched him carefully. The doctor frowned and hesitated, which only made James's heart sink in his chest. It was the same look Lorraine had tried to hide from him; this man, however, wasn't hiding it. Something was wrong.

"Your wife is in labor," Doctor Fortson began. "From the looks of things and from what she's told me, I'd say she has been since yesterday afternoon."

James's eyes widened and darted towards Jane's door. He knew she had been hiding something from him, but he hadn't wanted to push her. Now though, he really wished he had.

James swallowed heavily and once again met the doctor's eyes. "What does that mean? Should—should we have called for you sooner, or...?"

Doctor Fortson's lined face hardened momentarily as he contemplated his answer. "Normally, I would say no... no, it wouldn't make a difference. Labor can take days in the worst cases, and there's little I can do until the baby is actually ready to come out. Your wife, however..." The doctor paused again then sighed heavily after several moments. James held his breath for all of them and didn't let it go even once the doctor gave him the news he had been dreading since he first saw Lorraine's face that morning.

"Your Grace, forgive me for my frankness," the doctor said, "but there's no delicate way to put this. The baby isn't in the right position for delivery. The way it is now, the baby's back is where the head should be, and unless it moves to the right position, I'm afraid surgery is the only option."

James's eyes widened, "Surgery?"

At the mention of the word, fear instantly gripped James's lungs and compressed them. He had heard stories of surgeries gone wrong, of surgeries that had resulted in weeks of painful recovery and subsequent infection. Everything he had heard about them resulted in death or extreme pain; it was the last thing he wanted Jane to have to endure.

"Surely— surely, there's something else you could do," James begged, though he struggled to catch his breath. "Please, I— she can't go through that. I can't be the reason—"

Sucking in a sharp breath, James shook his head and fell silent. His heart pounded in his ears and scattered any words he wanted to say. But still, he had to try. He couldn't let this doctor cut into his wife without exhausting every possible alternative first.

"Please..." he said again, looking into the doctor's eyes with earnesty. "Anything but surgery."

The doctor looked at him for several moments and then at Thomas, who James realized was extremely pale and rigid. He was sure he looked the same, but he couldn't bring himself to care. This was about Jane, not him.

"I can try to reposition the baby," the doctor said at last, and for a moment, James thought there might be some hope. The doctor, however, continued and took that hope away a moment later, "But the chances that it will work now that labor has started are slim. She'd have a better chance if there was more time, but her contractions are becoming closer and closer together. I'm afraid I won't have more than a few hours before you'll have to make a choice."

James couldn't hide his horror as he searched the doctor's face for some indication that he didn't really mean it. How could he choose? He knew if it was up to him what he would do, but he knew Jane would likely not share his view. She would choose the baby, and he would lose her. And the thought of that made him want to fall back into his old ways voluntarily; what point was there in sobriety if Jane was gone? Aside from Lorraine and Thomas, Jane was all he had... the only good thing he had managed to hold onto despite everything. He was a whole different person because of her, and he didn't want to think of who he would become if she was gone. Jane had to live. He couldn't lose her, even if it meant losing their child.

This time, it was Thomas who spoke, but James couldn't bear to hear it. He turned to walk away, to give himself some space to wrap his head around what was going on. He didn't understand how things had become so terrible so quickly. Hadn't they been laughing together mere hours ago? Hadn't she brought his hand to her belly with a smile as their son kicked against his hand? The truly magical feeling of knowing that there was new life in their future was being ripped away, and James's fragile hope could hardly bear it. How could he face life if Jane wasn't there anymore?

"What choice?" James heard Thomas ask, with an edge to his voice that James had never heard before—fear but mostly anger. James would have been struck by it if he wasn't so consumed by his own panic. But he was consumed, and leaning against the wall aligning Jane's bedroom, James shut his eyes to try to reign in his emotions. Whatever he was feeling, he was sure Jane had it much worse. He had to be strong for her.

But when James heard the doctor's reply, he didn't know how much longer he could hold out before losing it altogether.

"Her or the baby," the words echoed in James's ears as the breath in his lungs fled from him. He tried to drag in some oxygen but to no avail. All he could manage were shallow, half-breaths that only left him dizzier by the second. Then sinking to the ground, James buried his face in his hands and tried to resist the tears that stung his eyes; all the while, the doctor's words drove the final nail into the coffin of his devastation, "His Grace will have to choose between his wife and his child."

•••

Forced myself to wait to post this part until I finished the next two :)

Update, law school still sucks but I'm about to start my last semester so that's exciting lol

Love you all
-Kate