London, United Kingdom

May 1852

Jane didn't know what to think when she saw her father ascending the stairs in she and James's London home that afternoon. For a moment, she thought that perhaps her brain was playing tricks on her, but as soon as his eyes met her own and immediate recognition occurred for both parties, Jane knew that what she was seeing was entirely real. Only, how could it be? Jane hardly had time to ask herself this question, let alone answer it, before her feet carried her swiftly to her father and into his arms. She hadn't even realized that she had moved at all by the time she felt him engulfing her in a tight embrace, holding her with a steadiness that seemed foreign to her. It had been so long since she had felt truly safe as she did in that moment.

"Oh, my darling," his familiar voice cried out, his hand cupping the back of her head as if she were just a child. With her face pressed against his chest, Jane found herself weeping, though she hadn't realized the tears had even started until her body shook with muffled sobs.

"How is it– how are you here?" Jane asked him, drawing back and wiping the tears from her face. "I thought you– I thought I'd never see you again."

"Henry would have wanted you to think that," Thomas said quietly. He reached up and cupped Jane's cheek in his hand, blinking tears out of his own eyes. "But as to how I'm here, you would have to ask your husband. He arranged it."

"What?" Jane's eyes found her husband standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching the two of them with an odd sort of smile on his face. She didn't understand what was happening. "You brought him here?"

Almost as if he were startled upon being addressed by her, James turned his gaze away and shifted on his feet, answering her quietly in the affirmative.

"How?"

He stiffened then looked up, "I'll, um, we'll discuss it later. You should– you should show Mr. Mercier to his room before dinner. I'm sure he would like to rest."

With that, James promptly excused himself and left Jane standing there with her father, both of them confused as to why he had behaved so strangely.

"He's an odd fellow," Thomas said quietly, looking after James as he sauntered away. "Is he normally so... abrupt?"

"I'm afraid so," Jane sighed. "He always has been unpredictable, but now I think that may be an understatement. I had no idea he would ever do something like this for me."

The genuine surprise in his daughter's voice saddened Thomas. He had hoped to find that James's invitation to him was only his latest kindness in a long string of charitable actions; however, given Jane's reaction, Thomas was disappointed to see that this was not the case. Nonetheless, he was determined to see some good in the situation; perhaps James was trying more than he had in the past, and the possibility of that was a good thing.

Smiling softly, Thomas brushed a stray curl from Jane's bewildered, yet beaming face. He noted the weariness of her features, but made no mention of that now. She seemed happy in that moment, and he would not allow his worries to taint her present joy.

"I'm sure he would do much more for you than you give him credit for," Thomas answered her with the intention of sounding hopeful. "You are his family, and there is something to be said for that."

Jane smiled stiffly and turned her eyes away. "I'm sure you're right... I can show you to your room now, if you'd like? Or we can walk in the gardens? They've really come alive in the last weeks."

Feeling defeated and somewhat out of his element, Thomas struggled with how to reply. He had upset her, that much was clear, but where before she would have let him know it, now she was guarded and was apparently unwilling to disclose what she was thinking. For this, Thomas could not help but blame James; if not because of him, then why else had Jane so suddenly drawn into herself on what should have been a very happy occasion?

Hoping that if he were to have time alone with her, she might be willing to open up to him, Thomas held out his arm to her and accepted her offer, "If you're up for it, I'd like that very much."

"Of course."

With that, Thomas was led to the back of the house, where a small garden was located. It didn't take more than a minute or so to reach the other end, and so Thomas asked Jane if she would like to sit, at which point she agreed and took her place beside him.

"Well," she smiled, proudly looking out over the garden. The hedges had been cut just the day before, and the flowers that lined the hedges were vibrant and full of life. Yellow, blue, purple, pink, and white flowers created a rainbow of sweet smells that surrounded them both with an aroma so strong, it was easy to forget that they were in the middle of London. It was a slight respite from the city, and it was Jane's favorite place to hide. "What do you think?"

"It's quite impressive," Thomas replied. He was happy that she seemed happy, and so he decided he would forego his questions for as long as his conscience would allow. His curiosity could wait if it meant prolonging Jane's smile. "Have you had much say in it?"

"Yes, when we came to the city for the funeral, I almost neglected it, but I knew that if I couldn't at least see spring somewhere, I might lose my mind." Jane laughed nervously. "So, the gardener helped me come up with this."

Smiling, Thomas looked out at the grand display of nature that Jane had imagined, complementing her as best as he could, "It's beautiful. I imagine you come out here a lot?"

"When I have time," Jane answered him airily. "They keep me too busy to enjoy it as much as I would like. I'm afraid you've caught me at the end of a fairly hectic season."

"Whose funeral was it?"

"James's father. I must warn you, he did not take it well, so I expect you'll see much of him that you dislike."

"Do you dislike him?"

Jane thought for a moment, then replied, "Usually, yes, but not today."

"And why is that?"

"Because he gave me you." Jane smiled and took her father's hand in her own, kissing it lightly. "I still can't believe it."

Thomas chuckled and put his arm around Jane's shoulders, "I can't either. It seems so strange to leave Edinburgh, but I'm quite glad of it."

Looking up to him in surprise, Jane gasped, "You mean you've been there all this time?"

Thomas nodded grimly, "Yes, Henry kept us cooped up in that house for months. I don't suppose I'll ever want to go back there."

Jane tensed when she heard Thomas's answer, for she knew exactly who "us" entailed. She had hoped to keep his name from her mind, and for the past month, she had been quite successful in doing so; however, now that the only person who had any knowledge of him sat beside her, she could not withhold her curiosity. She had to know how Harry was doing.

"Did he stay behind?" Jane made her inquiry, though still refrained from speaking his name aloud. Something kept her from doing so, but she couldn't say what it was.

Upon seeing the now distressed look upon his daughter's face, Thomas carefully considered how he should reply. Harry would be in London soon, but he knew he could not tell her that. She might get her hopes up and ask to see him, and given the terms Henry laid out for them, such an occurrence was not at all possible. He would tell the truth, he decided, but he would give no details.

"Yes," Thomas answered quietly. "But he'll be leaving for Calais soon. He's going to work for my father."

"Is he happy?"

"I believe he will be, yes."

But Jane knew the reality of what her father's answer meant. Harry wasn't happy, and that made her heart ache for him. She would have liked to think that at least one of them could live a happy life. That might have made her future somewhat easier to bear. But there was no use worrying over it now; there was not a thing she could do to change their circumstances.

"I suppose he'll pass through London, then?" Jane watched her father for a reaction, and she was rewarded with one that indicated a great deal of panic. Of course, she wouldn't be allowed to see him; she just liked the thought of him being in the same city as her, on his way to a life where he might find some happiness or contentment. She prayed that he would find it, as she did for herself.

"Yes, but Jane, you musn't seek him out. It wouldn't–"

"I'm not going to." Jane dismissed his worry with the quick wave of her hand. As much as she longed to see Harry again, Jane knew that such a meeting was impossible, nor would she want it to take place in her present state. She didn't want him to see that she was carrying James's child, because she knew that it was one thing that Harry could never look beyond. He could never love her as she was now, and she wouldn't blame him for it.

It was while she contemplated this matter of Harry that Jane realized what she would need to tell her father, only the idea of doing so seemed awkward and entirely unappealing. Though she had been married now for quite some time, she didn't want her father to know what had at one time passed between she and James. It shamed her, but now there was no avoiding it. Her midsection was undoubtedly thicker than usual, and she supposed that the only reason Thomas hadn't said anything in reference to it had to do with his manners. She had to tell him about the baby; otherwise, James might catch him off guard with the news as he had her grandparents.

"I don't want to see him, not now." Jane looked down and huffed. "The truth is, I don't want him to see me."

Frowning, Thomas bowed his head to meet his daughter's downcast gaze, entreating her to tell her story, "Is there a reason?"

"Yes." Jane hesitated out of fear, but still, she knew there was no turning back now. She would have to tell him sooner or later, so she thought it best to get on with it. Forcing her eyes to meet his, Jane managed a smile and nervously answered him, "I'm having a baby."

Jane's panic escalated when she saw her father's shocked expression, which only made her wish she hadn't said anything in the first place. It was too unbearable.

"Jane, that's wonderful news," Thomas exclaimed, his shock instantly converting into a genuine smile. He laughed as he pulled her into a tight hug that made her forget her nerves. Seeing her father's excitement was encouraging to her, because when she thought about it, no one in her life had been. Her pregnancy had been cast under a dark shadow of illness and her husband's apathy, but now, she felt for a moment that she could be happy about it. James aside, a child was what Jane had always wanted, and her father's joy over the reality of that happening helped her realize that again. Thus, as Thomas pulled away to look at her, Jane found herself smiling along with him, her eyes stinging with tears of joy.

"I'm so happy for you, darling." Beaming, Thomas held Jane gently by the shoulders, looking down to where her hand easily rested. It only served as evidence to verify her words to him; she really was with child, and by the look of her waist, he could see that she had been for quite some time. "When are you due?"

"The doctor said not until November," Jane replied. "But I wish it were sooner. I'm exhausted."

Suddenly, Thomas remembered what Jane had told him about her being so busy all the time, and he was overcome with frustration. How could the people in this household allow her to exert herself in her condition? It wasn't good for her or the baby, and when it came to his daughter, Thomas wanted there to be no risks taken, especially not after the tragedy of his own wife.

"You mustn't tire yourself," Thomas frowned, dropping his hands from her shoulders. "I can't believe they asked you to plan the funeral in your state; that was very unwise."

"No, no, you can't blame them. I insisted on doing it." Jane sighed, "After being left in Derbyshire for three weeks on my own, I was restless and needed something to occupy my time."

Thomas was not convinced by her explanation that what she had done was a good idea. She needed rest, not busy work, and if he were allowed to stay with them in London, he would ensure that she would get it.

Thomas shook his head disapprovingly, "I still don't think it's a good idea to burden you with something of that magnitude. You need to take it easy, Jane. Bearing children is a dangerous business, and in the future, I wish you would be more careful."

Jane sighed in amusement, "I know, I will be, I promise. Lorraine has told me all of the same things. I just wanted to do something while I still could."

"Lorraine?"

Realizing that she hadn't yet introduced her father to anyone else in the household, Jane gasped, "Oh, I've been terribly selfish in keeping you alone. You must meet Lorraine; she's James's aunt, and I'm sure she's dying to meet you."

Jane stood from the bench and held her hand out to her father, beckoning him to join her inside. Smiling, he rose and took her hand between his with the intention of questioning her briefly while they were still alone.

"One moment, Jane."

Jane paused and looked into her father's kind eyes, feeling so at ease now that he was here. She hadn't realized that the presence of someone who loved her could make such an impact on her mood, but she was glad for it. She had missed feeling happy, and now that she did, she never wished to let the feeling go.

"Before we go in," Thomas began. "I want to know that you're alright."

Jane didn't quite know how to respond to this inquiry. She could just answer in the affirmative and avoid the conversation altogether, but she knew that her father was not likely to accept such a simple reply. Jane was well-aware of her fatigued appearance, and she was even more aware of her own changed personality. She was defeated, yet still defiant in what few ways she could be. Even so, Jane knew that she was not the girl she had been when Thomas had come to her all those months before, and that was not something he would willingly overlook.

"I am," she told him, meaning it. She was surviving, and that was enough for her. "I admit it has not been easy with him, but I am alright, and even more so now that you're here."

Thomas saw the look of defeat in his daughter's eyes and instantly knew that she was telling the truth, if only just a part of it. Her words were indicative of what were sure to be severe hardships, but he would not press her now. She had given him an honest answer, and that was all he had hoped for.

Content in her reply, Thomas thanked her and allowed her to lead him back inside, where he met Lorriane for the first time. He was encouraged by the woman's interest in his daughter, for it seemed to him that Jane had not been entirely alone all this time. If not James, she at least had Lorraine, and that made him feel less inclined to disapprove of his son-in-law. Thomas wanted James to be the right man for his daughter, and so he allowed himself to hope that James would not marr the blank slate that had been given him. However, thus far, Thomas was none too impressed.

•••

yEET that was happy

Thanks for reading, my dudes ily

-kate