Newcastle, United Kingdom
October 1851

Jane couldn't stop the words from flying out of her mouth. She knew it was wrong to get his hopes up like this, but she couldn't help herself. Jane could see that it was her engagement to James that kept Harry from saying the things he wanted to, and she hoped that by eliminating that barrier between them, they could at last speak freely together without hesitation. Well, that would be the case if Jane were telling the complete truth to him. She fully intended to go to her grandfather to demand the dissolution of her betrothal, but it would be Harry's words to her that would determine just how soon that conversation should take place.

"I'm not marrying him," Jane repeated, this time with more conviction than before, so much so that she began to believe it herself. But there was more that she wanted to say; she wanted Harry to know that he was part of why she couldn't go through with it. She wanted him to know that she wished it were him instead. "I- I can't, not when I- not when you..."

Jane trailed off, but forced herself to look into Harry's eyes. Maybe he could understand her feelings without having to state them aloud. She was afraid of what Harry would say to her honesty, and thus, she let fear overrule her desire for him. But to Jane's delight, her fear meant nothing, for Harry could see from her pleading expression and the hesitation her voice that they were of one mind.

"Jane." With his eyes fixed on her, Harry spoke her name so quietly that Jane might have missed it had she not been so entirely engrossed in him. His breathing was shallow, and it was apparent to Jane that Harry was just as nervous as she was, if not more. Was this the moment that love should overcome the injustice of Jane's imprisonment? Was this the moment they both threw caution to the wind and for once, acted upon their own desires?

"Yes?" Jane replied breathlessly, her heart racing with every passing moment. She could see the desire in Harry's green eyes, though it was clear to her that the flame in him contained so much more than mere desire. It was love's fire, of that, Jane was entirely certain.

Harry's eyes darted around the room as if someone were watching them, but when his attention fell upon Jane once more, he took a step towards her so that he was standing above her. As Harry looked into her eyes, she found that she could not move, even if she wanted to, though admittedly, moving away from Harry was the last thing on her mind.

"I don't want you to marry him, Jane." Harry's words were not a statement, but rather, a plea. His voice was strained and his expression soft, but evidently sad. Jane's breath was caught in her throat as she awaited Harry's next words. There had to more.

"Jane," Harry continued boldly. "I'm sure you must know this already, because I'm about as subtle as a freight train, but I-" Harry paused, and in that brief moment of silence, Jane could see fear creeping its way into his mind. Words were failing him, but Harry had this look in his eyes that told Jane that he was by no means finished.

Harry hesitantly lifted his hand up to Jane's face, and she watched him as he brushed her cheek with the back of his thumb. His rough skin against her fair cheek sent shivers down her spine, but still, Jane made no effort to move. Harry cupped her cheek in his hand and Jane felt herself relax into the warmth of his touch. She had been craving this feeling ever since that morning when he held her for the first time. It was like their innocent embrace had unharnessed the floodgates of her desires, and she could no longer keep them to herself.

It had been a strange day for Jane. She had always fancied Harry and enjoyed his company, but until that morning, she had never allowed herself to fully experience the sensation of her feelings for him. Her conversation with her uncle had left her exposed and vulnerable to the realm of her emotions, and Harry had shown up just in time to reap the benefits of her weakened resolve. Jane knew it was by no means intentional that Harry should take advantage of her inner-turmoil, so she blamed no one but herself for allowing her feelings to take hold of her in the way they did that day.

But regardless of how it happened, Jane had realized something on that rainy October day. Harry's embrace had awakened something within her, and though she knew the danger it could cause them both, Jane became consumed with the overwhelming urge to act upon it. Though their interaction that morning was brief, Jane had never felt safer than she did when Harry had held her.

At first, Jane blamed this feeling on her disheveled mind, but as she dined alongside James and her grandparents that night, she soon discovered that it wasn't a fleeting feeling brought on by her own weakness. The way her own family talked across her like she was a commodity to be sold infuriated her, but the way James looked at her with such lustful hatred terrified her. She could see that he resented her, but why, she could never know. Whatever the reason for it, Jane knew that James did not intend to treat her kindly. If he didn't in the presence of her family, then how was he to behave behind closed doors when they were alone?

It was then that Jane could admit to herself that she would give anything to have Harry protect her from facing her future with James. The thought that horrid man touching her made her skin crawl and her chest to ache with a seemingly physical manifestation of anxiety and dread. But how could she avoid her life with James? Jane began to notice that in every plan of escape, Harry played an essential role in all of it. He was her protector and her confidant in each of these musings, and because of it, Jane began to understand that Harry's continued presence in her subconscious meant something far more significant than she had originally allowed herself to believe.

Jane experienced a similar revelation after dinner. When at last she was alone for the night, there came upon her like a shadow in the night, the threatening arrival of her grandmother. From the moment she heard the footsteps echoing down those lofty hallways, her heart was filled with fear. Her grandmother had come to fulfill the threat she had made to Jane when she and Harry had arrived together at the great house, and Jane knew that whatever her grandmother planned to do could not possibly be anything less than painful.

When the door burst open and the sinister woman made her entry, Jane had backed away as a feeble attempt of escape. The truth was, there was no escape and the two women were both very well aware of it. Her grandmother had slapped her across the face, hard. The horrid woman's wedding ring had sliced her skin so deeply that blood had began to pour down her face. The bruises on Jane's neck had come from the older woman's firm grip which closed in around the girl's throat to pin her against the wall where she would receive the same threat she had heard once before. 

"Do as you're told, Jane. Do as you're told, and that silly boy can stay."

Terrified, Jane had consented to her grandmother's ultimatum without much thought to how it would affect her. It was as if an animalistic instinct for survival had overcome her, and so Jane said whatever needed to be said to preserve her own life. But despite what she may have promised her grandmother, Jane didn't want Harry to leave. She didn't want to be the reason Harry's studies were interrupted, and she didn't want to have to survive there in Newcastle without a friend by her side.

But she couldn't marry James either. The man hadn't done anything expressly terrible to her aside from being an intolerable drunk, but Jane had an uneasy feeling that her marriage to him would not be a happy one. It would be one in which she was enslaved to him as a wife who had but one purpose. There would be no companionship nor work to be shared between them; she would be the means by which James would satisfy his carnal desires, and ultimately, this would lead to fulfilling her true purpose: to produce an heir.

This idea repulsed her.

Once her grandmother left her bloodied and beaten, Jane sat on the floor of her bedroom, her cheek throbbing from her newly inflicted wound. She wanted to scream like she had done in the fields earlier that day, but she knew that doing so was an impossibility lest that evil woman should return. She wanted to cry as well, but she found that the tears would not come. Jane was too furious and too disgusted with the reality of her furture to think of crying.

She did think of Harry though. Despite her consuming despair, Jane still found that the promise of seeing Harry that night offered her some small sort of hope. Part of it had to do with the reality that her father was alive and could possibly rescue her from this hell; however, Jane could not pretend to ignore the part of her that delighted in the idea of seeing Harry again. He was kind to her, and in her present predicament, his light in her life made her feel more joy than she could even begin to express.

Harry was like the sun. Not in that he was the center of her world, but that his light shined upon her even when she tried to ignore it. The influence of his character was unavoidable, and had he been anything other than what he was, this would have been somewhat problematic to Jane. She didn't like to be so heavily influenced by someone, simply because her whole life had been controlled by people who had done nothing but lie to her; however, Harry represented everything good in the world, so she found that she didn't mind so much. In fact, she liked it.

And now, knowing all that Harry had done for she and her father, Jane had come to see that Harry was far more noble then anyone had ever given him credit for. He was the kind of man she should be marrying, not the drunken pig to whom she was so unwillingly tethered. And what's more, Jane was almost certain that Harry's feelings for her mirrored her own for him. Her fiance would never love her, and she would most likely never love him; thus, it shattered Jane to think that she and Harry's mutual admiration for each other might go unexplored.

This was why, while once more in the comfort of Harry's arms, Jane found herself crying as he kissed her. The feeling of his lips on her own was beyond any comfort she had ever known, and it pained her to think that this path with him could not be her future. She had her plans to try and change her fate, but subconsciously, something told her that her grandparents would always win. They had for this long, so why should the event of her marriage be any different?

"No," Jane scolded herself for her pessimism. "I must have faith."

Jane kissed Harry like it was the last time, for she knew it very well might be. Pressing herself against his chest, Jane clung to Harry, and he in turn, held her even tighter to himself. She relished in this feeling of being there with him. Like a hawk soaring high above the treetops, so too did her soul fly with the sensation of Harry's touch. This was love; she had known it the moment Harry's lips touched hers, and she felt consumed by its burning flame as he held her in his arms. It was new a feeling, but one that was nonetheless welcome and cherished. Though she couldn't explain it, Jane felt full, like a missing piece of her heart had been returned to her. It was Harry's doing, and she could not be more thankful for it.

When Harry's lips left her own, Jane felt the cool absence of his touch wash over her. She shuddered against him, keeping her tear-filled eyes shut with a soft smile displayed on her swollen lips. Jane wanted to remember this feeling forever, the warmth, the odd tingling sensation in her belly, but most of all, she wanted to always remember how it felt to love and be loved in return.

Harry's voice was what interrupted her pleasing thoughts of him, and she would have delighted in hearing him speak if it weren't apologies that were coming from his pretty lips. Jane opened her eyes and looked into Harry's gleaming eyes, admiring how the fire behind her seemed to ignite the green in them to dance like jade-tinted flame. She smiled up at him and reached her hand up to touch his thick, curly hair. Harry seemed to physically relax as she touched him, his distressed features morphing to hold an expression of pleasure.

"Don't apologize," Jane whispered to him, meaning every word of what she was saying. Harry should never apologize for making her feel so whole. "Not for that."

"I don't understand," Harry said quietly as he moved his hands to hold her waist. "Why are you crying?"

Jane smiled at Harry's touch, but she could not hide the blush that rose to her cheeks as she contemplated how she should answer him. She knew exactly why she was crying, but she worried whether it was appropriate for her to reveal her reasons. But then again, when Harry so clearly felt the same way, what should she fear in telling him?

Resolving to speak her mind, Jane mustered up what little courage she had and looked directly into Harry's eyes. She laughed softly to herself as if to say, here goes nothing.

"Because, I-" Her breath hitched in her throat, but she forced herself to continue. What did she have to lose? "I didn't know love would feel like this."

Harry stood in front of her, stunned into silence. Something seemed to change in his countenance, but Jane could not decipher its meaning. Was he glad? Had she been too hasty and assumed something that did not exist? Jane's heart began to race and she could feel her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. This was a mistake.

The silence between them droned on so that the crackling fire in the hearth was the only sound permeating the still chilled air of that old cabin. Harry's stoicism, coupled with the unnerving quietness, became too much for Jane to endure. Turning her face away from Harry, Jane's smile quickly fell away from her lips in a moment of sudden and horrific realization that she had overestimated his feelings for her. Sure, he had kissed her, but what if it had been just that? A kiss.

"I'm, sorry.. I don't know why I said that." Dejected, Jane tried to salvage what little pride she had left by pulling away from Harry, but she found that he had not let go of her as she thought he would.

"Did you mean that?" Harry asked her quietly, his breathing shallow and his expression serious. Jane was confused by Harry's inquiry, but as he so earnestly searched her face for an answer, she began to think that just maybe she had reacted prematurely to Harry's silence.

Nodding slowly in confirmation to Harry's question, Jane tried her best to conceal the whirlwind of emotions raging within her. It had only taken a few moments of silence to shatter her pride, and now as she stood before Harry waiting for him to speak, Jane began to brace herself for yet another blow. But it never came.

Instead of a rejection, Jane was faced with green eyes that glimmered with the tears of a man in love. She found Harry smiling brightly at her as the first tear she had ever seen him shed fell upon his grinning cheek.

"I can't believe this," Harry laughed breathily, reaching up to brush the tears from his eyes before once again resting his hand comfortably on Jane's waist. But in looking to Jane's evidently distressed visage, Harry's eyes widened with the realization of what Jane must have been thinking. He had been silent for far too long and he knew it. "Oh, Jane! I'm so stupid. In my head, I said it aloud, but I-"

"What did you say... in your head?" Jane interrupted him, confused and slightly bitter that Harry had toyed with her emotions in this way. Before she could allow herself to be happy, she needed to hear him say it.

Harry fell silent, hesitating for just a moment before speaking. He was just as nervous as she was, but he would be damned if he allowed this moment to surpass him. With a shaking breath, Harry began his confession.

"Jane, when I first came here, it was in service to a friend, but when I laid eyes on you, I knew-" Harry smiled as he reflected on the memory of their first meeting. "Well, I knew that you wouldn't just be someone I could move on from once my task was finished." At this, Jane allowed herself to hope. "As the summer passed and I received the privilege of getting to spend time with you, I came to know just how right I was about that. At first, I tried to ignore it for a number of reasons, but I have found that ignoring my love for you is an exhausting business with which I am glad to be finished."

Jane could scarcely comprehend the words Harry was saying to her. She had known what she had wanted him to say, but now that he was saying it, she could not even begin to process the depth of her joy. Her heart was beating so wildly in her chest that she could hardly breathe, but still, Jane urged herself to take labored breaths at the risk of distracting herself from Harry's speech. She would need to breathe if she wanted to further experience this happiness.

"I'm sorry it took me so damn long," Harry chuckled softly. "I thought it would have been impertinent of me to court the daughter of my closest friend, but I see now that I was just using that as an excuse not to express my feelings to you." Harry sighed, reaching up and tucking a loose strand of hair behind Jane's ear. "And then there was the engagement... I must admit, that was a little discouraging, but that doesn't matter now. I love you, and there's nothing to stop us from– wait, what's wrong?"

At the mention of her wedding, Jane's tears had returned to her, though she tried her best to force them away. She didn't regret telling Harry that she was no longer engaged, but now that she knew how her life could be with Harry, she felt devastated by the reality that it would most likely never come to fruition. Now she would have to tell Harry that, too, and she didn't like it.

Jane shook her head and tore away from Harry as she cried into her hands. Confused, Harry watched Jane weep to herself with her back to him for several moments before he finally made a move to comfort her. He didn't know what was going on, but he had a feeling that it was not something that could be easily remedied.

Harry approached Jane silently and pulled her into his chest just like before by the water's edge. Jane wept against him, and every time she made an effort to speak, she was silenced by her own sobs. Harry's firm hold on her did begin to help though, so much so that in a matter of minutes she found herself standing silently in his arms. For several moments, Jane contemplated what she should say to him, but the pleasantly intoxicating scent on Harry's chest made it impossible to think straight. How could she ever give this feeling up?

"I'm still engaged to James," Jane whispered feebly, unable to look up into Harry's eyes. She didn't need to see his face to know that Harry was hurt and confused.

He held her out from him, a look of disapproving disgust dominating his features, "What do you mean?"

When she didn't respond, Harry sighed and released her in a moment of distressed sadness. Jane could see the weight of realization crashing down upon him as he paced the floor in front of her, his steps slow and heavy. After several moments, Harry stopped and turned to look at her with a pained look in his eyes. She had hurt him, and she knew it.

"Why did you tell me– why–"

"Because I don't intend to marry him!" Jane interjected at last. Filled with a rage that had nothing to do whatsoever with Harry, Jane angrily turned from Harry and went to go stand by the fire. The heat was nice against her cold skin, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of burning hatred that Jane harbored for the people who were trying to dictate her life. This wasn't about Harry at all; it was about her freedom, but Harry didn't know that, and it only frustrated her further.

Harry frowned in disapproval and opened his mouth to speak, but Jane was determined to explain her plan. "Harry, wait... I'm going to talk to my grandfather about it tomorrow. I'm not going to have to marry James."

"And what makes you think he will change his mind?" Harry asked harshly, his frustrated tone catching Jane just a little off guard. She could see that he was angry, but in her mind, he really didn't have the right to be. She would be the one to suffer if her conversation with her grandfather went poorly, so it was momentarily frustrating to her that Harry should be so short with her.

While Jane was somewhat angry with him, she was also embarrassed. It was one thing to use her bastard-status against her grandparents, but another entirely to admit it to Harry. It was a shameful thing which she did not wish him to know, but at the same time, she felt that she could not lie to him. She had already danced that line once that evening, and she did not intend to do it again.

"I have leverage against them," Jane said at last, staring blankly ahead into the fire before her. Maybe she wouldn't have to tell him at all; maybe he wouldn't ask it of her. "I don't know if it will work, but I'm going to try. And besides.." 

Jane's eyes widened as she realized that maybe the evidence of her grandmother's physical abuse towards her could be of some use to her in the presence of her grandfather. He may have lied to her, but there was no denying that the older gentleman cared for his granddaughter immensely. If he knew that his wife was abusing her over the matter of James Hale, then surely, he would do something to amend the situation. The marks on Jane's skin had infuriated her before, but now, she cherished them. They very well could be her saving grace.

"Besides, what?" Harry inquired impatiently as Jane trailed off, appearing to forget what it was that she was trying to say.

Jane was startled by Harry's voice, but she nonetheless adjusted herself to look at him with determined eyes. She hadn't wanted to tell Harry of how she received her injuries, both because she was embarrassed and she didn't want Harry to feel guilty over it, but now, she supposed that the explanation behind them would be useful in the context of their conversation.

"My grandmother beat me today," Jane said unfeelingly, her expression stoic and not in the least revealing of the hatred that she felt burning inside her. Harry's face paled at her words, and in him began to arise a feeling of anger and disdain that mirrored Jane's for the matriarch of the Pelham family. "Tomorrow, the bruises will be worse, so hopefully, when grandfather sees them, he will be predisposed to comply with my request out of pity."

As if he hadn't heard the rest of what Jane had said to him, Harry strode towards her with concerned eyes focused on nothing but the damage done to the girl's fair cheek. Jane backed away from him and looked to his face with fear clouding her expression. Harry was evidently furious, and though she knew he wasn't angry with her, the last time someone angry had rushed at her had been her grandmother, and that clearly didn't turn out too well. Harry took notice of Jane's apprehension towards him, and he was quick to alter his approach. She was hurt in more ways than one, and he would have to be conscious of it.

"Was it because of me?" Harry asked her quietly, his voice cracking in the middle of his question. It was then that Jane saw that she had been right about what Harry would think when she told him what had happened to her. Harry wasn't angry with her; he was angry with himself, and she could see the guilt clouding his features with every passing moment.

Jane shook her head, though she knew it was a lie. "No, Harry. It was- It was my own fault. I provoked her after you left us, so it's really not-"

"Do not say it's not a big deal," Harry interjected. "Because it is. If she hurt you, then she deserves to answer for it."

Jane felt the same way; she wanted justice. But justice rarely found its way to people like Regina Pelham, and the woman used that to her own advantage.

Jane shook her head, fear still permeating her bright eyes, "No, Harry, it doesn't work like that. She-" Harry frowned at her, and Jane huffed in frustration as she tried to figure out what she could say to make Harry comprehend that her grandmother was not one to be trifled with. "Harry, you don't understand. She's untouchable. The most I can get out of this is some pity and maybe a favor to buy my feigned forgiveness, and-"

"Is that your plan?"

Harry's voice was doubtful, but Jane just shrugged, "There's more, but she has all but ensured that I get something out of this. My grandfather has always had a soft spot for me despite whatever lies he has told me regarding my father, so I'm fairly confident that this will infuriate him, and lead him to try and somehow make amends for it."

"I don't like this at all," Harry stated bluntly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His voice held an edge of controlled anger to it that sent shivers down Jane's spine, and she nervously awaited hearing how Harry would continue. "How can you be so okay with how she has treated you?" Harry paused, raising his brow at her, "Has this happened before?"

Jane laughed dryly and shook her head, "No, not like this. She's never drawn blood before, and she's never gone for my throat like she did, so that's why I was so upset when you asked about it earlier. I'm not okay with it, I've just realized that there's absolutely no reason to cry over it when I can use it against her. Let these bruises be her undoing, for they will not be mine."

Watching as Harry stood in a stunned silence, Jane hesitantly approached him and took his hand in her own. She looked down at his large hand as she gently rubbed her thumb against the calloused skin of his palm. "Harry, I know you aren't used to these people, but I need you to trust me. After this morning, I was doubtful of my being able to escape my fate with James, but now after my grandmother's violent outburst, I really do think that I can fix this. There is hope for us yet."

Jane looked up to Harry, hopeful that her words had worked in soothing his anger. To her relief, Jane could see the smallest of smiles creeping its way onto Harry's lips, though it was clear that his anger towards her grandparents had not in least begun to dissipate. His emotional response had scared her at first, but now Jane appreciated how Harry demonstrated his desire to protect her. He was on her side, even if it meant opposing her family, and that meant more to Jane that Harry would ever know.

Harry sighed as if to release his anger and instead focus on the words Jane was saying to him. Bringing up his hand to Jane's cheek once more, Harry smiled down at her and tenderly kissed her forehead before looking into her eyes.

"I'm sorry I reacted so rashly." Harry tried to smile at her. "I do trust you, Jane, I just want you to succeed... so much."

Touched by Harry's gentleness towards her, Jane smiled sympathetically at him and closed the gap between them so that their chests were nearly touching.

"There's no need to apologize to me. I shouldn't have told you that I had already managed to break my commitment to him; that was cruel."

Harry could not help the small laugh that fell from his lips, "It was cruel, but I'm not sorry that you said it. If you hadn't, I might not have had he courage to kiss you."

Jane grinned at the memory of Harry's lips on hers, and with her eyes involuntarily focused on Harry's mouth, Jane could hardly contain her desire for it to happen again.

"Won't you do it again?" Jane asked him earnestly, throwing all sense of decorum out the window as she spoke openly to the man she loved.

Smirking, Harry cocked his head to the side and teased her. "My love, are you asking me to kiss you?"

Jane rolled her eyes, but nonetheless nodded in affirmation as she admired the way Harry's lips moved when he spoke. It was strange to her to desire him in the way that she did. He was so handsome to her, and though she had acknowledged it before, this was the first time Jane had ever allowed herself to really want him. It was as if her body had been awakened to the man that Harry was, and it excited her. She was nervous, too, but there was just something about Harry that put her mind at ease. Despite the newness of it all, Jane felt that Harry was a safe place for her, and she needn't fear him.

Smiling with the pure radiance of his joy, Harry slowly bent his head down towards hers, allowing his lips to hover over hers so that she might feel his hot breath against her skin.

"I love you," Harry whispered just loud enough for her to hear, and Jane felt her heart soar.

When his lips once again met hers, Jane knew instantly that this was how her life was meant to be. She was meant to be his, and he was meant to be hers. Who else but Harry could have made her feel this way? Jane realized that with Harry, she felt that she had something worth fighting for, and such purpose made her feel more alive than she had ever felt. All the parties, all the wealth- none of it mattered anymore. Even if they ended up in a tiny, old, run-down cabin like the one in which they stood, Jane decided in that moment that would prefer this with Harry than anything James could have possibly offered her.

Jane's mind was set to determine her own future, and she intended to see it though even if it meant leaving her life in Newcastle behind. It was then that she understood the decisions her mother had made in leaving with her father all those years ago. When love was on the line, there was no risk she was not willing to take.

***

yikes, Regina's a bitch

Also, I just want to say thank you to anyone who sticks around and reads this book. I know I don't update as frequently as I should, but I've just been so busy with school and finishing up Silk that I haven't had as much time as I would like to write this story. So y'all really are the real MVPs for keeping with me.

With that being said, since I have just finished Silk, I am hoping that I can update more regularly on this story because I have SO MANY ideas for this book, and I am fr so hype about it.

Anyways, Love you all! Thanks for reading!!

-Kate