"Primus inter pares"

"Why she doesn't want to wake up?" I heard someone's voice, and I wanted to turn in that direction but I couldn't. Like my body is captured in some different world.

I could listen but I couldn't move.

"She needs time to recover." Other voice said, and I recognized that voice.

That is Cain's voice.

Then other voice must be.

"She is sleeping for three days," Voice said.

Yes. Prince's voice.

The worst thing with situation is moments where I remembered everything. Little details no one would notice I did.

I searched my brain where I get things wrong. What lead him to that action, but I felt too guilty. If I didn't have power, he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't be dead if I had some control.

No. I'm too weak. I can't control anything. I will always be the weak one. My family isn't my family, my people aren't my people. I didn't belong anywhere.

I just have that horrible power. I can resist the prince's power. I wish I never did that. I wish I never met Amelia, I wish I never got out that day.

I meet Amelia. She was beautiful, but there was that shadow behind her. She had an older brother. He was too old. He had around 18 when I was six or seven.

I don't want that.

I tightened my eyes even more to stop that, but memories came back.

"Don't be scared the little puppy. Everything will be okay." I looked at him holding what he gave me.

A few of us could afford candy. I didn't know how he has it but he gave it. In return, I had to do just one thing.

I was supposed to go with him to one place. That place was hidden in the forest.

My house was near the river so we would have a daily walk. I didn't want to go anywhere, but I wanted that candy. I wanted to taste that rich chocolate, little pieces of hazelnuts, beautiful texture of vanilla. I wanted it, and I took it.

"I'm not scared," I answered looking at the golden package.

I wonder how I could open it. I could leave that piece to draw it later. To look and imagine that candy. That must be the richest taste of my life.

"Open it." He said smiling, and I looked at his eyes.

We were sitting next to the river. I was sitting on the rock while he sat on the grass. It was a beautiful summer day. I wished my mother allowed me go on swimming. I would be with other kids.

"I will," I said looking back at a candy.

Okay, that is it.

I slowly opened candy, carefully, to be sure it won't rip. I wanted that paper.

I put the whole thing in my mouth. It didn't taste like I expected.

Something must be wrong. This is horrible. That disgusting taste, like river's water, when you accidentally drank it.

I don't like this. I wanted to spit it, but Arcus stopped me.

"No. Eat it. It will get better." He nodded and smiled again.

I believed him. I was just a little girl who wanted candy. I didn't know that is a bad thing. It wasn't chocolate.

After two minutes I felt my vision is getting blurry, and I closed the eyes.

"What is happening?" I asked opening eyes.

"Don't worry. It will pass soon." He took me in his arms and I collapsed.

No. I can't get further.

"No!" I screamed, and I opened my eyes, "This can't be happening! Plese, stop! I can't take that! That hurt! Please!" I rip my hair trying to stop those memories. I can't go through that.

I was just a girl. That was a mistake. It's not connected with that.

"Calm down." I heard someone, but I screamed.

"No! Leave me! Leave me!" I screamed and screamed, my hands trying to make others let me go.

I felt tears falling down my face and I run my hand through it.

Something stopped me.

Wait what is this?

"No! I don't want this!" I tried to rip needle but someone's hand stopped me.

"Enough." That was a sharp voice that I knew.

"Please make it stop." My brain recognized Prince's white cold eyes, and begged him to stop it. My voice became a distant muttering as he wrapped his hands around me.

"It will pass. Don't worry." My head rested on his chest, his heart beating hard, and I closed my eyes wanting memories to disappear.

I closed eyes still lost in that world.

I wonder how this two world connected. I didn't know prince at that time.

I know him for three months.

"It hurts," I said rubbing my hands. Something stopped me on my right.

"What is this?! I don't want his! This is just a lie. They will give me something!" I looked at him again.

"Plase don't do that!" I saw black eyes and a mean smile. Cold eyes I found just disappeared now. I was again looking at old doctor so many years ago.

The doctor had some injection in his hand and it slowly massaged my hand on the elbow. A slow circular motions were meant to calm me dawn, and he did.

"Don't worry little girl. This will hurt, and later too. You need to take that." He said suddenly pinching me.

"No!" I rubbed my left shoulder. I don't want that. I want to sleep.

"Please don't give me that! It hurts!" I said begging and looking into the doctor's eyes.

"Don't worry honey. It will pass." He touched my hair and a few minutes passed.

I cried and beg, the pain was getting started.

"Shh. It's starting." Doctor calmed me down and I felt sick. I threw up. Everything was red. I don't like this.

"Please. It hurts." I said begging. My hands fell from the table and I saw horrible yellow floor.

"We will see." The doctor wasn't smiling anymore, and I looked at the ceiling.

Everything is blurry.

"Puls is getting lower." Someone warned, and I smiled. I will be free from this pain.

I smiled, and I looked at my body. My hands were huge. My body wasn't small anymore. I felt like I'm 2m big. I will kill them all.

I smiled and smiled.

"Hallucinations are starting." I heard someone, and I smiled again.

This is not a hallucination. This is a real me.

I felt sharp clapping on my left cheek, and fat I was pushed in this real world. Blinking a few times I tried to clear my vision but something stopped it.

"I can't see," I said quietly and run my nose.

"Give me a tissue." He rubbed my eyes with a tissue and I could see again.

"Why is my head hurt?" I asked touching the left cheek.

God damn, this hurt.

"I slapped you," Prince said, and I looked at him.

"Why? What happened?"

"You and some hallucinations." He answered, his eyes staring into mine. I looked away.

"Those weren't hallucinations," I said looking at the floor. I wish no one heard that.

"What did you say?" He asked coldly.

"Nothing." I looked up, and around myself.

"Where I am?" I asked. I didn't know this room.

"In hospital. You were attacked." He said.

"I know. I remember everything." I said the touching edge of the blanket.

I don't want that.

I felt tears in my eyes and I rub them.

"My wrist hurt. Why is like that?"

"Some tendons were hurt." He said.

"Great." I closed my eyes but I was too scared to sleep.

"For the first time, I'm glad that he is dead," I said exhaling.

"He is not dead." I opened my eyes instantly. Fear was showing again.

"How not? He touched me. He, fucking, touched me!" I repeated.

His eyes got darker.

"I'm aware of that." He growled, and I looked at him.

"You are a liar, Prince," I said looking at the wall.

"Can you leave me alone?" I asked.

"Sure." He stood up, and I realised that he is still in the same suit he wore on the ball.

"What day is today?" I said narrowing my eyes.

"Almost 12th."

"You need to change," I said coldly and looked at doors.

"Doctor will come in twelve minutes." He answered with same voice and closed doors.

*****

Memories are too fresh to touch them. I closed eyes wanting to pass out.

I wanted that peace without dreams. Where the only thing was darkness, and everything I'm able to do is stand there. I don't want any memories, dreams of Anakin, nothing.

I heard a knocking, and I had to open my eyes. My eyes met with Queen's and next to her with Marissa's. They both looked tired and exhausted.

"Queen," I said weakly trying to get a little up.

"Ouch," I said when I touched my wrist.

"Marissa," I said sadly giving up from getting up.

"Hey." They both smiled getting closer to the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Marissa asked, and I looked down at my hands.

My left one in a fist while right, well, it hurt so it laid on the blanket.

"I don't know," I said avoiding her looks.

"Listen to me." Queen took my hands.

"You are never, ever, a victim until you decide to act like one." She said squeezing my hands, her eyes looking into mine, with some fire that I almost felt fear. Almost. She was right.

"But I don't know," I said weakly, "I'm not brave enough to just cross that," I said feeling tears in my eyes.

"You are." She whispered, and I looked at both of them.

"You are both too good, but I'm not. Please," I stopped her from talking, "just leave me. I know this will sound harsh, but I can't do that. I'm just weak. I have none straight. I'm just a weak girl," I looked down. "Weak girl, who trust everybody," I said rubbing my nose.

I can't take this.

"No. You are not. Fight with Vlad for three months. You are not weak." She said and hugged me.

I was surprised. My eyes widened and I looked at her.

She was touching my hair, whispering something. I felt her squeeze on the back and I hugged her back.

She smelled like some fancy thing. It wasn't to sweat but you could feel chocolate aroma around her.

"Don't give up." She said finally and let me go.

I give up, years ago. Everything else was surviving day after a day.

"Get some rest and heal," Marissa said.

"You still need to visit me." She added smiling, and I smiled back.

She invited me to her. To see some lights.

"Sure," I said putting my head on the chest.

I wish they go. I'm too broken to lead this conversation.

I heard door opening, and I looked at the doors.

"Queen." He bowed. "I did not know you are here. I will be back later." He said looking at Queen.

"Don't worry, Cain. We were just going." She kissed me on the forehead and Marissa too, and they left.

The doctor nodded at something she said and bowed again.

He turned to me when everyone left.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me and took a paper from the table.

"I don't know," I whispered and touched my hand.

I cannot even cry. Everyone is visiting me. I just want to be alone. I'm not asking much; just a little silence.

"I'm afraid I need to check you." He said turning.

I looked at him. I can't stand someone's watching my body, not now. I'm hurt and I look terrible.

I knew that I have big scratches on my chest and I had a big bruise on my stomach, and every breath hurt. I don't know why.

"No," I said.

"Dianna. Be reasonable." He said.

"No," I repeated and closed my eyes.

"Please," I added even quieter.

"Dianna." He said.

"No." I felt tears. "I can handle that," I added and exhaled.

"But I need to be sure everything is good." He said, and I opened my eyes.

"You don't know doctor!" I almost yelled. Tears were falling down my face.

"I'm not same. Before was a little scratch, but now." I swallow. "But now, I'm destroyed. It's not me anymore." I said hoping he will understand.

But how he could understand. He wasn't rapped. He wasn't attacked by some person you knew, you love, you trust.

"You don't understand," I said and turned my head.

"Please. Just this."

"You know that even if I leave you now, I need to come back. I need to check on you. You are hurt too much, to be left alone." He said, and I nodded.

I can't take this.

"Please," I repeated and exhaled.

I heard his breathing.

"Fine. But I will be back in five hours." He turned to go, but then stopped.

"Remember this. Scars are what makes you brave. What makes you go further, that little thing which will remind you what you survived. It won't remind you of your weakness. It will remind you how brave you are. So carry them with a proud, even though they are this kind."

He smiled and exited the room.

I exhaled and let tear to fall down my face.

"Primus inter pares" First among equals.

Helloo...

So what do you think? What happened in past? Is that real or something more..how Prince will react to that?

Is Dianna strong enough to survive?

Read, vote and comm...