"Dum spiro spero"

The cold breeze run over my uncovered body and I turned in the bed for a hundredth time. Sleep just didn't come to my eyes. The moment I laid my head on the pillow I thought I will sleep in matter of minutes, but no. My mind had other plans.

Finally givig up from rolling in my bed, I removed my blanket and touhed the cold marble. I was sleeping in the shirt. Prince's shirt, if I have to mention.

Till now it was washed a million times but somehow I was convincing myself that I can feel his scent. That so natural sent when we talked on the hill or when we talked on the terrace.

Those little moments where I convinced myself that he is not a monster he constantly tried to present himself. He was just a man that saw too many bad things. He was just a man after all.

And that man kissed me. I touched my lips like I could feel his lips on mine, but I couldn't. I felt his scent there. I felt it hours later after that. He was all around me.

I shook my head facing with the windows. In them I saw my little figure hugging myself but behind that I saw forest. Maybe their trees will calm me down.

****

I was walking for an hour, or at least I thought that way. Trees covered pieces of my vision and once again I hugged myself wishing I didn't just went somewhere. I could be lost.

But nothing could change how I felt in the forest. It was almost like everything ever bounded me just disappeared. All of my insecurities, and wished for fitting in flew in the air. I was alone with my thoughts, and every projected in my head like a movie.

Trees made sure I'm safe. Their shadows hid my traces and loud steps just as stopped again. For a moment I was projected into another forest a long time ago. I wasn't this strong, I was just scared lite girl hiding from the monsters. It was a shame monsters actually were humans.

The cold wind swirled around my carrying my hair from my face and I shrugged. Here was a reason here started Cold Mountains. Air was freezing and my fingers lost all its senses, but no matter what I didn't want to turn back.

I slowly felt like everything is falling apart. I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Every conversation with the prince, with the doctor, made me feel like some object. I couldn't stop thinking when prince told the doctor that all he wants is my resistance.

I don't know why, but that hurt much more than everything he did. He would do some bad things and after that, he would be normal.

It's like his power need too much. And at the end he losses control.

He once told me that power takes some of his energy, but in exchange with power he felt afterwards that was nothing. Giving little and receiving so much. But what happened with his emotions? Traces of them would show there and then but nothing compared to anger he felt in his room. He used his power then. Tried to control me, and to control my mind.

He made sure that I'm untouchable and he was doing his stuff. I was just sitting lost somewhere in between. Without knowing anything.

"It's not good to walk alone in a dark." Someone said.

I stopped instantly. I turned a few times to see who told that but there was nothing.

"I'm here, girl." I exhaled and looked at Marcus.

"Why are you walking alone?" He asked.

"I can't sleep," I said putting hands in my coat.

"Oh. That is inconvenient, but you shouldn't be walking alone. There are some wild animals."

He was close but I could only see his shape and his blue eyes. He was in the black.

"Come one, I will give you some tea." Marcus turned and went hastily to another path.

"Okay," I said quietly, but I wasn't sure he heard me.

We walked for a few minutes when I saw a cottage with lights around it.

I saw those lights, but I thought it is an end of the fence. I didn't want to go in that way.

"Come one." He opened doors and hot air pushed me a little on left.

It's hot inside.

He stooped inside and I followed him.

I had to take a coat of three steps I stepped inside.

I was in dark pants and a shirt.

"Here. Sit there." Marcus showed me in a big armchair and I laid my coat on it.

I was next to the fire.

"Tea will be done in a few minutes." He said and sat opposite me.

There was a fine distance between us.

"So tell me how it's your name?" Marcus said playing with glasses.

"Dianna," I said and looked at the fire.

In the castle, everyone had some fancy names, a bunch of middle names, and titles. I had just one name and surname.

I didn't care, but I didn't like all that talking.

They made me feel so little. So unimportant.

"Well, Dianna what brings you here?" He said leaving glasses on the coffee table.

"I don't know. Prince said we are getting analysis and here we are." I waved around with my hands.

"I know that. What brought you to the prince. It must be something."

I don't know can I tell him everything.

"Come one. I won't tell anyone." I looked up to his blue eyes on that old face and that reminded me of my grandfather.

He was dead for ten years, but I will always remember when I was a little how he told me to be brave.

"Experiment with yourself."

He liked to say.

I tried following that, but I was too shy. I couldn't be free if I'm scared of something. No matter how small that is I can never be free.

"I can resist prince's powers," I said low looking at my hands.

I tried to follow that, grand, but it's too hard. In here no one wants me to someone.

He said nothing, but I saw a tea cup under my nose. I took it being careful not to touch him. I didn't need more blood.

"Well, that is new." He said when he was in his armchair again.

I smelled the tea. I couldn't decode anything. That was a mix of something, and I give up. If that will help me, okay.

"How new?" I asked blowing at tea.

"No one ever showed like that. We have a little work, you know. People come here and then when they want to know something about themselves, but nothing too big like that. The only person we had was the prince. He came here when he was five. After that, he would come every year, do some analyse and he would be gone."

I nodded, but not really noting what was he saying. That year, year five, was so important, for something.

"Why is that year so special?" I asked.

"I know why is so special, but I don't is it on me to say to you." He answered in a second.

"Why?" I continued.

"You need to know. Prince's life is not nice and fancy. He is doing some stuff that someone would get sick. But I'm sure he is doing that for the goodness of the country."

"I don't think that way," I said trying to take a sip of tea.

It's still hot.

"You don't know him, as I do." He said cold. Until now his voice was nice and soft, but with that is like I touched some nerve.

"And why is so?" I asked getting closer to him. "He killed two people, because of me. One touched me and another, nothing, just because I watched some sick games." I almost spit that words out.

"Then you shouldn't watch games." He said almost disgusting.

"Easy to say. He forbid me everything. I couldn't go out because he said like that. He forbid me to seduce army, he forbid me to touch the person I cared about. He will kill him."

"Care or cared?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Did you care for that person or you still care. You didn't say that with some emotions. I just wonder." He took a sip of tea and looked at me again.

"I don't know why I'm talking with you. You defend the prince." I stood up and tried to leave but he said.

"I don't think we finished the conversation." He said.

"I think we did. Thanks for the tea." I wanted to go, but he stopped me again.

"Those analyses will be a little different." He said.

"What?"

"Is said that those analyses will be different. You are not from your family." He said, and I turned.

"What do you mean? What do you know about me? Tell me." I turned to him wanting to know answers bit he said. They are keeping secrets from me.

"You are right. You should leave." He turned suddenly and spit out tea in a sink.

"Good night Dianna." He said but I could feel a smile on his face.

I turned little confused, but I didn't say anything.

I was next to the doors when I turned.

"Do you have some notebook?" I asked.

"Yes. The table in the middle room." He showed with his chin and I took a gray book.

"Can I take it?"

"Sure." He said still not turning.

I was next to the doors when I came back again.

"Thanks." I lifted the notebook and smiled.

"No problem." He wasn't turning.

"I did not want to insult you, but thanks. I did not have a normal conversation in days." I smiled and get out.

****

I heard some noise, but I didn't care. I just turned on the other side and continued my dream.

Finally, I had some normal dreams. The baby was growing. They took a little, and she was smiling, and falling, and falling, but everyone looked happy. Like they are a happy family.

I wanted to smile watching that scene but I couldn't. There was a scary thing that those dreams are not dreams. I felt shaking on my shoulder but I pushed it away.

"No. Five more minutes." I said pushing hand again.

"No. Get up." Wait. I know that voice.

I opened my eyes, and I saw a big white room I was sleeping in. It reminded me of my hospital room.

"Get up." I jumped from my bed and looked at him.

"Why? I just fall asleep." I said covering my eyes.

"I can see that." He said, and I opened my eyes.

The notebook was laying between sheets and sheets were a little grey. Oh, God. I slept with a pencil.

I looked down my fingers. Yep. They are dirty.

"My face is gray, isn't it?" I said showing my fingers.

Prince looked up but holding a notebook with fingers. He was looking at my works.

"Yep." He said using my expression.

"Great." I rolled my eyes and looked for the bathroom.

God. One door next to me.

"Don't look that," I said turning to get in the bathroom.

"Like I care, what would you say." He turned and took the notebook in hands.

Great.

I closed doors and looked at the mirror. I had little gray marks on my face and most of them on my nose. When I couldn't get that shadow I would press my nose. It helped sometimes, to get rid of frustration. I quickly washed my face, and all the marks disappeared.

Opening doors, I found a prince sitting on the chair. His right leg was on left thigh and my drawing book on it.

He would look at every picture analysing it, and then he would move one.

"Okay, stop doing that," I said wanting to take that from him.

It's mine, and I draw every single thing I could remember. Shame to admit but on next page was a shadow of his jawline.

He looked up. His white eyes were a little shiny.

"You do realise that I don't care." He lifted an eyebrow and bit his lip.

Why is he doing that? My look would run on his lips every second. I can't focus.

I closed my eyes. My hands were in fists.

"It's mine." I drawled.

"And you are my prisoner, remember?" I opened eyes.

"Like you let me forgot," I said sitting on the bed.

I wanted to sleep.

"Why I'm awake, anyway?" I yawned and looked down at the floor.

"Doctor finished analyses." He said, and I instantly looked at him.

"Already?" I can't believe. I will found out what is happening with my system. Why I can resist.

Why it's me?

"Okay, let's go." I stood up looking for my shoes.

"Better put some pants on." He said, and I looked down. Oh, yes. Shirt.

"Yes. Sure." I took pants from another chair and jumped a few times before I put them on.

"Okay. Done." I said and smiled.

"Little child." He shook his head and turned.

"Don't start grandpa," I said putting on shoes. Big black boots.

He stopped, and I hit his back.

"Hey. You are tough." I said rubbing my forehead. I hit his back like I hit the wall.

"Stop acting like a baby."

I made a funny face behind his back and nodded. Oh, he can't see me.

"Okay," I said stepping in front of him and opening doors.

"Coming my Prince?" I lowered my head a little and gestured.

He exited the room and turned in the way of doctors cabinet.

I shook my hands. My palms were sweaty.

****

"Good morning, Prince." Doctor bowed and turned.

"Dianna." smiled.

I smiled too and sat on the chair I was sitting yesterday. Prince sat on another chair.

The doctor was between us.

"Okay. Here is it." The doctor gave a big folder with my name on it.

Prince read something, and then he repeated that.

Yes, I was watching his lips.

He read something again and frown.

"I realise everything but what is that telling us?" He looked at the doctor and I had to do that.

"Something prince don't know." Both of them looked at me.

Doctor, surprised. Prince, like he would like to kill me.

I looked down.

"Yes. Sorry." I crossed my arms and continued looking at the floor.

"Maybe Dianna look too," Dictor said, and I nodded.

"Yes." Prince gave me a big brown folder, and I opened it.

There were anagrams, explanations, some codes, some spiral codes like one the wall. Some graphics, and a lot of text.

"I understand nothing," I said giving a folder to the doctor.

He opened it.

"Here is a point. Human genes usually have a genetic code, with no mutations. If any mutation finds it's way, that leads to sickness, disorder, and all other diseases. In your way, there wasn't just one, but two mutations, every on the other level of DNA. As you know DNA is built from acid, sugar and bases. There is a specific order on the genetic code. Bases A-T G-C."

He wrote those words on the big board on the wall.

"So if there is any mutation that is where is happening. They switch places."

He drove something spiral and some slings.

"So mutations can't happen anywhere else. That is just impossible. People tried, and they always failed. But here. In this example, on you," he looked at me. "Here is an example of mutation on acid. That is impossible. That can't be happening. So I doubled analyse."

He closed folder.

"It looks like you have much more in common with the prince, then to the normal human."

I froze. I looked at the doctor not believing what is he telling me.

"What?" I said, but I didn't listen. I was looking somewhere behind him.

I followed little dust in the air, looking at the floor, my shoes, but I didn't want to look at the prince.

That can't be true. That can't be happening.

"Dianna." He waved in the front of my face and I blinked a few times.

"Yes?"

"We need to do one final search. We will give you some mixture and it will show us where precise is a mutation. If it's constantly repeating, or not."

I nodded, but I realised nothing else.

I was looking at the prince's shoes.

That nice black polished shoes like he is going on the ball in ten minutes. He wore a formal wardrobe. There wasn't a uniform.

Black suit and white shirt.

He didn't fit in here. He was too handsome, too mean, too powerful to fit anywhere else.

I felt a pain in my elbow and I looked down.

Something yellow was going in my system. Into my blood.

No. Don't look.

I raised my look and meet Prince's.

He was looking at me like he is trying to solve a puzzle. Like he can't realise there is a party going. Where one puzzle fit. I fit nowhere else. Not now. I'm too different.

Before all of this happened I could pretend like I'm a regular human being, but now I can't.

I was like a person who hurt me the most, who treatened me, who hated me. I had so many things in common with him and I wanted to delete that. But I couldn't.

No matter how I tried to hate him, I just can't. I would look, see or remember one nice act and that would warm my heart.

I realised I can't hate him because we are the same.

I blinked. Again, and again, but something was blurry. I couldn't be crying, not know.

I erased my tears and looked away. I can't deal with that now.

"Done. Just one sample." He took more of my blood and I stood up.

"Thanks, doc," I said and turned to hold a piece of a cotton ball on my vein.

Different my ass, same as that murder.

"Dum spiro spero" While I breathe I can hope.

Sooooo...
What do you think about that? Is this some mistake? Did the doctor get it wrong? What is happening?

Vote, read and comm...

Kiss kiss