"Res non verba"

I wanted to put my hands around his body too. To touch him. To feel how he can be so cold, so untouchable.

I wanted to hurt him in so many ways. Like he hurt me. When he cuts my skin, rip my soul, and destroy feelings of comfort. Everything I had he possessed, and I did not.

I wanted him to feel my pain. My fear when I couldn't talk. How I feel insecure when he said horrible things to me. Maybe I pretend to be strong, unnoticeable but I felt every single thing he said, a hundred times harder.

I felt fear, pain, love, compassion, hate everything.

But one emotion feared me the most. That emotion I felt for him.

But, no. That is not just one emotion. That is a whole hank of emotions. There is hate, for hurting me, fear, of his look and actions, how he ends life in a second, how he feels nothing after that. And in some moments I feel the love that complicated emotion. I feel love toward his parents, Danniel, and even toward him.

That simple, moments on my terrace when he doesn't act like Prince when he acted like a normal person with some pretty horrible childhood.

I felt all of that and I'm sure that my eyes show everything, that every emotion, but looking in his only thing I can see is coldness.

Before I realised I was pushed against the wall and my back and my hand revolt. It hurts. I lost my breath, and I looked at him.

"You want to know?" He said shakily.

"You want to know what hurts me, what I hate, what I love, and what I desire the most? You want to know do I feel at all, am I just an animal, or I'm human after all?"

I looked at his face and how his eyes come from my face on my neck and back. He was looking for something.

I slowly moved my hand from his squeeze but he didn't allow me.

"You are staying here." He said in a husky voice.

I looked at his chest and I saw that he is breathing fast, just like me.

It wasn't the fact he threatened him. Maybe he finally realised I know him. I could sense his emotions just like he could mine. After all, it started because of my resistance. It had to be connected somehow.

If I really knew him, there wouldn't be a need for this question. But I didn't. I knew little parts he allowed me, and that was nothing.

I wanted to know.

"Fuck, yes." The curse never sounded better. It was like a most beautiful word on the planet because I said everything with it. My every emotion, I was named in front of him and he knew that.

He looked at me a few seconds and then I felt his lips on mine.

I felt.. I felt... I felt. I don't know what I felt.

I felt his lips on my so warm, but at the same time too cold. Like there is a coldness he tried to hold but it was slowly melting.

I felt his lips on my so soft and perfectly locked on mine. That silk touches on them, so unknown, but welcomed. So strange, but so desired. So, so perfect. But as always he was demanding something. I didn't know what and I answered even harder.

I kissed back kissing him as he kissed me. I slowly moved my arms trying to put them around his neck but he didn't allow me.

He pressed me at the wall like he isn't sure that I'm real. Like he wants to be sure I'm not just one porcelain girl in his kingdom trying to become a Queen.

I had just one intention on my mind.

Never stop kissing him. It felt so perfect that I pushed my hand from his squeeze and he finally let me go.

I pulled him closer to me, not gentle. Demanding as he did to me. I wanted him to feel everything I feel. Every emotion just to stop being that cold statue.

To be a living creature from flesh and bone.

He kissed me harder, bit my lower lip trying to make me give up. No.

If I'm not brave enough to confront with words, I will be when I am kissing him.

Because once when it's over it will never be done again. I knew that.

"You did not get a point of the song." He said on my lips and I opened my eyes.

His forehead was on mine and his hands were on my chin making me look at him.

His eyes were little green, but I didn't feel any fear. That was an emotion.

He said that himself.

"How?" I asked breathing deep. I felt his breath on my lips and unpurposely I closed my eyes.

I wanted to feel that smell of him. That non-stop smell of spices with a little mint.

It was beautiful.

It was him.

"It's not locking." I opened eyes and looked at him.

Now I'm confused.

"It's fear. That same fear that leads you to argue with me. The instinct to stay alive. To never stop fighting. To never give up. To be where you belong. Place where you feel best. Fear of losing that."

He slowly kissed me on the forehead and turned.

I instantly felt coldness when his body disappeared. He was already at the table, looking at the map.

I was still near the wall looking confused, surprised, and suspicious.

What is his intention?

"What are you planning?" I said not being able to stay quiet.

"Always looking for an answer. Well, this one will stay untold. You can go."

He showed up at doors and I looked at him.

I could swear that I saw green eyes when he looked at me, but the next moment he was looking at the table.

I pushed myself to go.

That is it.

One moment and I'm done.

****

I didn't want to get into my room because I knew that I will be questioned. Alicia, Mauricia and Olivia are worried for me, I knew that. But I didn't want to come back. So I wandered around in the castle and somehow ended on the third floor next to Glass room.

I didn't have permission to get inside but when I looked around, I saw no one. There was just me and air.

I can get in.

I slowly touched handle and doors opened. Weirdly, they weren't locked.

I looked up not wanting to get lost in those plants.

I saw a beautiful glass ceiling. It was from some strange six squared glass that I almost saw three suns and millions of clouds.

No. That is just fear. Fear of what will happen.

I moved to the edge of the room. Prince showed me that and I sat on the floor looking down at labyrinth and up in the sky.

No one could see me it because the windows were reflecting. I hugged my knees and put a head on them.

Now it's the right time to ask me.

What the hell happened there?

I felt like someone else was in that room. That wasn't me. My actions were slow and controlled. I wasn't rushing and hitting the wall.

What lead him to kiss? And after that what lead me to kiss back. What lead me to that fucking, yes, to finally be brave enough to confront him. One way or another.

What, what?

I repeated those questions but the answer didn't want to pop in my head. I was a spirit lost in the lamp. Like I'm waiting for something but I didn't know what? And I can't participate. Never could and never will.

Am I waiting for something or someone?

Do I wait for something to happen, like prince magically letting me go? To go to my home, to my people, and even, just maybe to talk with Damien again. Maybe to fall in love with him enough to risk Prince's rage. Because that is the only thing I know.

How to piss him off.

But no. I could never get into my old life. There is too much I know, from both words.

I know how Prince works, how he fights, shame to confess but I watched him how he trains, how his body moves on the rain, that became increasingly usually in this time.

How his tattooed chests go up and down, when he run, how he attacked, how he defended. That little thing you see on someone that you hate.

Like move, he does unconsciously. Seconds before an answer. Minutes of thinking.

But no, I don't know everything. I don't know do I hate him, for real, or I just pretend.

Do I love Danniel? Is that even possible? I forgot at him a moment when Prince forbade me to touch someone. To be touched, too.

I forgot on him at that moment, I shut it off, switch, like it never existed.

I was bastard. And a bitch.

I played with his life, trying to do something. To make myself feel good, not worrying about him. How he felt, what he thought. No. I just pushed further, dancing on that edge. Prince's ban and my enjoyment.

It was always about me. I just thought just about me. I never saw a bigger picture.

I was a bitch like no one.

That maid was right. One the day I walk with Danniel and one on the night I'm playing with Prince.

I felt something on my hand. Another one on my knee. I was crying, and I didn't realize that.

Again, too lost, turned just to myself.

No, I must change that.

I get up, ready to do something, but I didn't know what.

I was standing there, next to the window, looking out, and doing nothing.

I didn't know where to go, what to do.

I was scared that if I go, trying to find Dannel I couldn't resist and I would touch him. He would get killed, because of me. I didn't want that. I wanted him to live.

To be happy if nothing.

I moved my hands, and my legs getting out.

If nothing I need to get packed.

"Res non verba" Deeds, not words.

Helloo hello.

So what do you think? Is she getting somewhere? What do you think about the kiss? How will Prince act?

Read read, and tell.

Vote and comm.

Love Ya.