The buzzing in my brain is what wakes me from my sleep.

Glancing around my room, I notice the door is slightly ajar letting in the soft voices of the television. Even with the volume so low, every little noise is thundering in my head, so much so that it feels that at any second my head will explode.

Slowly getting up, I shut the door and lower the blinds on the window. There's nothing to see out there anyway, just rain and gray clouds. Returning over to my bed I step on a condom- used.

Flopping back onto the bed I pull out my phone to check if I have any updates. But just glancing at my messages tells me what I'm in for.

Yo Ty, whats been happening?

Hey bro I've heard you've been a little depressed lately. Call me whenever.

I wish everyone would just leave me alone. Yes, I'm not exactly been acting the way I usually do, but my best friend just died and I witnessed the whole ordeal. Forgive me for being down in the dumps.

Searching through my phone I pause to stare at my contact list. Kellie. I haven't texted her in a while. I haven't texted anyone in a while. Marcy sent me an email not too long ago, but other than that I haven't heard from her or anyone else. Scrolling down further, I stop at the L section. I only have two people in that category. I told myself time and time again to just speed pass that section. Maybe this is one of the reasons I no longer use my phone. I can never bring myself to delete his contact even though I'll never need it again.

Before I know it, though, I'm scanning through our text messages. Our last conversation was the night before that fatal Friday.

I need your advice

'Bout?

So you know Nina Blakes?

The one on the volleyball squad with the hair that looks like an eagle's nest?

It's a weave

It's a bad weave

Yeah but her tits make up for it

Agreed
What about her? You finally going to ask her out?

Maybe...

And you need me for backup...

Wow*false amazement*it's like you read my mind!

I do have a trait for that
So tomorrow I have to go downtown to this swanky restaurant my parents booked months ago so I won't be able to do anything after school. They want me home right after I get off the bus

That's cool. I wasn't really going anywhere after school anyway.
Shit!

What?

Forgot to do my English HW

I forgot to do my History HW. Screw homework

I know but I have to do it. I have an D in that class and I might get knocked off the team if I don't have a C or higher. Plus my mom would be pissed man

...OK. I guess I'm down for the night. See you Ty

I can't believe we wasted our last texting conversation talking about Nina Blakes and my D in English. But to be fair, who would've thought such a freak accident would happen the next day.

I get to look around my room, massaging my temples to calm my throbbing headache. Pulling out the bottom drawer of my dresser, I rummage around pulling out clothes until I come across the item I've been searching for. Setting the tan box on the bed, I unlatch it and flip open the top.

There isn't much in it, but it's what I need. The contents are a worn out photo, a dusty compass, and a metal pin. I inspect each item carefully like they're priceless artifacts that need to be kept in a museum rather than a small, beat-up box.

On the back of the photo is the date that it was taken. We were entering our first year in school with shining faces. Lester stood on the left and I stood on the right. My mom took the photo right outside our house only minutes before school started. Setting the photo down I pick up the dusty compass and wipe off the glass. I remember this box, I remember our pact.

We had just become friends and decided that to make our friendship last we had to create a pact. Both of us had to bring an item that represented our friendship and put it in a box that in due time would be hidden away until we found it again. Lester brought the compass, said it was from his great-grandfather who was something of an explorer.

"It means we'll never lose each other and that we'll always find our way even when we argue and fight."

It was such a solid answer. I only brought the metal pin because I thought he was going to bring something as equally unimportant. Once he told me about his item I had to come up with a meaning for my meaningless item so it would seem that I was serious about our friendship.

"This pin represents our closeness." I beamed holding up the pin.

"Really?" Lester wasn't as sold on the idea I as was- or what I had been hoping he would be. He was giving me one of those unbelieving faces I would see countless times in our friendship.

"Yeah really." I put the pin closer to his face. "See how the pin opens up but can come back together? It's like us, we may fight and whatnot but we can't ever be completely separate and we can always come back together." I close the pin and give it to him.

Seeming to accept my explanation he studied the pin.

"See, we tight bro."

Smiling at me, he nodded eagerly back. "Yeah, we're tight."

After that, we planned to hide the box somewhere, but over time we forgot about it until I just stuck it in the back of my dresser. It was as good as hidden there as anywhere.

Putting everything back into the box, I sit there for a minute before leaving the box on my bed and heading to the kitchen.

Went to the store. Be back in a few.
-Alicia

I must really be out of it because usually it annoys me when my sister leaves the TV on after she leaves. Taking a few snacks from the cabinet, I return to my room locking the door behind me.

"What am I going to do?"

This is the question I ask myself daily, almost hourly. I've done nothing but drink and sleep in. I don't know how much more mercy my mom will give me about missing school- I'm already low in a few of my classes and basketball season is still going on.

Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted by the buzz of my phone. Grudgingly I check it, unsure if I want to know what it's about. Looking at the screen I have to double-check. My mind is still fuzzy and the room is dark. Glancing at the screen again, I wonder if my phone has a glitch- until I get another message.

I need your advice
I know you're there

I make sure the message is recent. Gripping the phone so tight my knuckles turn white, I realize it is.

"What? You not going to text me back."

The emotions running through my head begins to make me dizzy. I have to sit down so my knees don't give out from under me. Head spinning, I turn slowly to the door.

"I was wondering if you would ever look my way."

"Lester?"

"Glad you remember my name, bro. I was starting to think after all these years you wouldn't remember." He said with false alarm.

Coming over and sitting on the bed with me, any idea of this being an illusion evaporated.

"How- how is this possible?" I look at him in disbelief. "How are you here? How are you alive?"

Ignoring my questions, he walks around the room, stopping to open the curtains. I wince at the amount of light brought in. My head throbbed in protest.

"So how has your life been going?"

Rubbing my eyes I try to think of what to say. "Uh, well I've been pretty down lately.

Giving me a questioning look he asks. "What do you have to be down about?"

"Huh?" The question catches me off-guard. "What do I have to be down about? How about you dying. You were my best friend and I saw you die, right in front of me."

"Have you talked to Marcy or visited my family or even thought about talking to Daphne Rogers?"

I didn't favor the accusing tone he was using. "I just- I just haven't been out lately. I don't feel like talking with anyone right now."

"But you're perfectly fine with going out and getting plastered then talking up some tacky girl for sex."

"Dude, what's your problem? I'm grieving."

"You're grieving? You're grieving? Grieving what, Ty?" The tone he used was one I never heard Lester use before, at least not with me.

Placing my hands behind my head I let out a long, shaky breath and close my eyes. "None of this is real. I'm still drunk and you're just an illusion of my mind. My best friend would never say any of this things."

"My best friend would have attended my funeral, would have gone to comfort my family in their time of need, or at least I thought you were my best friend."

Opening my eyes I reel back in shock. "I am your best friend. I was and I always will be."

Sitting down next to me, he looks ahead like he can see something I don't. "The Ty I knew wouldn't have quit on himself. He wouldn't shut down and shut everyone out because he was grieving. That Ty was and is my best friend."

Sighing I turn and look at him. "What do you want me to do?" I ask desperately. I want to be there for him, to remind that I was his best friend, that I was like a brother.

"Well," he starts getting up, "it's hard being alone. Not just being dead but also by yourself, it can be torturous."

I wait patiently as he pauses. Walking around to face me again he pulls out something black.

"It's not as bad as you think it is. Death is actually pleasant- if you have someone to be with on the other side."

Handing me the gun, my mind is spinning. "You want me to kill myself?"

"Why not? You have nothing to lose."

"Nothing to lose!?" I say in disbelief as I stand up. "I have the basketball team to lose, I have my family and future to lose."

"And you don't think I lost my family and future?" Anger was visible in his voice and on his face, but I still wasn't going to go through with it.

Turning away from me for a second he mutters something to himself before looking back at me. "Then I guess I'm done here." I watch in silence as he makes his way to the door, only pausing briefly to add. "Thank for showing me who my real friends are, Ty." With that, the door closes quietly and I'm left alone with silence and my thoughts.

Looking down at my hand I realize I still have the gun gripped in my hand. The weight of the gun seems to match the weight of my thoughts and guilt.

"It doesn't look dangerous or threatening, in fact, it looks almost welcoming, beckoning me to use it."

Looking down the barrel of it I think of what I really have to lose. The basketball team- I'm pretty much as good as gone on that, the way I've been missing practice. My family- I pushed them away and they don't understand the struggle I'm going through. My future?

Everything Lester was saying seemed true about me. I have shut down and shut everyone out, out so far they'll never come back. The future. Nothing about my future seems promising at the moment. Time heals all wounds. Well, it certainly doesn't seem to be healing mine. I'd also go to a good place if I died and I be with Lester, I'd show him that I am a true friend- a loyal one at that.

Gripping the gun tight again I raise it to my temple.

"What do you have to live for? What do you have to lose? Nothing, that's what."

But my finger can't seem to pull the trigger. After about two tense minutes I drop the gun and inspect it in my hands. I could do this I know I can. My mind wanders to my family.

"What's everyone going to say? I should leave a note."

Or maybe I shouldn't do this at all.

"But it won't hurt. He said that death isn't as bad as it's made out to be."

I shouldn't do it, I know I shouldn't do it, but every fiber in my body is telling me otherwise. The guilt is burning in me.

My thoughts travel to what one of my uncles told me when I was young. 'If you can't live with yourself, this life ain't worth living."

Unexpectedly, tears rise to my eyes.

"No, I can't live with myself."

Pressing the gun to my head, my finger shakily finds the trigger. But again I'm unable to fire the weapon- to end it all.

"Don't add coward to the list, Ty."

I scan the room. Empty. But I know I heard him, I know Lester's here somewhere. Then I realize it's in my mind.

"Show me you're my best friend, just end the battle already."

"I can't live with myself, I can't live with myself." The thought frantically runs through my head. I can't live with the guilt in my mind."

Finger on the trigger I focused on nothing else but the sound and feel of the bullet blasting through my brain and sending me into the eternal darkness.