Mary sat quietly in the back of the room as Steve led his counseling group. Every time Steve had one, she would be dragged from her room to go with him. She was struggling to cope more and more with each passing day, week, month. She was beginning to look like she had when Winnie passed. And it scared everyone to their very core.

So Evelyn and Steve thought if maybe, just maybe, that Mary joined her brother in his discussion group that she would begin to cope better, open up more. Jamie encouraged her to go with his Uncle Steve. He wanted his mom to get better, not just for him, but for everyone else and herself. Jamie may be eight but he was mature for his age, they always said that his gift of memory spurred that in him. He was still a kid, but he knew the problems the world and his family faced. They couldn't hide anything from him, and eventually they stopped trying to.

The widow watched as the people all gathered in a circle talking about how they're coping with everything that's happened to them. It only made her feel worse.

"So I, uh, went on a date the other day. It's the first time in five years. You know? I'm sitting there at dinner." The man in the group says, then sighs and shrugs, turning to Steve, "I didn't even know what to talk about."

Steve forces a small smile as he looks over at the man, his blue eyes glancing to where his sister sits behind them on the stage of the auditorium. They all knew who she was, why she was there with them but never interacted. Steve had told them some of Mary's struggles before he brought her for the first time. They all knew everyone copes differently, or not at all in some cases.

"So, what did you talk about?" Steve asks.

The man shakes his head, "Eh, same old crap. You know, how things have changed. My job, his job. How much we miss the Mets. And then things got quiet... then he cried as they were serving the salads." The man answers Steve solemnly.

Another man looks up, "What about you?" He asks.

"I cried just before dessert." He answers, then looks around at the group, "But i'm seeing him again tomorrow, so..." he trails off and Steve nods approvingly.

"That's great. You did the hardest part. You took the jump. You didn't know where you were gonna come down." Steve says to affirm everyone in the room, then looks at the group and his sister. "And that's it. That's those little brave baby steps we gotta take to try and become whole again, try and find purpose." He says and then looks up at his sister, "I went in the ice in '45, right after I found out I was going to be an uncle. Woke up seventy years later. Lizzie was by my side through it all thankfully, but she'd been alone for seventy years on and off, going through the motions of living. You gotta move on." He tells the group with a soft smile and then looks down at his feet, "Gotta move on." He finishes, then contemplates what he'll say next to his group and sister. He looks up slowly, "The world is in our hands. It's left to us, guys. And we gotta do something with it. Otherwise... Thanos should've killed all of us." Steve finishes his closing statement.

As Steve drives him and his sister back to the Compound he glances over at her. "What'd you think of today's session?" He asks his sister.

Mary looks down, her arms hugging her stomach. Her hair falls over her eyes and face slightly. She stopped caring about her appearance not long after she stopped counting the stars. Her hope was gone. She had tried to hold onto it for so long, for so many people but she couldn't do it anymore. "You say that we should move on, that we have to. But i can't, Steve. I physically can't. I've tried, i've tried to throw myself into work, into raising Jamie, into being a good aunt for Essie but i can't force a smile like you, i can't."

Steve grips his steering wheel slightly tighter as he listens to his sister. "You blocked out your skylight in your room... why?" Steve asks, changing the subject. Mary hesitates, she hadn't told anyone that she stopped counting, the person who knew was Jamie but Mary knew her baby boy wouldn't tell that to anyone without his mom's permission. He was wholeheartedly and undoubtedly a Mama's boy.

"I.. Um, i stopped counting the stars." Mary whispers, pushing her collarbone length hair behind her ears as she looks out her passenger seat window. "They dimmed and some had even gone out when he snapped his goddamn fingers anyways, why waste my time counting something that doesn't even exist anymore?"

Steve's eyes widen in shock and fear of losing his baby sister even more than they already had. Who she was as a person was founded by those precious stars she and Bucky would always count, having a competition between the two of them to see who had counted the most. Jamie's bedtime tradition was to tell his parents of how many stars he had counted that day. Mary was the star in the darkest of rooms, but she had dimmed so much and Steve never knew it had gone this far. No one probably knew it had taken so much from her.

"What? Lizzie... it's a habit for you now." Steve asks in disbelief. He couldn't fathom Mary giving up that part of herself. He couldn't.

Mary scoffs and shakes her head, she rests her head on the headrest and looks over at his brother. "Broke it five months ago finally." She states, "i covered up my skylight to try and break it." She tells him.

Steve had no words for her sister, he could hardly recognize her anymore. Long gone was his precious sister that smiled and was warm and kind to everyone. Who would protect everyone she came into contact with that loved her back. The glue to the Avengers.

"Lizzie.. who.. who cancelled Sunday Night Dinners?" Steve asks frightenedly.

"I did." She responds without a single hint of hesitation. "Thor was caught up in New Asgard stuff, Clint's off the radar, Bruce is off doing his own thing, Nat, Tony and you were the only ones left. That's basically Friday Night Dinners so why continue the Sunday one anymore? Less work for me."

A tear rolls down his cheek as he glances at his sister, a shell of her former self. And he couldn't see a way to help her in this moment. He felt as if he had failed her as her big brother, he couldn't protect her from the pain of life and the agonies that followed. "What happened, Lizzie?"

"Hm?"

"What happened to you?"

"I watched him die, Steven." Mary responds coldly, since they killed Thanos, she had refused to say Bucky's name. It was just too hard for her to say without breaking down. "I had to watch you and Tony marry the loves of your lives while i was alone in everything. I watched the love of my life die in front of me, his ashes covered my body for days. And then i was told my daughter was dead as well. My baby girl who i hadn't seen since Jamie was born. Do you get that, Steven? You might be hurting, but you have your wife, you have Essie. You don't need me anymore, you haven't for a while." She snaps at her brother as tears roll down her cheeks as she watches the compound come into view. When they get closer she unbuckles herself from the seat before Steve stops the car as when it's slowed down she jumps from the car, not wanting to be in the confined space anymore. "But I will always need you, Steven!"

Steve turns the car off and jumps out of the car, racing around to try and catch up to his sister. "Lizzie! Wait!" He shouts and when he catches up to his sister he grabs her arm gently and pulls her into her arms. "I still need you, Lizzie."

"No, you don't. You have Evelyn now, as much as i love her, she's replaced me." Mary snaps, trying to get away from her brother but he wont let her get away. "You have Essie, whom i love, but you have the two of them now. I'm obsolete."

"No! You've never been obsolete, you've never been replaced." Steve tries to reassure his sister, "Lizzie, you're the only person who understands me like you do. You can read me like an open book, you still do. Evelyn is my wife and i adore and love her til the day i die, but you're my sister. There's no one else who i would want for that role." Steve says as he gently lifts his sister's chin so their eyes meet.

"You don't ever come to me anymore. You moved out of the Compound. You- you took Essie away from me!" Mary shouts. "I love that precious little girl! And you took her from me!"

Steve's eyes widen and he holds his sister tightly as he can without hurting her. He knew Mary loved her niece but he never truly understood how much until this moment. Mary would always say how much Esme looks like how she imagined Winnie would, how much she looked like their mother Sarah.

He had no idea what to say in this moment, she was finally starting to open up to him slowly. To let him back in after shutting him out. And Steve realized that after Bucky died, she relied on him, her big brother. And he left her, not intentionally but he left her. Tony also was busy with his own family now. Mary was left alone in the giant Compound with no one but Jamie and Nat around. The once lively building was now a ghost town and it was crushing Mary from within.

"I'm so sorry, Lizzie." Steve whispers, he kisses the top of her head as she grips onto his long sleeved shirt. He was finally beginning to understand the pain of what his sister had been going through. If he lost Evelyn and then Essie, then told he couldn't get them back, he wasn't sure if he could wake up the next morning. "So sorry." He mumbles into her hair

When Steve and Mary enter the main room of the compound, they can hear Nat conversing with the others on their group call. Rocket's voice appears in their ears first and it nearly makes Mary smile. She missed her raccoon friend, he was rough around the edges but he loved those he cared about to his very core. And losing his team, his family? That broke him. But he was still doing his job as a Guardian with Nebula.

"Yeah. We boarded that highly suspect warship Danvers pinged." Rocket states.

"It was an infectious garbage scow." Nebula grits out.

"So, thanks for the hot tip." Rocket quips to Carol.

"Well, you two were closer than i was." Carol says back to him.

"Yeah, and now we smell like garbage." Rocket snaps and Nat steps back into the conversation to try and defuse the growing tension.

"You get a reading on those tremors?" Nat asks Okoye.

Mary had been in contact with Ramonda and Okoye from the Compound ever since she left Wakanda. She was still trying to do her job as Advisor, but without her king to advise, there was no position for her. Ramonda had governed the nation beside her husband for decades, she knew how to do it and without help so the Queen Mother and General both decided to give Mary a leap of absence from her duties as Advisor. They both thought that was the best course of action for Mary.

"'Twas a mild subduction under the African plate." Okoye responds casually.

"Do we have a visual? How are we handling it?" Nat asks nervously.

"Aunt Tasha.." Jamie mumbles as he looks up from his reading corner by the group call. "It's an earthquake in the ocean. They handle it, by not handling it." He reminds his aunt softly. The eight year old was smart, he knew lots of things that he had heard and looked into himself. He enjoyed knowing what was going on with his extended family.

Okoye smiles at the Golden Wolf, "Exactly, thank you, Ingcuka Yegoildie." Golden Wolf. Okoye responds to him and the boy smiles softly, nodding at his African Aunt. He had missed his Wakandan family but knew they would always be a tap away on his Kimoyo beads. He had gotten his own pair for his fifth birthday by his Utata from beyond the grave. Okoye had given it to him in T'Challa's stead.

Nat nods slowly, offering her godson a small smile then looks over at Carol, "Carol, are we seeing you here next month? I know Mary is looking forward to it." She asks the Air Force woman.

Carol hesitates, knowing that her answer will only drive her friend deeper into her depression, "Not likely, i'm afraid..." She answers softly.

"What? You're gonna get another haircut?" Rocket quips the now short haired woman.

"Listen, fur face. I'm covering a lot of territory up here. The things that happened and are happening on Earth are happening everywhere. On thousands of planets." Carol states softly, "As much as i want to see Mary, I can't leave these planets in need."

Rocket nod slowly, "Alright, that's a good point. That's a good point." He murmurs softly.

Carol looks back at Natasha and Jamie, "So, you might not see me for a long time... i'm sorry." She mutters to them then looks at Jamie, "You keep taking care of her for us, okay?"

"Always, Aunt Carol." Jamie replies and the blonde nods with a sad smile.

"All right. Uh, well... this channel's always active. So, if anything goes sideways, anyone's making trouble where they shouldn't... comes through me, Jamie or Mary." Natasha says to the group as they end the call, all except for Rhodey.

"Uncle Rhodey?" Jamie mutters as he places the bookmark in his Heroes book and closes it. He sets it down on his stoop in the window and walks over to his aunt. He was curious as to why his uncle was still on the call when everyone else had ended.

He sits down beside his Aunt and takes the other half of her peanut butter sandwich, he begins to nibble on it as he watches his aunt and uncle converse. "Where are you?" Nat asks as she wraps her arm around Jamie's shoulders, pulling him into her a bit more.

"Mexico. The Federales found a room full of bodies.." he says hesitantly as his eyes travel to Jamie but he knows that the boy can handle it. "It looks like it was a bunch of cartel guys who never even had a chance to get their guns off." Rhodey says with his arms crossed.

The aunt shifts in her chair and looks up at Rhodey, "It's probably a rival gang."

"Except it isn't." Rhodey replies instantly after Natasha speaks. "It's definitely Barton. What he's done here... what he's been doing for the last few years... i mean, the scene that he left... i gotta tell you, there's a part of me that doesn't even wanna find him."

Jamie and Rhodey both watch Natasha as she tries to digest the information of her partner and friend. Ever since Clint lost his entire family, he's been going everywhere around the world, tracking down and killing gangs left and right. Taking his revenge out on those he seemed didn't deserve to live when his family had died.

"Will you find out where he's going next?" Nat asks softly, fighting to keep the tears in her eyes that desperately wanted to spill over. She leans forward and grabs the half of the sandwich Jamie left for her. Her red rimmed eyes look up at Rhodey, "Please?"

Rhodey nods slowly and ends his line. Nat wraps her arms around Jamie and begins to sob, Jamie wraps his arms around his aunt, trying to calm her down.

"It's okay, Aunt Tasha." He tells her softly, he wants to help everyone. Like his mom has always done. He may be eight, but his mind felt that of someone older. Natasha breathes out shakily as she tries to calm down.

"You know, i'd offer to cook you dinner, but you seem pretty miserable already." Steve says as he holds Mary close to himself. His arms around her neck loosely as her hands hold onto his arms. "And Lizzie would kill me if i touched her kitchen."

Natasha tries to fight back a smirk and looks over at Steve with Mary, "You dropping her off and doing your laundry?" She asks softly. Jamie tilts his head and smiles at his mom and Uncle Steve. He hadn't seen them act this close since his father and sister were snapped away.

"To see a friend." Steve points out, then looks down at Mary, "And to make up for my absence." He mutters softly.

Nat nods, then leans back in her chair and looks over at Steve as Mary and Jamie walk over to the couch beside the desk and chairs. Jamie grabs his book and him and his mother snuggle on the couch. The boy had missed this side of his mother, she would normally go back into her room after Steve would drop her off. He knew something had changed in his mom, even if it was the smallest bit.

"Clearly, your friend is fine." Nat retorts as she watches Mary and Jamie with a small smile.

"Which one are you ready now, Sunshine?" Mary asks softly and Jamie opens up his book to a beautifully illustrated picture of Spider Man and Crystal. Mary sucks in a breath and shakily places her delicate hand on the picture. "Beautiful." She whispers and Jamie nods.

"They really loved each other didn't they, Umama?" Jamie asks softly. He had never met Peter, only heard stories and he'd only met his sister once on the day of his birth.

"They did." Mary mumbles, "They loved each other til the very end."

"Like you and Baba."

"Yes, like me and your Baba." Mary mutters, "I'll never stop loving him. Never."

Jamie looks up at his mom, "Then maybe we should do something to remember Baba by."

"Such as?"

"Getting a cat." Jamie states, "Baba always wanted a cat. He told me."

Mary's eyes widen and then smiles softly as she remembers how Bucky would go on and on about getting a cat. White fur was a must for Bucky, a female as well and he already had the name picked out for when they would get the cat.

"Alpine." Mary mumbles softly and Jamie nods. "Maybe tomorrow we'll drag Uncle Steve to a pet shop." She teases as she looks up at her brother with a smirk.

Steve smiles softly as his sister slowly seems to become herself again, he fiddles with his keys with a chuckles escaping his lips. "Lizzie and I saw a pod of whales when we were coming over the bridge." He tells Nat and Jamie.

"Really?" Jamie asks his uncle with a wide smile.

"In the Hudson?" Nat asks.

Steve nods, "There's fewer ships... cleaner water." He mutters.

Nat rolls her eyes at Steve, "You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side... um... i'm about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich." Nat quips to her friend, "And Mary will be my accomplice."

"Damn right." Mary quips and Jamie giggles at his mom and aunt's antics.

Steve chuckles as he walks over to the desk Nat is sitting at. "Sorry. Force of habit." He says softly as he tosses his jacket at Jamie who laughs and wraps himself in his uncle's jacket and he and his mom go through his Heroes book.

"It really is, so annoying, Stevie." Mary teases and Steve smiles at his sister. It was the first time in a while that she'd call him by his nickname. He'd missed it.

He tosses his keys on the table and sits down. He leans back as he crosses his arms. He looks over at his sister, remembering their conversation and the one he had with his group and he sighs. "You know, i keep telling everyone they should move on... and grow. Some do. But not us." Steve mutters and Mary's eyes widen as she looks up from her son's book to look at her brother.

"If i move on, who does this?" Nat asks softly.

"Maybe it doesn't need to be done." Steve says and Mary could just feel the weight of everything on Nat's shoulders, the weight of not letting go, to keep the hope alive.

Esme pokes her blonde head around the corner and squeals softly. "Daddy!" Esme squeals softly, she could tell there was a hard conversation being had so she kept her voice quiet as Steve turned to look over at his beloved daughter. He opens his arms and welcomes her instantly when she bounds into his embrace. She snuggles into her father's chest as he leans back a bit more. She waves at her aunties and cousin before clinging to her father's shirt.

"I used to have nothing." Nat says, trying not to cry in front of the kids. "And then Mary gave me this. This job. This family." She says, pausing between each sentence. She was trying to keep her composure but it was failing and she felt tears fall from her eyes. "And I was better because of it. And even though they're gone, i'm still trying to be better." She says softly, Mary and Steve watching her carefully.

"I fink you guys need to get a wife." Esme says to her family and Steve laughs softly.

"You mean life, Essie?" Mary teases her niece.

"Das wha i said." She states, huffing in frustration on her father's lap, pouting and crossing her arms as well. Esme Rogers was every inch her mother and father, even her aunt. She was sassy like her Aunt Mary and it made Steve smile every time he watched his daughter.

"You first, Missy." Nat teases the blonde baby girl. The hologram in front of Nat to the side pings a notification and Nat swiftly slides it and soon a voice none of them had heard in five years appears in their ears.

"Oh, hi, hi! Uh, is anyone home? This is, uh, Scott Lang! We met a few years ago at the airport... in Germany? Is Mary there?" Scott Lang shouts a video and Mary stands up swiftly along with Steve and Nat. Esme buries her face in her the crook father's neck. Jamie stands up slowly and watches his mom before wrapping his arms around her slim waist. "I was the guy that got really big. I had a mask on. You wouldn't recognize me." Scott rambles.

"Is this an old message?" Steve asks Nat and Mary.

"Ant-Man? I know you know that." Scott rambles more.

Nat shakes her head as Mary sobs with a small smile of relief on her face. "It's the front gate." The two women say in unison.

"I really need to talk to you guys!"

Part 2 is here!

Mary was left in Part 1 with a hopelessness feeling that i'd never explored for her so it was interesting to delve into that in this chapter. The fact that she stopped counting the stars is huge, she always did, until she couldn't find the strength to keep up the facade anymore. And the fact that Thanos affected the entire universe, causing stars to go out or dim would've made it harder to look up at the sky for Mary.

Jamie is my lil trooper who stays strong for everyone. He knows what's happened, he knows what it's done to his family and those left behind. He only wants to take care of them just like his mom did. He feels like she's deserved a break, a rest from being everyone's shoulder to cry on.

And just as a clarification, Mary's become co-dependent on Steve and Tony since Bucky died. She's lost her will to live at this point in Endgame despite Jamie, she loves her bby boy but what happens is that grief can sometimes overtake someone's will to live even if they have someone to live for. It's a harsh reality, but i wanna make sure that y'all know Mary doesn't love Jamie any less than before, if anything she loves him more, but her grief has taken over everything she does. And for Steve to leave with his own family(which isn't bad at all) and leave Mary, wasn't the best move. His focus has shifted from only Mary to Evelyn and Esme now and it's caused a involuntary rift between the Rogers Siblings.

Mary felt like he had left her alone, even though she knows it was only natural for her brother to move on with his life, with his wife and daughter. Her mind and actions don't add up anymore because of her grief. She knows that's what he's supposed to do, but she can't completely grasp that anymore because all she feels is the emptiness of the Compound now and how it's only her, Nat and Jamie now that's left. The loneliness she always feels now. It's crippling her so much she can't think realistically anymore.

I hope that clears some stuff up!

Until next time!

With love, Red.