it felt like there'd been too many times where nari spent moments in complete darkness. this time, she couldn't feel the cold breeze of the small room she was thrown into, but instead the comfort of a bed. her breathing was normal but she could only slightly move her fingertips.

the dark started to turn into completely white, the faint sound of talking beginning to fill her ears. it was muffled, incomprehensible to her, but she could hear it. as she slowly gained the ability to fully move her hand, the talking got louder but remained muffled. finally, there was a gentle hand on hers when she started to hear the talking clearly.

"nari," a voice she hadn't heard in what felt like forever.

the girl took in a small, sharp breath before her eyes opened fully. the light above her made her go blind for a few seconds, and then she got a clear look around where she was. her once calm and normal heartbeat sped up when she examined what looked to be a hospital room.

"nari," the voice said again, this time more in relief. she looked up at the face when the person tightly squeezed her hand.

her mother.

her own mother was standing in front of her. she looked... happy. a smile on her face she forgot even existed because it's been so long since she's seen it. her eyes were red, but not from drinking, from crying. her hair was brushed for once and she wore clothes other than her worn out blue zip up and beat up sneakers. her hand was almost unrecognizable without a vodka bottle in it.

"mom?" nari questioned, although she knew exactly who was standing in front of her. it was unbelievable. for one reason being her mom hardly acted like she gave a shit about her, and also because nari vividly remembered wishing her away and didn't expect to come back.

"yes, honey, it's me." her voice was soft instead of coarse and scratchy. her tone low, instead of a loud shout about a tiny thing nari forgot to do.

the younger girl took another minute to look around her, seeing a doctor standing just next to her mom. when she realized her friends were no were to be seen, she sat up.

"where are they?"

her mother frowned. "where is who, baby?"

"my... the guys. are they here?"

the grip on naris hand loosened as the woman glanced at the doctor before back to her daughter. "nari.. what are you talking about? there was no one with you when we found you."

"they were with me, right there with me, they have to be here," she began prying the blanket off of her and trying to pull the wires away from her, putting one foot over the edge of the bed.

"no, you can't go anywhere right now—"

"i have to find them."

as she fully stepped off of the bed, walking as fast as she could, her body moving rather slow as it was still adjusting to her being awake, the doctor quickly blocked the doorway. "i can't let you leave, i'm sorry, it's for your safety. we still need to run tests on you."

"you don't understand," tears began to fill her eyes, "i need to find my friends."

"there was no one with you—"

"i don't care! let me go."

the doctor took in a breath, nodding her head as her mother watched in worry from the side. "alright. tell me the names and we'll have our staff see if they're here, or another hospital. okay?"

naris eyes moved away from hers. "okay."

the woman lead her back to the bed, where she got in, feeling defeated. her body was so sore, and there were countless wires at the ground next to her, but she didn't care about that. all she could think about were the four boys she with just moments ago. after nari told the doctor all the names, she wrote them down on a piece of paper and left.

awkward silence filled the air as neither nari or her mom knew what to say. they haven't had a casual conversation in so long, it felt like it was impossible at this point.

"why are you here?" nari finally asked.

her mom looked at her with tense shoulders, her face going soft at the harsh tone. "i know you hate me. and i don't blame you. it's just... when i got the call that you were here, unconcious, i lost it. i thought i seriously lost you and i was ready to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. i know it's probably too late, but this was a wake up call for me. i want to be there for you."

nari genuinely couldn't believe what she was hearing. she never thought in a million years her mother could ever find it in her heart to do better, and she didn't know if she was pissed that it took her this long, or happy that she was finally making up to her.

and most of all, she wanted so badly to ask how she was even there after she made that wish.

"i need time to think about it." nari finally replied, looking at her hands.

"i know."

they stayed silent again. nari could only hear her own faint breathing along with the tapping of her moms foot. they were both anxious, and both for different reasons. when the doctor finally cameback, nari sat up immediately and impatiently waited for her response.

"i'm sorry, but we couldn't find them. none of them. anywhere."

nari knew she thought she was crazy. she knew she didn't make any sense. she couldn't, telling someone you were stuck in a different reality would make you sound like you have completely lost your mind. they didn't and couldn't understand.

her heart dropped to her stomach and without thinking, she jumped out of bed again. this time she was able to push passed the doctor and her mom, running down the hallways of the hospital.

she was in nothing but a hospital gown, her feet bare and her body still aching. with every step was more and more pain but she ignored it and kept her pace. she could hear her name being shouted, and could feel stares of doctors and nurses, but there was nothing on her mind but her only friends.

as she made it outside, she stopped with heavy breaths and realized there was no way she could make it all the way home by foot. she turned her head to see security running towards her, and she knew she had to think fast. so, she ran through the parking lot, feeling small rocks press into her feet, until she found her moms car with the license plate she remembered memorizing when she was young.

nari knew her mom had constantly left her own keys in her car, unlocked. she was always on the run from people she owed money to, and stupidly thought it was easier to just never lock her car. a sigh of relief left naris lips as the car door opened, stepping inside. she quickly locked the doors and grabbed the keys from the cupholder and started the car.

she was terrifyingly close to hitting the security guards who were chasing her, but was able to safely make it out of the hospital parking lot and onto the high way. her heart was racing like crazy and her hands gripped the staring wheel to the point where her hands turned white. she drove anxiously, but safely until she reached the first place she could think of. jaemins house.

being there so much when the five of them would hang out, it was the first place she thought to look. she parked the car, grabbing a random sweatshirt from the backseat and slipping it over herself before she got out. she was so desperate at this point, she walked right up to the front door and knocked.

a woman opened the door, one she didn't recognize. she could hardly remember what jaemins mother looked like, but this woman looked too young to be one.

"hi, um, does a na jaemin live her?" she asked, fiddling with the hem of the sweatshirt.

the woman looked at her in both confusion and concern, as she couldn't help but notice the obvious hospital gown and desperate look on her face. "na jaemin? uh, his family lived here but they moved two years ago. that's the son, right?"

"i... that can't be possible..? he lives here. i came here all the time."

"sweetheart, i'm sorry, but he doesn't live here anymore."

nari was beginning to feel like she's actually going insane. "what's the date?"

the woman hesitantly pulled out her phone from her pocket, checking the date. "november 4th, 2019."

the date of that day was just about a month after she met the four boys, meaning they were gone for weeks and there was no possible way jaemin couldn't have lived there. naris mind was spinning and she felt almost sick to her stomach. the lady watched as she turned away, looking clearly distressed, and she almost went to call the police.

when she got back in her moms car, she just sat there.

nothing felt right.

nothing was right.

where are you, na jaemin?

HELLOOO this is the end!!

yes the ending is short and confusing, and yes it's on purpose

this book was kinda experimental for me to try something different so let me know how it was bc if this sucked ill never do it again HAHAHA

but thank you for reading :)