┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ❄️ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

⇒ Blueprint Apartments
1:45am

The dip of his palms was held up to his eyes, applying subtle pressure in hopes of keeping him more awake as he walked toward the entrance of the apartment complex, striving to keep himself from falling forward. Groaning, relieved when he arrived at the door with his apartment number engraved at the top, Chan took the bunch of keys from his pocket, aligning the correct one with the narrow lock.

And then he stumbled inside, sighing out of relief, but trying to keep the noise at a minimum, assuming that his boyfriend was asleep. Sliding his shoes off and eagerly cramming them close to another few pairs near the door, Chan drew the arms of his thick, padded coat down from his body.

He was so grateful, for his security partner.

So thankful that the unnamed man was generous enough to take up the shared load of their shift, just so that Chan could take hold of the slumber that the remaining half of the night had to offer.

Capturing sleep over the two weeks since he had started working on that school compound wasn't the easiest task for Chan.

Not when he aimed to maximize alone time with Felix during the daytime, considering that the blond was off from work for some time, due to some personal issues at the office that Dr. Lee had briefly mentioned in his broad, formal email. So naps weren't always possible, and when they were, Chan's body's reluctance to adapt to the new lifestyle never allowed seeable efficiency.

But he'd adjust. Chan trusted that at least one more week was necessary to fully settle in his new position, and in the discomforting demands of those nightshifts.

Sighing, again, with hooded eyes and dry, parted lips, he pulled his grey polo shirt off from over his head, tossing it onto the couch, and hoping that Felix would be understanding as to not scold him for it the following morning.

But then, unintentionally and without even fully accepting the figure that the dim light allowed his eyes the opportunity to recognize, Chan paused in his steps, head cocked to the side, and his consciousness a bit more awake than a few seconds earlier.

Felix's hair was blond, and fairly long, but not that long. And since when was the younger one to fall asleep on the sofa? Or perhaps it was Chan's sleepy head brewing all of those questions.

So, innocent, he stepped toward the back of the couch, bare chest facing soothing tickles from the strands of hair against it as he leaned, eyes closing to wake Felix up with a soft kiss on the lips.

But wait.

Those lips felt different. Soft, but not as soft as his Lixie's. Plush, plump, and decently carved, but not as the shape that usually fit so perfectly with his. So Chan's eyes shot open, almost as quick as those of the one who he had just contacted with his mouth. His upper body shifted up and backward, heart dropping when the unrecognized male sat up, rubbing his lips vigorously.

Followed by a fluffier, cozier, smaller frame sitting up from his lap, draped in a blanket, clearly displeased with his friend's sudden movement as to wake him up.

"What's going on?" Felix yawned, his sight not yet acquainted with the third figure in that living room, "What's happening?"

"Felix," Chan began, looking down at his bare torso, feeling too exposed for his liking, "I should be the one asking you that," he didn't feel sleepy anymore, reaching for the top that he had flung over the sofa, to cover up himself as before, "What's- what's Hyunjin doing here? And why," his voice cracked, a tear traveling down his cheek, "Why were you two cuddled up?"

"Oh shit," Felix too, woke up fully, grasping the concept of the valid assumptions brewing in his boyfriend's head, "Channie, this isn't what it looks like. I swear-"

"Why the fuck did you kiss me?" Hyunjin interrupted, head still not fully sewn back to reality due to the manner in which he was woken, palm continuously rubbing the crimson outsides of his pouted lips, "I- I just woke up, Felix, who is- Oh- wait-"

"Why the hell are you in my house, Hyunjin?" Chan snapped, feeling more hurt than anger, as opposed to the suggestive fury in his tone, "Felix, and- I don't even know what to say," his voice cracked, even deeper than the last. And then Chan's palms found his eyes, again, from frustration rather than sleep deprivation, fueling his legs backward, and his body into a turn to direct him into their shared bedroom.

Was Felix really cheating? Had it arrived at such an extent, the consequences of Chan's persistent efforts at abstinence? Felix did say that it wasn't what it looked like but, wasn't that what they all said?

Chan didn't know what to think; what to feel. He just hoped that it was his eyes rolling a clip of deception and that perhaps he'd wake hp in the morning, seated on his chair in the security booth at the school, relieved that it was all a damn dream.

Felix padded in, the blanket still hugging his narrow shoulders, and wide eyes practically begging Chan's to look up from the bare floor, to lock with his.

"Channie," he started, sitting next to Chan and laying his head on the elder's shoulder, sighing out of relief when he wasn't nudged off, "I didn't do anything with Hyunjin. I had finished my schoolwork for the night and got bored, so I called him over for us to bake and watch something. There's a tray of brownies and cookies on the counter as we speak," he sighed, "I- I know that it looks like I cheated but I promise you, I didn't. And I never will. I'd never hurt you like that..."

"Mmh..."

"I invited Seungmin first, but he said that he has company, so he couldn't come... So I called Hyunjin... since he's the only other option," Felix wrapped an arm around Chan's shoulder, heart breaking when the elder's head fell into his chest, crying there. Holding onto Felix's waist, as if he was scared.

Scared of losing the one that meant the most to him.

"I'm sorry," he sniffled, burying his face into Felix's chest, smiling slightly when a loving peck met his forehead, "I'm sorry for assuming. I just- I can't stand the thought of losing you- of giving you up. And I mean, I know I'm not the best-"

"Shh," Felix cut him off, lifting Chan's face to kiss him, ignoring the salty addition to his tongue, "You're the perfect boyfriend. So strong, so hard working. You do your best, and your best is enough- always will be. I love you, Channie. And I understand if you get jealous, or insecure over me dealing with others," he blushed, "because that's okay. So don't worry..."

"Thank you," Chan sighed, getting up from the bed and removing his shirt, once and for all, blowing his nose into it before tossing it into the laundry basket, "But baby, we live together... And I mean..." he sat again, taking Felix's hands into his and kissing them, "I understand if you get bored, and I understand if you want company... but I'd like if you tell me first, yeah?"

"You're right," Felix said, "I'm just so used to living alone and not asking or telling anyone about inviting somebody over," he chuckled, "but I understand. I do, and I will tell you in advance from now on. But how come you're back at this time?"

"I was too tired," Chan yawned, tears brimming in his eyes from the stretch, "My co-worker offered to cover for both of us so I could get extra rest tonight..."

"Oh, well I'm happy," Felix smiled, kissing Chan, "Go finish changing while I check the guest room for Hyunjin. I think he's too tired to drive... it'd be unfair."

"That's understandable-"

"But wait..."

"Hm?"

"You kissed him?" Felix furrowed both of his eyebrows, well aware that it was an accident, but aiming to tease his boyfriend into a nervous, stuttering mess, "How'd you manage to kiss him."

"I- I thought it was you, I swear. I thought it was you so- so I leaned in to kiss- to kiss you to wake you up so we- we could cuddle in bed together," Chan babbled, quickly standing to meet Felix at their doorway, startled when he was only harshly pulled in for a deep kiss on the lips, "You forgive me?"

"I'll think about it," Felix winked, walking out, leaving an ineradicable, closed-lip grin on Chan's face, heartbeats quickened from the hormones.

-

⇒ ODDINARY Psychology Clinic
12:50pm

"Doctor, be honest," Chan requested, distressed, "am I overreacting?"

"Chris, I think that your feelings are understandable and excusable, but that doesn't mean that every aspect of your thought process is..."

"But how can I not think the way that I do?" Chan raised both his brows, hands opened above his thighs, eyes in an attentive gaze at his therapist, "I- I believe that I'm ready to be sexually active again, especially as I think it's the one thing missing in our relationship. I mean, my Lixie never complains, but I know it's frustrating..."

"Christopher," the woman rubbed her nose bridge, unsure of what to do to communicate the healthier opinion to her favorite patient, without telling him what to do, "You love him, and he loves you, so I'm certain that he understands. You don't need to force yourself to be ready. We've spoken about this before, and I told you that it's okay to have sex, as long as you maintain self-control. But if you just jump into it for someone else, I'm afraid you may not get the desired outcome."

"Doctor," Chan looked down, assertive of his point and the idea that he wanted to achieve as a mutual between them, "Felix- Felix means life, to me. I live, for him. Like- I see no purpose here without him... If it's for him, and with him, I don't mind starting again. I can't afford the slightest risk of losing him."

Concerned, the woman pushed her glasses further up the bridge of nose, slack for her oval head, and looked down to jot down a vital point onto her notepad. The qualities and expressions that Chan was exhibiting weren't the healthiest.

Weren't healthy at all.

But perhaps she should observe still, continue to analyze his trends of thought, before concluding the threatful nature of the love with which he claimed to cherish for his partner.

"The key to true happiness, is finding love for one's own self, Chris," she sighed, crossing her legs, and leaning her elbow against the single sofa, "And you have to be careful, to not grow too attached or- or obsessed, even, with your boyfriend. I understand the scare that it brought when you saw him laying on someone else while you weren't there, but you can't allow yourself to be lost in that."

"I-"

"Hold on, let me just finish," she sounded calm, reassuring, "you can't allow yourself to be fully dependant on another man, so much so that you promise yourself to lose yourself if you lose him. I understand that you're in love, for the first time in years... but you have to be careful.

"I understand- I get everything that you're saying," Chan looked to the side, poking at the inside of his cheek with his tongue, and tilting his head some, as if to aid in the task of sending every audible syllable from the therapist from one ear, out of the opposite, "but I'm ready. I know I am, and he is too. So later today, I'm gonna start preparing."

"Well, it's your body, and your decision," the therapist sighed, writing down something else on a notepad. Chan was always curious as to what the professional would ink onto the paper every session, but that wasn't of prioritized concern. Especially not then.

Getting out of that office to start the journey of preparation for Felix's first time, was a priority. So looking up at the wall clock for the time, and mumbling an incoherent "Yes," when the hour hand stood barely minutes away from 1 o'clock, he stood up, hastily thanking the woman for her time, then headed out of the front door.

"Aish, Christopher," the doctor shook her head, standing and stretching when the door closed behind the patient, "you are really something else."

-

⇒ Airplane Mall
2:45pm

A deep blush painted either of Chan's cheeks as he stood in that one aisle of that store at the mall, dimples dug to a shallow depth at the corners of his parted lips, throat dry, and eyes unwilling to blink until he got what he wanted.

The back of his car was already filled with a variety of fruits and juices that Felix enjoyed, enough to last them at least two weeks if rationed reasonably. But Chan perceived that at least half would be consumed in the coming two nights.

"This one should be small enough," his hand met a package, holding it below eye level whilst he observed the front and the back, thumb tracing the attractive labeling, "I hope it's not too big- but no... it should be fine. It should be fine..."

Bringing his other hand to hold it and swinging it, for reassurance that that was the best buy, he folded his lips inwards, nodding, and marching toward the empty counter.

"Hello again," he greeted, ears red in anticipation of judgement, with a childish green defining the dim-white shade of his teeth, "that's all I need for today."

"Hmph," the female cashier smacked her gum, looking up at Chan from her lowered head, and then back at the item repetitively, an unkind glint in her expression. "You're too hot to be gay," she blurted, snickering at Chan's glare, "what? Am I wrong?"

"Yes you fucking are," Chan scoffed, rolling his eyes, more irritated with the woman's attitude than offended, "Why the fuck would they put a judgmental bitch like you to work in a sex shop?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Chan snatched the plastic bag from the counter as soon as the product was packed into it, rolling his eyes and walking out to avoid further confrontation with the ignorant employee.

He just wanted to see Felix.

After fretting so much in the therapist's office, to that unpleasant encounter at the mall, all that Chan needed, was to see Felix. And he was utterly grateful that Minho had given him an off from work for a few weeks.

But he hoped that everything was alright with that poor man, to have called off work so suddenly, and for so long.

┈     ┈     ┈     ⋞ 〈 ❄️ 〉 ⋟     ┈     ┈     ┈

[A/N]
If you didn't get the TikTok memes... why are you :/

Questions [optional]
1. What do you think about Chan's reaction when he saw Hyunjin and Felix alone?

2. Thoughts on his expressions at the therapist? Do you support or agree with his mindset the slightest? Why or why not?

3. What do you think Chan bought in the store?