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⇒ Blueprint Apartments
10:10am

Felix sighed as the tips of his fingers shadowed the shiny surface of the doorknob. His lower lip, so fed up with the grip of his teeth, hung loosely, granting his heavy breaths the most comfortable passage. But before twisting or knocking to enter that locked bathroom, Felix leaned his head against the surface of the door, listening intently to the running water, as well as the low yet decipherable humming of his boyfriend.

And at that, he bit his lip again. His eyes closed themselves to take advantage of the black canvas, his eyelids, and paint what he wished was happening in that very moment, or at least some time in the near future. So with a shaky breath, his mouth opened once more, bits of drool forming at the edges of his lips at the mental image of his lover's bare chest and torso, as well as the v-line that he assumed was so perfectly well-defined.

He shivered at the imagination of water droplets trickling down Chan's biceps and abs, and a slight bulge couldn't resist the opportunity to grow behind his bath towel as his lover's latter's moist skin ghosted the palm that itched for that sensation on its surface. And standing there, even his own ears surprised him; merging the sweet melody of Chan's tune into one of soft pants and moans that he just hoped would soon be made into an audible reality.

But then the shower stopped, and damp footsteps could be heard barely two meters into that enclosed space. Yet still, Felix stood there, stuck in his own lustful fantasy, thus being the reason why, at the soothing yet frightening call of, "Baby," he swiftly glided back and away from that closed door, directly into their shared bedroom.

His once shaky breaths of arousal settled into a cycle of mere uneasiness with hints of subtle shame, and either of his palms - coated with a liquid that he conceived to be the lingering, imaginative water droplets along their surface, though well aware of its more realistic status of cold sweat - found and rubbed themselves against his white, dry bath towel.

"C-Channie?" He responded from the new distance, skipping towards his previous post so loudly as if to emphasize the deceit that he wasn't standing there just few seconds before. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah uhm... I think- I think I left my towel in our room." Chan blushed, embarrassed, "Could you just... uh... bring it to me please?"

"S-sure." Felix stuttered, cheeks heating up at Chan's request as he rushed to their bedroom for the older's towel, and steady steps back to the bathroom practically forcing the return of those same sexual desires into his head, despite the irking reluctance of his logical mindset.

And then those same fingers that had barely traced the doorknob lifted to open it, eyes gazing down at his feet in fear that Chan would feel uncomfortable with his presence, considering the fact that they had truly never witnessed each other's full nakedness in the past. "H-here... Can I come shower now?"

"Of course." Chan collected the thick cloth from his boyfriend hastily, wasting no time before wrapping it firmly around his waist, and trodding out of the bathroom. His heart, it pumped so anxiously behind the resulted vibrations of his ribcage. And his knees, they felt weak, as if it were merely a high school crush that he had come in contact with and was scared to disappoint.

Or maybe he was just scared to go too far? Perhaps his still fragile mind was just banked on keeping his partner as comfortable as possible, so much so that he became fully oblivious to the clear hints of readiness that Felix was giving? That had to be the proper explanation, didn't it?

Because what else could decode the reasoning behind Chan's sudden, instinctive grips on Felix's waist to still the slightest of its rolls whenever they'd make out? What else could explain the frustratingly innocent laughter that he'd sing whenever his lover would stare at his bare chest on occasions like and similar to the bathroom one mentioned?

Nothing.

Or at least, nothing that'd make sense in the given situation... Because Chan was obviously scared. The conclusion of whether the fear was rooted in the possibility of losing Felix, or the painfully realistic risk of falling back into his addiction was still somewhat unclear, but the overt fact remained that he was scared.

So sighing, he unwrapped the towel from his waist, drying up all reachable parts of his body before carefully tossing it to the side and sliding up a pair of boxers. But just like the routine at the end of almost every shower, Chan did not once look down.

He couldn't look down.

That day wasn't one for shaving or inspection apart from the comfort of warm, running water, so he didn't have the heart to face the thing that had built the very foundation of his troubled, unstable past. He couldn't. He wouldn't. So Chan pulled up his shorts, followed by a plain, black T-shirt to shield the muscular build of his torso.

"Thank goodness it's Saturday," he muttered, bare feet guiding him back to the bathroom with his towel in hand, but steps slowing at the alerting sound of the open shower. Felix was in there... and with the fogginess of his thoughts just few seconds before, he almost forgot, didn't he? And unlike the blond just few minutes before, Chan could never see fit within himself to lean and fantasize against that door...

So Chan knocked gently, Adam's apple shifting with thick gulp before he could speak, and eyes closing as if to ease the fear and anxiety that he was feeling. "B-baby? Can I come in to hang my towel?"

"You don't have to ask to come in, Channie," Felix hummed from the inside, slight smirk cracking up his own lips at the sound of the door opening and, one hand swiftly dropping from his wet hair to close the pipe as a rather mischievous thought brimmed in the midst of the bold yet shy ones of lust that had claimed the mental space. "And wait a second before you go, please."

Nodding with a low, "Sure," Chan stood tensely in front of the slightly opened door after properly hanging up the cloth. His head, troubled with an ache that had formed at its front, lowered to gaze down at his wiggling toes. And his hands, moist with cold sweat from mere anxiety, stayed clasped together behind his back like a child who was just waiting to receive their scolding for a bad deed.

Sighing, Felix stepped out of the smaller space, warm streaks of the clear liquid trickling down all parts of his body; from the crown of his head, to just above the sole of his feet. And he smirked again before reaching for his own towel with little to no speed at all. He stared at Chan intently, anticipating whether or not he should speak up to claim the older's visual attention, or simply wait for said male to look up and view his partner's nakedness for his own self...

Yet Chan wanted neither, and he couldn't help but mentally chastise himself for choosing to stare down at his feet in the first place, as that probably meant that he'd have to look up and receive a clear view of each aspect of Felix's private features. But he couldn't do that. He could not stand there and look at his virgin boyfriend in such a way, so Chan closed his eyes, head lifting but only to motion a nod as his body shifted to give Felix the unwanted view of his back.

"L-Lix... Do you- do you want me to come back?"

Frowning and releasing the hem of the towel that he had already taken a hold of, Felix padded up to the older's side, resting one hand against his shoulder but almost flinching at the way Chan tensed up so abruptly under the tenuous nature of that touch. "You can look at me... Channie," he spoke skeptically, the other's reaction forcing dreaded guilt into his conscience and obliging it to reprimand his desperate mind for choosing to nurture that chain of sudden, forward actions in the first place. "I- I'm comfortable... with you... You can look at me..."

With a pattern of rapid shakes of his head from side to side, Chan reached for the doorknob with both hands, the tears brimming to the corners of his eyes going unnoticed by Felix yet unexplainable to his own self and, the speed of his legs to their bedroom leaving them both to wonder why the hell was he reacting that way.

So Felix frowned even lower. His head hurt from the inflicted embarrassment. And his palms, wet with not only the water, but with their own cold sweat, reached for the towel to wrap it not just around his bare waist like before, but right up from his chest to reach a decent distance above his knee.

Because that hurt a lot, to be honest.

The level of confidence that he had tried so hard to muster up ever since moving in a little over three weeks prior was crumbled so, so easily, and that strain of humiliation, though unintended, hurt so bad. And his chest no longer tingled from excitement, but rather from mere nervousness and inevitable shame as he strolled into their open bedroom.

Because Chan was sitting there, trembling, at the edge of their made bed; shoulders rolling with heavy sobs that were muffled into his palms, and instep tapping ever so violently against the cream, carpeted, surface of the floor.

So despite the discomforting sensation of anxious nerves acting up in his knees, Felix strolled his wet body up to his lover's side, resting one hand on Chan's clothed shoulder and, inhaling deeply to sound one stuttered line. "I- I'm sorry, Channie... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable..."

"I-" Chan sniffled, lifting his head to boast his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, and drawing one hand up to meet a side of the freckled face that he had never failed to adore with everything that he had. And then he spoke up, the soft, reassuring smile that lifted both sides of his lips unknowingly easing some of Felix's unnecessary contrition as they flaunted those dimples that he could just never get enough of so sweetly. "I'm just... I'm not ready... After everything- I'm not ready..."

"I understand..."

"T-thank you... But you still love me, right?"

"Of course I do, Channie! You understood when I wasn't ready, and I appreciate that so much. So how can I not? I mean come on, I shouldn't have even thrown myself at you like that. I just- I didn't know you were still sensitive about it... I'm sorry." Felix sighed with his words, a pout lowering his closed lips even more, but cheeks dusting themselves red when, with a slight strain, Chan stood up from the mattress to plant a soft kiss to that same pink, plump pair of flesh. "Chan-"

"I forgive you but... for my own reassurance... You- you promise to always love me, right Lix?"

"Of course, Channie... always."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

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