25/10/2023, 7:13 PM

Dear Diary,

The lights on the street just flickered on, quite late at seven in the evening, but I'm glad they did. A few days back they didn't at all. A lot happened this week, but I'm glad it did because... drumroll, please... I have my own place now! :))

Funded partly by my parents, of course, but I am going to pay them back, even if they won't hear anything of it. They're staying over for a few days but Renu has college starting soon so they're leaving quickly.

It is a bit daunting, you know? I mean, the only time I've 'lived alone' was... never, now that I think about it. To be responsible for myself, and make sure I am taken care of -- that's a tall order, no? haha

Putting aside all my fears and whatnot -- I always feel that, don't I? Every time I do something new? -- I'm excited to have my own little safe space, a place where I don't need to think of what to put up on my wall or get confirmation from all of them before buying something.

Just thinking of all the stuff I could do, oh, it's so exciting! The kitchen is so cute and gets a ton of sunlight, so I'm going to put some small plants up there, maybe some creepers, perhaps a peace lily, I've still not decided.

And the 'living room' -- it's just a small sectioning from the dining hall -- a painting from Renu, and to its side a tall bookshelf, with hooks for catching the fairy lights I'll put on it. I don't think I need a TV, but a projector screen would be enough.

And my room -- that's nothing big, a small desk just for storage (as if I use the desk), a bed (idk I'm still thinking about that) but get this -- the window is hugeee so I'm going to get some lightweight curtains, hang them on and make the windows the swinging open type, not the rolling ones.

makes for easy access, y'know?

25/10/2023, 8:42 PM

Dear Diary,

Sorry about that lapse in communication. I am convinced you are sending some kind of signal to her every time I write because she just called me, and I knew she was grinning because I could see her from my bedroom!

Oh gosh, look at me kicking my feet as I write this. She saw me too and we had a quiet little glance cuz Renu was in the room with me. I love them all very much but I just cannot wait until I can come home to her and her alone and not Ma or Pa going, "Hey, Urmila was waiting for you but you told me you were going to be late, so she left..."

I know, they're sooo sweet and caring, but for once I want to come home to Urmila on the couch, or opening the door for me, music playing in the background or a book laying upside down on the small table.

For once, I want to throw my bag on the floor and jump into her arms, soft lighting washing over us as we lay on the couch in silence, just taking in each other's warmth.

Sometimes I think Urmila would be better off with someone who can reciprocate her feelings with the same intensity that she gives me, but when I told her this the look she had made me realize--

wait, this is too embarrassing to write, god.

it made me realize, y'know, that she really does kinda, y'know... love me? idkkk its too late to be kicking my feet like this!

So, yeah, that is the sketch of my life, one with Urmila in it and warm lighting, winding across the various spines of books and a projector showing a movie, the noise of our own little home drowning out the questioning, doubting voices in my head.

--Sanju