dear mom,

tick, tock

fly the hands of the clock

a race with time

the trigger is pulled, the shell is shed

the blast roars in my ears, the pop bursting into the dead silence

and we're off

a futile attempt to outrun the clockwork engine of the train of change

a balancing act on the rails of the track--trying not to fall

fancy footwork it is dancing around reality

except i have two left feet

mind and body not aligned

for even if i am willing to run for the rest of eternity for you and jaden

if it meant a chance at the grand prize--a remote control for life

fast forward; pause; rewind

i can't

for this is not a test of speed

there is no finish line

there is no winning nor losing

time mocks me with a tie

no passing or stopping or falling behind

imprisoning me to the present

tick tock

flys the hands of the clock

a second

neither wasted nor used

just spent waiting

time wasting me; time using me instead

it is for this reason your absence resonates of jaden in my heart

except it's so much worse

because you disgrace his death

you are nameless on your own accord

you abused the gift of life you were given

you chose to be a faded mirage of a face, a memory morphed into a dream

your existence a legend over time as truth and lie blended together

while jaden

stripped of his identity

a mug shot on the back of a milk carton

a john doe plastered on crinkled posters like a lost dog

a childhood frozen--stained in his baby cheeks, caught between his crooked teeth

except

the two fortnights before his body was found swimming in a pool of crimson red

is nothing compared to this excruciating suspension

teetering between life and death in this state of not knowing

i am floating in this waiting period forever

forced to relive remnants of a person

never knowing the truth

just listening to the music of time

a melody, a mantra that repeats over and over like a broken record

tick tock

flys the hands of the clock

my fault, my fault

it sings

yours truly,

evelyn

<><><><><><><><><>

A/N:

Hello!

I'm really happy with this chapter. I like rhymes since there's always something haunting and powerful about them through their sing-songy tones. I don't usually use them because I don't want to confine my poems to a rhyme scheme since that's a lot of pressure to live up to. But, maybe I'll try them sometime in my personal writing, and if I get better I'll use them here.

Also, we're about to hit 500 reads! Isn't that crazy? I remember when it was 100 like two weeks ago! I'm so excited, I get to put another check mark in the goals in my bio. Thank you so, so much--each and every one of you. All of you are more than just readers, I consider you my friends.

Anyway, what did you think? Do you know how Jaden died yet? I pretty much spelled it out xD Why do you think she sees it as her fault?

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow, okay? Don't be a silent reader :) I don't bite, and if you're nice I might check out your own works.

Thank you so much for reading!

Love,

Kiana