22nd ♬

"Do you love him?" he asked. Another yawn and I knew that he would soon be fed up with me and hang up in a matter of seconds. How long had he been asking me the same thing ever since we started this conversation?

Tell me about it.

Claire was already fast asleep beside me, slobbering my innocent pillow. I saw her slightly cringe her eyebrows and snuggled my teddy bear closer to her, almost smashing the poor thing.

"I don't know?" I suggested, attempting to take her hands from my teddy. I suddenly became alarmed that she might glaze it with drool in another blink of an eye.

Claire fought her way in, nuzzling the teddy bear close and holding it tightly, dictated by sheer instinct. With her 'inhuman' strength, even in sleep, I did not dare exhaust my energy on taking it away from her. Maybe I could just ask her to pay for the dry cleaning when she finished coating my teddy with the grossest flakes of white. Giving up, I reached for a piece of tissue paper and wiped the side of her mouth, hoping that it would prevent something, if not nothing at all.

"Okay, let's sum it up. 'I don't know' means somewhere between yes and no. Let's get this done with. So first, tell me why you couldn't possibly like him, and don't you dare tell me just because. You already said that," Mason said flatly, taking me back to the conversation that I had avoided a while ago, an hour ago to be exact.

I let out a long and heavy sigh, one that had probably echoed across the empty streets of this Tuesday night. With uncertainty hitting every word, I told him, "It's because of everything, Mason. You know, it feels weird how everyone expects us to be together now. All this while, we've been nothing but enemies. And then all of a sudden... it feels weird. And I'm not sure what he's thinking. Gosh, I should graduate on this one-sided thing since high school's already through."

"You did not answer the question," he pointed out. "You keep on telling me that the whole time. Weird, Mason. Weird. Answer now, or I'll drop the call. Time check, it's almost midnight. And you said you held hands? Isn't that enough to consider the possibility that he likes you?"

"Yeah, but... okay... it felt real. I won't deny that. But Jace is really one sweet guy. Maybe he does that to his other friends... girl... friends. Sheesh, I should have taken the opportunity, when he asked me if I wanted to clarify his third statement. If I only knew things would end up like this..." Feeling exhaustion pressing on my shoulders, I finally admitted, "Okay, and maybe a part of me doesn't want to fall for him. I don't even deserve him. Not after everything that had happened."

Every time I looked into his eyes, I was reminded of my own mistakes. Did you deserve this guy? After everything you did, you dared to like him again? Wouldn't he be better off with someone else?

Those questions I'd asked myself was stressed out by those deadly stares that I had received from his female fans. A lot of girls were swarming around him, and they were all telling me that they deserved him better than I did. I got that a lot of times today, at work, and even if I wasn't doing my job and he was not around. Like when I grabbed some cool drinks this afternoon, one girl from our school, whose name I unintentionally forgot, gave me one long glare, before pulling her hair back and eyeing me from head to toe.

I was like, 'What is your problem?'

Well, after all, Jace had been extra nice to me for the last few days. I felt vulnerable whenever I was with him, like my every move was being watched, looked out for. And it was starting to be awkward. They had all assumed that I'd given him a love potion. Even his smile was different. There was something else in the way he looked at me, something that could drive any heart crazy. And it never failed to make my breathing uneven, heart throb, and voice shaky.

"Okay, maybe that's acceptable. You've been an idiot for years. So the next question is, why could you possibly love him?" Mason said calmly.

"Because... it's him. I don't even know why. But it's like this stupid mind only knows him and no one else, even now," I stammered. Grabbing a piece of paper to fan my feverish face, I felt the summer heat making its way inside my room, opposing the supposedly cool evening.

"And you're in love with him, right?" Mason managed to sensibly deduct from what I had said.

"I didn't say that. But what do you think?" I asked him instead.

"How am I supposed to know? I'm not you. You're the only one who can answer that question," he sighed, probably staring at the clock in his hotel room and wondering if I ever thought of letting him sleep at all.

"How can I be sure of it?" I tried asking him some more.

"Google it," Mason said wearily. "Try if that works."

"If not?" I bluffed.

He thought about it for a while, before he said, "Then jump."

"Jump?" I echoed, somewhat confused on what he was talking about. Google then jump. Nope, it didn't make sense.

"Yes, jump and see where it will take you," Mason firmly answered.

"That doesn't sound like a good idea," I replied.

"Then tell me what is?" Mason asked me, exhaustion filling in the spaces between his words. He must be pulling his covers already, ready to close his eyes as soon as I'd decided to be a good girl and let him sleep.

"Well, I don't know, but—" I tried saying, but he cut me off midway.

"You don't have one, so don't criticize my ideas. And since when did you really think before doing anything? You're good at this, Reese. Just do what you usually do," he said, a bit of humor in his voice.

"Good at what?"

"At doing things upon impulse," Mason laughed sluggishly.

"Shut up, Mason. I don't act like that," I groaned with denial.

"Seriously, your ideas are as good as done as soon as they get inside your head. So why don't you do just that? You can really make use of it now, unlike before. In this situation, there's no such thing as a book that will explain everything. Sometimes, you just have to sort it out yourself as you encounter it. And then one day, you'd know why things were so, why you messed it up before, why you were given this chance now, and why you would be taking that next step dictated by something inexplicable."

I stayed still for a while, thinking about what he had told me.

When a minute of silence had passed, he asked, "Reese? Are you still there?"

I smiled a bit, collapsing on the soft covers of my bed. Leaning over to switch off the lights, I felt my smile widen—touching the ends of my lips, and putting itself firmly in place.

Mason asked again, "No good night at all? What kind of friend are you? Is Claire already asleep? I haven't heard her voice for several minutes now."

"She's snoring already and drooling all over my pillow. Gross," I answered. "And I'm planning to put my feet on her face just to make things even."

Mason warned me, "Hey, I've been nice to you tonight."

"Fine, I adjusted my feet a little bit. It's not on her face anymore," I said lightly, tucking myself beside Claire.

"So I take it that you'll be officially going out with Jace tomorrow?"

"Maybe. You know me, I never dreamed of anything else. But the question is, does he? I don't want to keep my hopes up. If things don't turn out okay, then I'll probably just end up with that old school one-sided love affair," I said to him, taking in mind the different possibilities that this thought might bring. But jumping and see where it would lead sounded a lot like me. I always liked being me. It was what I was good at, more than anything.

The morning light cave inside my room a little too early, and my eyes got staggered by it. Turning to my other side, I saw Claire, who was still in dreamland. With a lot of things going on inside my mind, I found myself catching a light sleep instead of my usual heavy ones. Looking at my phone, I saw that it was only six in the morning. My shift would start at eight, but I didn't think I could still sleep some more.

Getting up, I found myself walking outside, holding only my phone in hand. Inhaling the fresh morning air, I walked around the neighborhood. There were only a few people around, and most of them were running, doing their daily routine exercises. And before I knew it, my feet dragged me to one place that I was awfully familiar with.

Overlooking the ocean, the warmth of the golden sun touched my skin as I walked over toward that spot. Everything felt so new now, like how the place I'd once held a grudge to suddenly brought back those happy memories again. The table's paint had already worn off over the years, but it was still the same place that started it all, from those casual dinners to now. It had been a witness on how Jace and I started to get close. Where I had my first guitar lessons with him and how that started everything.

Closing my eyes, I could almost hear the soft melody that he used to play here before. And then, indistinct at first, I heard his voice.

One step, you go,

And now you're here again,

Can't find the words,

As senseless my mind becomes.

Opening my eyes, I squinted to get a clearer view of what was in front of me, or rather who was in front of me. My eyes widened as I stared at his silhouette, cast by the light that came from the soft blaze across the horizon. He pulled out one chair and was facing the ocean, holding his guitar.

For a moment, I considered that maybe I was only dreaming. But the beat of my heart felt so real, and I told myself that I probably wasn't. There were really times when things should rather be left unexplained, rather than to be over thought. That at times, there wasn't really an explanation, only an answer.

His hands strummed the guitar breezily, and he started to hum along. Closing my eyes, the overwhelming moment seized me, and I leaned against the mango tree that shaded the table, a little way from where he was sitting. I paced my breaths as I hid myself.

And then he started to sing a song that I'd never heard before. Thinking it must be one of his recent ones, I listened closely. With every touch that his hand made on the strings, the depth of the melody resounded in my head. The tune itself was different from his upbeat songs from before. For a while, I forgot how this kind of song suited him more. The smoothness of his voice, how the words sounded so natural, yet it would undoubtedly touch your soul, it was all him, just like before.

With all the pain,

And memories we shared,

Is it that hard,

To bring back yesterday?

Holding my right arm, I started thinking about our past, of those things we had been through before. Everything was there, like a whole book with all the complicated dramas. I remembered the night before the event, when I believed that he would be there with me to perform that song. And then, the days after that were probably the most horrible days of my life, with me avoiding him and shutting him out of my life completely. All of those memories started to come back to me. And I let them stay inside my head, without pushing them away.

Here I am, girl,

Standing in front of you,

With trembling hands,

I want to say that I love you.

I felt drops of tears escape my eyes, and I wiped them away with my trembling hands. He and I had been through so much. Sometimes, I even wondered how things had been so cruel to both of us. But then, if the ride had been that smooth, would it really be special?

The words, they go,

As quickly as they come,

And so the wind,

Gets caught inside my tongue.

I gave my feelings a thought. Confusion came along, followed by doubt. But then, with every realization, there was this thump that I felt. It was a throbbing memory of affection, one heart-stopping feeling that I always knew.

To you, my sweet,

The words are not enough,

To make you feel,

My deepest thoughts, my love.

Here I am, girl,

Can you stop and hear me out?

Shaking and scared,

Will you let me in your heart?

For the longest time,

I know that this is love,

And with you I want,

To make this dream come true.

That was all it took for me to freak out. Jace was the main composer of Midget Dreams. He had tons of compositions in his room. And I had a feeling that he just didn't use sweet out of nowhere. Before I knew it, I was hyperventilating. I was relieved that he was busy singing while I was freaking out.

Here I am, girl,

Can you stop and hear me out?

Shaking and scared,

Will you let me in your heart?

With you, and all I want is you,

Please make this dream come true.

Tears overflowed from my eyes again. Catching my short breaths, I told myself to calm down. As the last strum of his guitar resounded, my heart raced deliriously in my chest. Any moment now, he would find out that I was here and listening. Even though I was completely hidden by the mango tree's trunk, just one sound of my choking breaths would easily give my location away.

But then, it wasn't like I wanted to run anymore.

I inhaled, forcing my thoughts to stay put. And as I let out a breath, my phone started ringing that one haunted, Friday the thirteenth tone that I had used especially for him. In such a blissful morning, someone brought in the funeral candles and urns.

Hurriedly pushing the answer button, before Grim Reaper would appear, I frantically answered, "Yes? Hi? Why?"

"Could it be possible that you're behind the tree?" Jace asked me directly.

"Tree? What tree?" I nervously laughed.

"You know the one with the..."

"Jace!" someone called out from afar.

Turning to my right, I looked where the cheerful morning greeting came from. A girl in pink stilettos, with black curls loosely hanging below her shoulders, printed suitcase in one hand, and a dog leash in the other, was frantically waving at Jace. And something about her, probably the purple beret, told me that she wasn't just one of those girls.

"Hayley!" said Jace, sounding surprised himself. And from the looks of it, trust me, I didn't like the picture that I was getting.