Trigger Warning: Please check the end notes for more details.

Oh boy, is this one a doozy,,, good luck

Friday, June 22nd, 2018: 11:03 AM

"Alrighty!" Roman exclaimed, attempting to open the door to their new apartment. It was far more of a struggle than it should have been, the old door sticking even after Roman had unlocked it, "So, what do you think?" he asked Virgil. Virgil just shrugged, not looking up from his shoes as he shuffled into the apartment. Roman frowned; Virgil had barely been talking since he told Roman what happened.

"Hey," Roman said softly, kneeling down in front of Virgil, "It's okay, V, this is a fresh start! It's gonna be great!" Virgil scoffed, not looking at Roman, "What is it?" Roman asked, confused.

"I'm sick and tired of fresh starts," Virgil whispered, arms curled around his waist, "I just want to be normal for once,"

Roman hesitated, not knowing what to say, "You... you won't feel like this forever, Virgil!"

Virgil laughed sarcastically, "That's what you said last time," Roman frowned, "Maybe I should just take the hint and give up," Virgil muttered.

"Don't say that! You'll feel better!"

"I'm tired, Roman,"

"I know, V. But you've gotta keep going to get to the good parts,"

"I don't think I'll get to the good parts,"

"You will–"

Virgil snorted, "Yeah, because my life's been just peachy so far," Roman stumbled over his words, giving Virgil a chance to continue, "I'm fucking cursed or something. I'm not destined for happiness, Roman, and neither is anyone around me,"

"I don't believe that," Roman whispered, determined.

"You'll see," Virgil whispered back, "One day I'll fuck up so badly that you'll realize just how terrible I truly am," before Roman could respond, Virgil fled the room, going back to the truck to start bringing in boxes.

Roman sighed, wiped his eyes, and then stood to follow Virgil.

———

Friday, October 9th, 2020: 5:06 PM

"Can I sleep over at Remy's?" Virgil asked, hunched over in their hoodie, clearly nervous.

Roman sighed, setting his work down on the desk, turning to Virgil, "You want to sleep over at Remy's?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah?" Virgil said, suddenly sounding unsure.

Roman sighed again, running a hand through his hair, "Virgil... I don't know. You said their dad isn't really around a lot, right? So it would probably just be you two?"

"Well, yeah but, it's fine. We've talked about boundaries, you know."

Roman did not want to have this conversation. Roman wanted to bang his head on the desk table; he was behind on the budget for the theater production and he hadn't slept nearly enough in over a week. "No," Roman said, turning back to his work.

"But–"

"I said no, Virgil," Roman repeated, not taking his eyes off of the numbers that were starting to blur together.

"No? But... he doesn't want that from me. I'm not an idiot, Roman, I'll be careful, I always am!"

"Just like you were careful around Alastor?"

The silence was deafening. It took Roman a few moments for his brain to catch up with what he had said, "Shit," he muttered, turning to Virgil and standing up. Virgil took a step back. "Virgil," Roman pleaded, "that's not what I meant,"

"No." Virgil said, ducking their head the way they always did when they were trying not to cry, "No. You've made it very clear what you think." Roman reached a hand out. Virgil took another step back. "Fuck you, Roman." They said, voice full of venom, before disappearing down the hallway.

"Damnit," Roman collapsed back into the chair. Virgil's door slammed down the hall.

It was only a few seconds before Patton poked his head through the door, confused, "What's with V?" he asked, "Did something happen?"

Roman rubbed his eyes, "I'm a complete idiot, Patton."

"Roman! Don't say that! What happened?"

Roman chuckled sarcastically, "Virgil wanted to sleep over at Remy's house and I told them no. They told me they would be careful, and I... I said 'just like you were careful around Alastor?'"

"Roman!" Patton exclaimed, shocked.

"I know!" Roman threw his arms up, "I didn't mean it like that, it just came out the wrong way."

Patton frowned, looking over Roman, "Okay well, I think you need to take your meds and sleep this off, Ro, you obviously aren't in a good space right now and you need a break before anyone else gets hurt."

Roman huffed, ego bruised.

Logan suddenly entered, taking in the sight before him, "What's going on?"

Roman blew a raspberry, frustrated. Luckily Patton understood that he didn't have the energy to explain the scenario again and walked over to Logan, explaining everything in a hushed tone.

"I'm going to go check on Virgil," Logan stated, looking between the two of them for a few moments before leaving.

Roman sighed.

———

Friday, October 9th, 2020: 5:18 PM

"Virgil?" Logan called through the door.

"Fuck off!" Virgil replied, angrily.

"Virgil, Patton told me what happened. I know you are probably very upset right now, and I understand why, but isolating yourself is not the solution, and I think you know that."

Logan waited. "Go away," Virgil said, although the anger in their voice had turned less violent.

"I don't think I should, V." Logan said softly, "I won't make you talk about it."

The seconds before Virgil opened the door felt like an eternity. Logan smiled a little when Virgil's face appeared, "Hey there," he whispered. Virgil was clearly on the edge of a meltdown if not in the midst of one already; they were shaking and rocking aggressively. "Would you like me to get your weighted blanket and headphones, and then provide a pressure stim via a hug?" It was best to keep conversations short and direct when Virgil was like this.

Virgil nodded and, tried, but failed, to wipe away their tears without Logan noticing.

Virgil didn't speak again until much later, when they were wrapped in their weighted blanket and lying down on their bed, "I was getting close to relapsing again. That's why I wanted to sleep over at Remy's. I thought getting out of the house while still being around someone would help,"

"Oh," is all Logan said, feeling unsure of how to respond

"Yeah,"

"I'm sorry Roman responded the way he did, Virgil. But you know that he did not mean it like that. He simply worries about you."

Virgil scoffed, "Yeah well, saying I was at fault for being raped is a really fucking funny way to show that."

Logan frowned, "Virgil, we both know he should not have said that. He was wrong to phrase it that way. The truth is Roman worries about you in any situation where he may not be able to protect you, such as when you are alone and vulnerable for the whole night. He is currently very sleep-deprived and stressed about work, which has resulted in him having a BPD episode. He is not thinking about his actions as he usually is which is why he said something so careless before correcting himself. He is very regretful of what happened and is doing his best to combat it."

"Can I go to Remy's?" was Virgil's only response.

Logan sighed, "I don't think that's a good idea. That's a talk for when Roman's feeling better." Virgil sighed. "Perhaps... Remy could come here for the night?" Virgil looked at Logan, hopeful, "but you two will be sleeping in the living room."

Virgil looked panicked, "No!" they blurted out, "Not the living room. My room? With the door cracked?"

Logan thought it over, "Hm, I suppose that's fine. Although, I want the door all the way open by the time we go to bed."

Virgil seemed annoyed, but replied with a curt, "Fine."

Logan nodded, "Okay. I'm going to check on Roman. We love you, Virgil."

Virgil didn't respond.

———

Friday, October 9th, 2020: 5:47 PM

"I wanna tell you something, and if you make it a big deal, I will absolutely fucking break up with you,"

Remy blinked at Virgil, "Jesus Christ, V, way to start off strong,"

Virgil shrugged, "You always say you don't like bullshit, so I'm not giving you any bullshit."

Remy snorted, "Yeah I guess that's one way to put it."

Virgil looked like a wreck: the remains of their eyeliner were smudged, only succeeding in making their eye bags more prominent, and they looked ready to pass out at any moment.

"What is it, V? You okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to talk about... something,"

"Well," Remy grinned, "Luckily for you, you've got an amazing boyfriend who absolutely adores listening to you,"

Virgil rolled their eyes, "You're so disgusting,"

"Uh-huh, whatever you say, baby,"

Virgil gave a half-smile at the comment, looking anxious as they attempted to gather their words.

Remy took their hand, squeezing it, "Breath, darlin'"

Virgil nodded, flashing a look to the door that was cracked open. Remy frowned, but didn't ask Virgil about it.

"Okay," they started.

"Okay," Remy copied.

"So, I told you that I was once in a shitty relationship, and part of that included sexual assault. And I'm telling you this because... I mean, fuck if I know, today's just been so fucking weird, figured I might as well."

Remy was silent for a few seconds, squeezing Virgil's hand again, "So, what kind of reaction will lead to you not breaking up with me?" he smiled a little but Virgil could tell he was worried.

"I dunno, how about, 'okay, that sucks, good convo," Remy snorted, "and don't you dare say, 'I'm sorry' because then I might punch you in your pretty face and neither of us wants that."

"Pretty, huh?"

"Oh shut it,"

Remy's smile grew to be a little more genuine, and he leaned a little closer to Virgil, "Okay well, that really does suck Virgil, good talk, please don't punch me in my pretty face,"

Virgil laughed a little, and Remy beamed, "Well, I guess you pass. Just barely though; you're on thin fucking ice,"

"Oh, I see. Well, thank you for not punching my pretty face,"

"You're welcome. It was a real struggle, ya know?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah,"

"Well, I know something else you could do with my pretty face,"

Virgil scrunched up their nose, "Are you asking for a kiss?" Remy nodded. Virgil shoved them a little, "Ew, why did you have to say it like that!"

"I like to keep you on your toes,"

Virgil rolled their eyes, "You really do have way too much energy," Remy grabbed their coffee cup from Virgil's bedside table, shaking it as he took a sip, showing it off, "Yeah, yeah," Virgil muttered, amused.

"So... could I get that kiss now?"

"Only if you ask like a fucking normal person."

"Babe, my beloved, darling, beautiful, handsome Virgil, may I have a kiss?"

Virgil grumbled something that Remy couldn't make out, looking embarrassed as they leaned over to give Remy a kiss. Remy tasted like his disgusting concoction of white mocha and whatever else he had in his drink. Virgil almost hated that they loved it. Almost.

The second they had parted, Remy scooped Virgil into his lap, placing a kiss on their forehead. The energy Virgil had in the past few minutes seemed to seep out of them as they deflated in Remy's arms.

"Can I ask you something?" Remy murmured, his chin resting on top of Virgil's curls.

Virgil tensed, "Look if you want fucking details or something I'm not–"

"Hell no babe. I would never ask that. That's your info, not mine," Virgil hummed, relaxing again, "Is all of this why you've been so upset today?"

Virgil huffed, "I mean kinda. It wasn't at first; I already felt like shit and was about to relapse, but you really helped with that. Then I asked Roman if I could go over to your house, and he fucking– he basically told me that I couldn't protect myself because I had been raped, and that he doesn't trust me."

"Jesus,"

"Yeah,"

"That's fucked, V. You know that right?"

"Yeah. I'm pissed and sad, and just– I fucking–,"

Remy could hear Virgil's breathing picking up, "Pumpkin, you don't have to talk about it,"

"Yeah I... yeah," Remy pulled a blanket over the two of them.

"So... Avatar?"

"Avatar."

———

Saturday, October 10th, 2020: 11:07 AM

The previous night hadn't turned out to be a total shit–show like Virgil had expected; Remy didn't care about leaving the door open (although he did go on to rant about how Virgil should be able to make decisions like that for themself), Roman didn't leave his room for the rest of the night (which Virgil absolutely did not feel guilty about), and it wasn't weird. It was all good. Virgil was coping in a mostly normal way, and they were able to pull themself out of the mindset they had been spiraling into. So then why did they still feel so frustrated the day after? What did it say of Virgil that even when everything was okay, they could not help but feel overwhelmed?

"Do my makeup."

Virgil jolted out of their thoughts, turning to Remy, "What?" they asked, confused.

"I think you should do my makeup, hun,"

"...Why?" Remy was completely capable when it came to doing their own makeup, and their style tended to be drastically different from Virgil's.

"Idk, cause you kinda seem like you're spiraling, and I'm bored, and I wanna see how I look with your kind of makeup,"

Virgil blinked, "I– ya know what, fuck it, let's do it,"

Remy smiled, "Cool,"

"Cool."

Virgil had started collecting a decent amount of makeup in the past few years, although a lot of the products had never been worn beyond Virgil's bedroom door.

Remy had also apparently come to this conclusion, looking through the products with an eyebrow raised, "Wow, V. Was not expecting these kinds of colors from you."

Virgil shrunk into their hoodie, embarrassed, "I know it's weird but–"

"Weird?" Remy interrupted.

"Well, yeah?"

"Babe, these are so cute, I'm sure you would look killer if you used these,"

Virgil looked between Remy and the eyeshadow palette they held, "Really?" they asked.

"Totes. I've decided that I've gotta do your makeup using these immediately,"

Virgil smirked, "Wasn't I doing your makeup?"

"Yeah well, we can do each other's, because I need to see you in pastel makeup immediately," Remy looked far more excited than Virgil thought this situation deserved.

"You're a dork," they laughed.

Virgil had half expected Remy to laugh after they saw the dark, dramatic makeup Virgil had done. Instead, they grinned, striking a pose as they looked in the mirror, "Damn, girl," they whistled, "I look so bad-ass. This actually goes well with my bad boy persona,"

Virgil snorted, "Bad boy? You screamed and jumped onto my bed when you saw a spider last night,"

Remy bristled, "Look that thing came out of nowhere, anyone would have been startled,"

"I wasn't,"

"Because you're a weirdo who likes spiders,"

"It's not their fault we built houses where they live,"

Remy rolled their eyes, "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, hun; now get up here, it's your turn," Virgil hoisted themself onto the countertop, grinning. It was quiet for a few moments besides Remy's murmured instructions. "V?" Remy spoke up. Virgil hummed. "How come I've never seen you use any of these?"

Virgil's body language shifted immediately, their shoulders rising, "I dunno... they're just not me."

"Then why do you have them,"

"Look, it's stupid," Virgil frowned.

"Nu-uh," Remy responded, tapping Virgil on the nose.

Virgil's frown slowly left, "I think they're really cute. I actually really like bright, pastel colors, especially purple, but I can't exactly wear them out,"
"How come?" Remy asked, brow raised.

"Well... you know,"

"I... don't actually,"

Virgil looked embarrassed, "'Cause, you know, the colors..."

"Babe, I really have no idea what you're trying to tell me,"

"Cause... they're for girls," Virgil's voice faltered.

Remy froze, "Well," they began carefully, "I don't even know where to begin breaking down that bullshit; I think that's something you should talk about with like, Emile or something," Virgil shrugged vaguely, "But in the meantime fuck that mindset because your gonna look adorable in this shit."

Virgil didn't agree, but they also didn't argue. The two stayed silent until Remy muttered, "Finished!" and turned Virgil to face the mirror.

"Oh," they breathed out, surprised although, they most definitely didn't hate it. The bright colors stood out noticeably against their dark skin; Remy had used the glittery purple eyeshadow in an echo of Virgil's usual style, the eyeshadow blended a bit messily below the eye and on the eyelid, coupled with white eyeliner. The blush was certainly more pink than Virgil was used to wearing and it showed, brightening their face and showcasing their freckles. It was simple by Remy's usual sparkly, over-the-top standards, but still interesting. "Holy shit, Rem," Virgil laughed, still staring into the mirror.

Remy draped themself along Virgil's back, sliding their arms under Virgil's own to hold them, "See babe, what did I tell ya? Who gives a fuck about what other people say as long as you're happy,"

"Yeah," Virgil muttered, "Yeah, you're right."

"I always am, babe," Remy smirked, placing their head on Virgil's shoulder.

Virgil scoffed, "As if,"

"You're an asshole,"

"Look who's talking, Rem,"

Remy rolled their eyes dramatically. Their fake offense didn't stop them from placing a kiss on Virgil's cheek, however.

"Hey, babe?" Virgil asked, smirking like they knew something Remy didn't.

"Oh boy, I know that look. What, V?"

".Do you maybe... have any skirts?"

"Oh my god, fuck yeah! C'mon, we're raiding my closet immediately," Virgil smiled.

Trigger Warnings:
Panic attack
Paranoia
Victim blaming
Mentions of sexual assault/rape
BPD episode
(Autistic) Meltdown
Unintentional sexism

Roman and Virgil both have borderline personality disorder because I also do and I'm incapable of not projecting onto characters so.

Thanks for reading!!
-Apollo