content warning: self harm, disordered eating?

After a long day of searching for new clothes at the local thrift store, Olivia managed to fit into regular clothes. She wore a simple black Henley shirt and a pair of gray jeans that were baggy on her figure. The jeans had minimal rips and tears on the ends, but despite that, they were in perfect condition. The new fabrics on her skin felt different, softer and cleaner.

Olivia still felt out of place in this environment of being fully taken care of and treated as a normal human being. Every time she passed by a random person on the street, all that popped up in her mind was the many times she was disciplined back at the faculty she was raised in. Partially around middle-aged men, Olivia kept a strict posture, fidgeting underneath her sleeves and remaining as blank as possible as she looked straight ahead. Even an elevation in his voice would cause her to flinch. Be strong, not weak. Be a machine.

It was nearly the same with Bucky, but she was more flexible. More hungry to impress. She always had a clenched jaw and aimless eyes when walking next to him.

He noticed this, as it only disturbed him. It concerned him to see Olivia this way. On the other hand, he was terrified of how much he felt when looking at her. He wanted to give her the affection she clearly never received in her life. He wanted to know her. He must have known her from somewhere, right?

It was close to time for the potluck that Bucky was invited to, more so forced to by Sam. Although Sam wasn't the only reason he showed up, it was for Olivia's physical well-being.

They walked, inching closer to Sarah's home, where the potluck was held. Bucky spoke up as he looked over his left.

"How long has it been since you've eaten?"

"Today."

"No, kid. Before that. Before you broke into my house... Did you eat anything?"

Olivia answered blankly. "Yes."

"Really? What was it?"

"It... It was a box of chicken... from the dumpster..."

Bucky stopped walking. "From... From the dumpster?"

His voice was softer and trembling while Olivia stood there, as usual. After being abandoned by HYDRA during the blip, food seemed scarce and hard to come by for her, as she couldn't work, let alone function like the rest of the world. She only survived by prolonging her hunger through garbage diving on an occasion when it couldn't be ignored.

She simply nodded to Bucky, not even looking at him but his vibranium arm. It was sleeker... black instead of silver, like she remembered from her training days. She changed the subject as it hurt less than the look he was giving her. Deep inside, it made her feel ashamed.

"Your arm."

"My arm?" Bucky's eyes furrowed.

She nodded. "It's black."

"Yeah, it is. What's your point?"

As a part of Bucky's internal battle of redemption, he resided in Wakanda with the help of the Dora Milaje to rid himself from his dark past. He was told that he was free, but now, all he thought about when he stared at the vibranium arm was himself as a failure. The moment it was detached from his limp by Ayo, one of the Dora Milaje who had set him free for freeing Zemo... it taught him something... It taught him that he wasn't ready to be free, that he wasn't... He was stuck as a danger to others and himself. He damn sure wasn't prepared to be a role model... A father.

Olivia continued to look at the arm. He changed, she thought.

"Nothing."

By the time they were at Sarah's home, Olivia stood out of people's way the whole time when they all greeted each other as family would at the reunion. Bucky told them her name was Olivia, and she was someone staying with him for a few days. To him, she was just someone.

Not his daughter, she thought. Not his.

The table had a mix of seafood from the family business "Wilson Family Seafood " and some soul food. She couldn't deal with the smell, which tempted her to loosen up.

But she noticed the concerned looks she was getting from Sam's family by just sitting down at the table, her head hung low. She cautioned the food but eventually grabbed a plate, putting a spoonful of tuna mac and cheese on it. Olivia made eye contact with Sarah before taking bites with her silver fork.

She also noticed how Bucky was when interacting with Sam's family, mainly when he talked to Sarah's two boys, AJ and Cass. He was much happier whenever they would show their action figurines or pages of the comic books they recently got. It was the first time she had seen him smile for that long, and it didn't make her feel any better.

Sarah spoke up, "So, your name is Olivia, right?"

Olivia turned to look at Sarah as she nodded at that question. "Yes."

"It's a pretty name."

It's not mine, she thought. "Thank you."

Another wave of silence entered the room. Bucky, sitting by the end of the dinner table, listened to their conversation.

"How old are you?" Sarah asked Olivia.

"Twenty." Olivia admitted as she finished chewing a piece of the tuna mac and cheese.

Everyone turned their attention towards Olivia, fully shocked by her age. Especially Bucky.

"She doesn't look twenty," Cass, the older son, commented.

Oliva's expression hardened, and a hint of sadness slipped out. Sarah pursed her lips at Cass, signaling him to quit while he was ahead. Bucky was observing her, not looking away for one single second.

"Why does she look so sad?" AJ, the younger son, spoke up, seemingly sorry for her.

Bucky cleared his throat, trying to put a brave face on the young child as he tried to answer his question. "She's just not... she's not feeling well, bud."

The potluck dinner continued but more quieter with occasional chat about how their day was or usual banter between Sam and Bucky, which lightened the mood a bit. Olivia was still taking small bites of the food as she felt on edge by the looks and questions she got from Sarah and her family. It quietly angered her how much it affected her behavior. Be a machine.

Someone, gentle and quick, nudged her on her shoulder. It was AJ as he was holding up a comic book in his hand. Without saying anything else, he simply handed her the book.

"Here. It'll make you feel better."

Olivia nodded, flipping through the pages of the vibrant, neon sci-fi comic books. Her eyes were like lasers as her fingers grazed through the smooth but thin pages. She remembered the days of her mother reading to her these cartoon, picture books, especially if it was something with woodland creatures from a fairytale. It reminded her mother a lot of that as she focused intensely on the words in the character bubbles and the captions, reading every syllable to herself.

Bucky smiled at the sight of her while everyone was too busy talking with each other to notice. She was okay. He thought she was.

Olivia stopped at one page, scanning through as she did with the others. She noticed something different, a new character. The female character was illustrated with rosy, pouty lips, sleek green eyes, long, brown waves done up in a bun, and a body with slight curves. She was dressed as a medical nurse with a pencil skirt and button-up blouse. The image of the female character resembled many features of her mother, Anna... It was a nearly identical match.

Her demeanor immediately changed as tears filled her eyes. She stared at the image intensively. Her hands started to tremble, crinkling the comic with her fingers. The room completely faded in the distance, and every time she breathed, it shook.

While everyone was talking at dinner, Bucky studied the expressions she was making involuntarily. The quickness of her breath, the tears glistening in her eyes, the forehead sweat-she was having a panic attack, and it was progressing quickly.

Suddenly, everything went black for her as far as her vision goes. She couldn't see anything, but she could hear faint noises of screaming. She remembered her past. She was sobbing at this point, loudly whimpering to gather everyone's attention.

"What's wrong with her?" Cass commented.

Bucky finally swooped in, gently taking her hand to guide her outside into the backyard.

An hour passed as Olivia finally relaxed as she sat on the grass by herself. Her breath was more regular, longer, and softer with each second. She hugged her knees close to her chest and listened to the soothing sound of crickets chirping.

Bucky, nearby, stood by the glass patio door with Sam next to him. He didn't take his eyes off Olivia until Sam spoke up.

"Mind telling me what happened there?"

Bucky shook his head. "She seemed fine... then it was like something's switched. Like she was back there."

"When HYDRA got her, right?"

"Yeah...." His voice started to tremble. "Sam... She looked like... like me..."

Sam sighed, eyes solely on him as Bucky continued to speak. "I saw her pain. It was clear on her face. And... I can't shake the feeling... that I have something to do with it."

"Well, assuming she is twenty years old, it could be a possibility-"

"No... No, she can't be." She can't be my daughter, he thought.

"You just said she looked like you. And I have eyes too, you know? You two clearly have that eye staring contest look going on. It's disturbing how accurate it is." Sam noticed.

Bucky rolled his eyes as he placed his hands on his hips. "Really, Sam? You're going to do this now?"

"Look, even if she wasn't... yours, you need to get to the bottom of this or it'll eat you all up inside. So go talk to her. You two probably have a lot more in common than you think, considering both of you endured the same types of traumas," Bucky glanced over towards Olivia, still sitting on the grass.

Sam continued, "She's probably just as scared as you."

"I'm not scared, Sam." Bucky's nose scrunched up in defense mode, clearly lying.

"Go talk to her. Don't make me kick your ass again."

Bucky sighed, making his way towards Olivia. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"I mean it, Barnes!" Sam walked back inside the house, closing the patio door so the two of them could share a bit of privacy.

Bucky was now standing right next to Olivia, towering over her while she hugged her knees close. He shimmered down to her level without making a loud sound. He didn't know what to say to break away from their awkward silence, although the sound of crickets and the night ambiance did make it a lot less tense than a quiet room.

"You okay?" Bucky looked over at Olivia to see her reaction, but her head was turned sideways, so all he could see was her dark brown hair, which was similar to his.

She nodded softly to his question. Still, she was quiet as a mouse, almost as if she forgot she could speak.

He swallows, not knowing what else to ask or say. "Do you... want to talk about it? What happened back there?"

"Talk?" Her voice was soft and hoarse but loud enough for him to hear.

His eyes lit up, but he kept composure in his voice. "Yes."

Olivia finally turned her head toward Bucky, showing her flushed cheeks and reddened eyes from crying and hyperventilating for the past hour. "I... I was thinking of someone..."

"Was it someone you killed?" Bucky already knew the answer.

She nodded as she got flashbacks of her mother bleeding on the concrete ground while Olivia was holding the gun at the age of five. Her lips quivered at the thought.

"Who was it, kid?" Bucky gently asked, not expecting a response back.

"A woman. She took care of me... my... my mother..."

"She adopted you?" Bucky questioned, assuming that she was taken away from her real parents to HYDRA. He didn't want to think it was something else.

Olivia shook her head at his question. "She's... was my mother. I... I saw it in my file... five years ago when I got back on the base... I assumed people would be there to... discipline me for failing my mission but... no one was there... that's where I looked and found my file..."

"Yeah?" That was all Bucky could muster to say as his voice was treading on the surface. But he had to hold together so she could continue. What else is on that file, he thought.

"Yes..."

"What happened to her?"

Olivia spoke coldly in the next line. "I killed her... with a gun..."

Bucky's eyes widened. "How old were you, Olivia?"

"Five." Her voice started to break. "I... I didn't want..."

Bucky fought the urge to reach out to hug and comfort her to ensure she wouldn't freak out again.

"I know... I know... I'm sure she knew that too."

There it was again, more silence between them. Olivia's voice was still on the edge of croaking as her breath was shallow but soft. Bucky kept his mouth closed, clenching his jaw as he listened.

Olivia spoke up, "I lied... My name isn't Olivia..."

"Really? What is it, kid?"

"I don't know... I... I forgot..."

He frowned at the sound of her voice breaking again. "Then I'll call you Olivia, alright? It's okay."

"Vronsky. That's the name I remember... it was in my file." She recalled.

His face paled when he heard that cursed name. "What?"

What did it say, was something he wanted to ask but he lost the ability to speak. What do I have to do with this?

She continued. "It listed 'Vronsky' as my father. You... as my father... That's why I broke into your house. When I saw you... it was like seeing the Winter Soldier... My-"

"Don't call me that." His voice got hoarse as he said it. The thought of abandoning her without knowing about it for five years was more than enough to kill him. It can't be true.

"But I-"

"We'll talk about it later."

When Olivia and Bucky returned home, it was nearly midnight. They went through the front door. He placed his keys, as usual, on the counter next to him while Olivia wandered over to the living room. He turned on the low-orange lights as he sighed, staring at her.

Bucky knew they needed to talk after she dropped the bombshell that she was his lost daughter from years ago. But a part of him wanted to believe that it wasn't true.

Bucky remembered being fond of his old man, dying for his country like people thought about what happened to him back in Azanno during WWII. That was James Buchanan Barnes--a hero who sacrificed himself for the sake of the country. Even then, the government ended up as disjointed and broken as he was... which only made me feel like a full failure. But in reality, Bucky's been a murderer, a dead man, a pawn in HYDRA's hands... but a deadbeat father?

That would be crossing the line. How could he call himself a man, let alone a good man?

Everyone told him that he was free now and a good person. Steve believed him. Steve said he was good, just manipulated to be a cold-blooded monster... Machine. But he wasn't good. Steve had to be wrong about him, just like Ayo or Sam... For most of his life, all he had to contribute to the world was harming people, including the people he loved.

And worst of all, he dragged a young woman, his blood, into his mess. He wasn't a man. He was a curse, still causing suffering.

Olivia was kneeling in the same spot by the TV stand, staring down at the broken picture frame of Bucky and Steve again. Although still analyzing his smile with such interest, she furrowed her brows in a saddened expression, feeling conflicted. There was something different in the way Olivia looked at it now... as a way to tell her she wasn't worthy. She wasn't worthy enough to call him her father. She failed to be the machine she was once praised for with basic forms of touch and eye contact during training. All those small gestures were all she had to connect with him. And now, she didn't even have that.

She must not cry. Don't cry.

Bucky cleared his throat, standing next to her with his hands placed at his hips again. "Come on, kid. You need to rest."

He grabbed her right forearm, pulling her off the floor. "We can talk more in the morning. Get to bed..."

There was a red dot circulating over Olivia's forehead, slightly moving around. A sniper. His eyes widened as he pushed her to the ground, covering her. A loud bang went off, breaking the glass window next to them. He held onto her as protective as he could so no shards of glass could cut her.

Groups of HYDRA super soldiers, holding rifles, knives, and weapons galore, barged in through the walls and the hallway, destroying everything in their way. Shelves of house plants and books that Bucky bought but never read were now scattered all over the living room.

Bucky stood, his metal arm protecting Olivia from any sort of danger. He tried to reach for his revolver, but a woman, a blonde wearing combat gear, yanked him away from protecting Olivia. She slammed him toward the beige wooden wall, using her elbow to shorten his breath. Her eyes were pure black with no sign of irises as she grunted and snarled like a caged dog.

He had thought HYDRA experimenting had stopped when Zemo shot William Nagel back in Madripoor. The serum wasn't anything as successful as the Winter Soldier was, but instead of pure failure. How could there be more of them? Was HYDRA under his nose this whole time? What would that mean for Olivia?

Speaking of which, a couple of more soldiers grabbed Olivia by her arms, both metal and flesh, in a T position. As Olivia growled and struggled to leave their grasps, one of the two soldiers pulled up the sleeve of her flesh arm. Another reached into their back pocket, taking out an enlarged syringe with a new, enhanced serum booster. The blue liquid was seeping through the glass like Olivia always remembered. No, not again. Not like this.

"нет! (NO!)" Olivia screamed repeatedly, using all the air in her voice. Her mother tongue was flowing through her veins as a defense and also the language she knew they would understand.

"Держите ее неподвижно. (Keep her still.)" The soldier, who was holding the syringe in their hands, ordered the other, who was struggling to keep her in one place.

Bucky's head was solely on Olivia as he grunted under the blonde woman on his neck. He was holding back from breaking bones because he had a deep fear of losing control again while feeling overpowered by the new, abnormal strength. This disturbed him, and he questioned what was in the serum that was so different. It also made him feel weak. Powerless.

Before he had the ability to make his way to her, Olivia rimmed deep into the soldier's forearm with her bare arm, deep enough to rip off flesh.

It stopped Bucky in his tracks. His mouth opened into a soft gasp, terrified of what he was seeing. He watched as a monster consumed Olivia and her actions.

Oh, Olivia... What did they do to that kid? Bucky ponders.

The soldier with the bleeding arm hissed at Olivia, stumbling over the counter to cover his wound with his hand. In an instant, Olivia slashes his mouth with her switchblade before repeatedly impaling him through his skull like a machine... Like she was trained to do.

She quickly ducked, dodging another attack from yet another super-serum soldier. The moment she stood up, another was dragging her towards the front door like a ragdoll.

No, Bucky thought as his resistance to return to his Winter Soldier slipped out a little.

He let out a quiet growl toward the sight, kicking the woman who had her elbow on his larynx.

He then grabbed the blonde woman by the throat with his metal arm. He didn't hesitate to use full force. He smacked her elbow away as he pushed her, creating a hole in the wall.

Walking past a couple of soldiers, he easily stomped his way over while swinging and swatting them away with his vibranium arm like flies. He wasn't letting Olivia get away this time-not again.

Bucky grabbed the soldier, who was just about at the front door with Olivia's head full of hair, by the neck and slammed him against the wooden shelf, creating another hole in the wall.

He then pulled Olivia up without checking for injuries and rushed out of the door. More soldiers showed up.

This led them to continue swinging, kicking, and slashing at the remaining soldiers who were trying to take them down.

Swing, punch, slash, repeat.

Bucky and Olivia were nearing his motorcycle when a soldier started firing at them with a rifle. She got hit right in her forearm before Bucky pushed her down into the black, concrete road. His eyes widened at the blood pouring out around her hand, pressing the wound. Another shot was fired off.

Once the soldiers needed the time to reload, Bucky rushed Olivia and himself towards his motorcycle, making sure she was holding onto his waist for safety. With no time for a helmet, he drove off, revving up the moment the soldiers tried to shoot at them again.

They escaped.

It was a while after the soldiers had lost sight of Bucky and Olivia. One of them had popped a hole in one of the tires, which increased in size until it became flat. They walked for minutes in the sudden rainstorm when finally they reached a bus stop dead in the middle of Louisiana.

Olivia pressed on the wound on her flesh arm to stop the bleeding. Bucky managed to rip part of his short sleeve to tie around the forearm, which helped.

Now, she was sitting on the bench under the bus shelter, which shielded her from the rain. He, however, kept pacing around a short distance back and forth to process what had just happened. Is HYDRA still active? How? How could he not have known? How could she not have known? Was she lying? What else could she be lying about?

She doesn't have any proof... what if she's only a sleeper agent... She must be a sleeper agent... It all makes sense now... These were the thoughts flowing through his mind, still trying to comprehend the fact that he had forgotten his daughter for most of her life. He knew it made him selfish, but if he had to think about the crushing reality, he would break. More than he ever has.

"You told me that no one was looking for you anymore," Bucky interrogated her as Olivia caught her breath, still from the soldiers.

Her expression changed, with her brows furrowed, and her head scrunched up. Then, after a second, she switched back to her stoic demeanor like she always did.

She stared up at him to answer his question. "I know."

"You could've gotten yourself hurt. Look at yourself," Bucky said sternly, gesturing for her to look at her wound. "Or what if they go for Sam? His family? Did you think about that?"

Olivia felt taken aback by the harshness of his voice and couldn't help but get defensive. "No."

Bucky sighs with his hands on his hips. "Right. Of course you didn't. But you didn't care enough about that, did you?"

"I didn't mean... for them to come here."

"So, you do know about them!"

"No! I didn't!" Olivia raised her voice for the first time.

His mouth set in a hard line, muffling his scoff into a 'hmph.' "Right, of course you wouldn't."

Olivia watched the puddles with a blank stare below her ruined sneakers. She then sat up straight and looked across from him as if she were back there again. Without a thought, she shifted into that position and felt a wave of guilt between her sweaty palms. She tried to manage her fidgety fingers to calm herself down.

Bucky took notice and sat next to her, letting out a deep sigh. "You okay?"

"I shouldn't have come here," Olivia confessed bluntly, strands of hair covering her face and glassy eyes. She stared at the rain pouring in front of them.

"Well... You're here now. With me." Bucky clenched his jaw, remaining stoic with a hint of sadness over the crack in her voice.

There was an overwhelming silence between them for the last minute. Bucky swallowed as he spoke to her. "Let's wait to move when it stops raining. Go ahead and get some sleep, doll."

"Doll?" Olivia was confused over the sudden nickname.

Bucky looked at her, realizing that she didn't know that nickname or any nicknames in general. "It's- never mind. Go to sleep."

Olivia just watched the road while the rain was still pouring down on them. She started to pull out her pocket knife and began fiddling with it. Her eyes were wide awake.

"Olivia."

Olivia didn't respond as she continued to flicker around her pocket knife. Bucky was sure that he wasn't going to get through to her in one night, but he couldn't help but try.

He then reached to grab her forearm before she yanked it away from him with a bit of irrational force.

He flared up, turning his head away for a second. "Excuse me?"

"I don't need sleep."

"Go to sleep," Bucky repeated once again, more sternly like a father would. "I'm not gonna say it again."

"No." Olivia growled as she grew more and more agitated.

"Fine. I guess we're gonna be doing this all night then."

"Fine." Olivia snapped back, violently flipping her trusted knife.

Hours pass, and Bucky ends up leaning against the wet glass cubicle in a deep, much-needed sleep. He snores in the background while Olivia is still up, messing around with her knife for the past hour. Her eyes, red as rose gold, were straining to keep herself awake, but she wasn't going down without a fight. She couldn't sleep. It was the last thing she would want.

Bucky starts to whimper and mumble amid his sleep, signaling to Olivia that he is having a bad dream.

In the dream, he was back in a HYDRA base on watch duty of the other experiments that the current leader at the time, Alexander Pierce, had assigned him. He was mainly there to study their strengths and weaknesses in the midst of battle. To watch his current competition.

But there wasn't anyone to look after. The blue-lit room was empty amongst the dripping oil from the enlarged pipes and machinery.

Until an image, while faint, appeared across from him...

It was a mother with her child, reading to her. Happy.

Bucky could even hear giggles from the little girl, begging her mother to read it over again.

He chuckled at the sight, becoming warm in his fragile heart.

It was then the image had faded from existence. Reminding Bucky... that it was just a dream.

Meanwhile, Olivia, in the real world, continued to play around with her knife as she ignored the whispers from the man asleep next to her. The sounds got louder by the minute, and she audibly heard parts of what he was saying. She turned around and heard a familiar name being uttered out of his mouth.

"Natty?" He uttered out in his sleep in a worried and confused voice.

Olivia immediately got up from her seat and nudged him awake with a somewhat gentle push on his shoulder. Bucky continued to sleep, sweating bullets in a swarm of anxiety and fear. She sighed deeply, annoyed with what she had to do next.

She slapped him harshly. He jolted himself awake as he lost sense of his balance. "What was-"

"You were having a nightmare," Olivia cut him off.

He closed his eyes, regaining his composure. "You didn't need to slap me, kid."

"Who's Natty?"

He shook his head as he tried to find an answer to that question. "Natty? How did you know-"

"I heard it. You said it in your sleep."

There was a brief pause between the both of them. Bucky didn't know what to say since he barely knew the name himself. He hated that he didn't know much of anything in his past. "I don't know."

Olivia sat back on the bench next to him before asking him another question. "Was it a little girl?"

Bucky paused, knowing the answer was yes. "...No."

Olivia didn't need to read his mind to know it was a lie. But she didn't respond. She instead began fiddling with her knife to dissociate enough to keep herself awake.

Bucky took notice once again. "You get nightmares too, don't you?"

"Yes." Olivia voiced after taking a second to pause what she was doing to go back at it again.

Bucky clenched his jaw again. "You still need to sleep, kid."

"I'm not a kid."