Bang Bang Bang

I shook out of my sleep, waking up to complete darkness once again. My dress was still on, I remember putting it on & going out with Nate and everyone. I remember drinking things back to back, but after that, everything is foggy. Nate wasn't in bed beside me and I was beginning to think it was him banging on the door.

Bang Bang Bang, the door went again.

"Lux," Nate shouted from the other side. "Open up."

"Just a minute," I groaned, barely able to get myself out of bed. When I opened the door, Nate looked less than please.

"How's your night goin'?" His breath smelled fresh with hard liquor, yet he was able to stand straight as opposed to me who had to lean on the doorknob.

"I was sleeping," I rubbed my eyes.

"Sure about that?"

Nate let himself in, turning on the lights. I was confused. He looked on the floor around my bed, searching for something. Something was wrong.

"What are— what are you even doing?" I asked.

He takes his phone out of his pocket, charging toward me, nearly shoving the screen in my face. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. Within seconds, I was horrified. 

Derek had posted a picture on his Twitter...of him in bed next to me. His eyes were cut off & my head was turned the other way, but Nate could easily tell it was me from the dress I had on & the small tattoo on my arm. Derek's shirt was off, & the caption read: 'when u give her that french head game'.

It felt like the air was knocked out of my lungs. The outraged fangirl comments were the least of my worries, the bottom of the list. I knew that whatever I say to him is about to be used against me, innocent or not.

"Care to explain?"

I was about to speak but then the bathroom door opened, much to my surprise. Out walks Derek wearing only his boxers & he dried his wet hair with a towel. He glances between me and Nate, then acts like nothing was wrong. I was ready to cut off his air supply.

"Oh shit, what's up Maloley?" Derek smiled. "I hope you don't mind if I got a little personal with your assistant."

"You fuckin' wish!" I yelled. "Nate, I swear I didn't do anything with him."

"Sure about that, babygirl?" Derek smirks & smells his finger. "I think you liked it."

I was about to lunge at him but Nate beat me to it. The boys were scuffling yet again but it was way more intense than last time. It all happened so fast. There was blood, a little got on the floor. Swazz and Rupp had to jump in and break it up while Tez held me back.

"Oh I see," Derek taunted while Rupp held him aside. "She's more than your assistant huh? Ya'll fuckin'? Ya'll must be...you real mad!"

"I swear. Fuck off, Derek!" I warn him.

"Yo get off me," Nate yelled at Swazz. He shook his head at all of us and then left my room.

"You need to go back to wherever it is you fuckin' came from," Rupp told Derek. "Real talk."

Derek held his hands up, giving me the most devious grin. "My work is done here."

"Why are you doing this," a tear rolled down my cheek. "You need to tell him nothing happened between us...you need to-"

"I don't need to do shit," Derek shrugged. He grabbed his clothes out the bathroom & left.

There was probably already enough mascara rolling down my cheeks. I looked around the room trying to figure out what I had to do now.

"Is it true," Swazz asked me. "Are you and Nate..."

I nodded with hesitation. "I need to talk to him."

"Nah," Rupp shook his head. "Maybe you should go too."

"You don't believe me?"

"Not really."

"Yo Rupp, chill." Swazz said.

"Naw," he said. "I mean look at it this way, they were all up on each other at the house after the club that one night. Then we caught him leavin' the trailer which she was in during Nate's performance at Cannabis Cup! So who knows what went on in there. And now this? Hell no I ain't gonna chill. Shit looks sketch."

"You son of a bitch," I hissed. "Every single time I saw Derek, he made me uncomfortable. The first time, he forced himself on me. Nothing happened in the trailer & I asked him to leave. And whatever happened tonight, he did so without me being conscious! So don't you dare make me out to be the bad guy or so help me God!"

"Wait are you sayin' he...raped you?" Swazz's concern was genuine.

"I don't know," I shook my head. "I don't feel any pain or anything out of the ordinary, there's no sign of struggle. I think Derek just staged the picture to make it look suspicious. I don't think he took it that far."

Swazz took a deep breath, reading my face. "Go talk to him, he probably went back to the room."

"Bad idea bro," Rupp scoffed.

"Shut the fuck up, Dillon. And go find somethin' to clean up this blood with." Swazz nodded toward the door, signaling me to get a move on.

I wasted no time heading downstairs to his room. This was after hoping he would be there in the first place. I knocked on the door three times, staying out of view from the door's peephole. Luckily enough, he opened it.

When he saw me, he almost closed the door back in my face but I stopped it. I let myself in and closed the door behind me.

"You know I would never do that to you," my voice trembled. "Please believe me."

"Yo, you don't get how hard it is for me to open up to somebody. I broke all my fuckin' rules for you!" He was red in the face & his eyes were a little swollen. "I don't wanna fuckin' talk to you right now. Or ever, really."

"You don't mean that."

"Lux, you're fired and we're done. Go talk to Andrew about a flight home."

"Nate," I yelled. "You need to shut the hell up and listen! I've been to hell & back with you and you're gonna let me speak, you're gonna let me tell my side of the story because I refuse to be another female that gets silenced by any man & his fragile ego. Sit down!"

Nate's jaw clenched; he wanted to say something else but instead he listened & took a seat on the edge of his bed.

"Derek absolutely disgusts me," I continued. "There was never a single urge to do anything with him. I'm going to tell you everything I know and remember because, shit, I'm fuckin' sobered up right now. First of all, you had that girl escort me back to my room but I left her at the elevator. I told her I was fine with getting down the hallway because, you know, I'm not a goddamn baby. I'm a big girl that knows how to lie down in bed when she's drunk, okay? Second! Derek came out of nowhere, alone. Obviously he was keeping watch on us all. He tried to help me with my room key & said he wanted to talk or apologize or some shit. I told him no but he let himself in anyway. Next thing I know, I pass out in bed. End of story!"

"How do I know you're not lyin' to me?"

"I don't know who hurt you so hard in the past, Nate! But I'm not lying! The only thing I ever lied to you about was my true feelings for you & you know this."

"I'm sick of gettin' hurt, Lux. That's why I don't fuckin' cuff no girl!"

"Oh will you shut up!" I bring my hands up to my head, holding my hair back for a bit while I breathed. "I'm sick of this rapper ego you've got going on talking about you don't cuff and you throw stacks at the strip club. I wanna speak with the real Nate right now. Save your alter ego for the other bitches that never got past your bedroom. My fucking heart is hurting because I see in your eyes that you don't believe me!"

"You think I ain't hurtin'?!" He stood up and got in my face. "You think it's easy to breathe right now?! You think I like seein' you in front of me like this with all that just happened? I'm holdin' back a lot right now and I just--"

"Stop holding back!" I pushed him a little. "You don't have to do that with me! I love you!"

At this point, it was hard for me to breathe too. The tears came down in streams for the both of us.

"Say it back," my voice scratched. "Please. Don't hold back."

"I love you too," he cried. "Just don't hurt me. Don't be like the other girls that fucked me over, that just used me or the ones that didn't believe in me. Just be you. Promise me."

"I promise." My breath hitched right before he kissed me. 

And a kiss never felt so good, so right. What he witnessed must have been mortifying. Even with us being back & forth since the first month of working together, what we had was still fresh & vibrant. We both didn't want to let that go.

I didn't want to go back to my room, so I stayed in his. We kissed all night in bed with only the flickering glow of the TV, then I fell asleep in his arms.

+

Last show of the international leg of the tour and it was a bittersweet day. Regardless, I felt good. Nate and I were back on track. I didn't want to see or hear the name 'Derek' for the rest of the trip, much less the rest of my young life.

After the meet & greet, Swazz and I helped clean up all the gifts that fans brought. I ended up finding a phone on the floor and asked him if he recognized it.

His brows drew together as he examined it. "I don't think so. Wait...oh, this is Nate's phone."

"No it's not, this is smaller."

"It's his business phone or somethin'," Swazz shrugged. "I don't see him use it much though. Just go put it in his bag."

"Okay, be right back."

I could hear the opening artist starting her set as I walked down the hallway & got to the room. I sighed with annoyance when I saw the mess of liquor bottles that the boys left, mainly Rupp.

"Asshole," I whispered.

The boys were out back, smoking as usual. I organized the room a little & threw out the empty ones. My back pocket vibrated and it was Nate's business phone. It read "NY venue", so I answered it in case it was important.

"Nate Maloley's phone, Lux Finley speaking," I said.

"I'm sorry who is this?" A woman replied.

"Lux Finley. I work for Nate Maloley. May I ask who's calling?"

"His girl. Can you just tell him Nia called? I just wanted to know what time his flight landed tomorrow since I'll be in L.A. for a couple photoshoots."

I was frozen solid. But more than that, I was livid.

"...Nia? I'm sorry, he's never mentioned you before."

"Check the phone history, honey. We talk almost everyday. He doesn't have to publicize. Just let him know I called, please."

Nia hung up and my eyes slowly closed. I felt my heart pounding in my neck and I was just done. I tossed the phone into the bag and headed toward the back.

"Can I talk to you for a sec," I asked Nate after swinging the door open.

"Sure." He passed the joint to Rupp and joined me in private. "What's up bae?"

"Um," I cleared my throat. "I found your work phone."

"My work phone?"

"It must've fell out of your pocket or something, Swazz said it was yours so I put it in your bag."

"You sure it was mine?"

"Don't...play dumb, Nate." I crossed my arms. "I talked to Nia."

He fell silent. I was surprised he didn't immediately try to talk his way out of it.

"Lux..."

"She said she was your girl. You had her saved as NY Venue. So I can guess how you know her. Silly me, I thought it was an actual venue calling."

"Baby, she's no one." He places his hands on my shoulders.

"Does she know she's no one? She said you guys talk everyday. If we're gonna be together, I need you to be truthful with me."

He rubs his face and deeply sighs. "The thing is...if I'm truthful about Nia, we probably won't be together."

"Is that your indirect way of saying she's someone of importance to you?"

"No way in hell she's important to me. Look, okay...after the NY show, she came back to my room and...I'll spare you the details. And we would just talk on the phone and stuff."

"And stuff," I nodded. "Does she send you pictures and stuff?"

"Why do you wanna know shit like that, man?"

"That's a yes. Does she know I exist since you apparently talk a lot?" I knew the answer to this considering she had no clue who I was when I answered. But I needed to him to 'fess up & be a man about it.

"I don't wanna do this before a show."

"That's another yes," I scoffed. "You gave me so much shit about hurting you. But I guess what I don't know, won't hurt. Right?"

"I'm an asshole, I know. Just let me fix it, okay?"

"Fix it?" I was trying so hard to cry but I just wasn't strong enough. "This is a fucking plot twist if I ever saw one. You didn't want me to hurt you but see, that deal isn't a one way street."

I started backing away and he kept up with me, not letting me get away at all.

"Please let's just go somewhere and talk. I got another hour til I go on stage." 

He held onto my wrist and I yanked it away.

"I should've listened to everyone else when they told me what kind of guy you were. I guess I never met the real 'Nate' to begin with."

"Lux, please! Nia means nothing to me."

"You let her know that! You let anyone else on that 2nd secret phone know that too! I'm not about to be that type of girl. I know my worth, got that? I don't share."

He finally let me walk away. I just had to at least reach the front door and get some fresh air.

I got back to the hotel and started packing for my flight tomorrow. I don't know why but I checked snapchat and was met with videos of Nate putting so much passion into the chorus of one of his songs. He had everyone throw their middle fingers up as he yelled into the mic, red in the face...

'Don't chase no cat cuz they always come back when you go & getcha doe up!'

I sucked my teeth and closed the app. Then I called Andrew.

"Hey...I was wondering if you can trade my tomorrow flight for a sooner one...I have an emergency, I need to get back home."

+

Andrew came through clutch with sooner flight for me. I had to get out of there. So there I was on my flight to New York, then another flight to Los Angeles. I don't know how I remained so composed the entire time. I should have emotionally fallen to pieces by now. The anger in me needed to subside first, perhaps. 

How dare he get mad at me for something I didn't do when HE was the guilty one this entire time. How dare I fall for his words and swoon over his every glance.

During the Uber ride from the airport to my apartment building, I kept telling myself that I was a strong, independent woman.

And indeed, I am. But firstly, I'm human.

And this human broke down as soon as the front door opened & Elijah met me with open arms.

"Shh," Elijah rubbed my back. "It's okay, honey. You're home now."

_______________

Author's Note:

tsk tsk Nate. TSK TSK.

sorry i'm late but as u can see, I finally updated.

& I'm safe from the hurricane, thanks to anyone that reached out.

now I must sleep!

So leave me some votes & some comments! One more chapter to go!

xo