"You comfortable?" Nate asked me. His hands left no inch of my skin untouched.

I didn't even have time to respond. It was just darkness with me pinned between him and a wall. His cologne was penetrating my sense of smell. I felt him lift his shirt up above his head and heard it quietly fall somewhere to the left. His body was warm and tight, pressed against me as he nibbled in my ear.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispered.

"I don't want you to stop," I whimpered.

"No?"

"Please don't."

"Shit, I won't then. Just wake up."

"Huh?"

"Lux," his voice shook me out of my dream. "Wake up."

"Wh- huh?" I looked around like I just woke up in a spaceship, trying to figure out quickly where I was. I was in the home studio. I looked to my right and there was Swazz on the computer, Nate was across from me in his swivel chair looking at me with furrowed brows, and Tez was sitting at the end of the couch I slept on, snapchatting himself. For all I knew, he probably snapped me while I was fast asleep.

"You good," Nate asked, trying not to laugh.

"Yo she more than good," Swazz chuckled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I sat up, fixing my twisted t-shirt & my hair.

"You were like...kinda moanin' & shit," Swazz answered.

"Dreamin' about Jaxon, huh?" Tez wiggled his eyebrows.

"I wasn't-- I mean... whatever."

It was hard to ignore that the rest of the guys laughed amongst themselves while Nate eyed me down, surely catching the part where I denied it was Jaxon I was dreaming about.

"Anyway," Nate cleared his throat. "So we gotta finalize the tour plans and hit up Andrew so he could set everything up."

"You definitely gotta have your last show in L.A. again," Swazz suggested.

The boys have been writing down an entire list of potential tour stops all day. It's going to be his first time touring internationally as well. 20 cities with 5 of them being overseas. With the money from his last tour along with merch sales & ticket sales, things should be getting along nicely. Obviously he won't be staying in a 5-star hotel anywhere but he's smart. Use the $100 to turn into $1000, and so on.

"Did we, um," I stammered, still getting myself together. "Did you finalize the international stops and dates with Andrew?"

"Yeah," Nate nodded. "Two England stops, one in Dublin, one in Rome, and one in Paris."

"No Amsterdam? Shocker." I smirked at him.

"Oh we're goin' to Amsterdam," he smiled. "But that's for fun."

"Should've known."

The doorbell rang and Tez sprung up, rushing to the front door. Swazz took his time and took some cash that Nate put in his hand.

"Re-up?" I asked.

"Just gluten free pizza," Nate replied as Swazz left for the door.

"Gluten free? Finally adapting to the L.A. lifestyle? Gonna try yoga next?"

"Nah," he scratched the back of his head. "Found out I'm allergic to it."

"Oh...Sorry."

"It's whatever," he shrugged. "I guess now I got an excuse to be fit for tour."

"I love when you find the positive," I winked at him.

He rolled his chair until he was now in front of the computer.

"So," he began. "What were you really dreamin' about?"

"Don't worry about it." I dived into my phone.

"You already gave me the answer." He put on his stupid smug grin.

"Shut up. It was just a dream, don't get any ideas."

"Looks like you're the one with all the ideas, Miss Lux."

"I'll be sure to tuck them all away before I go see my boyfriend tonight."

"Yeah you do that."

I couldn't describe the look he gave me after that. Fuck. I wish he wouldn't look at me with all that hot and steamy lust in his eyes. We should've never hooked up, we'll always have that now. I'll always have that guilt sitting on my back of how much I liked it...and how much I craved it. But I looked at him and Jaxon in different ways. Jaxon always keeps me guessing, it's like a lovely adventure. And Nate...he keeps me wanting more. If only I could fuse both qualities into one perfect man.

That's the thing, though. There's no such thing as a perfect man.

+

"Yes!" Elijah exclaimed as I walked out the room. "If you don't get some tonight--"

"Elijah!"

"He's just-"

"Cooking you dinner," Elijah grinned. "...at his place...pretty sure there will be wine, I mean, he already asked you to dress up."

"Why does everything always lead to sex?" I sighed.

"Oh my God," Elijah rolled his eyes as he sipped on his glass of Chardonnay. "You sound like a 13 year old girl who is annoyed by social norms & has never been kissed."

"Okay, rude."

"So what if it leads to sex? He's your boyfriend. A hot one, at that. I won't wait up."

"Can I confess something?" I reached for my clutch, needing something to squeeze. "I fell asleep at Nate's earlier and I...had a sex dream about him."

"Nope!" He exclaimed. "No! You are not bringing him up right now! I didn't just hear that!"

"I don't know how it--"

"Dreams happen," he interrupted. "There's no explanation for them. But this is not a dream right now. This is reality and you're gonna go have a passionate night with a more deserving guy. I saw that video of Nate and that girl at that party. Ugh, like, do better."

"Nate or me?"

"Both of you! Now go! Food and sex awaits!"

+

Last night was perfect from what I could remember. Jaxon had cooked a nice steak dinner for us. He was bashful about his setup, saying he got help from his cousin to set the table with little white tea lights.

But I totally blew it. I drank too much wine and blacked out. This has to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I woke up entangled in sheets I didn't know, still wearing last night's dress but thankfully not hung over. I vaguely remember Jaxon carrying me to bed. Clearly I was in no position to drive back home.

"Morning beautiful," I heard Jaxon say.

I turned around and he was a sight for sore eyes, seated at his window, enjoying the morning breeze.

"Morning," I replied with a raspy voice & a smile.

I saw my clutch on the nightstand and quickly reached for it, proceeding to pop a mint in my mouth.

"Don't worry," he stood up. "I slept on the floor."

"Oh, you didn't have to. I'm sorry, I'm just...a mess. I was just nervous."

"About what?"

"You know..."

"No, I don't."

He came over and sat by my feet, moving the blanket up to massage them. He knew the right spots. Who knew, when someone else massages your feet, there are spots that feel absolutely orgasmic when pressure is applied.

"I-It's just," I stammered. "W-We haven't gone that far yet a-and um, oh, where did you learn how to do that?"

He shrugged and grinned at me, keeping his eyes locked on mine. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex with him, he was just so perfect. I felt maybe I wouldn't live up to his expectations.

"Whenever you're ready," he slowly felt up my calf...then my thigh. "You let me know, baby."

I gave him a knowing grin and he crawled up to me, resting his body on top of mine and kissing me ever so softly. That gentle kiss turned into a deeper one. And before I knew it, his hands were grabbing both thighs causing me to wrap my legs around him.

And then we were interrupted by my cell phone ringing. At the same time, we sighed in defeat, and I reached over to grab and answer it. It was Nate calling. At first I ignored it, getting back to Jaxon. But then my phone rang again and I went ahead and answered it.

"Yes?" I answered, obviously bothered.

"Where you at," Nate asked like a concerned parent.

"What does it matter," I scoffed.

"We have a meeting in 20 minutes with Andrew, remember?"

I sprouted up. "Wait, what time is it?"

"12:40."

"Shit," I whispered. "I must've overslept. I-I'm on my way."

I quickly hung up and got out of the bed, searching for last night's heels which I found by the bedroom door.

"I'm sorry," I told Jaxon. "I'm late for a meeting concerning Nate's upcoming tour. Can I...can I call you later?"

"I'll call you." He looked a little bothered with his slight pout and jaw clenching. "I have a meeting too."

"Okay." I kept my force smile.

"Lux..."

"Hmm?"

"I know this seems soon but, if you want, I can clear a drawer for you. Or some space in my closet. It's just, waking up to you...I want more of that."

I was nearly speechless. I've never reached this point in a relationship, I've only ever seen it on TV and movies.

"Um..." I sat back down to buckle my heels back on. "I think this is something we should talk about later. You know, when I'm not in such a hurry."

"But we will talk about it, right?"

"Of course."

I gave him several more kisses before I rushed out the door. I had to weave through traffic, making it to the meeting with 3 minutes to spare.

"A little overdressed for a meeting," Swazz said, standing next to Nate outside Andrew's house. Nate laughed along with him.

"I was still at Jaxon's when I was called."

"Ooh," Swazz teased. "Spent the night, still wearing the same dress, that means you had a good night, huh?"

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell."

Nate's smile faded. "You look nice, though."

I straightened my posture. "Thank you. Shall we?"

+

"Okay," Andrew spoke, clasping his hands together. "So we have the dates finalized, I still have to book hotels. The tour bus needs to be customized. Got a name for the tour yet?"

"The Come Up Tour," Nate stated proudly. "The last tour was named after the mixtape but this one is just gonna be a mix of everything, old and new. We're gonna drop like 6 more tracks before tour starts."

"I like it," Andrew nodded. "I'll get my artist working on some designs for the bus and for merch. As far as the traveling crew, who do we got? Minus the obvious like the bus driver, stage set-up, etcetera."

"So me, Swazz..."

"Did Nury say he's coming this time," Swazz asked.

"He might just come to the L.A. show," Nate responded. "But yeah; me, Swazz, Lux--"

"Wh- me?" I blinked.

"Of course you," he laughed. "You on payroll. Street team duty, making sure everything is held together. You're the glue, Lux."

"But the glue still has to put in some money for travel expenses, just in case you don't know." Swazz was being a smartass.

"How much?"

"We'll let you know once everything gets squared away," Andrew politely replied.

The tour was going to be almost 2 months long. I don't think Jaxon would mind minus the fact he would miss me. But he knows I have bills to pay. Also, he wouldn't mind because he has no reason not to. He has no idea about Nate & I and I don't intend on telling him.

I'm nervous about the entire thing. Regardless of how gorgeous Jaxon is, I trust him to behave while I'm gone. I'm just not sure if I'll trust myself. Traveling around the world with Nate sounds like potential trouble.

+

"So break up with him," Elijah suggested as we looked through Express. He kept complaining about needing new clothes. He finally got a bonus at work and here we are.

"He didn't do anything wrong!"

"Apparently you're about to, so...just rip off the band-aid, sweetie."

"It's possible to have feelings for two people."

"Ha! Try having feelings for three! A year after I came out, the potentials came flooding in. Three of them caught my eye and I wanted them each in different ways." Elijah gets disgusted at one of the tops he picks up. "Bleh."

"So you understand."

"Of course I do. Which is why you need to rip! Off! The band-aid! Better you hurt yourself than you hurt them."

I sighed, carelessly running my hand through the rack of shirts before me.

"Or quit," he added.

"What?"

"Pick your demons, my dear. Dump Jaxon before you cheat on him since you have some weird attraction to Skate or quit working for Skate and have more fun sleepovers with your new boyfriend. Easy."

"Easy?" I laughed. "No. No...I can do this without cutting ties anywhere. It's called restraint."

Elijah cackles and quickly shuts himself up once people stare at us.

"In case you haven't noticed, restraint doesn't exist with you nor anyone in this town."

"You underestimate me!" I grinned. "Watch, I got this. I got this!"

"Hm k. Well I got this work bonus I need to spend."

__________________

Author's Note:

Hmm, only time will tell if she got this.

Vote & comment! xo