JUNE 1915

ERIK

The worst day of my life began with the postman dropping off the mail. It was such a routine at that point that I hadn't thought of how that day could have been any different from the day before. Everything had happened that day just as they had for the past eight or so years; Gustave and I had woken up and eaten breakfast before I sent him off to school. I picked up the mail and was drinking a cup of tea while I read.

However, just as always, the world would not let me be happy.

Anger filled my chest and I clutched the teacup tighter as I read. When I reached the end, I threw it across the kitchen, screaming something that I couldn't be bothered to even process. Of course I had considered the possibility but I never imagined it actually happening. My hands were shaking, but I somehow steadied myself enough to walk over to the phone. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I asked the operator to connect me to his phone.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Nadir, I have some news." My voice was cracking like old plaster as I spoke, every word paining me to utter.

He must have heard how distraught I was in those few words since he responded quickly and firmly, saying: "Don't tell me over the phone. Stay out of the kitchen and I will be there shortly."

The line went dead and I stood there with the earpiece still in my hand, unsure of what to do next. He told me not to go into the kitchen, for reasons he and I knew all too well; there were too many things in there that I could use to do myself harm. So I moved to the living room and sat in Gustave's place on the couch instead, the letter still in my hand. All I could do was stare blankly at the sheet of paper in my hand. I wanted to crumple it, throw it in the fireplace and watch it burn, but I just sat there looking at it. It hadn't seemed like I had been there for very long when Nadir burst through the door.

"Erik, where are you?" he called. Obviously, he thought I had been in the kitchen, ignoring his request for me to stay away from the room and the hazards it held.

"I am capable of following simple instructions, Daroga," I replied, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears.

"You'll have to forgive me but our history together precedes you," he said in an attempt to crack a joke, but as he walked into the living room to join me, he quickly gathered that I could not bring myself to engage in our usual banter. "What is going on?"

"I got this with the mail today," I managed to say as I handed him the letter so he could see for himself. "Gustave has been drafted for the war."

Without even reading what I'd given him, his head shot up and he looked me in the eyes. "You can't be serious," he breathed.

"Do you really think I would joke about this!" I demanded. I was feeling so many things at once that it was hard to distinguish between the emotions. The tears started flowing as I said those words out loud, seemingly making it real. My son had been drafted. He was going to be a part of the war tearing our world apart.

"I'm not suggesting that you would, Erik. I am in just as much shock as you are. What sector?" He still had yet to read the paper in his hands; all that information was there, if he would only just take a moment to look over the letter instead of forcing me to recite it all.

"If you read the paper that is in your hand, it would tell you all of the details but he was assigned to the engineering department."

The relief that washed over his face caused me to relax a little, though only for a moment. "Thank god he isn't being sent to the front."

"Do you really think I would still be alive if he was being sent to the front?" I asked as I looked down at my hands, my wrists in particular, knowing how quickly I would have spiraled into a darker place than I had ever been in before if that had happened. "I broke a cup against the wall when I read it the first time."

"When does he leave?" Nadir inquired. More questions coming from the man who had all the answers in his hand, though who was obviously too afraid to look.

"He is expected at the train station in a week," I said slowly as a realization dawned on me. "The day after his performance at school."

He didn't respond for a few minutes, but put the paper on the coffee table and kneeled in front of me, looking me in the eyes. "Then we will all be there for him. I will be there at the train station with you. You don't have to do this alone, Erik," he said softly.

"I...I just don't know what I am going to do without him," I confessed.

He straightened up and sat next to me on the couch, patting me on the back. "We will figure it out. Just as we always have."

"I have had nightmares about something like this happening, Nadir. About him being stolen from me. " Any resolve I had towards keeping my composure was being chipped away piece by piece as though I was a block of marble. But there was no sculpture to be formed, only rubble.

I hadn't realized it yet but my hands had balled themselves into fists and before I knew what I was doing, there was a familiar sting of pain on my thigh. The release felt so good, so I continued; I pounded over and over on my leg as tears streamed down my face. Soon though, Nadir seemed to snap out of his otherworldly train of thought just in time to catch my wrist mid-swing.

"How could I ever let this happen to him?" I croaked.

"You cannot blame yourself, Erik, you know that. And what would Gustave say if he saw you doing that to yourself?" His steady grip was the only thing keeping my wrist pinned to the couch. I had lost the willpower to control my actions long ago.

I didn't have anything left to say, for there was nothing more that could be said, so I simply sat there and choked out the sobs that I had been holding back as we spoke. Nadir seemed to have understood that I had run out of words to utter as he pulled me into a tight hug. We sat like that for a while, experiencing the same pain once more. It reflected the grief that we had shared over Reza's death decades ago, but with the present case, we both had time to let our emotions flow free. We didn't have to put on a strong facade to stand before a king, we no longer had to be present in court, slaves to the beck and call of those in power. For a change, we were able to grieve openly and be by each other's side; a relieving shift.

When we finally let go of each other, we simply sat there looking at the letter not knowing how we were supposed to tell him that he was leaving.

~~~~~

Nadir had left hours before Gustave arrived home but my eyes had yet to run out of tears. I had managed to get them under control just before he left, but as soon as the door closed - as soon as I found myself faced with the impending loneliness that I was to be left with soon enough - they flowed freely all over again. I had moved to the study in hopes of throwing myself into my work, but nothing seemed to be helping. I barely even realized the time going by until I heard Gustave walk through the door.

"Papa, I'm home from school!" he cried through the house. I didn't respond right away, as I was too busy trying to get my voice to sound somewhat normal before responding, but I couldn't seem to accomplish that. Eventually, he called out to me again, determined to get a response: "Papa, are you home?"

"Yes, I'm in the study," I finally managed to reply. The stress of having to respond seemed to have forced my voice into cooperating and hiding my grief. I heard him start making his way up the stairs, but it was only then that I realized I didn't want him to see me looking like a complete mess, so I quickly turned my back to the door and acted like I was busy with the blueprints in front of me.

"Is everything alright?" Gustave asked as he walked into the room. It was a fair question; I usually tried not to be working when he came home so that I could help him with his song for the school talent show.

"Everything's fine. I hope you don't mind me working during our practice, I just really need to finish this design," I said without taking my eyes off the paper in front of me, knowing that if he saw me, he would see right through me and know I was lying.

"Alright." I could hear the confusion in his voice as he spoke. The whole scenario had to have been very unusual for him, so I couldn't have hoped for much else. He reached over on my desk to pick up the sheet music, which I thought nothing of; I assumed I would hear the first few bars of lyrics. Instead, he posed a question: "Papa, when did this arrive?"

Without even thinking, my eyes shot up, and all I felt was complete terror when I saw that he wasn't holding the sheet music; he was holding the deployment letter. I didn't know what to say, so I kept silent. Gustave had looked away from the paper at that point and had met my red and puffy eyes.

"My god, Papa. When did this come?" he asked again, though he was obviously more concerned about my wellbeing than his own.

"It came this morning." Tears were already flowing down my cheeks, but they only intensified when I saw that my son had started to cry as well as he processed our new situation. He didn't say a word at that moment; he only hugged me.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry, my boy. I promised your mother I would keep you safe," I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"It's not your fault, Papa," he choked out, hugging me a little tighter and burying his face in my shoulder. That was how we stayed for a long time, neither of us wanting to be the one to let go.

~~~~~

In the morning, Gustave and I had talked over breakfast. We had tried to act like nothing had changed at all, but the elephant in the room was impossible to ignore. Regardless, we did our best and Gustave made it out the door on time for school. Once he left, I threw myself into my work, vowing to bury myself in anything that wasn't my own dangerous thoughts. I was so tired of crying that I couldn't even bring myself to put on Christine's record; I knew fresh tears wouldn't be far behind once I let her voice fill the room.

It wasn't until around two in the afternoon that I realized I should eat something or else I'd have either Gustave or Nadir - or even worse, both at the same time - on my back for it. I had just put the kettle on when I heard a knock on the door, but it was so soft that I was second guessing whether or not I had actually heard anything as I walked to the front foyer. Thankfully, I was correct and I opened the door to see Madeleine, though she wasn't in the same cheerful mood as she was at our usual visits; tears were streaming down her face as she clutched a crumpled piece of paper in her hand like it were the only thing keeping her grounded in this world. I immediately recognized the colour of the envelope and was struck to the bone with fear. This couldn't possibly be happening. Not them too...

"It happened, Erik," she choked out through her uneven breaths. "T-They're taking my baby away from me."

"Come in, Maddie," I said as I ushered her inside, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close to my side. "Tell me everything. I was just making tea."

After the tea was made and her breathing was regulated, she was able to try to explain the situation at hand. She uncrumpled the paper and tossed it onto the table, which let me see that it was almost identical to the one I had received only the day before.

"I got this in the mail this morning." She pointed at it as if it were poisonous, like she couldn't bear to touch it again.

I picked it up to read it and it was, in fact, identical to the one for Gustave. Reading it, I quickly began to get choked up all over again. It was such a personal stab; even if William wasn't my son, he had become like one over the past eight years.

"At least our boys can keep each other out of trouble," I croaked.

A sharp gasp escaped her. "You can't mean what I think you do?" she breathed.

"I was reading the mail yesterday and came across it. I threw a cup against the wall and broke it." I couldn't look her in the eyes until I was sure the tears that had been forming in my eyes had disappeared. I had to keep myself together for her sake in that moment; it was her turn to be the parent in grief. In that moment, though, a new layer of fear filled my thoughts and tears threatened to spill all over again. "Charles. Did he...?"

"Oh god, no." She sounded so relieved just uttering those simple words, and my own anxiety lessened with that fact. "Thank the Lord he didn't. I don't know what I'd do if they took both of my boys," she said, taking a shaky breath before adding, "Especially considering the other development of the day."

My heart dropped in my chest, unsure of what she meant by that. "What do you mean? Have things gotten worse? I haven't listened to the radio recently."

She let out a small chuckle at my obvious confusion; at least she was laughing rather than crying. "No, Erik, what I mean is...I am with child again. I got the confirmation this morning at the doctor's. I didn't think it was possible for someone my age," she said as more tears welled in her eyes. "It's quite bittersweet, isn't it? God gifts me with one baby as he sees it fit to pull another from my arms."

With that statement, she began crying again so I pulled my chair closer to hers and hugged her tightly. "Madeleine, it's wonderful that you're pregnant again. You and Charles must look at the bright side; you're going to have a little baby to hold in your arms and love very, very soon, and William will come home to meet his new little brother or sister. Your family is expanding and that's absolutely incredible," I said softly.

A small smile spread across her face as she took out her handkerchief to wipe under her eyes. "I suppose you're right," she said quietly. "I just can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen."

"Neither can I. We know those two, though. They will do anything to keep one another safe." In an attempt to comfort her, I put my arm around her shoulders before I continued: "I understand your fear, Maddie, but if we are going to survive the next God knows how long, we cannot think like that. We have to try to remain positive. Our boys are strong; they can get through this and will do it together, just as our families will cope together. Plus, you have a huge positive on the way. You have a life growing inside of you! That's one of the most incredible things that can happen to a person."

She didn't respond with words; she simply nodded before saying, "You're right. They are going to be together, just as they have always been."

"Exactly. They may be leaving together, but they will come home together. I know it."

"They'll keep each other safe." Her statements were reiterating what we had said only moments ago, but I could tell she was doing so in an attempt to quell her own anxiety, so I didn't say a word.

"They're brothers, it's what they do," I assured her. "Now, dry your tears. I expect you to go home and relax; you have a little baby to take care of. You must be excited, aren't you?"

She followed my instructions and wiped away the fresh tears from her cheeks before her hand came to rest on her abdomen. "It's strange actually. I am absolutely overjoyed yet terrified at the same time."

"Why are you scared? You've done this before."

"Well, you see..." She trailed off and looked down at her feet, seemingly in embarrassment. "I haven't told Charles just yet."

My jaw went slack with shock. I could not believe what I had just heard! "You told me before you told your husband!" I exclaimed.

"Well, I knew you'd be home, and I didn't want to disrupt his day at work," she replied sheepishly. "He's so busy with his students, I would hate to interrupt."

"That's not how this usually works, Maddie. Forgive me, I am new to this entire pregnancy reveal concept, but shouldn't the father of the child know first?" I was still completely flabbergasted, so I was being slightly more blunt than usual.

"But Erik, Charles keeps talking about retirement. He is going on about our lives after William leaves home and starts a family of his own. How is he going to react to having to raise and support another child?" Maddie asked, clearly desperate for an answer.

I realized that I may have been a bit insensitive - her fear was completely rational. So after a deep breath, I made an attempt at calming her nerves: "Maddie, if I know Charles at all, I know that he is always trying to make you smile. I've seen how he looks at you; he seems like a schoolboy with a crush every time. And if having another baby is going to make you smile, he will do it with you in a heartbeat."

She seemed to have been amused by my comment about her husband being a lovestruck child, as a smile crossed her face and her cheeks flushed a bit. It made me feel good to know she trusted me enough to know these details about her life. I also seemed to feel lighter making her laugh; it was almost as if it was helping me cope as well.

"I hope you're right," she said.

"Well, I am hardly ever wrong," I said, smiling when she laughed again. "Here's an idea: I propose that you, Charles and William come over for dinner tonight. We can celebrate the strength of our boys and your little one on the way. That way you have a perfect opportunity to tell your husband and son."

"That sounds lovely, Erik. Thank you."

"As always, you are very welcome."

"Do you want any help with dinner?" she asked. I chuckled, as I could already see the gears turning in her head as she considered all the possible things she could bring.

"No, no," I said. "You have to get yourself and the two little heathens you have ready. Let me handle dinner."

~~~~~

That evening we were all gathered around the dinner table, as if it were any other night. Charles and William seemed to be a bit shaky; Maddie had undoubtedly discussed the deployment letter with them, and William and Gustave had probably already discussed their situation alone in the latter's room before dinner. I was trying to keep the mood light by discussing a particularly annoying client I had been trying to deal with, though it was nice to be able to discuss it with someone.

"No exaggeration, the man commissioned a mansion with four levels and an enormous backyard, then called me two days after our initial conversation to ask if it was finished. Has the concept of patience been entirely lost on people?" I asked as I sipped my drink, then shook my head a bit. "Anyhow, that's enough about my day. Someone else tell a story, please." As I said that, Maddie shot me a quick look that told me she was ready to share her news. I gave her a small nod, encouraging her to continue.

"Actually I had a rather eventful day as well," she began.

Charles turned to face her, clearly already sensing that his wife was tense. "What's going on, dear?" he inquired.

"Well...there isn't really any way around it, so I'll be frank. I'm pregnant," Maddie said softly.

A heavy silence fell on the table and a mutual anxiety festered in Maddie and I. My only prayer in that moment was that I hadn't filled Maddie with false hope. I didn't know what I would do with myself if I had lied to her, of all people. I glanced at Gustave then and shared a knowing glance, telling him to break the silence.

"That's amazing! You're going to be a big brother, Will!" he said, giving his friend a pat on the back.

William seemed to still be in too much of a state of shock to form coherent sentences, though thankfully, Charles was able to say something more: "Well. I suppose my study will have to be converted into a nursery."

Maddie's eyes lit up with joy at his words. "So you aren't upset?" she asked.

He laughed a little at her question and kissed her before saying, "How could you think that, dear? This baby is a part of you. By that logic, I already love it."

He practically jumped out of his chair and pulled her up with him, bringing her into a kiss once more before he dropped to his knees and kissed her belly. "Hello little one. I know you're barely anything larger than a pea right now, but don't worry. I love you so, so much," he said, leaning his head against her belly.

Maddie's face was flushed from her husband's outburst, but the smile on her face made it all worthwhile. With that comment from his father, William seemed to have been released from his trance and a wide smile spread across his face before he stood up and practically ran over to his mother to hug her. Gustave followed by example and, within moments, I was the only one still seated at the table.

"Erik, are you still with us? Didn't you hear? She's pregnant!" Charles asked as he prodded at me. I blinked hard, quickly realizing that my lack of reaction at this point probably looked suspicious.

"It's amazing!" I said, although my simple, yet probably over-exaggerated, reaction clearly didn't help my case.

"You knew, didn't you?" Charles said with a pointed glare.

"What do you mean? I'm just as shocked as you, I promise!" I raised my hands up in surrender.

"You told him before you told me!" Charles looked back to Maddie, though he was clearly more amused than angry.

"I knew he'd be home! And I needed to tell someone," Madeleine said in her defense. I couldn't help but laugh as well, considering that she was giving him the same excuse she gave me.

"Regardless, I couldn't be happier for you," I said as I got to my feet to shake his hand but instead got pulled into a hug. Once we let go, I watched a look that could only be described simply as dread wash over his face.

"I'm never going to sleep!" he exclaimed before turning to Maddie again. "We're going to have to change nappies again! And teach them to talk, walk...oh boy."

She simply laughed at him. "I think you forgot that you left me to change all the nappies," she said.

"Dear god, Mother, was he this nervous when you found out about me?" William piped up.

"Even more so, believe me," Maddie replied, giggling as she did.

I couldn't help but stifle a laugh myself, though that did earn me a hard glare from Charles. "I really can't judge, I never changed nappies," I said.

"Exactly, you missed this part. You didn't have to wake up every two hours because your baby woke up crying," he jabbed at me.

"Once again dear, I believe you and I have very different memories of William's infancy," Maddie said, pressing a kiss to her husband's cheek as her comment earned another laugh from everyone.

"Consider yourself lucky, Charles. Even with the sleepless tights and menial tasks, I would have given anything to have held Gustave as a baby," I admitted to him. Looking at my son, my heart ached a little, knowing that I had missed all the vital years of his life. Even still, seeing him as the man he was becoming made me feel all the more grateful for the time we had shared together.

I turned back to Maddie then, who still had the biggest smile on her face. "I told you so."

"Yes, yes, you were right. No need to get cocky," she teased.

"I'm always right!" I declared, then turned to the full dinner I had prepared that was sitting on the table, uneaten and quickly getting cold. "Come on, let's finish dinner. There is plenty of time for rejoicing afterwards."

We all returned to our seats just in time for Charles to raise his glass. "A toast. A hello and goodbye. To new life, and to the fact that not even the military can separate our boys."

~~~~~ 

updated: 11-13-20

word count: 4406

sorry to hit you guys with something like this. mixed emotions this chapter! Lots to come :)

thanks for reading!