┊ ˚➶ ｡˚𝓦𝓱𝔂 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓛𝓮𝓯𝓽 𝓘'𝓵𝓵 𝓝𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔀 ˚｡➶˚┊

She didn't know what to think or feel.

The bandages covering her stump were as blank as her mental state. Jungkook stayed by her side, as did Shawman. He had returned from the castle. Apparently, they were finishing up the fight. The Emperor's men were on their last legs. The rebellion won, but they lost many of their members to do so. They won. The castle was theirs. New Theon was theirs. The Emperor needed to die to solidify the future of New Theon, but they had a start. A real start. All of the fighting she did mattered. Hoseok's death mattered. Jin's death mattered. Her life mattered.

But why did it feel so shallow?

Asking that question meant nothing. She already knew. Jimin's betrayal hit her harder every second she stared at her stump. Her right hand was her dominant hand, and unlike Jimin, she wasn't ambidextrous. Relearning to use a sword and basic utensils would take months if not years. If they had to fight the Emperor, she would be nothing more than a pretty face and a meat shield.

Shawman had therapists in the room. He had demanded them the moment he heard who caused Y/n's hand to fall. A million theories wrapped around her mind, but she couldn't tell if she was being delusional or not. There were two options: either that was Jimin's doing, or it was not. Both were equally terrifying. Either Jimin was on the Emperor's side the entire time, or the Emperor did something to him. But how? Jimin seemed happier. Was it an act?

"You've been standing there silently this whole time," Y/n said, her voice hoarse. Shawman peeked up at that. "Why aren't you talking to me? What do you know that I don't?"

"I don't know anything." The floorboards of the captain's cabin squeaked as Shawman approached. He waved the therapists off, and although confused, they left the room. "I'm thinking. Jimin wouldn't betray us like that, there's no way. He trained us. Even if that was an act, no one's acting is good enough to pretend to love you that much. That boy was preparing a proposal for you."

She hated the use of past tense. She hated how her dream wedding crashed and burned the second Jimin raised his sword. It wasn't like she had time to think or react. After all, why would she suspect her lover of wanting to harm her? They had just made love not long before that. The thought made her sick to her stomach now.

"You want my honest opinion?" Shawman asked.

"He cut off my hand." Y/n paused to glare. "Tell me everything."

"I think he can talk perfectly fine."

"But that-"

"He randomly got better, he magically was able to speak a sentence so he could go to the City and monitor us, and he had no physical impairment to his speech. I think the Emperor sent us to that Flagship on purpose."

"To rescue Jimin," Y/n mumbled as she trembled in the captain's bed.

"But we took the castle. If Jimin was supposed to destroy us from the inside, then what is the Emperor planning? Are you telling me it's not over yet?" Jungkook asked.

"There's nowhere else the Emperor can hide. We took over everything he has," Shawman said, stroking his chin. "I don't know where else to check."

Before Jungkook could add to the conversation, the door opened and revealed Min Yoongi. He was the one who had witnessed Jimin kissing Y/n for the first time. She wondered if he recognized her from the event, though she did try her best to conceal her face from him.

"I rescued Jihyun. He's with the other rebels. We're onboard and ready to depart for Mount Moros on your word," Yoongi said to Shawman.

Shawman whistled. "Jungkook?"

"On it."

Jungkook got behind Yoongi and kicked his knees. Yoongi grunted and fell to the ground, Jungkook grabbing the back of his hair and forcing him back up. Yoongi strained when Jungkook pulled his locks, but he didn't seem offended by the harshness. If anything, he seemed tired.

"We had plenty of men surrender, but none were as eager to help as you. Not only that, but you were eager to help and you followed through with it. Care to explain yourself?" Shawman asked.

"Jimin is my friend. Is it so hard to believe I want to be on his side?"

"Your 'friend' just frolicked off with the Emperor. Care to explain that? What did the Emperor do to him while he was in the castle? Why did the Emperor put him on the Flagship?"

Yoongi hesitated. Then, he hung his head. "The Emperor didn't hurt him physically."

"No shit, we gathered that much. Why couldn't Jimin talk?" Shawman asked, kneeling and grabbing Yoongi's chin to force their eyes to lock.

"Jimin can talk, but the Emperor told him not to."

"It felt too real," Y/n said in a trembling tone. "He said he loved me."

"Your Jimin isn't here anymore, I'm sorry. The Emperor reconditioned him to be nothing more than a pet. He's a slave waiting to get called. He got planted on that Flagship so you could rescue him and he could stay in contact with the Emperor via a tablet."

"He was acting? But that makes no sense, that was too real to be acting. I know it," Y/n said.

Yoongi frowned. "You're in denial. You think the women he's gotten with in the past ever suspected him of lying? It's not like he isn't used to acting. Why do you think he stopped talking? It was so you wouldn't notice something was wrong. Instead of asking questions about what happened to him, you pitied him and didn't want to risk triggering him. It was a genius plan, really. No one would suspect a thing."

"But none of it mattered, did it?" Shawman asked with a snort. "The Emperor's men fell. The castle is ours."

"Don't you think this feels too easy?"

Jungkook yanked Yoongi's hair. "The hell do you mean by that?"

"He let you take the castle. He knew it was the next step. You're going to set up your new world, and as soon as you get comfortable, the Emperor is going to rise and take over again with an army and weapons more dangerous than you've ever seen," Yoongi said. Jungkook released him, and Yoongi grunted from the freedom. "Listen, I can help you, but only if you promise you won't kill me when you're done."

Shawman and Y/n were quiet. Y/n didn't know what to say. It was too much all at once. There were no concrete answers she could wrap her mind around. Jimin was reconditioned to serve only the Emperor. It was all an act. Him not being able to speak was an act to get the others to pity him, and it worked. Repeating his brother's name was an act to divert the attention on Jihyun instead of him. The tablet he fiddled with wasn't a distraction, it was him contacting the Emperor. All the information aligned in her head until she realized it.

Park Jimin was dead.

Tears slipped down her face. The man she had once wanted to marry was gone, or at least, a mere shell of himself. Even if they found him and managed to subdue him, there was no guarantee they could treat him. And that was without factoring in if treatment would work enough to bring back the old Jimin. There was only so much trauma a person could go through before they broke.

Jungkook noticed her hesitation and stepped in front of Yoongi. He tapped Shawman's shoulder, and Shawman got the hint. He backed away and let Jungkook stand over Yoongi with determined eyes Y/n wished she had.

"If you tell us everything we need to know and it is accurate information, I give you my word you won't be harmed. If you fight for the rebellion, I will make a petition for your full pardon," Jungkook said.

Shawman and Y/n whipped their eyes up to Jungkook at that. A pardon for a monster who worked for the Emperor? Yoongi wasn't a guard. He wasn't an innocent man doing his job for a family; Yoongi was the Emperor's intelligence officer.

Jungkook glanced back at Y/n. It was more of a glare. "You can forgive and pardon Jimin despite the hundreds he's killed, but you can't pardon an intelligence officer? He hasn't killed a fraction of the rebels Jimin has. That's assuming he's ever killed at all. Don't be a hypocrite. I know you're in pain, but taking it out on Yoongi isn't going to solve anything, especially when he's our best shot of finding Jimin and the Emperor."

As much as it pained her to admit it, Jungkook was right. It would be hypocritical to give Jimin a pardon if Yoongi, a man who didn't commit even half the atrocious crimes Jimin did, didn't get one. When she nodded, Jungkook turned back to Yoongi.

"I'm the Emperor's second-most trusted man behind Namjoon," Yoongi explained. "Even if he doesn't tell me his plans, I know them from my research and monitoring of the castle. All the meeting rooms have cameras. I watch them and listen. I saw what they did to Jimin."

"Is there any hope of getting my Jimin back?" Y/n asked, although she didn't want to know the answer.

"Not fully, no. There was... too much damage. I'm sorry. He might be able to get back to his normal personality, but his mental state is too far gone. Reality is blurred for him. They reconditioned him to make him think the rebels were the enemies and you were just another woman he was sleeping with to keep the peace. If you can reverse the damage, he'll regain himself, but my guess is he'll get triggered much easier, and there's no guarantee he won't snap back into his programming at any moment in the future. If he even hears the word 'Emperor,' it could set him off. It'd take years of reconditioning to get him back to normal. It's easy to break someone's mental state, but it's not so easy to repair it."

"I understand," Y/n mumbled. "Why didn't the Emperor do that in the first place? If he wanted Jimin on his side, why not start with the reconditioning when he first took Jihyun and Jimin as kids?"

"There was no point when they were kids. They were young and impressionable. As they grew older, the Emperor figured he could save his precious time by threatening Jimin's dear brother instead. And it goes beyond that. This type of torture is experimental, lengthy, and dangerous. If it didn't work, the Emperor would've lost his best soldier. It wasn't a risk he was willing to take until he realized Namjoon was just as skilled as Jimin."

"So Jimin was the guinea pig? They've never done this before?" Jungkook asked with horror in his tone.

Yoongi sighed. "He was the guinea pig."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Shawman muttered, and Y/n mentally agreed.

After a beat of quiet, Jungkook set his shoulders and focused on the task at hand. "Where did the Emperor go?"

"He went to his arsenal. It's on the south side of New Theon, near the water. It's not close enough to be in firing range of the navy, but if something goes wrong, the Emperor could easily hitch a ride out there and be safe on his ships," Yoongi replied.

"The arsenal is a death trap, isn't it?"

"It's the most powerful place in New Theon. There are guards training there and weapons beyond your comprehending. You may have secured a few guns, but they have everything there. The weaponry isn't nearly as advanced as it was a hundred years ago, but it's more than enough to wipe the rebellion off the face of New Theon. They're preparing for a counter-attack. You won't survive."

"Then tell us how to breach it," Jungkook said.

"Breach it? Are you insane? You'd die."

"The entirety of New Theon is on our side. Surely quantity will win over them."

"Yeah let's see that quantity go up against rifles and shotguns," Yoongi said with bulging eyes. "You've gone mental."

"If what you're saying is true, it's only a matter of time before they come after us anyway. Why not strike them now? If they think anything like you, they won't see it coming," Jungkook replied.

"As true as that is, you need to recover from the castle first. You still don't know the fatalities. Shouldn't you finish this siege before planning another?"

"Of course, no one's saying we're doing this tomorrow. We'll be slow and smart about this."

It went quiet after that. Since it had been a long day and there wasn't much more to say, Shawman escorted Yoongi out. That left her and Jungkook alone. She gazed at her stump. Ever since it happened, she had been playing it over and over again in her mind. Jimin had no emotion in his eyes as he took her limb from her. It made her sick.

Jungkook was about to leave her alone, but the door snapped open and revealed a bleeding Taehyung, who seemed more enraged than concerned for his well-being.

"What happened? Where's Namjoon?" Jungkook asked.

"That bastard got away!" Taehyung yelled, pacing back and forth. It was just then that Y/n saw Taehyung had his left ear cut off with bits of the lobe dangling off the side. "I tried fighting him with the others, but he almost killed all of us. I barely got away with my life. God dammit!"

Taehyung limped over to the wall and kicked it. Jungkook closed the door for privacy and rubbed Taehyung's shoulder. The next two minutes consisted of soft sobs from Taehyung, and Jungkook attempting to comfort him.

"I don't get it," Tae said, his voice quivering. "I did everything I could. I trained through my injury, I sacrificed my morals, I ran into battle. Yet it wasn't enough. Namjoon still got away. He got away with taking Jin from us, from me. Why does he get to walk free? I need to take him out I... I need to."

"Tae," Jungkook whispered. "We all want Namjoon gone, but you shouldn't have to sacrifice parts of yourself to do it."

With tear-filled eyes, Taehyung brought his gaze to Jungkook's and dropped his voice to a murmur. "Jin would've done it for me."

Jungkook slumped his shoulders. "I know. Come on, go to Shawman and show him your injury. We're overbooked right now. Jimin's brother is here."

"At least something went right. At least the Park brothers are reunited," Tae said. When their faces fell, Taehyung froze. "You're shitting me."

"Jimin's gone," Y/n muttered. "Not dead, but gone. It was all an act. He got reconditioned by the Emperor. He betrayed us. Who do you think gave this to me?"

She held up her stump, and Taehyung threw a hand over his open mouth. The silence persisted after the revelation. Taehyung slowly lowered his shaking hand and took in a few deep breaths. The next words he said caused Y/n to lose all faith in herself and the future.

"Who's gonna tell Kastor?"

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚˚｡➶˚┊

Y/n stared at the ocean.

After returning to Mount Moros, she didn't want to stay inside. They'd help her get back on her feet and teach her to use a sword with her other hand, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to convince them to let her go to the arsenal. Jimin would be there, and she needed to see him. She wanted to know if she could ever look at him the same.

No one else was around. It was night with the moon shining on the water. She sat on the shore and didn't care about the rocks digging into her legs. She had phantom pain from where her limb had fallen. After everything that had happened, the limb was the least of her worries. Jimin was on her mind. More specifically, the words Yoongi said.

To Jimin, Y/n was just another woman. Another woman he had to pretend to love to serve the Emperor. After everything he had been through with her, and she got reduced to another number in his mental tally. Before, he got to choose with her. He had the right to choose with her. And the Emperor took that away. He took away the last thing Jimin had left of his sanity.

Jimin was a zombie, in a way. He had his memories, only they were twisted. Distorted. Jimin would never be the same again. Would he even remember his happiness? Was it all for nothing? Would he hate his name again and wish death upon her for being part of the rebellion?

She was interrupted by footsteps. She had lived with the rebellion long enough to know whose they were before he stepped into view. He sat beside her in the same slumped position she had. They gazed at the ocean. For the first time, she wasn't scared of it. Part of her wished a giant wave would come and wash her away. It sounded easier than having to see Jimin again.

"Why him?" Kastor asked. She hadn't seen the man break down before, but based on his coarse tone, she had a feeling she was about to.

"The Emperor takes the things we love most and crushes them into little pieces until we don't recognize them anymore. He did it with Hoseok, Seulgi, Jin... and now Jimin."

"But that's not..." Kastor broke off and sucked in a breath to contain himself. "He's just a kid. More than any of you, he's just a kid. He never got to grow up. Why does he have to suffer? He's a kid, he's..." She glanced at him in time to see him rubbing his lips together and pressing his hands against his knees, rolling his skin back and forth as if that would relieve the pain. "I can't lose another kid, Y/n. I can't."

She didn't know what to say. Giving false hope was worse than telling the truth. Based on Yoongi's explanation, Jimin was gone and buried the second the Emperor got him. The last words the true Jimin said to her were 'I love you.' She could live with that. But she couldn't live with the new Jimin. No, it wasn't even Jimin. It was Commander Park. A different entity from a different world.

Her silence showed her thoughts, and Kastor nodded at that. He nodded once. Twice. Three times. Then, he sobbed like she had never heard him sob before. The wails were dragged out of his lungs with an iron fist and thrown into the air until they clogged up the sky. Y/n wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her chin to rest on her knees. Despite the screams and cries of Kastor, she kept her focus on the peaceful water that waved to her. It was an abyss she once feared. Now, she yearned for its presence. She yearned for it to engulf her in warmth. It would be a sweet release from responsibility.

Y/n had never been so weak. Losing Hoseok destroyed her, but not to the same level as losing Jimin. She had known him for over two years. She had planned to marry him. The plans were gone. They had all fallen down, joining the ashes left behind by Hoseok and Jin. She had yet another funeral to go to, only this time, it was the one that would break her.

"It's not fair," Kastor said through his tears. "It's not fair."

"It's the price of war," she whispered while keeping her eyes on the moon. She clutched the wedding ring Hoseok had gifted her. It was hidden under her tunic. "There was never a place for me in this rebellion. I wasn't born to do this. I'm no leader. I've never been one."

"But Y/n-"

"Not everyone has to be a leader. Not everyone can be," Y/n said, releasing the ring and letting out a sigh. "My role was different, it always has been. I'm not supposed to lead. I never was."

"Then what are you supposed to do?" Kastor asked.

She saw the iridescent rays of the moon. They reflected over the water and made it look like glass. She had once adored the way colors meshed together, but they had lost their shine. One more mission, then the Emperor would die and New Theon would be free. One more mission, then she could find the shine again. She could find out if the kid inside her was still there. This time, she wasn't fighting for New Theon's freedom. She was fighting for Jin, Hoseok, and hers. So, she smiled despite the tears falling out of her eyes.

"Live. I'm supposed to live."

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚𝓦𝓱𝔂 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓛𝓮𝓯𝓽 𝓘'𝓵𝓵 𝓝𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔀 ˚｡➶˚┊

A/N: I feel like a lot of stories do the arc of the protagonist turning into a leader. I've done stories like that too (cough Adrift) and I think they're addicting, but I wanted to try something different. What do you think of Y/n accepting she's not a leader? I think it's important to show stories of all styles. Just because someone isn't a leader doesn't make them any less important, it just means they have a different role. I'm curious to hear your thoughts!