Hanna

 I sighed and looked into the sunset as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around me. Regret. It’s definitely not a happy emotion. It had been a whole year worth of regret. The battle was tomorrow and if I died, I wouldn’t be happy with my life. Ever since Simon had saved me from the Death Eaters it had been a roller coaster of emotion that I had never thought possible.

“Hanna,” whispered a husky voice in my ear.

I sighed and shrugged out of his grip. “Simon,” I said, my voice cracking. “No.”

“No?” he laughed. “You didn’t say no last night.”

“No, but perhaps I should have,” I said with such anger that it caused me to turn and look at him. “I was actually going to tell you no last night, but I couldn’t. I love you, Simon. I really do, but I don’t think it’s enough.”

He grimaced and nodded in understanding. “You haven’t resolved anything with Malfoy.”

I nodded my head and look down at her feet. “I just don’t know if my feelings have completely gone for him. I mean, they hadn’t totally gone away when you saved me months ago. I only…” I paused and looked up into his kind, much too kind, eyes.

“You wouldn’t have made love to me all summer long,” he said in defeat and scratched the back of his head. “If I would’ve known that you felt this way, I wouldn’t have even tried.”

“No,” I said, grabbing his arm and preventing him from leaving. “I’m glad that you did try. I wanted to make love to you, Simon. I wanted to know what it felt like to be with you, to hold you, to feel you inside me. I needed to know if I loved you.”

He nodded, not quite looking at me. “But you don’t.”

Tears pricked my eyes. “No, Simon. I do love you. I just-“

“Don’t know if it’s enough. I heard you the first time,” he said, pulling from my grip. “You still need to figure things out, despite the fact that we’ve been making love for almost a year, almost every night, definitely every chance we could. After every touch, every sweet word between us, you’re still not sure if you fully love me. Well,” he paused and actually looked me in the eyes, “I suggest that after tomorrow you don’t come find me. You go find Malfoy, and you figure it out. I won’t be waiting forever. I promise you that.”

He then walked down to the beach house of Bill and Fluer’s where we had been staying since he busted me. Molly took us here herself. I loved that woman. She has helped me with so much, and she and mum have actually tried to help me with my dilemma. Draco or Simon. Mum, of course, was all for Simon. He was her hero after all. Molly was indifferent. She told me just to do what my heart told me. I just didn’t know what my heart wanted. It was such a huge mess.

I had thought that it was partially Draco’s fault that I had been locked up in his dungeon. I know I tried to save him, but it didn’t work. Simon had actually came to save me, and I didn’t even kiss or hug Draco goodbye when we left because I had thought that he was just going to leave me down there to rot just like his first girlfriend, but Simon told me otherwise. He could’ve just kept that information to himself, make himself look like the hero, but his chivalry made me want him even more. He wanted me to truly figure out who I loved, which meant that I needed to know the good and the bad of both parts of my heart. Both felt like they could collapse at any second.

I decided to follow Simon down to the house. He had just reached it and was opening the door. It was getting dark fast, so I high tailed it down and entered through the same door. I caught a glimpse of Simon walking up the stairs. With a sigh, I looked over at mum and Fluer.

“What happened now?” mum asked, rushing over to me. “You look like you’re about to cry. I thought you and Simon were happy.”

I shook my head. “He was happy. I wasn’t.”

“What happened out there?”

I sighed once more. “I told him that I wasn’t happy, that I still loved Draco.”

“And he got angry?”

I shrugged. “I think he’s just hurt that after this past year that I don’t know whether or not that I love him the way that he loves me.”

“I know that you love him,” Fiona brushed some hair out of my face, “but you love Draco more.”

“Mum, you always said to-“

“Go with Simon, but he’s not the one that you truly love. I can see it in your eyes that you don’t love Simon the way that he wants you too, and you never will,” she sighed. “You’re like me, going after the boy that isn’t approved by your mum.”

I smiled.

“The only reason that I don’t approve of him is because he actually has the power to take you away from me,” she said and I pulled her into another hug.

“Mum,” my voice cracked a little. “No one could ever take me away from you.”

“You left me last year.”

I shook my head. “And I shouldn’t have.”

“It was an amazing idea to leave, Hanna. You’re the reason why I wanted to quit drinking.”

“I know,” I smiled. “Simon told me.”

“Figure out who you love,” she said, “and you’re going to do it after the war. Okay? You are going to stay here with me and be safe.”

I shook my head. “I just can’t do that, mum. I can fight.”

“Are you implying that I can’t?”

I shrugged. “You’re not magical. You wouldn’t last. You have to stay here.”

“And you have to as well. I’m sorry but I can’t lose you again, sweetie,” she kissed me on the cheek. “Now, off to bed with you.”

I knew that my mother loved me, but I wasn’t going to stay cooped up while there was fighting going on. Both of the men that I loved were going to be fighting. I was going to be there by one of their sides, making sure that I don’t lose both of them.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Simon called after me as I was about to climb out the bedroom window. “You can’t be running. I won’t let you.”

I sighed and pulled my leg back in. “I have to, Simon.”

 “No, you don’t.”

“If I don’t, then I’ll be forced to stay here in the morning. So,” I put my leg back through, “I’m leaving now, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“I’m coming with you then,” he said, pushing me to move faster out the window. “You can’t go out by yourself. You’ve been kidnapped before and that’s not happening again.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Once we were a considerable distance away from the cottage, we apparated to Hogsmeade. At once, Simon pushed me against the brick wall of the alley that we arrived in. There were snatchers running amuck looking for blood traitors like us.

“I think I heard someone over here,” one of them said and headed in the opposite direction.

We then slowly made our way out of the dark and into the street light. I then noticed that someone else had the same idea. Simon threw himself in front of me before I realized that I knew who was standing in front of us. It was Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

 “Simon, put your wand down,” I laid my hand on his arm. “These are friends.”

“Hanna?” Ron asked, closing the distance between us and scooping me up in a hug.

“It’s me,” I said. “You guys look great!”

“Sorry for inturupting,” Simon said, “but don’t you think that we should get out of the lights before we’re found out?”

Harry nodded. “Yes, we should.”

“In here,” came a voice no one knew.

We then saw a man standing in the middle of a door way, the door way to the Hogshead. We all looked at Harry, who led the way into the bar. It was as quant as I remember it, and I’m being sarcastic. Simon walked in with his arm around me, which made Hermione give me an awkward look. I just shrugged and walked past her, out of Simon’s grip and to Harry’s side. The picture that he was looking at was of a little girl. She kind of looked like the man that let us in, mainly around the eyes.

“You’re Aberforth, aren’t you?” Harry asked and turned away.

I kept looked at the picture though. There was something about the little girl, something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Simon appeared next to me and took my hand, but I didn’t look at him. Somehow, I felt that if I tore my eyes from the painting, the little girl would do something as soon as I turned my head. Then all of a sudden, she turned and walked away. I looked over at Simon, who was listening to the conversation between Harry, Hermione, and Aberforth.

“What is it?” He asked when he realized I was staring at him.

I pointed at the painting. “The little girl is gone.”

“Probably to go back to her other portrait,” he raised an eyebrow up at me. “Are you alright?”

I nodded and looked back at the portrait. The little girl looked like she was coming back, but there was someone with her. I couldn’t make out who it was, but when they got closer I was shocked to see that it was a beaten Neville Longbottom. What the hell happened?

We learned that Hogwarts had been taken over by the Death Eaters. I knew that they probably would, but Neville was telling us about these awful teachers called the Carrows. Apparently, they’re a brother and sister who like to resort to the unforgivable curses for punishment, and Neville has been on the wrong end of the wand way too many times. He told us that they were powerful and resourceful and sneaky. We had to be on alert full time. Too bad I wasn’t.

I saw Draco. He needed me. So, I called out to him.

“Draco!”

As soon as I did, one of the Carrows grabbed me from behind. It was the male one because someone yelled out good job, Arrow. I turned my want so that I could do something useful with it, but it was snatched out of my hand.

“Hanna?” I heard him call back.

“Draco!” I called out again.

“Let her go!” Draco said, walking into my field of sight, his wand out.

Before I knew what was happening, a spell was shot from the Carrow and it was directed right at Draco. Time seemed to stop as my heart stopped beating. That was until Simon jumped in front of him and took the spell straight to the chest. I stopped struggling. I stopped breathing.

“Simon?” I heard Draco’s voice quiver.

There was a laugh from behind me and I lifted my leg and flung it back as hard as I could, right between the legs. Both wands dropped to floor as I was released. I ran over to Simon to check that he was still breathing. It hadn’t been a green curse after all. He was, but blood was trickling from his mouth. I touched the corner of his mouth and wiped the blood away.

“I hope you’re happy with him, Hanna,” he whispered.

I shook my head. “No, Simon, don’t-“

“I love you, Hanna. Always have,” he reached up and touched my cheek gently, “and always will.”

He closed his eyes then. He hadn’t stopped breathing though. There was still a chance. I stood, tears streaming down my face and picked up my wand right before Arrow could retrieve it. He stood, wand at the ready, but I had already flung a stunning spell at him. It hit him straight in the face, and I turned to face Draco.

“Let’s hurry,” he said, searching my face.

 “Yes,” came a female voice from behind him, which he stepped aside to reveal Eriel. “He doesn’t have much time.”

“Don’t worry,” Eriel said at St. Mongo’s. “He’ll be just fine.”

I nodded. “I know he will.”

“He didn’t have to do it,” Draco said, solemnly. “He saved me.”

I sighed. “And it was all because of me.”

Eriel patted Draco on the knee before getting up. “I’ll leave you two to talk,” she said, getting up and meeting my mother at the end of the hall.

“What is there to talk about?” Draco asked.

I shrugged. “I thought you were marrying Whats-Her-Name.”

He sighed. “Well, she ran off.”

“Oh,” I said, looking at his hand and still seeing a ring. It then hit me. “You’re married to Eriel though.”

He looked me straight in the eyes. “I am, but…”

“But what?” I shook my head. “She’s your first love. Of course you still love her. I’m just the rebound girl, the relationship that went on too long.”

“I still care for you,” he said, making my heart stop.

I licked my lips and looked at the floor. “She’s more than in love with you, Draco. I can see it in her eyes. You are the only one for her, so…”

“So, what?”

I looked back up into his eyes, trying to fight back the tears that were coming. “So, I’m going to let you go. You should let of me as well.”

“Wait,” he said because I had turned to walk back into Simon’s room.

“Wait for what? You have already started your life,” I swallowed hard, preparing myself, “and I’m just a big road block in your life.”

That’s when he grabbed me into a kiss. It was the kiss that I had been waiting for; the kiss that was my deciding factor in my messed up life. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. I pulled away from him very slowly.

“Hanna…” he said, taking a look behind him.

“He was right,” my voice cracked because I knew I was lying. “Our love is like catching a snowflake. You’re meant to be with Eriel.”

“Hanna…”

I shook my head. As hard as it was for me to let him go, I had to do it. He didn’t put his all into the kiss like I had. It only proved that I was the only one that was still in love, but if he could pull away like that and agree with me before rejoining his wife, then I could learn to let him go. I could do it. I could let him totally out of my heart.

“Hanna,” my mum called from the room.

I walked in and made my way straight to Simon’s bed. I ran my hand through his hair and kiss his cheek. My mum smiled at me because she knew my decision. She was ecstatic with it, but she knew that I wasn’t completely happy.

“Hanna,” he whispered and reached out.

I put my hand in his and sat down on his bed. “I’m here.”

“You’re not with Draco,” he smiled.

I did as well. “I know.”

I knew that with Simon by my side that I would be happy eventually. I love Simon. I really do. I would be able to let go of my first love with time. I had to. It was the right thing to do.

A/N: Don't be angry with me just yet...there's still an epilogue. :)