We spent the next days with Max's company, his wife, and their baby. Unfortunately, because of bad weather, it was my parents who couldn't come when fewer flakes poured out of the sky.

After the unexpected arrival of this family, Alex was more telling. He shut himself up in his work. In the garage, there were sometimes nights to repair with always a pretext not to cross me.

Of course, I let it go because I knew it was my fault. He had felt that I was hiding a secret from him. That I hadn't told him all about my past. And that blocked us in this relationship. Or rather, blocked me. I couldn't talk about it so I had an appointment with a psychologist scheduled for more than a month. Thirty days I should suffer this lack in our relationship. I didn't know if we would stay.

Soon at night, I stayed in bed. Alone. Alex was still in the garage. I hid my head under the warm blanket hoping for some comfort. Alex missed me, but I wasn't ready to reveal to him my old pregnancy and especially my abortion. I fell asleep with these sad thoughts that led to nothing.

The sun woke me up from a forgotten dream. I was surprised when I turned myself on the bed to find a man by my side. I thought he would spend the night on the couch and sleep in our bed all morning when I was awake. But he rested quietly while bathing between the rays of the yellow star.
I rolled to the side and stared at him with some distance between us. I reached out to put a lock of his dark hair back. I could admire his peaceful face for a few minutes.

Suddenly he turned to me and ran his hand over my hip. I bit my lip so as not to wake him when he hugged me. Our legs upside down, our bodies glued, my head in his neck, I enjoyed this moment of intimacy.

"Alex, if I tell you a secret, will you keep it for yourself?" I asked without waiting for an answer, but I was surprised to hear one.

"Yes."

"Will you love me anyway?" I continued.

"Yes."

"I am scared. It's a secret I've never told anyone," I whispered like a fearful child.

"What? No!" I shouted, outraged.

"So it's good."

I slapped him on the chest as he laughed softly. He stretched while I got up in a better mood. Alex informed me that he had a client today. He would spend the morning in the garage. Wearily, I went down to the living room. Only Max's wife was sitting on the couch reading a book.

"Where is Max?"

"Oh, he's already in the garage."

"And, the baby?" I asked hesitantly.

"Up. Stan sleeps," she said, showing me the camera.

"Okay."

I sat next to her and didn't really know what to do, I reached out to take the remote, but she spoke to me.

"You know, I can see that you don't really like children," she began.

"Oh Mégane, I didn't want to seem indifferent..."

"Don't worry about that. What I meant was that I already had a miscarriage... So I know what it's like to lose your child."

"Q-what? Why are you talking about this?" I asked embarrassed.

"Because I see your fear and sadness every time you look at Stan. I also had those eyes when I looked at other babies after my miscarriage. I don't know what happened to you, but I can tell you my story.

Before meeting Max, I was with a man... not very frequentable. He used drugs often and sometimes I let him sting me. I got pregnant and since then I stopped the drugs. I managed to get by, but not him. He was always more lacking. Besides, he asked me for money. You know, he was a good man when he didn't take anything..."

She paused for a moment, watching her hands resting on her thighs. She had gone back to her memories.

"Mégane? You do not have to tell me all that."

"I know, but I want it," she said with a soft smile. "Even after he knew I was pregnant, he forced me to take drugs when I finally managed to stop this addiction. I had a miscarriage after that. I remember crying. A lot. Even if the child wasn't born yet and his future was uncertain, I wanted to give him birth. I wanted to hold him in my arms. To caress him. The love. But he left... The man I was with died too with an overdose. I continued my life. I finished my studies and met Max. It took me a long time to tell him my past. But he could see that I was hiding something from him. After a few months of relationship, I had to tell him everything after an argument. I swung him all in the face while I wanted to reveal my miscarriage to him calmly. To be shocked, he was fine with it and stayed with me. He comforted me, reassured me, gave me the strength to rebuild myself. I was able to move on and have this child. Of course, he will never replace my first baby, but Stan is really a happiness for me."

I smile sadly at this story. She had entrusted me with a part of her life. The most painful part. I wasn't the only one to have suffered the trials of life.

"I have aborted," I admitted in a breath. "I was pregnant for a few weeks when I discovered that David was cheating on me. I never told anyone. Even David doesn't know. I did everything alone."

"It's very brave of you."

"That's stupid, but I'm sorry now. I could have raised it, it's not the money that I miss, I could have loved it, it's not the affection that I miss either... I did it because that I was too destroyed by David to be able to get there. But now, looking back, maybe this baby would have opened my eyes. He would have given me a reason to move forward despite the pain."

"But you would never have come here. I understand better why you resigned. Maybe you would also have resigned if you hadn't aborted. But you did it and you are here. There is no shame. You did what you thought right at the moment. You are lucky to be able to give birth. I wouldn't say that I understand how you feel, our stories are different, but you can move on. With Alex. That's all he wants too, I'm sure."

"I too would like it. But talking about it with you is different than telling him about my pregnancy and my abortion!" I cried, desperate.

"Yes, you can. And please, tell him before your relationship gets worse."

"I don't know if I'll be strong," I whispered, my eyes stinging with tears.
"Come with me."

She got up and went up to the room where she and her husband were. I followed her obediently curious to know what she was going to show me.

The young mother approached the cradle of her child and I froze on the spot.

"What are you doing ?"

She didn't answer me as the anxiety attacked my legs. The sensation climbed up to my neck as Mégane carried the little toddler in her arms. Every lullaby she sang to him embalmed my mind. Every step that advanced towards me froze my body. Once in front of me, Mégane showed me her baby with a sweet smile.

"I can't do that Mégane," I said, stepping back. Fear had to fit in my pupils as the jolts reverberated in my hands.

"Whether you can. Stan would be happy if you got him. Just a few minutes. For me."

Her supplication and the sleepy face of the baby got the better of me. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to caress him while he was in his dreams.

I nodded slowly and took Stan carefully as his mother had worn it. He moved a little but rubbed his face against my breast. I rocked him while going to sit on the edge of the bed. I didn't know how I felt. So many emotions tugged at me in all directions.

The pain of ending a life, the shame of making that decision, the anger of being so stupid, but also the joy of holding this baby in my arms, the happiness of having a new family, hope for a new future with Alex.I saw it now. This new path that had been traced to me. This new chance that was offered to me.

The tears turned to noisy sobs. The child always near my heart, I laid a kiss on his brown hair. I stayed I don't know how long like that. Prostrate on this baby.

After a while, he cried so much that I had to give him back to his mother who had stayed by my side.

"Sorry."

"No problem. Your child will always be there in your heart and in your memories. It will stay in memory not just for you, but for Alex too. He has the right to know why you are so distant with him."

"He's the one who's distant with me," I contradict her, scratching my nose.

"He's distant because you don't want to talk to him. It upset him," she explained to me.

"Did he tell you that?"

"I surprised a conversation between the two brothers," she confessed with a smile.

" Great," I groaned lost. "How am I supposed to tell him that I was pregnant?"

"You don't have to reveal everything tonight, but do it before he gets angry because of the situation. Frustration is really a feeling that drives you along like anger."

I understood her words. She was right. I had to tell him before this tension between us broke.

"We are back, girls!" exclaimed Max as soon as he stepped through the door of the house.

"Shut up, they're not deaf," Alex chided.

We burst out laughing, which didn't seem to please Stan who climbed into the treble. His mother put him on the loin to change his diaper. I sat watching them.

The two brothers had finally come up to see us. Max encircled his wife with love while Alex remained on the threshold of the room.

"So you had a good chat?" Max asked hesitantly and a hint of worry.

"Yes," his wife answered softly.

Something was wrong. Alex stared at me as if I was going to leap like a fury and Max asked if we had talked to his wife without a single glance. Suddenly, everything came into my mind and I opened my eyes and mouth wide.

"Ah! You tricked me!" I exclaimed, looking at them in turn.

"I'm so sorry, Alicia. It was their idea. I didn't want to do it at the beginning..."

Before she finished her sentence, I burst out laughing.

"You got me then."

"Aren't you mad?" asked Mégane anyway.

"No, it was necessary, I think," I confessed.

We smiled at each other with a knowing air. Then we ask the men to take a shower because they still smell engine oil. Obedient and above all agreeing with us, they each went to a bathroom while we went down to the kitchen. I had heard the oven ring, but I didn't know what Mégane had prepared for lunch.

It would be a new family meal. With a lighter heart than the day before. It didn't remain that I find the right moment to speak with Alex.