1-18-17
It's all a blur how I ended up here, really,
And to tell you the truth,
I don't entirely mind.
So I watch the waters freeze,
And fill myself with hate,
The kind that leaves voids,
But I'm no stranger to empty space, darling.

Lately, I don't give a shit about much,
Unless it's you.
They don't even see the half of it,
They don't see what I see
In mirrors that wash over.
But how could they?
You don't ask,
I don't tell.

Ive slept with the lights on
Three nights in a row now,
So time and reality
Aren't the same,
And maybe,
This room will feel the way it did
When I was only here a weekend,
Yet even then,
Something was off here.

I've sat at the bottom of the shower,
Thinking of Pierce The Veil and Chuck Bass,
As if they were still things that correlated with you.
I trusted you, and you trusted me,
But I start fires
And wars,
Nothing healthy,
Nothing easy.
It's almost pathetic
How I wound up here again,
Because I never was dependent,
And I'm still not,
But I'm just sorry.

Fall into the edges of the sheets,
Where the fabric is cold,
And tell me you love me,
With that smile
That makes history.
Promise me of hotel rooms
And black light.

I've laid in bed,
It's been days,
Food is a distant consideration,
And doesn't it all feel
So fucking pointless?

I don't create beautiful things,
And I'm not sure why you're still here,
Because none of this ends pretty,
So move along from this destruction-
Because even skyscrapers fall
And skylines burn.

I no longer have the desire to save myself.
I've really fucked up now.
But you'll watch,
And you'll wait,
And you'll read,
And you'll hear it,
But you'll tell me you never expected it.
Well tell me how else this was to end.
- (m.m)