1-15-17
Cigarette smoke,
My relapse in your hands,
Been trying to put these down,
These demons you can't let me hold.
But oh god do I touch them
And oh god do we speak,
Nobody really knows
The hell that I have seen.

You brush the hair from my eyes
And I go quiet,
The tv screen goes black,
We sit in silence.
You ask me what's wrong
But I'm not even sure,
Because that lightheaded smoke
Felt great,
I took the break here.
When your fingers ran over my wrist,
Did they trace the slight uplifting,
Or run over it like its nothing-
I don't play my worst
Where I've got an audience.
Your head on my shoulder,
Your teeth at my neck,
But nothing means anything
When it's all about to end.
We seem to know that,
Recklessness in sync,
Nothing feels new, though,
Nothing is out of place.

I run it all down,
I know you're not afraid,
Words never meant much,
But things always change.
Moving too fast for me to catch up,
Life's always on the horizon,
I should start reassessing
How I waste seconds and breaths.
It's all too terrifying it'll end,
And the little endings
Contribute to a larger one,
Serving as reminders
Of what's not yet undone.
What if I came undone,
Would you stick around and watch?
Haven't I already fallen,
Hasn't it gotten bad?
Do you know the perspective through which you see it?
I can get you better views,
Don't worry.

What's life without adrenaline,
Without pain?
Ive been borderlining
On the waters of psychosis,
Tell me you know this,
It's not all in my head,
And I wear addiction on my sleeve.
Tell me you never expected more from me
So I know I don't have to live up.

The build up,
Nothing but the up and up,
I'm the only one on this road,
I'm the only one who can save myself,
I'm all I've got-
Me and the music,
I'd die for it.
- (m.m)

^wish I had a picture of how everything looked but I'm lame so 😂

Jack Daniel's in the bathroom,
Drunk photos
Mirrors that flash
With the reflection
You never saw in the first place.
I'm all dark
And you're all fucked.
This isn't for show, my love.
I dream of lights
And floorboards,
I dream in shades
That look like broken teeth
And love, 
But under the multiple personalities,
I am not okay,
I am not sure I'll be alive
When it all plays out.
I'm clinging to everything I've got,
I'm hoping I'll save myself,
But here we are.
I love the pain,
But sometimes,
I realize it's killing me.
- (m.m)

"Thinking that I'm good but you know I'm bout to relapse" - Got You On My Mind // NF