1-9-17
It's all going by so fast,
The lights across this highway are dizzying,
The chemicals in the air feeling a lot like love
Off of a city I never truly deserted.
Let the fuckers sparkle,
Let this town go wild,
We've been through hell-
Don't cover it up.

This kind of love is filling,
It's so wholesome,
And chasing anything but this dream
Is so hard to believe.
I've become a lone wolf-
I don't identify with anyone around here,
Just me and the music, doing what we do.
I was never looking for approval,
But if that's the case,
Why are the words ringing through my head
Constantly?
Why is it all the one thing I'm sorry for?

Balance is evident,
I am made of pain
But equally,
I am made of love for it.
It's like I'm reliving Spring,
But I'm not sure I was in this deep back then.
My body feels like it's mine for once
Yet I don't like the reflection of it-
It spells out words
That tell me I'm out of control.

The deeper you go,
The sweeter it feels,
Lick the blood off,
And feel the ache-
That ache,
Like there's no way I'm stitching this,
Because getting caught would cause
Problems more than the boxes
Of blood that told me I never left.
They told me I never left,
And maybe that's true,
Because I'm simply an addict
Without control
On so many levels
And you call me lately,
While our secrets spin off
Into inside jokes
And I know you're not sober
But I can't smell the alcohol
And all I hear is your laugh
And I think you like that.
Perhaps I have things to believe in,
And maybe circumstance will save me
From dying,
Because I never accepted this.
I only faced it over break,
And you know none of this
But it's all hazy and blurry
And way too desperate.
I just want to sleep
So I can avoid food,
I want sleep
But with it, I change.

Ive crossed the lines
And I'm not what you dreamt,
Because few people have me figured out.

Keep me dreaming,
Keep me dreaming,
I need a reason.
You can watch these wounds heal
But I'm something you cannot fix,
And that's okay.
I can be so much more than what you may assume.
I take pain and make it gasoline,
You've seen what my eyes are like-
Flickering through the dark
On nights we used to call safe havens.

How much life could I have possibly shoved into a year?
I'm walking into 2017
As someone entirely different than I was last time around.

This is the only thing I know,
I don't have any other choice but to write through everything.
It's instinct,
It's what I love.
- (m.m)