12-28-16
Sold my secrets to an hour,
Dressed in colors of regret,
Nostalgia a white powdery line of euphoria,
Summertime never lasted.

Exhaustion slips in and out,
Like all of the noises
That kick up the dust
In these cities,
That I've turned to gold.

Falling in love with the depths of this dream,
Filling myself to the brink with what they call life-
Something switched,
Because a month ago is far too foreign,
And I got myself back.
We're still fucking kicking.

Ends that fray,
Look better when they're not mine,
Because possession is way too easy.

These walls can trap it all
But it only echoes,
Through the corners and underneath the floor,
We're sitting on top of cities
Made of glass,
Where memories faded.

Have you ever felt the weight pick up,
And the pain started to sparkle?
Sparkle like those eyes in a gas station
At 2 on a Sunday,
Sparkle like the lights on Dracula night,
When the glow was all I could see?
Sparkle like dawn on your Tahoe?

Love me like we don't have cocaine hearts,
Medicated beats,
And swim in acid rain.
Love me like we're nothing to be feared,
Love me like I'm sitting in his pickup
Thinking I've got everything I need,
And I'm not missing the pieces,
I'm not walking with voids
That stir up screams and honesty.

I'm still working my way up,
Wondering what happens
If I just never stop,
What if I hung onto the edges
Of this love
And never put it down?

The air around me doesn't feel the temperature it should,
As I sift through the soundtracks that lit me up,
And suddenly,
All of my limbs,
All of these stars
Sitting pretty in my eyes,
All of these memories,
Feel lighter than normal
But so do I,
And so does your soul,
As we run red lights,
And drift through the lies
We never remembered
Well enough come dawn,
I've been waiting on something
Sleep only kills,
Worshipping something
Nobody ever fucking saw,
Because it's all in my head,
And I've been running this bitch
Since we started.
I've been working in backward steps,
Handling the things
The music should've fixed
About four months ago.
We're running wild now, though,
High on everything but the chemicals
That hold onto my lungs,
Feeding off of unmade promises
And pain that I have yet to make into gasoline.
Fire has had such an influence on my life,
And I've watched it all with bright eyes
But not for the reasons you think,
Because the thoughts were always dark,
The things I've constantly held in,
I'm not sure you understand.
- (m.m)

22-29-16 12:18am (I'm not even fixing the date fuck it)
Let's just say i left,
And that I should be dead.

Couple hours just floating,
On sentence structure without sense,
Bathrooms of ecstasy
And stories of the
Dreamlike state I'm in,
No emotion for mania,
So it's all just white
And I shut my eyes and see nothing
And as great as it is to imagine cities,
This feels so much better.
I didn't wish to exist this morning,
Look where we're at now.
The world is all hazy
And if you knew half of what's going on,
You might be a little scared,
And I just took some paranoia
And the dark is looking creepy.
I'm still keeping secrets,
We talk like we're lovers.

I can't recall the events of today,
They take me a minute.
Time is so blurry and the concepts dont connect.

The morning after carries to the afternoon after
And sleep is an escape.
I don't remember the last time i got so destructive,
And I almost hate that it all happened,
But still,
When was I looking to get better anyways?
I can touch reality today
And i wonder how my physical self is looking,
Because it may not be so clean.
- (m.m)

^ written under the influence of mania without emotion and other shit on the come down.