12-9-16

She was so credited, so openly herself, and I captured that, but I knew I

couldn't be that. I'm a secret, waiting to be found, that only few have

really known, and I've burnt every one of them. I'm ghost ridden and I've

got dreams behind these sewn shut lips that didn't want to taste

disappointment another time, yet I'm not afraid. You might say I'm careful

but I'm far too reckless for such a word. Maybe I'm just smart and

thoughtful about what I do, because opening up is a risk and it's not just

'whatever' to me. I'm not afraid of other people, that's not quite it at

all, I'm afraid of being empty, and secrets cannot leave until I give them

a door, where they linger at the windows, and sometimes, they stay.

Sometimes they leave and come back, but once out this house, they're

changed. Change isn't always bad, though.

There's nothing easier than caving,

Nothing easier than quitting,

So I challenge you to follow my lead

And we'll work as hard as we gotta,

and make it on top,

Because time is always looked back on

Like it's nothing.

We accept challenges around here.

- (m.m)

12-9-16

Is there anything that surpasses this immortality?

Speak in neon tones,

Go a million miles an hour,

Don't slow down,

I'm in love with the pace.

Tell me about how the adrenaline is rushing through you,

And how you wouldn't let this go if your life depended on it.

Tell me about the mania,

Tell me how addictive it is,

Even when it's killing you,

And tell me all of your stories,

All of those memories,

I want it all.

Tell me about how there's no point to anything,

But this,

This feels so definite.

Tell me about phone calls and sunsets

And ten hours,

Or even, ten thousand,

What's that value there?

Tell me about the weight

And the pain.

Tell me about summer

And eggs and loud bass

And vapes and the third of July,

Tell me how sweet it all felt,

How memorable it is.

In the end,

We live and we learn,

You can't lose experience.

We haven't lost anything here,

If I keep believing that it's all over,

I will be, too.

I'm talking to myself,

Because the mirrors don't forget, either.

Tell me about failure

And rejection

And fuel for the fires,

Tell me how you feel like a goddess on days the heights never fell,

Tell me how you dream of space

But love Earth's details.

Tell me how you make mistakes

And you're the only one living in acceptance with that,

Even when you're aware it's not okay,

You roll with the punches.

Tell me how you're ready for whatever,

Tell me how you're dizzy,

Spinning on records,

And dancing like freedom is a close second to sleep.

Tell me how high it feels to destruct,

And tell me about the release.

Teach me about letting go,

And loving the road behind,

When it's everything that's been killing you.

Tell me how to turn days into more than twenty four hours.

Tell me about bathtubs and trap music

And milkshakes

And west side park

And I want to know the sky the way you do,

I want to know this city the way you do.

Tell me how it's all been one goal,

One dream, one love.

How do you chase something so long?

Talk to me about the strength,

Talk to me about the truth.

Tell me how clean walls just aren't you,

And they may hear lyrics but they ain't seen nothing yet.

Talk to me about losing yourself in settings,

And how exactly does a person become a drug to your creative ways?

Rant,

Explain how society is a lie,

And school systems are fucked,

Show me your bigger plan.

Aren't you ever afraid of your own power?

Does it scare you what you have the ability to do?

And I don't even mean violence here.

Do you trip on that control

And start to see the stars

Like the universe is all yours,

Right here, in your hands?

Do you dream of the clouds and

Cell phone lights,

Arenas, and flashing lights?

Are you ready to be disappointed by half of the success?

Teach me how to run red lights

And go go go,

Say any word but stop or slow down.

Teach me how to live fast,

We both need a break.

We've got these cards,

Labeled by experience,

Frayed by nostalgia

Handled by the forces of psychological warfare,

And specified to the dates.

Made in between the glimpses of art,

Made from the madness.

It seems I never lose with this deck.

It's time to shed it all right here,

Shake these secrets from their cages.

There's no doubt,

This will save me.

It always does,

The only time it doesn't work

Is when I don't believe.

And I hope you don't get sick of this,

Because this is all I'll ever need.

- (m.m)

I am so in love with this I can't even. It started out as me talking to who I am when I'm not on the low of bipolar, but I ended up sort of finding that still within me. And when I say you can't lose experience, that was so groundbreaking bc no matter what, I can't lose the roads I've traveled, and I don't think I can look at it any better. We're slowly working towards something good, even though it all got so shitty so fast. Thank you for staying with it though, I know it's not always easy to read when it's been depressive.

12-6-16

I'm telling you, hold a breath,

Save it for me,

We'll be exhaling love from these dreams soon

And we'll exhale smoke from these trees.

I promise were almost there,

So sit back, enjoy the ride, and

Watch this.

It was about midnight,

Half past a hot shower

When I smelled of Lavender and Twilight Jasmine,

When I met the moon

At the corner

Of disaster and forward.

He was lit up,

and I had to feel that energy,

But I watched as he gardened the sky,

Pouring love to all of the stars,

Even if it meant he had less of

His life supply of light.

So I smiled

A wildly creative smile,

and I told him,

"I'm going to make gardens out of this"

I know it's hard to hear when the crystals

Are all clinking together,

and the noise of time clutters your head,

But in case you were to hear,

I do love you,

And we'll make it,

Because low doesn't mean it's the end,

And I know pain when I see it,

So tell me you'll hold on.

For me, but for yourself, too,

Because through the prisms, I can see

That they wouldn't refract if it weren't for you.

The steps back up are hard to climb,

and sometimes,

I wish to spend weeks asleep,

Knocked out on some pills,

Just to escape what's ahead and behind,

Because I don't care-

I want a 'right now'.

Circling back to my motives is what I have to do,

I need to have a reason for going up,

I need to be somewhere better than here,

and I'm fighting my way up.

The battle is bloody

and I find myself numbly drifting into disappearance,

But I always come back swinging,

I dont lose momemtum.

And I'll make gardens out of this,

But do not love these flowers,

The roots come straight from hell,

And you couldn't handle it.

Do not love the aftermath if the road up

Was something you didn't like the sight of.

- (m.m)

I really love how this turned out, inspired by a shower lol also I'm sorry these are all late, I'm gonna try to be more on top of things and half the reason it's like this is because my wifi is such a dick, but I'll fix it soon, and get back to updating when I write.

I love you.