11-29-16
I wasn't quite sure what it was,
But this was a turning point.
Something was going to happen,
Whether that was something good and hopeful
Or something more along the lines of the senses of death constantly lingering,
I wasn't sure.
But I was ready.
I was ready for that step forward,
Regardless of where it'd get me.

I was looking for a little danger when the streets talked up a storm
Through our eyes.
You didn't change my life,
It wasn't anything like that,
But the change you had in you
Was a reflection of mine,
And I knew I wouldn't find another like you.
Streetlights buzz and flicker,
But they don't know that we're endless.
Just for tonight,
Let's pretend we're not lost,
Let's pretend it doesn't hurt.
Let's pretend the steps we take don't hurt like hell
Because it's all so unfamiliar.
Let's pretend were still working to love everyday
Before it's gone.
Gone.
Please swallow that word,
It needs to stay in the cage of your mouth,
And if you locked me up there,
I wouldn't mind tangling myself with the bars and words unspoken.
Don't hold your tongue for me.
We don't have to hide here.
Give me heaven,
Because something broke again,
And I'll be replacing windows soon.
At this rate,
Tape does the same job,
and I know the picture won't get any clearer thorough glass.
Glass is too easy to shatter,
Perhaps I'm setting myself up for that trigger.
Trigger.
Gun to my head,
Load it,
And fire the shells.
I want it to echo through my skull
and take away my recognition
Of what it feels to be this hollow.
I'm not looking for a savior,
I'll turn to myself when I have energy,
Or maybe it's willpower I need.
I don't care,
Just please,
Love me even for a second.
I'm in desperate need of an escape,
and I'm hanging off the neck of Adventure.
Let's play with the risk of it.
- (m.m)

11-30-16

What a month,
Started out somewhere smoking Marijuana and trying to not be obvious during church like
"Like honestly guys, raise your hand if you fucked up today"
*glances at us*
*we slowly raise our hands and hold back smiles*,
God..
I laugh still.
Thank you for that,
You made my whole week.
Somewhere we lost more
and found love in friendship,
But it all got so bad.
What a year, though..
What a fucking year.
Almost at twelve months of it
And we owned all of this time.
We're still out here writing, though,
And we learned to appreciate what we have left.
Idk, I'm just being real here, this isn't even a poem.

Maybe he wanted it to stop mattering,
Maybe he wanted it to matter in a different way.
Maybe his hair had more volume to it than dollar bills
And the people he's known his whole life.
Maybe he was looking for more,
but maybe he wasn't.
I had a feeling wild Friday nights weren't his type,
I had a feeling I knew him.

Let's talk cigarettes and night skies,
Let's talk freedom and the fast lane.

You said you wanted to die sometimes,
You said you wanted to burn all the money in your ATM,
and just give in,
You said you wanted to stop dreaming of drowning
and drowning to stop breathing,
Trade this life for something much better.
You said you regret a lot of things lately,
But I can handle that weight,
I handle a lot of weight,
They just don't know how heavy it really is.

I'll stand in front of you like magic rains from my wings,
We've seen hell so long, we deserve heaven,
and this does the job pretty nicely.
She say the fame makes her a prisoner,
Am I able to be held down?
I don't think so.
So drown me in the white light
Until I can't breathe,
so I'm not numb,
but I have no choice but to
Become
This
Electricity.
I'm a victim of the night,
Chains hanging,
Swinging rhythmically
From my collarbones.
Sometimes I wonder when they'll snap,
Sometimes I wonder when they'll feel weightless
When I'm used to it all.
But somewhere in the metal and rust
Holds a cave of emotion
For me to bank off of.
I do things strategically,
Misunderstand it all you want.
I'm too stubborn to let go of something this good.

I'll wait for this love to come to life,
But meanwhile,
We'll let the skies spin,
Because we're on the brink of greatness,
World at our feet.

Maybe next year I'll be ready for the fall,
But you see, I dont know how to prepare
For this much loss,
All I can do is push through this feeling
And let the music save me.

We were all better people last year,
It's funny how things played out.
I've got dreams and humanity
Talking in my head.
"I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling"
Everything in my power,
Push it to the city limits of your head,
Expand the horizons,
Build and build,
There's no stopping something with this much momentum.
And I think of that pain,
How it's swinging swinging swinging
So dangerously close to these bones that feel too fragile,
I think of what it means to live this close with your own destruction.
Sometimes when I can't sleep at night,
My fingers create shockwaves
And the earthquakes in my head
Make my fingers shake.
There's a strange beauty to it.
I'm hidden underneath sewer grates,
Stained with the ideas of thousands of lives I've lived,
Thousands I've slipped from,
and thousands I've burnt.
Tell me you know what this road entails,
Because moonlight only lasts so long
and I'm really missing summertime right before dawn.
Do things really change when the elements are simply covered
Like holes in the walls?

Energy, I search houses upon houses for it,
But the circuits all sparked out.
There's fire a few sidewalks down,
And I'm hoping the sky doesn't get a taste of it yet
Because here, I dont have to miss anything.
Everything I've ever known holds me close
So I cannot be alone.
Everything I've ever known
Never really left.
5am, the stars don't shine,
But the sun doesn't either,
We're somewhere past suicide
And before pavement.
And all I'm thinking is "Thank you for being here"
Because it's never over,
It never was.
More pictures to see,
More life to live.
This isn't the end right here, either,
We're not going down like this.
So maybe I'll get off of these powerless streets
that I wander so sadistically.
Maybe I'll stop missing things
And hit play.
- (m.m)