10-11-16
Oh please let me escape,
I'll tear this screen pixel by pixel
Until I'm away from here.
Don't pull the covers away,
Don't slide the curtain to the right,
Don't open the door
(We'll end up slamming it anyways),
Don't warn me that this music is too loud,
(My body can handle anything right now,
I'll just keep pushing the limits
Until there are none),
In fact,
Don't say anything at all,
Whatever you say
Will only break me. 
I will never be enough for you,
And that thought never leaves,
But it never wakes up
Without the rest of me saying,
Whispering, promising me,
That I am enough for myself,
And for some reason,
The apathy hasn't affected
that voice one bit-
Maybe I should learn from it.
Don't tell me how you know
All about pain, because you don't.
If you could feel anything at all,
It wouldn't be like this.
I wish you loved me,
I dont know if I can do this.
I was stupid to think you changed,
I was stupid for all of this.
It's a mystery why I haven't walked away from you.

Don't tell these walls anything,
Because I'll protect them,
Seeing as you've ruined the relationship
I had with the ones before these
(Legit made me cry wow that stands for so much more than four walls).

Don't tell me you're sorry,
Because you're not,
You've cut me far deeper than I have done myself,
And these things cannot be reversed,
Your actions don't fall into the wind,
I cannot forget this.

Don't tell me I'm stupid,
Don't spit out lies,
Don't talk to me,
Don't make me feel worthless,
Don't do this.

Don't step into this house
And ruin him,
I know he loves you,
You're a goddamn idiot.
Why do I feel the need to protect everything from you?
Because I know what you can do to people,
To things,
And I'll clean up your destruction
Because I live in the rubble.
Yet you can't touch me.
But you get to me.

Don't spill the winter memories from this place,
Although they're already slipping
Because the hues aren't the same
and I'm fucking dead
When back then, I was in love.
Don't tell me we never had shit,
Because that's true,
but I had so much more when we lived
in a shit hole
Than I do here.
Don't tell me you know me,
Because you don't.
Don't gossip about me,
I'm sick of it,
I've got a road ahead of me
Worth so much more than what your
Stupid, petty, ignorant, piece of shit life
Has ever given you.
I'm so done with you.

I'm done hiding secrets
But without them echoing through
My Google searches
And empty streets in my head
(I've been walking them alone lately,
Late at night,
Smoking every now and then.
It's getting cold again,
And the wind tangles my hair
But I still wear ripped jeans,
I know you hate that.),
I'm nothing.
I have to keep something close
Because very few stick around to watch.

I've got a lot of shit at the bottom of my liver,
And the come down is always hazy,
But pills don't fix voids.

No matter how bad it's gotten lately,
This substance makes me feel slow,
And everything destructive in my possession
Was made a memory last night,
All in one dose.
The numbers left,
I stopped thinking,
I had to recount about five times,
I dont know why I tend to write these things down,
And I felt slow again,
I remember thinking these things
Do me good,
They're somewhat old lovers of mine.
But even though I felt sleepy
and hazy,
I didn't have somebody to call,
Somebody who'd laugh with me
And talk until four a.m.,
Until he had to be somewhere.
No, you see this road has gotten quite desolate,
and as much as I can walk alone,
I do have people, 
But I just need a distraction.
And as much as this got me through
A few hours,
Life keeps going,
And pills don't fix voids,
Pills fill the rim of plastic bottles,
Pills fill mouths,
Pills fill stomachs.
But pills don't fill voids.

Don't open these boxes,
Don't ask if that's cocaine,
It's not,
Don't touch the red boxes,
Especially,
Don't look me in the eyes
Like you don't know how to lie,
Don't whisper under your breath,
Because I know you'd rather scream,
Don't ruin the rest of me,
(Maybe that's why I'm glad you taught me to shut my mouth so often.)
Don't pretend you know what family is,
Don't be disappointed in me when
I've done all I can for you,
Don't treat me like I'm a mistake,
Don't give me fake, very small,
Pieces of love,
You don't mean a damn word you say.
Don't look at him
Like he means something to you,
You don't know love even
When it's looking right at you,
But at that rate, you don't know
Hate either.
Don't do any more damage,
Please,
I need to catch my breath,
My lungs would be better
But years of smoke never helped.
Don't be so ruthless,
Don't be so relentless.
Don't stare at all of your sons the way you do-
I see the pain they hide from you,
I see it in their eyes,
but you only do this to keep up
A lie,
You only talk to them to keep up a lie.

Why do you do this to me?
I can't bring myself to love you,
But please just stop.
- (m.m)