10-6-16
Don't you know I'm on the verge?
I don't know why you're so sure
'Cause my mouth is full of dirt,
Filthy lies made just to hurt.
Baby, break me with a word.
Normally, I'd do it first
But this isn't casual, no, this isn't casual for us.

I don't mean to break your trust
See my eyes so full of lust,
These bones are bound to rust.
I'm so lost under your touch
I'm a victim to the rush
But I can't get enough
Slamming all my doors shut
You say you don't believe in luck
But I'm bettin' on you, yeah, all my money on you

But we don't talk anymore
I'm on the 47th floor,
These numbers keep talking-
They say I'm done for.
Yeah you said you were the one
The only thing you ever done
Was walk away because
"It was really all just fun".
Thought this couldn't be undone,
I wasn't fucking with no one
But love

I been making green
These hands are full of ink,
But it really don't mean
A damn fucking thing
Without you here to see.
Can you tell that I dont sleep?
It might be better with a dream
But my hands are empty
And my mind is deadly.
I'll pretend you're making sense
But my state of mind's so dead.
I shouldn't have let
You inside my head
You inside my bed
Don't have time to regret
But the guilt is always kept.
I asked for the game
and you knew I was a player
I don't mean to place blame
But it's just like me to play her.

We been smoking on Thursdays
Baby, you can have your way,
I'll do anything you say
If you say it to my face
Blowin' smoke rings 'round my name
You're in love with the pain
Without it, there's no gain
We're both learning from mistakes
But we're on different lanes.
I'm still speaking 'bout your name
I'm still breathing through your lungs
I'm still biting on my tongue
But I'd rather have your lips
Couldn't get much worse than this.
Even through my shit,
You said you loved me just the same
But now they all know my name
I can't run away from fame.
Tell me, who was your date
When I toured out of state?
You figured I'd be late
But I was counting down the days
You were counting on your lies,
Girl, I've been there many times.
- (m.m)

Lyrics! I love the vibe to this, and I wish I could show you guys the rhythm lol this isn't really from my perspective but it's practically dripping in elements of my life, down to the things you'd overlook. That's how my poetry and shit usually goes, it's the little things, they mean something, it's symbolic. I used to have to dream up fantasies, getting bored with how the days looked, but now my life is my daydream, and maybe that's why I haven't slept like I should.

Titled Thursday because it has the most significance to me at the moment, that part wasn't the chorus, there wasn't a chorus so xD music making 101 lmao fuck choruses I'm punk I do what I want xD

---

10-7-16
I've done a lot today
I told myself I wouldn't,
Maybe that's why I'm staring at a keyboard,
But you want the fucking truth?
I'm done
Done done done,
I've been drifting through routine
and you don't know what that smile might mean,
That smile that you see?
Yeah it's a lie,
Fall for my facade,
Because im apathetic 
And ready to lose it all,
Nothing is in my way
(Let this tunnel vision kill me for all I care (that's the thing, I dont)).

To wake up everyday and battle these things,
It's killing me,
Maybe I'm killing me,
But giving in is difficult.
I want to hit low because I know that'll
be the end,
And I'll come back up,
But nothing is permanent and
I just need a minute to breathe
But I'm lacking in what they call
Oxygen,
I'm lacking in what they call
Hope.
And I stopped caring entirely,
But it balances me,
And this feeling is an old lover
of mine,
And back then, I couldn't
Understand its dynamics
But it makes sense now.
It's balancing
Because things stop mattering,
All of my worries are dropped.
It's not negative or positive,
Those are too heavy of words to use here.

You look at the odds and you think
"I'm fucking screwed"
But you find a place within the fight
And it's something like love.
But those things are just too much
To think about right now.

I had this realization that the key to success is failure.

Don't let me slip,
My eyes are so sleepy,
My bones are so heavy,
Fight for me,
I just need a reason,
Oh god, please.

I've been sitting on the verge of something pretty
I've been sitting on the verge of something destructive
I've been sitting on the verge of something pretty destructive
And I don't mean a windowsill.
- (m.m)

10-7-16 (apparently the date is happening twice roll with it)
I met you in half lit settings and old lyrics,
Did you know I'm made of this?
You see, nobody told me
I'd meet you with the eyes like gold,
And I fell in love with the embers of your cigarettes
And the trains in your breath,
When the molecules in the air
Would shake and scream
But nobody else seems to hear a thing.
But I do.
You don't have to keep quiet any longer,
I already read you like you're a book,
Since day one,
Oh god, you're not a project, though,
Don't lose that spark in your smile,
We're made of young blood and old scars,
You are so much more than materialstics.

I've been staring at empty search bars for far too long,
I shattered the only keys that worked still,
I guess the pavement couldn't find you, either.
You see, the gold in your eyes was only painted over the black,
But my systems couldn't stop there,
I was in too deep,
Because I would've loved you through anything,
No matter the cargo carried on your shoulders,
Or the burns from careless mistakes
That fix something temporarily.
You weren't a project,
You were a miracle,
and I don't give a fuck if the world can hear it or not,
I SEE YOU
AND I LOVED YOU
AND I'D SEARCH FOR YOU,
BUT SO MANY TABS ARE ALREADY OPENED IN MY HEAD,
SO MANY LOST CONVERSATIONS
AND HALFWAY HALFWAY HALFWAY
JUST FUCKING CROSS THIS BRIDGE
BECAUSE I DON'T MIND SHIT GETTING HOT
BUT NOT LIKE THIS,
NO, I'M ABOUT TO BURN ALL OF MY BRIDGES.
THIS APATHY IS WHAT'S KILLING ME
AND I TOLD MYSELF
APATHY AND IGNORANCE WILL KILL A PERSON
THE QUICKEST AND I THINK THAT'S
PRECISELY WHY I'M HERE.
LAST TIME I WAS HERE,
THINGS WERE SO DIFFERENT
AND LAST TIME I HAD THESE LIGHTS
PLUGGED IN THAT SEEM TO DRAIN ME
OF MY ELECTRICITY, AND FILL ME INSTEAD
WITH NOSTALGIA, BUT I POURED TO THE WRONG
LINE, AND I THINK I'M SICK,
(OVERDOSE ON THE MUSIC, BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT SHIT WITH MEMORIES, THE GAME IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT)
I REALLY THINK I'M SICK.
WHAT I'D DO TO GO BACK
TO WALLS BEFORE MY LIMBS GOT TANGLED LIKE THIS,
I'D GIVE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW
TO SEE WHAT I ONCE LOVED.
YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE ON THE ROAD THERE,
WOULD YOU?
I THINK WE WERE MADE OF BATTERY ACID
AND THOSE THINGS ARE ONLY SAFE
WHEN THEY'RE CONTAINED,
WHY DID WE PUSH THE LIMITS?
BUT NEITHER OF US WOULD DROP THE HABIT
IN A MILLION YEARS.
IF I FLY OVER SKYSCRAPERS TONIGHT,
WITH THE SUSPENSION OF THE GODS AND THE BIRDS AND THE PLANES IN THE SKY,
AND I CROSSED ENTIRE OCEANS,
WOULD YOU BE ON THE OTHER SIDE?
- (m.m)