10-2-16
I don't expect you to remember these lines,
Not like I do,
But when they say what you can't comprehend,
You run through them all the time,
When they're saving your life
As you swear to God,
You just can't bite
Like your tongue is covered in lines
From your teeth,
That sink in
Like your body underneath the surface,
When they keep you from oppression,
You run through them all the time.
When these lines are more than just petty rhymes,
Or a ticket to making your facade shine,
When they mean something,
Something like a real smile
That you've been missing for awhile,
You run through them all the time.
When they execute the letters
In manners that represent
Everything you've ever seen,
With that damn good memory
That cannot forget,
Not when the scars go this deep,
You run through them all the time.
Run your fingers over these scars,
Time hasn't worked yet,
Has it?
When you're hanging by a thread
But the words catch you before you fall,
That split second,
Divided into time frames
Feeling smaller than your self esteem,
Right before you lose it all,
But this pen suspends you,
You run through them all the time.
When you're screaming loud,
Hoping you'll shatter windows
and shake the ground,
But the lyrics hit you,
You've got something to fill the sound,
And there's love within this destruction,
You run through them all the time.
- (m.m)

I've been driving,
and I sit and think
That right here,
Right now,
Life is good, life is okay,
But it's strangely wholesome,
It isn't halfhearted and temporary
(The kind that you feel slipping away
Before it's even in your grasp tightly).
I'm thinking that going over the past year
Looks a lot like these weeks,
With the ups and downs
And fuck ups I can't face.
I had a lot more commitment back then,
Back anytime before that first week of July,
How do I make myself a better person,
I dont want to play the game,
Why am I not stopping?
Or maybe I'm intended to burn everything I touch,
Maybe I'm supposed to be this human.
Its been one hell of a road,
I talk about it all the time,
But I can't find the words
To just fit it all in,
Do you see it? Do you see this change?
I wish it was as vivid in your head
As it is in mine,
I wish you could literally live all of this down.
Down, such an interesting word,
Is down up when you can't be any higher,
Does something ever bring you back down
At that point?
We're falling down,
Down like the track I loved in second grade,
When I woke up in fits of insanity,
That I could never quite explain,
When I'd stay up to watch the cars go by,
When Michael was home,
And we lived with somebody
Who promised mom a ring
And a way out of Nanny's house-
But the song, it was on the same
CD as love drunk by boys like girls,
One of those top 40 things,
I think I loved music more than normal
Then, too.
Im not in second grade
But how much do i have to change, really?
This is another section of my life
I'm in
Where I'm wasting it away,
Pushing to my limits,
Because I like to test the odds.
Hand over your story,
I'll lay it on a track
Like we're chasing trains,
Chasing cars-
You lied with me,
I lied to you,
But forgot the world, we did.
Four months,
And some part of me is yours,
Some songs are yours,
and I'll never stop thanking you,
and I know we're done with saying it,
But I'm sorry.
Apologize-
(Sometimes it is too late).
Never too late-
Get me through this blood today,
The subfloor feels as empty as this house sounds,
I'll listen to that My Chemical Romance song,
As I steal weapons from dirty places,
In this shit hole,
and I don't feel the pain as deeply,
Because those scars you felt haven't left,
And all of this was over six months ago.

I've shared my intelligence,
I'll give you what you need,
I know what your house looks like,
I'd tell you I've seen it a million times,
But the truth to your words
Will hit me someday,
I'm just apathetic and reckless,
But I care,
I care enough to tell you you're stronger
Than what I know lurks beneath tongues
and rots beneath wall panels.
I'll tell you you cannot be defined by what you can't change,
By what doesn't give you strength.
If it doesn't give you strength,
Don't give it control,
Don't give it power,
and I know you fucking hate her,
I'm there, too,
But don't let that eat away at
Your senses,
Because darling,
It was made to kill you-
Stay away from that fucking coffin.

I've been told your brain is a powerful weapon,
I've seen it firsthand.
Experience is contagious,
Just like catch phrases
and scents are.
Some things stay,
Some things fade
(Think of it like hair dye- you buy another box, or you accept the color fading,
It's never that permanent of a decision,
Think of life like that).

Cookie cutter houses line the highway
With a suburban type facade,
But there's worse towards the center.
Allie once said
that nothing good comes from the heart of a city,
And whether she knew the dirt and the grime
That comes from an urban love,
With its fast pace and overpopulation,
Or she was writing from the breath
Of a thousand lives painting her head
(Just the way she does),
I can't say,
But it's a quote you can't deny.
It's a quote I see on the other side of the glass,
When images turn to words
And accidents turn to drum beats,
When I can't possibly sit in this classroom and focus
When my head is with the heights
Of a metropolis-
I'm talking 50 stories up,
and nothing good ever comes from the heart of a city,
This I know,
But I like the view.

All I need is time to assess,
I think I've already gotten there,
A two and a half hour drive
Of lost recognition
And new beginnings,
Cut ties,
And broken lies,
Sometimes I think I want to crash,
Melt with the pavement.
But no, those aren't my words,
Not when life got so good.

You know,
Sometimes,
It takes the life out of me to do what I love,
So be careful with this,
Please.

Is it crazy for me to not want to write,
Afraid to be empty?
I need to realize this a process
That only produces growth,
There are no dead ends as an artist,
It's all an illusion.

And maybe our lives went different directions,
But I don't live without rear view mirrors
(See the unorganized elements of a drive?)
And when I look back on this road,
You're there,
You've ridden some of this
With stains and broken glass,
Or, rather, broken hinges.
Fuck flooring it and never looking back,
I can only step forward from here,
But I'm making drives back and forth
In all of my freetime-
Nobody told me they wouldn't want me back,
So I'm here.
- (m.m)