8-4-16
I'm hitting the bottom soon,
I can feel the difference in pressure.
My eyes have adjusted to the burn of chlorine,
My skin has adjusted to the cold.
Blue lips and broken eyes,
Tell me the blood isn't too noticeable when it hits the surface.
How long have I been down here?
Are there sheets of ice up above?

And I'm a little fucked because I don't remember too much from last night.
All I know are two tickets to feeling slow and light and sleepy and okay
And there's still blood under my fingernails,
But I don't wash it away,
I just paint over it,
So I don't get caught in love with morbidity to anyone but the mirrors in my head.

Somebody said you're different since you came to the city,
And perhaps it satisfies me that maybe I'm not the only one shedding old skin.
I keep forgetting my head doesn't change, necessarily,
Just is given new experience and emotion.
On some streets,
All the lights are shut off,
but it's still alive.
I can't say I've discarded anything that's entered my head,
I've got too much love to do that.
My skin keeps falling off,
Sometimes the shreds of it are bloody,
And I miss it, I miss what I'm losing.
So I cling to jackets I can't wash because they smell like cigarettes and rain and every time I saw you.
Do you listen to Halsey and think of me, still?
Like 'would you bleed for me'
Or Gasoline, because it's my favorite?
Or do I stain your thoughts with something more destructive?
The screams of old Bring Me The Horizon?
Because.

darling,

Pierce The Veil doesn't sound heavy or sweet,
It sounds like you,
And you sound like good bass and smiles and rain on a tin roof (yeah. I remember that.) and crazy adventures and a couple chords on my guitar and medication within a few words and sneaking you inside and whispering up against walls in a hallway at church because we were both there to see each other and you're four months of my life I wouldn't take back if I had the choice.

Okay so maybe I'm not okay without you,
I've gotta get over this damn denial at some point.
But I'm alive without you.
- (m.m)

The light is on and he's calling me on snapchat and I pick up and sound tired. Within minutes, I have to slowly make myself talk in coherent English and explain what I've got running through my system and I can't keep my eyes open, but I'm awake. And he's laughing and says I sound high. Like. Well. You see.. xD and I'm falling asleep and I don't remember if I just didn't reply or not (I really meant to) but he hung up. I feel light and sort of weightless. I've been trying to stay awake but I let myself fall victim to this shit and fall asleep, waking up and going back under for 12 hours. What a life I live. Oh my God
- (m.m)