8-23-16
Can I tell you something?
I love you.
I love you so goddamn much.
---
Fuck that

8-23-16
You're in the currents,
The ones so strong,
You'll easily get sucked beneath the surface.
I wonder what happens to the bodies
When they've gone under.

I'm talking to stars,
Since you're not here,
And please please please
Don't let this pillowcase
Slip out of my grasp.

I'm walking pavement,
but im so far from home,
I might as well just
Lose myself to the streets,
Streets that I can't define
By the houses sitting upon
Them, houses that aren't yours,
People that aren't
Y o u.

These streets are dead here,
I need to feel alive.

Clean slates
Everywhere.
When do I stop
Starting over?
I didn't think all of this
Would happen the way it has.
Starting over hasn't felt too much
Like creation yet,
It's all some form of
Destruction,
And it's there,
Always.

Sinking into myself,
I'm trying to feel strong
Against the weight of tonight,
Against the weight of the world.
But I'm still just sinking
and this is so suffocating,
Those currents have gotta be better than this.
The stars are shining through
The smoke, thats managed to reach
My part of the sky from
The valleys.
Lead me to the flame,
I'll chase the smoke until sunrise
Before I disappear.

I spilled my guts on a chair tonight,
And now I've found myself at a payphone,
Twirling the chord,
Ringing ringing ringing,
Please answer, you don't know what
It means tonight.
It seems tonight isn't my night
How many times have I said that?
And maybe I'm pissed at myself
For believing fantasies.
Pissed at you
For these circumstances.
Pissed at the world.

The air is cold,
The water is deep,
The sky is endless
I'm a little disconnected,
I'm feeling free.

Tell me, would I have changed
If I was still having two-way
Conversations with walls?

I'm trying to just cling to whatever hasn't left,
Trying to remind myself of what I do have,
Not what I don't,
But the apathy stains dark
And it's easier to just stop fighting this.
I wish it didn't matter at all.

I'm still okay with pretending,
and it seems that's worked best for all of us here.
- (m.m)

I have to control this, and if that means being manic and pissed, so fucking be it. I'm fighting depression, but I know Im strong, on some sense. Fuck this fuck everything, thats just my mood right now. Fuck.