Eli's first day of first grade came faster than I had thought, and before I knew it Calum and I were waking up one morning and Calum immediately went to wake Eli up so he could get ready.

Calum helped give him a bath while I got ready and then sent Eli to me so I could dress him in jeans and a polo.

"Okay, what colour do you want to wear?" I asked him.

"Purple."

I smiled.

"Is that because it's my favourite colour?"

"Maybe." He giggled but I just kissed his cheek and finished getting him dressed.

After he was dressed I went to fix his hair while Calum went to get Cade ready for day care.

"Are you excited?" I asked Eli as I did his hair and he nodded up at me with a massive smile.

Calum and I made the boys breakfast and while they ate he packed up their lunches while I grabbed the backpacks and put Eli's notebook and pencil bag inside.

I then went over to Calum who was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Do you have any envelopes?" I asked him.

"Um, in the drawer on the far left I think." He said and I went to grab one before taking a sheet of printer paper and a blue marker and writing Eli a note.

Happy first day of school, Eli!

Make lots of friends, be kind to your teacher, eat all of your lunch, listen, and learn new things. This year for you is going to be special, so make it the best day of school ever. And don't forget we love you so much!

I took the note over to Calum so he could read it and smiled before signing 'Daddy' while I signed 'Nessa (momma)'

I folded up the note and put it in the envelope and wrote Eli's name on it before sticking it in my purse.

After the boys were done eating Eli grabbed his back pack while I carried Cade and we made our way to the car.

When we got to the school Calum parked and we got out of the car, Eli holding my hand as we walked up to the front of the school.

"Okay, I need a first day of school picture." Calum said and had Eli stand in front of the school sign so he could take his picture. He then had me join Eli for a photo and added Cade to the mix before I took one of Calum and Eli.

We then went to walk Eli to his classroom and I was excited that Calum was allowing me to be apart of this.

When we got to his class we met his teacher and then Calum and I went to hug Eli.

"You're going to have a great first day bud. I'm so proud of you." Calum hugged Eli. "I love you."

"I love you, Daddy." Eli smiled and then hugged Cade.

Then it was my turn to hug him.

"I know you're going to have a great first day." I kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, momma." He smiled and kissed my cheek back.

I then took the envelope from my bag and handed it to him.

"Don't open it until you get to your desk, okay?" I stroked his cheek.

"Okay." He smiled.

Calum then sent him into his class, both of us waving goodbye.

"So what's with the note?" Calum asked when we got to the car.

"My dad used to do that for me on my first day of school so I thought i'd pass on the tradition." I shrugged.

"It's sweet." He smiled.

"I hope he likes it."

Calum and I then went to take Cade to day care so Calum could take me to my counseling session.

"Now, remember. Just tell her what she wants to hear and she'll sign off."

I nodded.

When we arrived at the FBI building Calum walked me up to the office I went to last time, Christi the counselor waiting for me.

Calum kissed my cheek and I followed Christi inside.

I sat down and Christi did the same, looking at me with her clipboard in her lap.

"So Nessa, how have you been?" She asked me.

"Good." I nodded.

"Good? Tell me how you've been good?"

"Well this morning was Eli's first day of first grade so we were able to enjoy that with him."

She smiled.

"That's nice."

"Yeah, it was really sweet. I was happy Calum let me be apart of the day."

"Tell me about your relationship with Calum?"

"Good. He's amazing. I really love him."

"Do you see a future with him?"

"Did he have you ask that?" I laughed. "Because that's what he asks all the time."

She smiled.

"He didn't. But do you?"

"Sometimes I do. Like this morning when we took Eli to school, in those moments I see myself spending forever with him and getting married and having babies. But so many
things have happened in our relationship that it feels like we're doomed."

"What do you mean by that?" She asked.

"I mean, so far we've been through a break up, a car crash, a drowning, a restraining order, and a hostage situation. Like, doesn't that sound like maybe we shouldn't be together?"

Christi sat there in thought.

"I think maybe it means you're supposed to be together. You've made it through all of that so why couldn't you make it through other tough times?"

"We could, but I don't want to put him through anymore of that. I feel like i'm a magnet for disaster and I don't want to hurt him."

Christi nodded.

"Nessa, do you mind if Calum joins us?"

"Why?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I think he could be helpful."

I nodded and she got up to go to the door, inviting Calum in.

He walked in and gave me a confused look.

"I promise i'm talking this time." I said as he sat next to me.

Christi sat down.

"Calum, I wanted to bring you into our conversation because I think what Nessa just told me is important. Nessa would you mind repeating it."

"Um." I said, feeling Calum's eyes on me. "I said I was a magnet for disaster."

"And?" Christi encouraged.

"And that I don't want to hurt him."

Christi looked at Calum.

"How does that make you feel hearing her say that?"

"It makes me sad that she feels that's way because yes we've been through a lot of bad situations but none of them have ever been her fault." He told her. "And I wish she didn't feel that way."

I looked at Christi.

"So Calum, how have things been different since the incident at the police station?"

"I think we've both been on edge a bit, but I think we're okay. We've had some good days and we'll get through it."

"So how would you describe what happened that day?"

"Um, terrifying." He said. "I thought that I would have to watch her die, and I was scared not only for her but for me too."

"Why for you?"

"Because I love her, and I have two sons who love her too. I've already lost a wife, and Nessa is a part of my family now and I don't want to lose her too."

I watched him carefully and my stomach clenched at his words.

"Nessa, last session you said that you thought about his sons while you were being held hostage."

I nodded.

"Why?"

"Because I love them. I mean that doesn't come as a surprise. I didn't want to leave them like that."

Calum looked at me.

"Calum, how would you describe your relationship between Nessa and your kids?" Christi asked him.

"Good. I mean they love her. Eli calls her mom for gods sake I mean she's like... a movie star to them. Eli thinks she hung the moon."

"And how would you describe your relationship with Nessa?"

Calum sat there in thought for a moment before speaking.

"Nessa and I are different. That much is obvious. I'm a glass half full kind of guy and she's a glass half empty kind of girl. I'm social she's not. She's extremely smart and i'm not, but she makes me feel like I am. We balance each other out. I think with my first marriage, my wife was more like me socially and that never went away. When we had kids she wanted to go out and drink with her friends because she didn't want to be a mom. And I haven't asked her, but I feel like Nessa would rather stay home with me and the kids for a family night than go get drunk. With Nessa I see someone to settle down and have a life with, and that's really important to me."

"And Nessa? Do you agree with what Calum said?"

"I agree, we are both very different." I smiled at Calum. "But I think that's what keeps our relationship so interesting. I'm hot tempered and my Italian blood rages through my veins, but you know how to calm me down and get me to listen. You're very laid back but you always seem to have everything together and that impresses me. I'm unpredictable and I have an attitude and I may not be the best girlfriend all the time, but you put up with me and I appreciate that and I love you for it. I know that you love me, and that you see us together years from now and I do too."

Calum reached over to take my hand.

"I'm sorry, what does this have to do with me being held up at gunpoint?" I asked Christi with a chuckle.

"You're still looking ahead into the future, even after this disaster. You're not letting it hold you back. Has it changed you? Only you can decide. But you're not letting it change you right now, it seems. That's what I wanted to see from you. That you're not letting this situation hold you back from living."

I smiled at her and then at Calum.

She signed her signature on her clipboard and handed me the sheet of paper.

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

As soon as Calum and I left his office I jumped into his arms, Calum laughing.

"I'm done! I can go back to work!"

"You can." He kissed my cheek. "I'm proud of you."

"Thank you." I smiled. "Although having marriage counselling before we might ever get married is probably not the best start."

He laughed again before kissing me.

"I love you."

Calum had promised me a date and since we still had a few hours before we had to pick up the boys, Calum drove me to an ice cream shop.

He held my hand as we walked in and looked in the cases at what we wanted.

"What are you thinking?" Calum nodded towards the ice cream.

"Either coffee or birthday cake. What about you?"

"I'm thinking cinnamon."

We ordered our ice cream and then sat at a table.

"So my dad says he's going to visit soon." I said.

"Yeah? Do you have plans of what to do?"

"No. I mean he can meet you and the boys obviously, and we could go out for dinner or something but i'm not sure other than that."

"I think that dinner would be nice." Calum said. "Would he stay at your place?"

"Yeah? I mean both bedrooms are occupied at your house and I don't want him to sleep on the couch."

"We could offer him our room and we can sleep on the couch."

"I'll think about it." I gave him a look. "Now let me try your ice cream." I said and he passed me his ice cream cone, laughing at me.

Once our ice cream date was done we had to go back to get Cade from daycare and then Eli from school.

When we got to the school we went inside to get him from his class.

He jumped up when we got there and ran to us, throwing his arms around Calum first and then me.

"How was your first day?" Calum asked as we walked back to the car.

"Fun! We got to play on the new playground equipment and then draw name tags and meet our class pet! We have a lizard named Bob!"

"That sounds like fun!" I smiled at him.

"I read your letter too!" He grinned up at me. "Mrs. Newton read it too and said I had really nice parents."

I smiled at Calum.

That night after dinner at Calum's, he and I went to put Eli and Cade to bed.

I went over to Eli to tell him goodnight, and as I sat on the side of his bed he sat up to hug me.

"What's this about?" I laughed as I touched his chair.

"I love you, momma."

"I love you too." I kissed his head.

"Thank you for taking me to school today. I liked having you there."

"Well i'm glad I was able to be there. I love spending time with you and today was a special day, so i'm happy I got to be apart of it."

He smiled up at me and I kissed his nose, making him laugh.

"Okay Eli it's bedtime." Calum came over to us and I let Eli go so he could lay down.

Calum moved in to tell Eli goodnight and once he did we left, going to Calum's room where we got in bed.

"I'm really glad you were here for Eli's first day." He said.

"Me too." I smiled at him.

"I honestly thought after Meredith died that if I ever began to date again it would be hard to find someone who loved my kids as much as I did but seeing you with them makes me wonder how someone who didn't even give birth to them can love them more than the woman who did."

"You think I love them more than Meredith did?"

"I do." He nodded.

"Well," I said awkwardly, "I don't know what to say, but I do love them very much."

Calum smiled and then leaned in and kissed me.

"Love you, Ness."

"Love you, Cal."

—

Yay! A new update!

Next chapter is going to be fun!

Much love xx-m