TW: this book contains a lot of sensitive topics and I wouldn't want you to continue reading in case you feel uncomfortable and get triggered.

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TW: Eating disorder

Jungkook lightly runs his fingers through Jimin's hair, his eyes sadly tracing the tear tracks running down his cheeks. Just two hours ago, he had run into Jimin bent over the toilet, two fingers lodged deep into his throat.

Jungkook's heart had plummeted straight down to the pit of his stomach when he caught Jimin in that position. They've been there before, gone through it before. Jimin had seen better days. And now years later, Jungkook saw history repeat itself.

Jimin had snapped, screaming at the top of his lungs, going all defensive and Jungkook swore he tried to stay patient. He swore he tried his level best to keep his voice calm and his pitch low, knowing that screaming back and insulting the older would get them nowhere and he would only succeed in scarring Jimin more.

So he kept calm while Jimin spewed insult after insult at him, angry tears running down his flushed cheeks.

Jungkook looks down at Jimin and sighs.

"It's hard not to take your words seriously when you say them like you mean them," he whispers more to himself than the sleeping man in his lap.

"Where were you when I fucking needed you?" were the words that Jimin spat at him.

Fighting my own battles, Jungkook had thought to himself but the guilt that filled him no sooner did those words leave Jimin's mouth was immense.

Was Jungkook being selfish...? Had he been so self absorbed that he had failed to notice his boyfriend's struggles?

Jungkook hadn't had the best days...or was it a month? He really wasn't sure. He just knew that, he wasn't in the best phase of his life with his anxiety hitting the roof, the pressures of idol life heavy on his shoulders, the need to please constantly nagging him.

Overworking.

Yoongi had scolded him when he caught the kid looking like death warmed over in the dance studio.

"Your health is important, Jungkook-ah. You are important. You're working yourself to the ground. And for what? For whom?" Yoongi had asked as he applied cream for the maknae's swollen wrist.

Jungkook's eyes brimmed with tears, "army. For hyungs. Can't disappoint."

"No, Jungkook. That's what you think. You constantly worry about what army thinks, what hyungs think...no, you overthink. And then you overwork. Listen, kookie. You can't please everyone. Let's say you do take the wrong step during dance or you sing an off note while performing. Let's say you do disappoint someone... what's the worst that can happen? Hmm? Will you die? Of course not. It shouldn't matter to you. If you try to please people, you'll never be satisfied cause you cannot please everyone. Settle for just yourself instead."

While Yoongi's words had warmed Jungkook's heart, there were still silent battles that he fought, too ashamed to admit so to any of his hyungs, even Jimin.

Tired...

That's how Jungkook described his feelings most days.

He felt tired. Or so he labelled it.

It felt like his body had just given up and he hated it. He either felt too much or he felt entirely numb. Some days he just wanted to sit and scream it out, allowing the dam to burst and the water he held back, to flow out.

But then, things went downhill when he confronted Jimin.

He felt guilty.

Guilty for complaining.

For crying.

His problems were nothing compared to what Jimin was going through.

He swallowed hard, tears silently falling down his cheeks. He needed to be strong to help Jimin. Jimin didn't need a crybaby right then...he needed a man...a pillar.

So Jungkook made a decision.

He'd be strong. He wouldn't break down, wouldn't cry...not in front of his hyungs. Not in front of Jimin. He'd be his pillar. His lighthouse.

To be continued...