Flashback (trigger warning, talks of assault and self harm)

I sat on the sofa as Gemma came in with him. His hair was cut short recently, his usual greasy tangled mess long gone, and he had that stupid grin on his face. She smiled shyly at me as he grabbed her arm trying to kiss her. "Stop my brother's here." Gemma tried to warn him.

"Damn it Gemma lets go upstairs then!" I heard him say as they walked out of view.

"My mom doesn't let me have- oww!" She said. "Fine."

They walked past me and he smirked at me as he grabbed my sister's behind. She smacked his hand away and all he did was push her up. It was quiet for a while as I watched the tv.

Gemma always told me to mind my business when he was around.

It wasn't until I began hearing them argue that I stood to the bottom of the stairs thinking of what to do to help her.

"Stop fighting me!" He yelled. "Just fucking lay down!"

"No that hurts!" I went up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"Go away!" He yelled.

"What are you guys doing!" I said trying to open the door. "Gemma!"

"Just go, Harry!" She yelled.

I walked back downstairs, but I kept hearing them argue. I turned the tv up and tried to ignore them but then I heard it. My sister calling for help.

"Stop! That hurts! Help!" I got up and sprinted up the stairs. "No, Kyle stop you're hurting me!" She screamed and I heard him grunt. I tried to open the door but I couldn't.

"Open the door!" I began slamming into it and it wouldn't budge.

"Stop Kyle!" She yelled again. As I finally broke down the door, Kyle was on top of her with his pants down. Gemma had her hands pinned back, crying and shaking violently in fear .

He got up and she quickly covered herself with a sheet to hide what he had done to her. He looked freaked out, picking up his stuff, jumping through the window to the balcony, where I knew he'd come through at night.

I looked at her to see if she was alright and she began crying. "Gemma?"

"Leave me alone!" She looked down and screamed. "Get out!" I ran out and realized what he had done. I couldn't breathe, but I knew what I had to do. I went after him.

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I decided the day before Christmas to drive my mom to her chemotherapy session. Robin had taken Jane and Daisy out for the day so I could be with her.

She sat in her chair as the nurse adjusted her medicine, relaxed with her legs up and head back, looking at me. "So how's the arm?" She asked.

"Good, just fine now." I moved my arm around to show her. "So what do you usually do during chemo?" She sighed.

"Read, sometimes talk, or knit. I made the cutest sweater the other day." I chuckled. "How's Jane doing?"

"Jane's perfect, she's working and I actually went to her school to help out and the kids love her. She's good at what she does." She nodded. "Business is good too."

"I've heard, I'm proud of you Harry, I always knew those sketches would get you somewhere." She looked at her arm and hissed. "Tell me, how was the wedding?" I told her about my speech and the music, how amazing Olivia looked and how Louis never looked happier. How much fun it was to see two people you care about getting married. "And when are you and Jane going to have a wedding?"

I smiled. "Well we're set for the month of August, but I'm guessing we have to see where we want to have it and they have to tell us what's available." She nodded. "I promised her years ago and we're finally going to have a dream wedding. The funny thing is that even her mum and dad are renewing their vows before we have a wedding." She chuckled.

We talked until she began to feel the effects of the medicine . She sat there and felt nauseous. The nurse came over and handed her a bucket.

"You're alright dear." She said getting her some water. "If you'd like we'll walk her down in a few minutes, so you can bring the car around?" I agreed, kissing the top of my mum's head.

"I'll see you downstairs." She nodded throwing up in the bucket. I walked out of the room and down the hallway.

The section of the hospital was filled with people with cancer. Some sicker than others, but all getting treatment. It was one of the best hospitals around. Top doctors and the best care for cancer patients.

I looked around for a sign to get back outside when I noticed someone sitting in one of the chairs in the room across from me. I had done a second look and felt myself freeze.

He was pale and bald, but my stomach turned as I saw the scar on his face. His face seemed different, aged by time, but it burned a memory in my head.

That scar, I gave him that scar.

I memorized that scar when he was testifying against me.

"Kyle?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me. He was weak and seemed to not know who I was. I looked down and his leg was missing. His treatment had just begun, the nurse still looking for a vein.

"Yeah... can I help you?" He said in a raspy voice. His sentences spaced as he tried to breathe. "Do I know.... you?"

"Kyle Mervin?" He nodded slowly. "I-I knew you in school."

"Sorry, mate...I don't really.... remember anyone.... in school." He shrugged so I looked down and felt the sick feeling in my stomach getting worse.

I turned and walked away quickly towards the car. As I made it outside I ran to a bin and threw up.

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I drove my mum home in silence and helped her to bed. Everything seemed to be moving in a fast blur, I was confused as to what I was feeling.

"Harry?" I looked up at Jane who was pouring tea for me. "What's wrong, baby? Are you feeling okay, I told you it was too much too soon going to the hospital." She sat in front of me at the kitchen table and held my hand.

"I-I saw him," I said looking down.

"Saw who?" She said worriedly. I looked up and shook my head, feeling my body begin to shake. "Harry, you're okay."

"I'm not okay, I saw him and he's sick." I looked up again. "He was sicker than everyone, he's dying."

Jane looked confused. "Who?" My stomach turned, the sight of him on my sister came to mind.

"The piece of shit that raped my sister." She gasped. "He was doing chemo, he was there, I spoke to him." I shook my head getting up breathing heavily. "He's missing his leg and he's sick... but it's him."

"Harry, relax look at me." I looked at her. She put a hand on my heart. Her eyes widened and she sat me down. "Harry you're heart is beating fast I need you to calm down." I could hear her but my mind was going crazy. "Look Daisy is watching you." Suddenly my head snapped to my baby looking at me confused.

"What's wrong with daddy?" She cried. I snapped out of my thoughts and ran to my baby.

"No my angel don't cry, I'm okay." I opened my arms and she hugged me crying. I looked up at Jane who looked concerned.

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Jane

"...and the princess saved the whole kingdom all on her own." Daisy's eyes shut closed and Harry sat up kissing her forehead before covering her with the blanket. He stood up and walked out of the room to sit on the couch.

It was about four in the afternoon so it was still light out. Daisy was taking a nap from her long day.

"Hey." He looked up at me as I went to sit on his lap. I kissed his temple and held him close. He put his head against my chest and began crying. "Baby, what are you feeling right now?" I rubbed his head.

He pulled back and took a deep breath. "I want to feel angry, but I felt sick." He said weirdly. "He hurt my sister, he's the reason she's dead and he is sick and dying. His legs gone and he was this great football player. He's nothing now." He sat back and I looked at him. "What if it was my fault?"

"Another person getting sick is not your fault Harry, what you did to him was almost fifteen years ago. His life has changed and he has lived the life he has chosen for himself and the life he has is his problem. You saw him, now leave it alone."

He pushed me off of him and stood. "Leave it alone?" He laughed a dry sinister laugh. "How can I just leave it alone. I need to know his life is meaningless." I stood to look at him. "I need to know he has nobody... Just like my sister had nobody when she killed herself." He rubbed his eyes and walked over to grab his jacket.

"What are you doing?" I followed him. "Harry?" He walked to pick up Robin's keys and opened the front door. I stood in front of it and he groaned.

"Move Jane." I shook my head. "Get the fuck out of my way!" He yelled in my face.

"You're not going-" suddenly he punched the wall behind me, getting in my face, causing me to flinch

"Move!" I pushed him back in reaction hard enough where he held onto his still slightly injured arm. He stood there in shock as I walked away to the room. "What the fuck is your problem!" I looked at him.

"If you want to leave go ahead, what the hell do I care if something happens to you! Especially after you pull that bullshit move!" I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I dropped to the floor and began crying. He scared me, he had me cornered the same way he promised he would never do.

And what made me angrier was that I heard the front door open and him drive off.

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The morning arrived and I sat there in the living room as Anne came down the stairs. "Happy Christmas." I turned to her and she looked at me worried. "What is it, darling?" She asked concerned.

I told her everything that had happened and she was shocked. "He punched the wall." I cried. "He just reacted and left and I don't know where he is, what if he's been drinking or if he goes and finds him." She looked so worried that I was beginning to feel anxious. Being here brought out the recklessness in Harry.

Suddenly, before my mind could wander anymore, the car drove in and parked in the driveway. He got out of the car and walked towards the door. "I'm so sorry Anne, I'm sorry we're fighting in your home, it's so disrespectful." I apologized.

"Sweetheart it's alright, talk it out I'll be in the room." I nodded as she went back to her room.

I waited for him to come in, sitting on the couch. He walked in and looked at the wall. He sighed as he saw me and just turned, walking towards the other guest room. I followed him as he went to lay down on the bed.

"Are you not going to talk to me?" I asked him. He grabbed a pillow and put it over his head. I sighed feeling the tears in my eyes. I walked over and pulled off the pillow. "Harry!"

"What!?" He stood. "What the fuck do you want!?" I crossed my arms. "Leave me alone!" He looked so intimidating standing over me the way he was. I felt tiny and looked down crying.

"I hate you." I walked away but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. "Let go of me!" He shook his head.

"No, stop crying first." I wiped my eyes and he sighed. "I'm sorry-"

"You always say that." I looked down at the ground. "Just let go of me, I hate you, you promised me you would never hurt me and last night you had me cornered like mad man." I pulled my hand out of his grip and began to walk away again.

"Baby-"

"Don't call me that." I opened the door and looked back at him. "You ruined my Christmas, are you happy now?"

I had to go and see Daisy.

"Good morning." She said happily. When she looked at me she suddenly seemed sad. "What's wrong mommy?" I walked over to lay in the bed with her and she hugged me.

"Mommy's not feeling well," I told her.

"Why?" She kissed my forehead. "Are you sad?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm tired honey." She looked at me and cleaned my tears. "Thank you, baby." I laid there with her while she watched the tv. I heard the door opened after my eyes were closed.

"Shh, mommy's sleeping." She told whoever was there.

"Oh is she, sorry I'll be quiet." It was Harry. I heard the bed dip.

"Mommy's sad." She told Harry.

"I know baby, it's daddy's fault I made mommy sad." She gasped. "I'm a bad daddy."

"What did you do?" She whispered.

"Mommy told me not to leave and I didn't listen and I yelled at mommy." He said quietly.

"Do you hate mommy?" She said sadly.

"No baby, I love mommy so much. She's the love of my life. But daddy is a bad guy sometimes and does bad things." I opened my eyes and looked at him. He looked back and looked down in embarrassment. I got up slowly and grabbed a blanket walking out of the room. I went into the other guest room and fell asleep after a long night of waiting up for him.

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When I woke up, the smell of food flooded the house and I stood to go into the kitchen to find everyone making the Christmas dinner. Anne looked better than yesterday and smiled at me. "Oh sweetheart you're up, have a seat an I'll get you some soup." I smiled taking a seat.

I watched as she went over to Harry and told him something. He grabbed a bowl and poured me soup and walked over to put it in front of me.

"It's chicken noodle, your favorite." I looked down and nodded. He handed me a spoon and I ate. He scratched the back of his head, turning to leave the room when I didn't say anything to him.

Anne looked at me and nodded. "Teach him not to do what he did, being angry is no excuse for his behavior." It was funny how Anne was always on my side whenever Harry acted this way. We haven't fought like this in a very long time.

"You look better." She smiled.

"Chemo can't bring me down, Robin and I want to take Daisy to see Santa, if you'd like to come?" I smiled.

"Well I have to wrap her presents, I completely forgot the ones I have here. Besides someone should stay and watch the food." Anne patted my head.

"Alright then, well I'm going to get ready." Daisy ran in and hugged Anne. "Time to get ready love, Santa's in town to say hello."

After they left I went to the room to open up a bag of small gifts that we could take with us back to the states. Any other big presents were back at home.

Harry laid on the bed and hugged Daisy's bunny. I sat on the ground and put all the gifts out, wrapping each of them. I began to notice that I had almost ripped the wrapping paper with my wedding ring every single time I tried to wrap a gift, so I took it off and put it on top of the desk.

I got up and went to get another roll of wrapping paper from Anne's closet. When I came back downstairs, Harry sat on the edge of the bed with tears in his eyes.

"Why did you take it off?" I looked at the ring in his hand and sighed, he was so quick to make assumptions. "Are you so mad that you took it off, do vows not mean shit to you?"

Suddenly a fit of anger began bubbling in my stomach. "What fucking vows! Shut the fuck up! The vows at the courthouse don't count, because we never got to read our own vows, Harry! I took the fucking ring off because it ripped the paper of the gifts you promised would wrap for me! But like every promise you make, you broke it!" I threw the paper on the floor and walked out. I walked into the other room and crossed my arms.

"Jane?" He knocked on the door. "Baby girl, please open the door." I sat on the edge of the bed and huffed. I got up and stood by the door. He knocked again and I opened the door. He looked at me and I began crying again. He reached out and held me. "I'm sorry baby please I just was so in shock yesterday." He pleaded. "Please don't hate me."

"What did you do yesterday?" I pulled away. "Where did you go, tell me the truth?" He sighed.

"I followed him around I just needed to see what he was doing." I understood his need to have closure, to see what the man who did what he did was doing now.

Harry

I drove to the hospital and drove around to find him sitting at a bus stop. He was still here. I parked and waited for almost 20 minutes, as he sat there in the cold. I watched him shiver while I was in the warm car.

A woman pulled up and he grabbed his crutches to walk to the car. He got in and gave her a hug. I pulled out of the parking lot and followed them.

For a while, they drove out of town and into parts that I wouldn't know. They arrived at his location, it was a home for sick people. He walked in and I waited for a few hours, but he never came out. The woman had left and I decided to go in.

I needed to talk to him.

I went in and the woman in the front was wearing all white. "Can I help you?" She said nicely.

"I um, I came to see a patient?" I told her.

"Does the patient know you?" She took out a basket.

"Sort of, he might not remember me, his name is Kyle Mervin." She pulled up a file and looked at it.

"Well he has no visitors listed, I'll ask him if he's alright seeing you, What's your name?" I gulped.

"Harry Styles." She nodded and got on her phone. She spoke for a minute and then hung up.

"Alright, I need you to remove everything from your pockets, phones, jewelry, and shoes." I did as she told me and place them in the basket. I gave her my ID and she had someone escort me to his room.

"He never has visitors." The man who took me to his room told me. He knocked on the door and opened it. In the bed was Kyle laying down. He looked and sat up.

"You're from... the hospital?" He said looking down. "You're... Gemma's.... brother?" I nodded. He sat up and pointed to the chair. I sat down and the man who brought me here walked out. "I knew... you looked... familiar." He coughed. His breathing was loud.

"I'll leave if you're uncomfortable," I said honestly.

He chuckled, "If you hurt me... it would put.... me out of my misery." I gulped. "I owe you an apology." He looked at his pale hands. "What I did... to your sister- I didn't know what I.... was doing was hurting her-"

"She told you to stop." He nodded. "She told you it hurt." He coughed.

"What happened to her?" He said looking up at me. "After you jumped me.... my parents moved us to London, I never saw her again." I stared at him. "Is she married now.... is she happy?"

I looked down. "No, she's dead." There was a long pause and when I looked at him he seemed confused. "After you raped her and left she was bullied because you told everyone she was a whore. Do you remember that?" He looked down. "She got called so many names, and lost her friends, guys would touch her, she was sick from an eating disorder-"

"Stop-"

"She was so tired of her life-"

"Stop-"

"-that she went home a week after her 17th birthday and slit her wrists-"

"Stop!" I stood up and looked at him.

"And I couldn't go to her funeral, because you put me in jail even after you deserved what I did to you. She was so in love with you she didn't want to send you to jail, but you were quick to have me arrested. And now you have nothing, you are here and alone and you're sick." I pointed a finger at him. "And I don't feel sorry for you because you are going to die alone, just like Gemma did." He looked at me for a while.

I let the words sink in and I felt guilty for coming here. Why didn't I let this go?

"You're right." He nodded making me look at him. "I am going.... to die alone, does that... make you feel better, does that bring closure to you?" He asked me. "Does it... make you feel good that I'm here dying of cancer?" I looked down and felt my stomach drop. "I don't have anyone...my parents...pay for my medical...bills but...no one visits...the sick cripple...I have nothing...so does that... Give you...closure?

"No," I said honestly. "So how do I get closure? How do I move on?" I asked him.

He stood up slowly sitting in his wheelchair. He rolled over to me and took a deep breath. "Harry, please... forgive me for what I've done to you? What I did to your sister. And for.... sending you to jail." He was breathing heavily. "Forgive me... and go home, I'm dying, I have nothing else to offer you." I looked at him for a long time and just nodded. "Okay?" I nodded again.

Walking out of the room I felt almost as if a weight had been lifted. Had I changed so much in the last few years that I was able to move on from this?

"Have... a nice... life." He said before I could leave.

I walked out to the car and drove back towards the house.  I drove for a while until I realized I had no idea where I was. But I kept driving until I made it to the cemetery to see my sister. I had fallen asleep in my car and when I woke up I knew I had to come home.

Jane

"You forgave him?" I asked him.

"I had no choice, I can't live with this hate for someone anymore. I can't blame anyone for her decision. You were right, I should have just let it go." He looked at his hands. "I'm sorry for yelling at you and disrespecting you. I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through, Jane you have to know how sorry I am for everything."

I sat down across from him and sighed. "I know you're sorry, I forgive you." If anything it felt as if he had found peace, and in reality, that's all I wanted for him. You can't live your life with a burden in your heart. "Can you help me put the gifts under the tree?" He nodded standing to his feet. I looked up at him and leaned in to hug him. He kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath.

"I love you." He said quietly. "Please don't leave me." He cried.

My heart broke at him thinking I was that angry to leave him. "Baby." I pulled away and grabbed his face. "I'm here, and we have a lot to learn about each other. A fight is just a fight, as long as we learn from it. If we don't learn from them it will tear us apart." He nodded. I smiled and kissed him. "I love you so much, you have... no clue how much I love you."

Harry just cried in my arms, finally letting go of all of his anger.

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Thank you for reading. Xx

-k