Hey guys... I'm sorry for not updating for the last month. I already have the next chapter ready and half of the chapter after that done, but I just wanted to share with you guys something.

So, I've been trying to focus on myself for a little while since I last spoke about myself and I just came to realize over this time that I'm just going through too many problems in my life. Like I'm trying to be strong and trying to get myself right, but I don't know what it is, but I just feel... SO TIRED. So EXHAUSTED. So LETHARGIC.

Life I feel like I have NO energy. It's to the point where for the last couple weeks or month, a lot of my time is spent sleeping. Like I haven't really wanna do anything lately. I went to the doctor about it and they were saying how I may have a pretty big case of anemia, where I don't have enough red blood cells to give me oxygen throughout my body and I remember that as a teen, I dealt with anemia at that time too and that I was always tired ashl but this time feels worse. I literally feel it to the point where I don't wanna even get up for anything, not even to just use the bathroom. I'm just SO EXHAUSTED.

Too, I'm off leave from work, bc I hurt my back pushing these 18 packages of 20 pack water bottles to someone car back and forth like bruh, that was no joke. I am not built to do stuff like that. I'm trying to leave that job cause it's just like I'm tired of doing that sorta stuff and then when it be severe weather or hot as heck or in winter, when I can't even get the totes through the snow, like absolutely not and then I tried telling my manager that I can definitely help out in that area when it's not super busy and that I can do every other thing that's required of the job but literally, they won't let me do ANYTHING but bringing people's heavy freaking groceries to they car in the smoldering heat or storming rain 😭

Like I'm done with that job. I'm in the middle of getting a new one and am asking for a interview today to set up by an old people place. The pay is really good! However, I'm thinking of other places too. And then too, my current workplace is just so TOXIC. My coworkers be hating on me for no reason other than my looks. Like they can go throw themselves in the trash. I'm tired of they hating selves. I ain't do nothing to them but be kind. That's why I don't talk to anyone there. It's just like that with people in my area in general. They're just so evil and insensitive. I'm tired of them.

Anyway! Aside from that... I don't know if I feel depressed or if I feel empty or something. It just feels like something is MISSING from my life. Idk if it's just like I feel lonely bc I don't have a bf... bc sometimes I really do wish I had someone special in my life, or if I feel unfulfilled bc I want to publish a actual book but feel too tired and sometimes unmotivated to write, or if I feel... I just simply miss the amount of love I used to get from you guys a while ago on my stories.

Like honestly, I just miss the amount of attention my naruto books used to get. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's still quite a bit of people who read them, but what I mean is... I miss the amount of EFFORT you guys would go to show me how much you love my stories. Like the voting, messaging me privately or on my board, or for sure COMMENTING! Like it really sucks when I think of the attention the first and beginning of second book got and now seeing how little comments I get now, if I get any at all.

And then too, it feels like people don't show the excitement or appreciation for the NaruNia things I create for them like they used to. Like the fanarts or the edits, or even just me being able to use Naruto's actual voice to have him say all these romantic things to nia in my newer vids. It's just depressing sometimes.

Idk if it's just like I'm the very last real NaruNia fan out here 😅 or if y'all too shy to comment or message me or show your excitement or appreciation or if my stories aren't good anymore or if like idk. You guys just tell me what it is.

Maybe this is just my anxiety talking. Me just being cynical?

I try my best to stay consistent with this story and dedicated but sometimes I think, "damn, is this all really worth it? Should I pursue writing? What if this whole time I wrote stories to escape my life but this isn't what I actually wanna do? Do I wanna continue writing? Do I wanna keep going and not give up? Can I get people excited about my writing? Do I really have the skill set needed? Can I become an author one day? Is being an author really my dream or do I just wanna only write fanfic? Do I feel as though I'm only decent at writing and so I think I wanna be an author or is there something else I've always dreamt of being but need to work hard at it? Will I ever be successful in life?"

It's just a LOT of things that goes through in my head. I honestly don't know what to do. Whenever I feel like I'm failing, I just feel SO tempted to give up. Whenever I feel like something is taking too long to happen, I feel SO tempted to move on to the next thing.

Like I swear, sometimes I wanna give up on this story and writing journey of mine in general. I'm just so tired of trying so hard and feeling like I'm getting no where.

Right now, I'll be completely honest. I just feel as though there's not really a purpose in my life. I feel like I have no direction or love from others beside my family and it's just like I wanna give up. I just felt like you guys were my motivation to keep going when I was growing up. You guys showed me so much love and attention and kindness... even though I'm just this pathetic ordinary person. I felt like there were people out in the world who truly accepted me despite how I look or how weird I am.

I try my hardest to be positive and strong but sometimes life can really kick my butt. I try to pray and trust in god but when I see other people's lives or accomplishments, it tempts me into being sad about my life.

Right now, I just wish a lot of you guys would pour into this comment section or in my inbox telling me how much you all appreciate or love my stories and me or if you have advice, share that. I just feel like I need to feel loved and appreciated again.

Sorry if this depressing, I just really need to be comforted 🥺 and shown that you guys do think I matter and your thoughts on me and my books.