Hey guys... so for the past few days, something has heavily been weighing on my mind. It's my fanfiction. All of them but mainly my naruto one.

So, before you freak out, let me explain. So, remember how I was telling y'all that one of my goals is to be a published author? Hopefully... a successful author at that?

Well, lately, I've been looking at some videos on YouTube about famous authors being cancelled... due to their previous fanfics they wrote years ago. The material that was in them and just what they wrote about. My stories are pretty mature—especially my Naruto series. They're very wild and even at times, may be very inappropriate or controversial to the point where I could get cancelled badly 💀

I'm honestly surprised I haven't gotten cancelled on this site yet tbh. However, I feel like if I do achieve my goals in the future regarding being an author, these fanfics of mine will come back to haunt me. Fan-fictions... I started as a freaking 13-16 year old kid.

Granted, I still do write them as an adult, though I try to not make it so... absurd. I think I finished Light In You when I was 18? And I think I had Naruto and Nia start out at 16-17, so back then, me writing the lemons were pretty justifiable in that book bc I was basically the same age as the characters. Later on, as I started to write the bonus chapters, I was probably around 19-20? Anyway, so the bonus chapters are very sexual and stuff and honestly I wrote them because... I think I was just trying to give the more kinky readers some more chapters they can go to enjoy 💀 and bc if you look at my most POPULAR chapters in my series besides the beginning of each book, the ones that have the most reads is my freaking LEMONS or naughty chapters 😭 like I'm not even playing.

My freaking first lemon has like 10 or 11 THOUSAND READS rn. Anyway, I've known of the show Naruto since I was literally like 5 or 6. I've always known of the characters and that they were all like 12-13... which was older than me at the time. However, when I was 16, I started watching Shippuden and as you all know, at that age, I started having a crush on Naruto, who, in the show was the same age as well. But this is the thing... while we grow up to be adults in a natural way, anime characters don't age the same. For obvious reasons. They're not real lol

So, to me, since I was introduced to Naruto as a 5 year old and he was like 12-13 and started having a crush on him when I was 16 and he was nearly 17, I always viewed him as being OLDER than me. Like everytime I look or think of him, I always see a character who I sort of... "grew up with"? Who... I've fantasized and looked up to since I was a child lol. When I see his Shippuden self, I feel 16 still bc I liked him at that age.

Think of it like this... you know how if you started watching the show as a kid, you always saw Kakashi as like that character who's way older than you but then when you grow up and get to be 26-28 like him, you're like, "what the hell? I'm his age/older than him. I feel so old" and you still feel as though he's older than you bc that's how you known him as being your whole childhood?

Or like, let's say you've been dating your bf/gf since you were 16 and like when you think back when you first dated them, now that you're an adult, you still find them attractive bc you met them at that age of 16. You remember how attractive they were when you first met and you look back at the picture of y'all together and are like, "man, I remember when they were so fine"?

That's basically me with Naruto 💀 I think back to how attractive I found him at 16. But that's ONLY him bc I was into him as a TEEN. Obviously, I ain't attracted to 16 year olds anymore cause I grew up. I'm a whole adult. I only like men my age. If you're a normal person and not some pedo, as you grow up, you clearly stay attracted to people your age or older, too.

ANYWAY, ever since I turned 18, I've only ever thought of the characters in my fanfic to be EIGHTEEN AND OVER. No longer did I want to write them as teenagers nor did I view them as underage. I only started them as underage bc I WAS underage when I started the story. That's why I was so QUICK to age them up at the end of Light In You bc I don't want to write adult/sexual content with characters who are stated to be underage in MY fanfic. I'm not talking about the show itself. In the show, yes they underage, but in MY story, they're over 18. That's how you should view ALL my Naruto stories.

And it'd be RIDICULOUS to get cancelled over something I did as a kid and stupid to get cancelled just for writing bonus chapters centered around the beginning of Light In You bc I started them off as teenagers when I myself was a child, but that now as an adult, I'm ONLY thinking of them and writing them as YOUNG ADULTS and NOT as teenagers anymore. Obviously, I'm not gonna change the entire 87 CHAPTERS to state they 18 just cause I'm an adult now. That would be doing the absolute most.

And tbh, even if they were teens, idk what it is, but people act like teenagers NEVER have sex. Like 🤦🏽‍♀️ Ik y'all gotta be joking. Just to make things clear... I do NOT agree with minors having sex. I think they needa stop being so wild and eager and wait till they're mentally and physically mature to engage in that activity. There are WAY too many issues that can occur when minors engage in that and I do NOT condone it.

However, trying to act like teenagers don't have sex is NOT gonna solve the issue. If teenagers supposedly don't have sex as people say they don't, then we would NEVER see teen pregnancies. Hell, I know that, you know that, we ALL know that. We were all teenagers once. We knew of kids our age who was messing around and being promiscuous when we were even in as young as middle or junior high school. Hell, that might've even been you fooling around too.

If teens want to have sex, trust me, they're GONNA find a way and place to do it. You can NOT stop them. The best you can do is EDUCATE them on safe sex and encourage them to wait till they're adults. Again, I do NOT condone minors sleeping around but this is our REALITY.

ANYWAY.

So, these authors are getting slammed on the internet bc of their fanfics and their mistakes while writing them. It's pretty much the curse of having started as a fanfic writer turned professional author. I understand that even if I do delete my stories, people will always remember me bc I managed to get a substantial amount of reads. People literally think of me as "Wattpad famous" 💀

I know I've made lots of mistakes while writing fanfic and I'll probably unintentionally keep making mistakes, but just know... and this is important. The point of my stories was NEVER to focus on sexual or controversial or absurd themes or things.

My books were made bc I wanted to spread a good message to the world. Especially in my Naruto fanfics. I wanted to inspire everyone to feel good about themselves and to see themselves in a character like Nia who isn't perfect by any means but who tries her best to overcome her issues. I wanted to show people that ANYONE can find true love, acceptance, and happiness and that they ARE GOOD ENOUGH despite what the world says about them.

I just wanted to leave a positive impact on the world and in the hearts of many. That's why I write. That's why I want to be an author. Bc I care about people who were or are like me, that struggled in life or were treated differently and are fighting everyday to feel more confident or to love themselves or find a purpose in their lives. Trust me, I suffered a lot myself and I always wanted to read stories or watch shows or movies that featured girls like me. Girls who weren't gorgeous, who aren't skinny, who don't have perfect bodies, who aren't noticed by guys, who aren't the popular or rich or talented ones. Girls who weren't just Caucasian like so many main female characters are. I wanted to read diverse characters.

So badly, I wanted to read books like that and since I saw no one writing about it, I decided to write my own. That's the secret to how you get known in the writing world. You write stories YOU want to read. If you aren't seeing any books that you want to read, YOU be the one to write that book. That's how I believe my books got so popular on here. Because I wrote something seemingly no one wanted to write about.

I'm grateful for all the lives my books has touched. I've been told by readers my books saved some people from suicide, they've helped make them a better person, they've made numerous friends, they've made them laugh or smile, they've inspired them and even... gave them another reason to live and keep being strong ❤️

These are all very sweet messages and I appreciate them all.

So, I wanna be an author. How far am I into my goals?

Well, as I said in a previous chapter, I finished my original story. Rn, I'm in the process of heavily revising it so I can share it to you guys if you wanna be a beta reader. By now, everyone knows this book is a secret NaruNia book. Mind you, the reason I'm concerned is bc authors are also getting slammed bc some published books of theirs are ALSO secret fanfics 💀 However, it seems like they're getting slammed... bc they didn't change ENOUGH of their characters that's based off their fandom they were in.

So while everyone may find out this a lowkey AU Naruto fanfic, all I have to make sure to do is change enough of the original character's personalities, names, and things like that so that they feel more of my OWN characters. So while it's okay if your characters are INSPIRED by existing characters, they obviously can't be knock offs or you asking to be sued. I've ALWAYS known this so while I'm revising, I'm trying to make sure the characters aren't TOO similar to the Naruto characters. I'm trying to come up with up with ideas and traits to give them to make them more original yet to where you guys can still know that "ayyy, that's our dude, Naruto" when you read it 💀 or basically to like, anyone who doesn't know of my fanfic can't really figure out that the characters are inspired by the Naruto characters unless they look it up 💀

Sooooo.... Definitely comment below or message me some traits or habits they can have that sets them apart from the original characters. I was thinking of making the character who's inspired by Naruto in my book to have a allergy to like flowers and he's a voracious reader in the book and stuff like that but I want to add more traits to him that separate him from original Naruto. Same with the other characters. Like Shikamaru in the book, while he's great with technology, he's an average student but a hard worker, which is different than original Shikamaru who's a genius and lazy 💀 but like, I wanna add more to that.

Really guys, if you could make a list of traits and habits or just anything for the inspired Naruto characters in my book that differentiate them from the original characters from the show, please send them to me. Or... you can reference a writing craft book that may help me with that if you can find a good one.

Don't worry about Nia or characters like Akihiko. They belong to me so they're obviously gonna be the same lol

So what happens after I finish revising? As I said, I'll post it on something like google docs for you guys to beta read and critique and give feedback and based on your feedback, I'll go back and revise my manuscript AGAIN heavily. I might do a couple or few rounds of this then maybe have you guys read it one last time, then tweak it here and there, THEN... that's when I'll do the next step and start sending my book out to LITERARY AGENTS.

Now... this is the part that can take a LONG time. And I mean A LONG ASHL TIME. Some people query for literal YEARS trying to find an agent. 99% of the time, people books are rejected by NUMEROUS agents before they find the right one. Some people even get rejected by over 100 AGENTS! Too, part of the reason it takes so long is bc agents have HUNDREDS of authors begging them to read their books and they have to go through each and every one of their emails so it can take a long time till they get to yours and even when they do, you're most likely to get your book rejected so you have to go to many other agents till you find one who loves you work enough to represent you!

It's ROUGH! Most people, even still, NEVER get an agent. It's DIFFICULT to get one but it's obviously not impossible. You constantly have to work on your craft and get better and better.

Heck, this original story I finished is imo, the BEST original story I EVER wrote and the very few people who read it thus far agrees my writing got WAY better when I actually TRY to make it good. Even then, there's a great chance I may NEVER find an agent despite that. I'm well aware there's a possibility I may have to shelve this book and if I do, welp, I might as well share it on wattpad for y'all lol

Can't let my writing go to waste lol

BUT... what if... what if I DO find an agent? What then? Next, I'd get a lawyer, sign a contract and receive an edit letter from my agent, with them letting me know EVERYTHING I need to fix about my book. So... I'd have to completely revise AGAIN AND AGAIN until they satisfied with the state of the book.

NEXT, the agent will come up with a list of editors at publishing houses like Penguin Random house, Schoolastic, HarperCollins, Macmillan, Hachette, etc... to send my manuscript to, which is known as being on "submission". This can either go by really fast or take a long while to get any interest but if an editor LOVES your book, they'll take it to their team and the publishing house will decide if they wanna buy your book and if they all say yes, then... 🎉🥳 CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE A BOOK DEAL AND ARE GOING TO BE AN AUTHOR 🥳🎉

And if they all say no... then you can either try another publishing house or... hopefully not in your or my case... shelve your book and work on something entirely new.

And so obviously, after you get your book deal, you work on your book AGAIN to make it into a publishable state and a year or two later, your book is out in the world!

SO! If I do have to shelve this secret NaruNia fanfic at any stage of the process... that's it for me. No more tryna get the ship published. I've written the best story possible for them and worked INCREDIBLY hard. If it doesn't get published, it always has a home on wattpad. I'd just have to start all over and write an entirely new book with different characters and plot then repeat the process over and over till I get a book deal. If I do write NaruNia again, it probably won't be for a long time... maybe 💀

Now, back to the reason you all are here: Am I deleting my fanfics?

I LOVE my stories and spent YEARS on it. Though Ik I'll one day, most likely get cancelled, what matters to me the most... is those my stories have touched so bc of that... I'm most likely keeping my stories up. Even though my family will probably *sweats profusely* find my lemons... I'll be *gulps* embarrassed for the rest of my life... a-and...

SIKE! I DON'T GIVE A BLEEEEP 🤣💀 who I look like caring what people near me think of my books? Laqueisha, please ✋🏽

At the end of the day, Ik I'm meant to write, I'm meant to make a difference in others lives, and I'm doing my part to make the world a better place with what I have. PERIODT.

Thanks for reading, yall. Love ya ❤️