Chapter 64: Dearest - Part Two

"What's sup, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto made sure to step outside and close the door behind him just in case.

While he did that, Nia stayed in his room thinking to herself. The longer it took for the boy to finish his conversation, the more the girl had time to think about what she was about to do with him.

Her feelings of excitement turned into apathy as she then began to feel insecure and next became a bit sad. The girl went into the bathroom as she pulled her straps back on. She covered her eyes and looked down as she didn't wanna see herself in the mirror.

'I'm getting... really nervous right now...' She thought to herself as she tried to calm down.

Her anxiety was beginning to act up again. Her breathing was quickening and she was shaking a bit. She took a few deep breaths and looked into the mirror... only to see a monster staring right back at her. Immediately, her eyes lowered and her thoughts attacked her like no other while voices of those who had torturously and relentlessly verbally abused her for years suddenly could be heard by her again just like they would torment her in her dream only to have the girl wake out of her sleep in a cold sweat and with a disturbed sense of mind.

"She's so nasty!" She could hear someone, "He would never sleep with you! You're ugly as shit! You're disgusting!"

Her heart began to hurt but Nia tried to tough it out. Was it wrong for her to desire what every human was wired to want? Was she human? Was her becoming fond of someone some sort of crime that deserved a death sentence? Was realizing she actually desired her feelings to be returned like everyone else something to be punished for too? Was it even okay for her to have feelings at all?!

Her ears could hear laughter. Laughter of those who deemed her as an insect or something that needed to be exterminated. Their merciless laughs filled her head. She placed her hands on her ears hoping to get them to stop.

"She really thinks she could be loved!" They mocked her, "She's funny as hell! Just look at her! Isn't she the most hideous creature you've ever seen? Gross!"

'Stop...' She thought as her mind was tortured, "Stop... PLEASE STOP!'

"Why didn't she just get aborted? Her other siblings are all good-looking except for her. I bet she's not even their sister. She's so ugly."

That's not... that's not true. I am their sister. I am part of the family.

"Do us all a favor and kill yourself. You're fucking worthless."

Nia fought back her tears.

'That's not... true either. I don't deserve to die because of the way I look. I'm not worthless because of how I was made. I never chose my face. I never chose to have small dull eyes, a round face, big cheeks, and a somewhat wide nose. I didn't make myself. I can't change myself. I don't wanna risk going blind just to enlarge my eyes. I don't wanna risk something life-threatening to happen just cause I would like a smaller and more acceptable nose.'

"If you don't do that, how will anyone ever love you?"

At this point, I don't give a FUCK about romantic love! I just wanna be loved in GENERAL! I wanna be treated more kindly and not have everyone focusing on my looks. Why can't anyone notice me for who I am?! Why must I be insulted, physically and emotionally assaulted for my looks when I do absolutely nothing wrong?! I mind my own buisness! I try to treat others the way I would like to be treated but all I get back is a simple,

"She's the most horrific-looking woman on the planet! Let's just ignore how caring she is, how she's always there for those she cares about, what her abilities are, how supportive she is, how hard she tries her best to understand others and puts herself in their shoes, how she can make someone laugh or cheer them up, and just everything that makes her a person. Let's just ignore all that because she doesn't appeal to my eyes.

Let's just keep torturing her even after she tried to kill herself multiple times since the age of twelve or eleven, beaten herself until bruises appeared on her body or face, choked herself until she was nearly ready to pass out, attempted to poison herself in the hopes she would die, and took nearly two hundred pills just to finally end her hell and nearly succeeded in doing so if it weren't for medical teams saving her life and getting the stuff out of her system. Let's just keep making her life a living hell until she's buried in the cold ground beneath our feet. After all, her appearance is disgusting. Who cares if we tortured her to a point where she nearly murdered herself in cold blood. High five for us, right? Let's go party!'

The girl's constant being rejected by all was once more eating away at her. She reminisced the days where even some of her own relatives had rejected her. The people who were supposed to show her love only insulted and laughed at her behind her back. She was so hideous she couldn't even get most of their love at the very least. Hell, she even heard her own siblings insulting her appearance when they thought she wasn't around or couldn't hear them in private.

It made her wonder... if the two people who gave her life... thought of her as a hideous child also. Her own flesh and blood. Her own parents. She had to question if they saw her as beautiful or not... that alone, made Nia feel sick to the stomach and as she thought more and more to herself, she began to have a full blown anxiety attack.

Outside, Naruto came back into his apartment nearly after twenty minutes of telling Iruka about recent events and trying to hide his knowledge of knowing where his cousin was at out of fear of him acting up over her being with him the entire time.

However, when he made it to his room, the girl was nowhere to be found. He looked around again in the front room and when he saw she wasn't there, he had no choice but to see if she went into the bathroom. He reached for the doorknob but as he did, Nia opened the door instead and walked passed the guy without muttering a word.

"Hey," Naruto called for her as she did so, "Iruka-sensei left. We can finish what we started now, ya know?"

Again, the girl didn't say anything. She just headed for the door. However, before she could, the blond grabbed onto her hand and stopped her.

"Curly Brow, that's the front door..." He told her.

"...I know." She finally spoke.

Naruto raised a brow, "I thought you wanted to-"

"I do..." The girl answered as she already knew what he was gonna ask, "But... I want you to be with someone who's prettier and a lot better looking than me in the body too."

"Huh? Come on Curly Brow, this is getting kinda old now. I already told you I like you, didn't I?"

"..." Nia lowered her eyes to the ground, "I know... I just can't help it. I'm just, freaking out right now. I'm sorry..."

Naruto noticed how hard she was trembling and got her to turn around.

"Hey, are you okay? You're shaking... and you're getting sweaty too I think. You look really scared."

"T-This is nothing. I'm just having... another anxiety attack is all. I'll be fine if I can just calm down. It should go away on its own."

"An... anxiety attack? What's that?"

"A... p-panic attack." She answered as she placed a shaky hand over her eyes while she got into a squatting position.

Her heart was pounding from fear and it felt as though her throat was closed or had something in it. She tried to keep herself from crying but she could still hear insults and laughter being thrown at her in her mind.

"Worthless, worthless, worthless."

"Ugly, ugly, ugly."

"Fat, fat, fat."

"Creature, creature, creature."

"Monster, monster, monster."

"Monkey, monkey, monkey."

"Dog, dog, dog."

"Gorilla, gorilla, gorilla."

"Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself."

"Die, die, die."

They all just stabbed her in the heart. It seemed as though no matter how many times she tried to find her worth, the voices in her head tore her down. They were cruel. They were the reasons she tried so hard to murder herself when she was younger and had nearly succeeded in doing so at least two times.

"Woah! Curly Brow, seriously! You don't look too good. Here, lemme help y-"

"I'm fine!" The girl incidentally raised her voice, shocking the genin a bit.

In a attempt to calm herself from what she was going through another episode of, she sat down with her back against the door, brought her knees up to her chest, had her elbows rest against it, then laid her face in her hands as she began to sob.

Immediately the room became that of a depressing one. Naruto got onto his knees and placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Curly Brow... what happened? You looked really happy just before we were interrupted. How did yo go from being totally excited to being amazingly depressed in less than half an hour?" He asked.

Nia wiped her tears as more just came back in its place. She then sniffed and answered, "You left... giving me more time to think things over with every minute that passed. Clearly, I overthink a lot and end up getting myself to become anxious and riddled with anxiety every time I do so..."

"But... why were you telling me to go chase after a different girl even after what I told you?"

"I... don't have the right to have feelings for someone and for sure have them return those feelings back. I... want you to just go find a prettier girl who you can show off to all your friends. I'm not a trophy, so you'll only be having people trying to tear us apart, make you feel bad about yourself for going out with me, do everything in their power to get you to either break up or cheat on me, or all three and more."

Hearing this, the blond frowned.

"You're right... you're not a trophy. You're not a trophy because you're not an object. You're someone with feelings and desires just like everyone else! It's not wrong to have feelings for someone. It's not wrong for you to hope to have your feelings returned to you properly just because others don't think you're pleasant to look at. You don't get to choose what you look like. If we all got to, everyone would be sexy but also, there won't be any ladder of attractiveness or diversity since we'd all be the same. I'm not gonna reject you because of something out of your control. I'm judging you based on how you interact with things and how you are as a person, ya know?"

"That's... ridiculous." Nia responded cynically.

"What?! That's not ridiculous!" Naruto spat back.

"It is..." She continued, "When you liked Sakura, all you ever talked about was how pretty she was. You never once talked about what you liked about her when it came to her personality. You totally just tolerated her aggressiveness and even insults just because you deemed her hot. Whilst with me, after we started to get along better, you seemed to take a huge liking to who I was, but... it just was never enough to compensate for my looks..."

Knowing this was true, the genin only replied, "I was a total idiot, ya know? I had no idea you were developing feelings for me while all I ever seemed to notice was Sakura's beauty. I never noticed how you were able to make me feel good most of the time or how you would make me feel on top of the world basically. I never noticed how you'd laugh with me or how often you'd show how much you cared about me. Seriously, I really was a complete idiot."

"You weren't... an idiot. You were just... being a guy. I mean... you guys put too much importance on a girl's looks. I bet a lot of girls wonder if you even like them for them or for legitimately how they look," Nia then sighed as her sobbing turned more into a silent cry, "I didn't even really cared too much for romantic feelings but you make me realize I wanna be loved in a special way that's different from family love. Of course... I don't need a guy to make me feel like my life is complete. However, obviously I would like to be cared for in a romantic light..."

Naruto blinked then leaned forward. Nia looked away from him as her heart started to feel a bit more calm.

"Curly Brow, you try really hard to get anyone to acknowledge you as someone who's more than their appearance... I like that about you."

"Really?" The girl began to blush, "I find it very exhausting... but, I really wanna have people treat me normally so I keep trying to have them see that how they treat others that are different from them cruelly is wrong. I'm always being harassed everywhere I go... insulted and laughed at by strangers and pretty much humiliated all day every day."

She then took a deep breath to calm herself, "My main goal in life is to be normal and happy forever and to help make other unfortunate people feel better about themselves instead of just giving them my pity. I hate when someone feels bad for me, but never does anything to brighten up my day. They're the worst cause they either watch you suffer or join in on making you suffer more than they should. It's so... disgusting."

"I think... you're a strong person to have been going through all of that and still retain a majority of your kindness, ya know?"

Nia shook her head, "No, I lost my patience and became ice cold and detached myself from the world for a pretty long time after being traumatized the way I was. However, you... people like you who go out of their way to make others feel good about themselves are a blessing. The world needs more people like you. You're very kind. The only reason I'm starting to become a warm person again is because of you. You help me find my way just by you being you."

"Oh?" Naruto grinned and scratched his cheek, "Yeah, I've had a few people tell me that before, hehe."

Seeing him like that made the girl smile slightly though she was still in some distress. His cheerfulness always seemed to have an affect on her.

That cheerfulness was short-lived though as the boy found himself getting serious again.

"Curly Brow..." He sat down in a criss cross position, "About you being traumatized due to being completely treated like you didn't matter... how bad is it? How badly traumatized are you?"

"Pretty bad," The girl took no time to answer, "If not, very bad. When I had just recently turned sixteen, I was diagnosed with something."

"Diagnosed with what?"

"C-PTSD." Nia answered.

Naruto crossed his arms and tilted his head, "Eh? I'm lost."

"Complex post traumatic stress disorder," The girl clarified, "Its like PTSD except this variation of it is caused by something traumatic happening to you long term and for a repeated amount of times as opposed to experiencing something horrible that was for a short amount of time and wasn't repeated over and over."

The blond still didn't seem to understand what it was she was suffering from. So Nia decided to lighten it up.

"Basically... because I was being verbally abused, threatened, laughed at, mocked, humiliated, shunned, rejected and all that on a daily basis and for a long period of time, I inevitably ended up suffering from this condition. It's part of the reason why I act the way I do at times still. Especially when I was first getting to know you. I'm sorry... for never telling you this. I didn't want you thinking badly of me."

"I knew something was really wrong with your thinking, but woah... I had no idea you were fighting against that. Curly Brow, you're incredible and I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for always telling you to suck it up and pretty much tough it out. I'm such a jerk. It's not your fault you get really upset at times. It's totally understandable. You really can't help it."

"Yeah, well... you're right too, Naruto. If I need to sulk, then I should sulk, but after I'm done with all that, I should get right back up and try even harder to keep loving and believing in myself! ...Right?"

"Right." The blond nodded as he watched tears still continuing to fall from Nia's face, "But Curly Brow... you're still crying... why?"

Nia stood up and grabbed the door handle.

"Don't worry about me," She sniffled, "Let's just go find you a hot girlfriend that everyone will praise you for having, all right?"

"I'm not doing that to you, ya know!" The genin also stood to his feet.

"But why not? I'm giving you the chance to leave me for someone more beautiful. This is the part where every guy in the world would be running out the door searching for the sexiest girl available in the area... I'm giving you the chance to leave me with no hard feelings... we can still be friends..."

"Stop lying to yourself already! Who the hell tells the person they're in love with to chase after someone better-looking?! Besides, you sound and look so heartbroken while saying what you did. There's no way I'm gonna tear you apart like that by doing what you said. I'm not that kind of guy. If I really didn't like you, I would've rejected you the second you confessed to me most likely."

"...Why didn't...you reject me?" Nia asked as her hand still stayed on the knob and her back faced the blond.

"I... couldn't bring myself to do it. If you were to tell me you liked me back when we weren't exactly getting along, I would've had to let you down in a extremely gentle way, but when you did confess... after you became more warm and opened to me... I felt... happy that you were into me I guess. In a way, you confessing helped me to see you in a new light and start questioning what it was I felt for you, ya know?"

"But... that's like... impossible." Nia replied, "I was totally prepared for you to reject my feelings. I literally had zero expectations of you returning my feelings. Seriously, you have no idea."

"Now that you say that, it sorta reminds me of what Neji told me before... about how I make the impossible, possible."

Nia sweat dropped, "I'm pretty sure... that doesn't apply to and in this situation, Naruto."

The girl then turned the knob, "I keep giving you the chance to find someone better looking but you keep insisting that you wanna give me a chance or something... which is something I can't understand. I'm always trying to do the right thing by doing that but you just won't listen. It's just like how I told you to stop being nice to me but you kept doing so and I ended up falling for you just like I predicted. You're so stubborn, Naruto."

"Well that stubbornness ended up making us like each other in the end, right?"

Nia slightly became flushed in the face, "Surprisingly..."

She then opened the door, only to have strong winds knock it out of her grasp and slam it straight into the wall. In that instant, the two teens saw that it was storming harshly outside with rain falling everywhere and thunder rumbling in the clouds.

Naruto pulled Nia behind him, closed the door and locked it, then turned to her with a grin all while rubbing the back of his head.

"I guess you're stuck here with me for a good few hours, huh?" He chuckled.

Nia bit her bottom lip and tucked a hair behind her ear. She was upset.

"How can you look so happy about that? Iruka is probably freaking out right now." She told him.

"No... well maybe, but don't worry, I told him you're safe and that you'll be home by tonight. It's only morning so I think we're stuck here till then."

Nia lowered her eyes.

"Naruto?" She called.

"Yeah?"

"I wanna... be held by you..." The kunoichi gathered up the courage to say as she shakily wiped her tears as it left a red stain under her eyes and down her cheeks.

Naruto gasped a little, "Hold on a second! Weren't you just practically telling me to break up with you and find a prettier girl to be with just now?"

Nia nodded, "Yeah, but... you know I wasn't being serious... of course I don't want you to go after another girl. I want you to be... in love with... me... Naruto."

"I don't get it. Why do you keep insisting for me to do that then?"

"Clearly... I don't find myself worthy of... receiving your affection. It's hard for me to acknowledge someone might like me cause... I'm always being told it's completely impossible for anyone to like me. Also... I just... don't wanna force my feelings on you or I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to, you know, make love... to me."

"You're not forcing me," The blond stepped forward and grasped onto Nia's right hand and held it between them, "In fact, you're doing the complete opposite."

The genin then looked down and notice evident scars on the side of the girl's right wrist. He narrowed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"Hey... these scars... on the side of your right wrist... were they.... were they always here?"

Immediately, Nia gasped, pulled her hand away and placed it behind her back.

"They're nothing." She lied as she was put on the spot.

"What're you talking about?" Naruto grabbed her wrist again and pointed to where he was talking about, "Look, these scars right here. How did you get them?"

Nia took a deep breath then answered, "When I was fourteen... I used to... do some things and-"

"Are these from a mission or something?"

"No... they're from... ugh... I'd rather not say it."

"Why not?" The blond persisted, "You can tell me anything."

The kunoichi replied, "I... did that... I was the one who caused those scars to appear."

"Wait! You mean-"

"Yeah... I used to... cut myself when I was fourteen. I didn't know how to handle my emotions. I was in too much pain. I did literally anything to make myself feel better so I tried hurting myself and, the rest is history."

Nia looked away from the blond as she didn't wanna see his facial expression.

"That's... insane... ya know?" He gave his opinion making her feel as though she was judged.

"See this is why I didn't wanna say anything. I knew that you would-"

The next thing she knew, her head and hands were against the genin's chest. As always, steam poured out of her insanely reddened face as she was not expecting to be pulled into a hug.

"Naruto..." She mumbled, "Seriously... what're you doing?"

"I'm gonna make sure no one ever hurts your feelings ever again! And if they do... I swear I'll make them regret ever making you feel bad about yourself, ya know!"

"But I'm not like that anymore, remember? I would never hurt myself ever again!"

"Curly Brow, that's it! I can't take this anymore! I'm going to make you feel the best you've ever felt in years! No more interruptions! No more you wondering if I really like you or not! I'll prove to you that I do right here, right now!"

"Kya! Wait, you mean-"

"Yes!" The boy pulled away from the girl a bit and looked her in the eye, "You want me to make love to you... don't you?"

Nia answered, although hesitantly, "Yeah... but only if... you're okay with doing so with me. I really don't wanna make you feel forced."

"No way," The genin once more led the girl into his bedroom, "Come on, let's do this."

With a nod, Nia followed. When they got there, Naruto closed the door, pulled his curtains down and closed them, then flipped on the lights as it was a bit dark in there thanks to the dreadful weather outside.

He went up to the kunoichi and cupped her cheeks in his hands.

"You know, your cheeks are kinda squishy now that I think about it." He laughed as he played with them a little.

"Oww, don't do that, Naruto. That reminds me of Iruka. He pinches my cheek way too hard when I say or do something he doesn't like. It's so frustrating sometimes. It makes me feel like a kid when I'm not."

"Well, what we're about to do isn't something kids do... I hope."

Nia tried not to laugh as she was recovering from her anxiety attack, though it was clear it was going away, "That would be so bad, oh my goodness. Actually, there was this one time when I was still at the Cloud and I overheard this one guy our age say he had his first time when he was nine."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Naruto's jaw nearly dropped.

Again, his reaction made the girl almost giggle, "Yeah, yeah. I'm being super serious ahaha. I would've never thought of having sex at that age. The only thing I did was have my first kiss at six. It was so cute but I have absolutely no idea what happened to the little boy. He used to follow me around but I would get creeped out and run back into my house. I feel bad about that though now."

"Well, you don't like that guy still, do you?"

"No," Nia felt her panic attack go away completely and laughed, "I don't even know what happened to him. I was only six and I'm pretty sure he was too."

Well at least your first kiss was with someone of the opposite gender.

"So what about you? Who was your first kiss?"

Immediately, the genin went green.

"Err... let's just say, my first kiss was... not how I imagined it to be."

"The girl you kissed must've been really pretty, huh?"

Naruto began to choke and cough the second the girl said that.

"ACK! ACK!" He fell to his knees and grabbed at his throat.

Seeing this, Nia began to suspect the worst.

"Wait a minute! I hope you're not making those grossed out faces because I was your first kiss, Naruto!"

"ARGH!" He continued to be horribly disgusted, "Why did my lips have to smack onto that person, ya know?! I needa get that taste off my lips!"

With that, he stood up and pressed his lips onto Nia's, making her blush as always.

"Thank goodness, much better." The blond felt relieved.

I was so grossed out when Sasuke and I kissed forcibly. A girl's lips is much better to smooch on for sure!

"Curly Brow!" He then grasped her arms, "No more talking, all right? You weren't my first kiss by the way. It was someone I really don't wanna kiss ever again."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," He nodded then began to lower his lips down onto the girl's again, "Okay then, let's... finally do this, all right?"

"Mhm," The girl nodded, "I'm... ready now."

'And this time, there's no way we can be interrupted, ya know?' Naruto thought as his lips made it onto Nia's.

----

A/N - Okay, this was the second part to the chapter and lol I had forgotten that I haven't been putting gifs or pics in the chapters lately lol when was the last time I used one before this?

Anyway, thanks for reading! Please comment and vote and have a great day ❤️

QOTD:

#1: Favorite part of the chapter?

#2: Favorite line?

#3: Celebrity crush? (For me, just like with the anime crush, I don't have one in case anyone was wondering.)