It had been a couple days full of compliments, smiles, Willow hadn't brought up what she saw in the stained glass once since that day. I was quite surprised but currently that was the least of my worries. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that dream and some part of e knew deep down it wasn't just "nothing." Guardian angels such as myself typically get feelings in the pits of our stomachs when we know something is coming and it usually is never good. I couldn't stop worrying about what was happening and how it could effect Willow. I went to her house that night and sat by her window watching her sleep. She looked so innocent and beautiful, she looked like she was finally at peace with the fights she puts up with everyday.

I was afraid that whatever is happening, it might tear me apart from my wonderful girl. I then realized a few tears were slowly going down my cheeks, I wiped them off but knew it was no use since they continued to flow. Playing the dream back in my head made me feel a part of myself shatter and I knew that Willow will always be my one weakness and the fall of everything I have become; This I was ok with because Willow always had this effect on my, not something I wasn't used to, but it still brought the fear of anything happening to her. Not only is my very existence because of her but even if it weren't, a world without her is not one I could live it, it would break me entirely.

~

I picked up Willow the morning after and she must have noticed something was off with me, she said hesitantly, "Is everything ok? You seem a little out of it." I gave her a weak half smile and nodded, not trusting my voice or my face if I began to speak. I could see her looking at me skeptically the entire way to school but she didn't push it any further. I knew I couldn't do school today with all of these thoughts so I dropped Willow off. She looked expectingly at me to follow but I shook my head already feeling a tear start to go down my cheek as I pulled away and sped towards the meadow. My heart was in so much pain and I knew why, I had kept all of it bottled up for so long that after admitting it, it wouldn't stop flowing out of me.

It reminded me of earthquakes. Two tectonic plates getting stuck when sliding past and after a while of built up energy coming from both sides as they struggle to push past already they finally do but all of that built up energy breaks free with too much power thus causing chaos above and everyone to go into panic mode as the earthquake destroys everything around them. I got to the tree line around the meadow wear I stopped and couldn't continue any longer. I dropped to my knees and felt everything inside hurt. Things started to get blurry till I couldn't see. My hearing stopped, my body became immobile, and my breathing was barely coming out anymore. I knew what this was because I had seen Willow go through multiple; it was an anxiety attack but she called them depression attacks.

No one really understood why she called it that but I knew. It wasn't fear and hyperventilating that started this; it was all of that held in sadness and depressed thoughts became too much until they take over your body and the only thing left of you is the things you hate and fear the most just screaming in your head till you pass out and you thoughts and body completely shut down till you awaken. This was the first time for me but after already going through these thoughts and emotions so many times then storing them away it ended up feeling all too familiar. Jesus always described Heaven as this beautiful, happy, perfect place but in reality all it did for me was just numb the pain.

I understand why Willow never felt numb down here, it is impossible. Of course she tried to numb it by using different thing the world told her to use to cope with it all such as, cutting, starving yourself, throwing up any food intake or throwing up even if there is nothing to get rid of, drugs, holding your breath till you knock out, not eating or drinking then going into a place where you can barely breath just to faint. She did so many painful things just to try and make it easier but deep down she knew it was only goin to make it harder.

There of course were perks to my job but the bad parts over powered it like crazy. I knew that whatever is coming up there I would have to go back and be a part of it. Tops I had a few days before someone sent for me. If I go back to deal with whatever is going on I will be without my wonderful girl and most likely won't be able to check on her. Who is to say I will even be able to come back? If I were to die there would be a new angel recruited to take my job and continue but how would I explain this to Willow? I shouldn't expose myself for the sake of Willow being questioned of her sanity if she were to ever speak of it but what else could I tell her.

I didn't want to frighten her by saying that I might never come back but she sees right through me and if I say goodbye she might be able to tell what I really meant by it. We have become so close I know how dependent she has become on me. I want to hope for the best with whatever is happening but I couldn't keep lying to myself. I know this feeling and I know that this is most likely another battle between the angels and the demons. Usually an easy won fight but many lives are still taken from our army of warriors and there was never any promise that I couldn't be one of them.

I had to tell Willow and explain my absence to her both on why I didn't come to school today and why I will be absent for a while.

~

I awoke surrounded by trees and the sound of crickets and other forest creatures but unlike it was this morning, the sky was dark and something told me, it wasn't exactly "early." I texted Willow to see if she was still awake, after she replied that she was I told her to meet me at my apartment so we could discuss things. She didn't questioned it just simply replied, "ok," like she already expected this and understood why. I figured she read it off my face this morning since it was so familiar to her after seeing it on her self so many times for so long. A small part of me was excited to see her because I am always missing her but the rest of me knew this wasn't going to be easy. I had a long night ahead of me and I could only hope the best for what her reaction may be.

~ A/N: Okie so I finally got in the writing mood after tea, a lot of meditating, finding good calming music and getting my room to the write lighting and feels. I hope you liked this chapter and I am sooooo sorry it took this long for me to update again. I'm not gonna say anything about when I am going to try and post another because every time I do that I never actually do it soooo don't expect too much of me, sorry. If you want some music to listen to while reading this I personally was listening to nature melodies on the Calm app and they helped me fit the mood of the chapter and embrace everything Lux was feeling. I have big plans for this book and I hope everything goes well with it. Let me know what you thought in the comments so I know if it's going well or if this book is complete shite. Thank you for the feedback and if you follow me, I post announcements to keep up with where I am at with the book and I ask questions for your opinions on it there all the time so feel free to follow if you would like. The authors note is always where I get lazy with writing so excuse anything incorrect in the world of literature in this part. Love you all and thank you so much for taking the time to read this book at all if you have.

Sincerely ~ Cammy