I was pacing in the library, still pissed about the stunt Gill had pulled, when I was pulled out of my thoughts by Mike storming in, anger clear on his face. I turned to him, feeling concerned as to why he was so upset, and prepared to ask him what was wrong, when he was all of a sudden in my face and yelling at me.

"What the fuck did you do to him Ty?" Mike barked angrily, confusing me even more.

"What are you talking about?" I asked in response. 

"I just went to check on Ty, and I found him a shaking, curled up in a ball on his floor, sobbing in his sleep, with bloody claw marks on his arms from where he was scratching himself during a panic attack. So I will ask you again, what the fuck did you do to him?"

"I just yelled at him for making such a dumb choice." 

"Did you hit him? Or call him a bitch, or done anything that could have possibly reminded him of Peter?" I demanded, making Ty think back about what he said and did. 

"If you're asking if I treated him like a dog, than no. I'm his best friend, I wouldn't do that to him." Ty defended, but then he seemed to realise something. "I did shove him before I left though, and he fell over."

"See, that's where you fucked up. You better fix this when he wakes up. I managed to calm him down, but he needs his sleep right now." With that, Mike stormed off.

I hadn't realised that me pushing Gill was going to cause him to have a panic attack, but I guess I should have known better anyway. I felt really, really bad, and was beating myself up, just waiting for Gill to wake up and come downstairs so that I could apologise to him. I was worried that Gill wasn't going to accept my apology, or that he was going to be afraid of me, which was the last thing I wanted. I never meant to hurt him. 

***

When Gill finally did come down stairs, it was almost time for dinner, and he was almost instantly captured in a hug by Steven. Steven kissed the top of Gill's head, and said that Mike told him what happened. He was talking comfortingly to Gill as he walked him to the bathroom so he could clean and bandage the wounds on Gill's arms, so I was left waiting to apologise to Gill once again. 

When I did finally get the chance to apologise to Gill, it didn't go how I planned. Gill saw me coming towards him, and cowered, flinching violently when I touched his shoulder gently. I told Gill that I was mad about what he did, but that I shouldn't have shoved him, and that I was sorry. Gill just nodded a little, but let me pull him into a hug anyway. 

When I pulled away, Gill left to go over to Mike, who was hanging out with April and Ben in the library, and sat close to Mike. Mike rubbed Gill's back gently while Gill called Button over so he could pet him in an effort to calm himself. I sighed, and left to go down into the lab to ask Warren if he would be interested in sparring with me. 

When it came time to eat dinner, we all took our usual seats, which had me sitting in between Steven and Warren, while Steven handed out food for us all. We all began eating, and a few small conversations took place, but Steven having to tell Gill that it was ok for him to eat before the boy would touch his food was not lost on me. 

I suddenly found myself losing my appetite, and actually feeling like I might throw up from guilt. I knew what Gill had been through, and I knew that it had taken him a long time to recover from the trauma and conditioning that he had faced. I wasn't there for any of it, but he had told me everything, and I had comforted him as much as I could. 

He had gotten so much better, even just from where he was when I came back, but I guess I thought he was better than he actually was. Or maybe I just forgot that he was still working through some things. I wasn't trying to make Gill feel like an animal when I had shoved him, but I'm not surprised that I did. I just felt bad about it. 

***

The next day was a lot better. Gill talked to me, and let me talk to him, and hang out with him as well. I was trying my best to make sure Gill knew that I had no intentions of hurting him without just outright saying it. Gill seemed to understand that I hadn't meant to hurt him in the first place, and that I definitely wasn't going to again. 

Gill and I had been friends for a long, long time, and we had gotten very close over the years. Me dying had, of course, put a bit of a dent in out friendship after Gill spent a little less than a year grieving over me, but we were still very close, and were still best friends. I loved being Gill's friend, so much, but I missed being his boyfriend, and I wanted that relationship back. 

I knew it wasn't fair of me to still be in love with Gill, because I had died, and Gill started dating Mike, who was a fantastic person to him. However, I couldn't deny the fact that I was still, very much in love with Gill, and still really wanted to be his boyfriend. What was even worse, was the fact that I had found myself starting to have feelings for Mike too.

Naturally I felt bad about this, because Mike and Gill were dating each other, and they were both really good people who were amazing for each other, which might have actually been why I had found myself wanting to date both of them, and being completely, and utterly in love with Gill. 

Eventually I decided that, despite my best judgment, I would have to tell Gill how I felt about him at least. I don't think I had to tell him about Mike, because I was ashamed to admit that I had a crush on Mike in the first place, but I thought that Gill at least deserved to know that I was still in love with him. 

"Gill? Can I talk to you?" I asked Gill on one of the rare occasions that I found him alone in the library. 

"Yeah. Is something wrong?" Gill asked, putting aside the book he was holding and giving me all of his attention. 

"Not really? I don't know." I responded, sitting in front of Gill. 

"Just tell me what's going on." Gill responded kindly. 

"Ok. Well, I know that I died, and that I was dead for almost a year, and that a lot of things happened in that time. But I wasn't aware of anytime passing, and nothing has really changed with me during the time I was dead."

"I know Ty. What are you trying to tell me?" 

"Well, when I died, you and I were in a happy relationship that I loved being part of, and when I came back, you had a new boyfriend. I think Mike is fantastic, and he's obviously really good for you. He treats you good, and makes you happy, and that's fantastic. It's just...I'm still in love with you." 

"Ok. I-"

"Please don't think that I'm saying that I want you to be with me instead of Mike, because that's not the case at all. I think you and Mike are great together, and I really like Mike too, probably more than I should, and - shit!" I didn't realise that I had been spewing word vomit without even thinking about what I was saying, and ended up accidentally telling Gill about how I had a crush on Mike too, which was exactly what I was trying to avoid. 

I looked up at Gill, ready to panic and just run away, and found him looking at me with wide eyes, and an almost amused look on his face. Neither one of us said anything for a while, and the silence between us was heavy as the amused look slowly slipped off of Gill's face. After a little bit, Gill sighed, causing me to to tense a little, before he spoke again. 

"Here's the thing, I completely understand that you died with us dating, and woke up a year later, and everything was different, and that was super weird. It was really weird for me too, because I didn't stop loving you when you died, and I'm still in love with you too. However, you coming back from the dead doesn't make me love Mike any less, and I don't want to break up with him, because, as you said, Mike is really great, and he really does care about me. I know you said you don't want me to break up with Mike, but I don't know what you want me to do with the knowledge that you still love me." Gill said, looking to me for an answer. 

"I just wanted you to know is all." I responded. 

"Ok, well, thank you for telling me." I suppose with other people, things would have been weird after that, but not for Gill and I. Nothing really changed actually, and I really appreciated that. Gill was my most favorite person in the world, and I would have been very sad if something happened that made it so we couldn't be friends anymore. Even death could stop us, and I loved that so much. 

***

While Gill and I stayed friends, new friendships were formed as well. April would seek me out, and talk to me about whatever she was thinking of, and even ask me questions about stuff that she just didn't know about, or didn't understand, but thought that I would be able to anwer. Hr and I got off on the wrong foot when we first met, but we were getting along really well eventually, and it was pretty nice. 

"Can I ask you a question?" April asked me one day. She had wanted to hang out with me, and had brought me outside so that she could sit in the sun while we hung out. It was a really nice day, so I didn't mind at all. 

"Of course." I responded. 

"You told me a little while ago that you were transgender, and gay, right?" 

"Yup."

"So, I was wondering, are all transgender people gay?" April was fairly uneducated about the LGBTQ+ community, but she came to me with a question about it once, which lead to us having a detailed conversation about a variety of sexual orientations, and gender identifications. When I was telling April about people who are asexual or aromantic, she quietly whispered to me that that sounded like her, and had since been looking into the LGBTQ+ community more. I was always happy to answer her questions though. 

"No." I responded with a friendly tone to let April know that her questions were not unwelcome. "I'm gay, simply because that's just how I am, and I'm trans, because I was born in the wrong body. There are lots of other people in the world that are just like me, but trans people can be all different types of sexual orientations, just like everyone else." 

"How did you realise you were transgender?" 

"Well, I was able to tell that something wasn't right for a long time, but it wasn't really until I wa sin middle school that I started wanting to go by male pronouns, and it wasn't until high school that I changed my name." 

"I saw something about Transgender people taking hormone shots, or getting surgeries so that they have the bodies of their actual gender. Is that something you're going to do?" It occured to me then that April was asking a bunch of personal questions, and had just pretty much asked about my genitals, which could possibly be offensive to other people, especially people who don't know her, and that I would have to tell her that it's probably a good idea for her to avoid asking anyone about their genitals at all, because that's just not appropriate. However, I didn't want to discourage her from asking questions and educating herself, so that talk was going to have to wait for a little while at least. 

"I think I might want to do that. Not everyone wants to have any of the operations, or do the hormone replacement therapy, because it really just depends on their preferences, and some people physically aren't able to go through with it at all, but I think I might."

April asked me a few more questions after that, then wanted to go inside before the sun started to go down. I told April about how it was ok to ask me weird, incredibly personal questions, because I wasn't ever going to get offended, and would always try to answer all of her questions, but that she should avoid asking other people such probing and personal questions.