"Valid po bang reason for absence ang engagement at meeting with the parents?" tanong ko.

Ilang segundo pa siyang napatitig sa akin bago unti-unting nagbago ang reaksyon ng mukha niya. Agad siyang napatayo at nagtatatalon habang umiirit. Habang hawak ang magkabilang balikat ko ay kinukuyog niya ako. "For real? For real, Jothea?!"

Daig niya pa ang reaksyon ko nang maalala kong muli ang tagpong iyon sa tabing-dagat. Maging ang pagbigay sa akin ng kwintas ni Ismael, kung saan naroon ang mga singsing. Ipinakita ko iyon kay Miss Sapphire.

"Gosh! Jothea! You're so lucky! Huwag na huwag mo nang pakawalan si Mr. Mondalla! Sinasabi ko sa 'yo, ako ang unang magagalit!"

Niyakap niya ako at walang sawa akong binati ng congratulations. At sa walang sawa pagpapaikot-ikot habang yakap-yakap ako ay napatingin ako sa pinto. Natawa na lang ako nang mapansing gumagalaw ang doorknob. Nakita rin iyon ni Miss Sapphire at nagkatinginan na lamang kami habang nakangiti.

I opened the door to see the surprised faces of my coworkers. Hindi ko alam kung gulat dahil sa bigla kong pagbukas ng pinto o gulat dahil sa narinig nila. I exhaled as I flashed a playful smile. Nang makita nila iyon ay nagtatalon na rin sila at niyakap ako. Nakangiti lang si Mill at si Miss Ayu. They both mouthed congratulations.

At dahil nga sa nalaman nilang balita tungkol sa akin, they asked me to treat them to food to celebrate my engagement. Wala sa plano kong gamitin ang black card na ibinigay sa akin ni Ismael kanina ngunit ngayon, mukhang magagamit ko na talaga. Baka maubos ang savings ko kung gamitin ko 'yong akin. Ismael really is a lifesaver. Nakalkula niya bang mangyayari ito, kaya binigyan niya ako ng black card?

"So, how did he propose?" tanong ni Mill habang kumakain ng pesto. Napanganga ako. Hindi ko inasahang malalagay ako sa hotseat. We were here in the pantry, eating food we had ordered. At akala ko ay kakain na lang kami. Hindi naman ako na-orient na interrogation din pala ito. Wala ba kaming trabaho?

"Oo nga, Jothea! Sulitin mo na ang oras na ito na naka-break tayong lahat. Hindi ka rin namin masyadong nakasama sa Tagaytay!" hirit naman ni Erl.

Napatingin ako kay Miss Sapphire. Nakangiti siya, habang pinagmamasdan kaming lahat. Somehow, I felt the happiness she was feeling right now, seeing her subordinates doing well with each other. She must be proud that she created a non-toxic working environment.

"What if? Doon sila nagkabalikan? Kasi it all fits, eh," pahayag naman ni Caylie.

"Pero hindi ba't tinanong siya ni Miss Levanier the next day? Kita kong hindi pa sila okay ni Mr. Mondalla no'n," singit ni Zedee.

I saw Miss Ayu smirk. "Obviously, she lied."

I bit my lip, and that confirmed everything. Nakita ko ang dagling pagtatampo sa mga mukha nila. Kapag tinitingnan ko sila nang ganito, hindi ko mapigilang mamangha. I never made a lot of friends when I was in college, and I was never aware that it felt right to have friends who cared for you also. It feels warm in the heart.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I'm just looking for the right moment to tell you about us. Our relationship has been in a complicated situation, and I thought it had slipped away from my hands. I was so cowardly and never saw myself worthy of it or worthy of a second chance, but it happened. Everything happened out of control as if it were just me hindering it all, but because of the love Ismael has for me, I became braver and faced the abundance of it."

"Because it was meant to be that way," sambit ni Miss Sapphire na naging dahilan ng paglingon namin sa kaniya. "You deserve that love; that's why it came for you, and even if you throw it away, it just comes back because it is meant for you. You just have to accept it. The more you fight against your destiny, the more your life will be miserable. Just accept what God has prepared for you, Jothea."

"I agree. Believe in yourself that you deserve that kind of love. Hindi masamang makatanggap nang ganoon kasarap na pagmamamahal," Miss Ayu commented.

Nagkaroon ng butil ng luha sa mga mata ko. Hearing those words from them comforts me. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ang tingin nila sa akin. All my life, I have had doubts. I always doubt the good things that are happening to me. Akala ko kasi parati, hindi ako karapat-dapat. Akala ko kasi hindi pwedeng maging masaya dahil pagkatapos ng saya, palaging may problema.

But I realized that after a problem is solved, there is another problem to solve. It is inevitable. What matters now is that I have someone to face all of those problems and trials, and everything will be light. Hindi na magiging mabigat sa akin dahil may katulong na ako at kasama. Gwapo pa at mayaman. Ano pang poproblemahin ko?

"Tama, hindi mo dapat tanggihan ang grasya," sabat ni Erl na siyang nagpaputol sa pagpapantasya ko. Natawa na lang kaming lahat dahil sa komento niya.

But a smile vanished from my face when I felt something eerie in my stomach. I felt nauseated. Naduwal ako, causing them to look on synchronously.

"Hey, are you okay?" "Jothea, ayos ka lang?" sabay-sabay nilang tanong, pero hindi ko na nasagot dahil nagmadali ako sa pagpunta sa faucet. Rinig na rinig nilang lahat ang pagsusuka ko dahil katabi lang ng lamesang kinakainan namin ang lababo. Ilang minuto akong dumuduwal ng tubig, pero hindi pa rin maalis-alis ang pakiramdam na parang nasusuka.

What is this? May nakain ba akong sira? Pero hindi naman sila nasusuka katulad ko.

Nagmumog ako ng tubig at pinunasan din ang mga labi ko. Nilingon ko sila, and I suddenly frowned when I saw their astonished faces. Kapuwa natigil sa pagkain at nakanganga.

"Jothea, buntis ka ba?!"

*****

Kanina pa ako rito sa banyo at tinititigan ang pregnancy test kits na pinabili ni Miss Sapphire sa secretary niya, at hindi ako makalabas ng pintuan dahil gusto ko pang subukan ulit. I've been crying since the very first try because I remember the doctor saying I wasn't pregnant at all, but what are these? Bakit two lines lahat?

I am fucking pregnant, and I still can't believe this is happening. I've been worrying about this, and now it is as if my prayers have already been answered. I'm literally having goosebumps, habang naaalala ang sinabi sa akin ng mom ni Ismael that the doctor might be wrong. How come, after a day, everything has changed? It was also as if the universe was conspiring in the heavens to fulfill my wishes and erase my anxiety.

How come I am so blessed these days?

Napakagat ako sa labi habang tinitingnan ang sariling lumuluha habang napapangiti. I am now going to be a mother. Nagbunga na ang palagi naming pagsasama ni Ismael. Magkakaroon na kami ng anak. And I am panicking because I don't know what to do now. My hands are trembling because of the mixed emotions of excitement and nervousness. How am I going to tell him about this? What would be his reaction?

I tried to calm myself multiple times and decided to contact Ismael, just like I do whenever I need someone to hold on to. I can't wait to tell him this news. I want to see his face. He'll probably cry and embrace me.

Sinubukan kong magtipa ng message para sa kaniya, but my hands are still so shaky that I couldn't type a single word. Should I just call him instead?

It was as if he was waiting for my call when he answered it in a ring.

"Yes, baby?" bungad niya sa akin. I sniffed when I heard the sudden gasp of people in the background. Hold on, nasa meeting pa ba siya?

"N-nasa meeting ka pa?" I uttered, preventing my voice from cracking and stuttering so he wouldn't worry about me.

God, I miss him. Ilang oras palang kaming nagkakahiwalay, gusto ko na siyang makita at makasama. Hearing his voice isn't enough.

"Yes, I am," he answered. "Hold on for a second, everyone," rinig ko pang sambit niya. Mukhang naabala ko talaga siya dahil sa pagtawag ko.

"I'm here, baby. What happened?" Bakas ang pag-alala niya sa boses niya.

I pouted, suppressing my tears. "S-sorry for taking up some of your time, Ismael. Can I just go there instead? I have something to tell you."

I am biting my nails while waiting for his answer.

"No need to say sorry, baby. Why? Is there something wrong? Why is your voice like this?"

"It was just—" Tuluyan na akong napaluha at dahil sa ginawa ko, mas lalo ko lang siyang napag-alala. Bakit ba kasi ganito niya ako tanungin? He's pushing the buttons of my vulnerability.

"Don't move. I'll go there."

Ismael ended the call, and that was the moment my knees felt numb. My tears intensified upon hearing that he'd come here when, in fact, he was in the middle of a business meeting. Who would do that in these days?

I heard a couple of knocks and voices outside the comfort room, and that's when I remembered that my coworkers were all worried about me and waiting for me to come out. I slowly opened the door, and all of their eyebrows were knitted while looking at me.

"P-positive," I mouthed.

"Oh, gosh! Jothea!"

Isa-isa nila akong niyakap at maging sila ay lumuluha para sa akin. Mas lalo tuloy akong naiiyak dahil sa mga reaksyon nila.

"Ninang ako, ha?" hirit ni Erl habang pinupunasan ang mga luha niya. Para kaming mga baliw na nagsisiiyakan at nagtatawanan sa galak.

Pinaupo pa muna nila ako sa may lounge. Miss Sapphire also told me to take a break. After the success of the collaboration, she offered me to take some leave if I needed it more. Ang totoo nga raw ay hindi ko na kailangang magtrabaho dahil CEO naman ang magiging asawa ko, but the thought that I will be leaving them pains me. Napamahal na rin ako sa kanila, at hindi ko gustong umalis sa lugar na ito. I still want to pursue my dreams of having a business, and being a marketing associate will help me achieve that. I don't want to take the shortcut at magpadala lang sa kakayahan ni Ismael. I want to gain things through my own hard work.

Miss Ayu also advised me to go to the doctor to check on my pregnancy situation. I will probably do that when Ismael arrives. I need him because I feel like I'm dying of nervousness.

"If you need something, just call for anyone from us. We're here for you, Jothea," Miss Sapphire told me, for which I am very thankful.

"Thank you po," sagot ko bago ako tumingin sa kanilang lahat. "Thank you, everyone. I appreciate it so much."

Hinayaan na muna nila ako at ipinagpatuloy nila ang kani-kanilang trabaho. Ako naman ay matiyagang naghintay para kay Ismael. A minute passed when my phone received a notification. I was expecting that it came from Ismael, but I did not expect to see a name flash on the screen. Agad na nawala ang saya na nararamdaman ko at napalitan ng pait.

It was from Roxsielle. For a moment, I was hesitant to open it, but my curiosity killed me. Napalunok ako nang makita ang mensahe niya. It wasn't a message at all but a video—a sex video of me and Raviel. That was the time when he raped me. I almost forgot about it because Ismael made me forget this, but now every single detail of what happened that night came back to me, and it shattered my world into pieces. It discourages me from the fact that it produces a hypothetical thought in my mind.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko, habang pinipigilan ang mapapait na luhang bumagsak mula sa mga mata ko.

What if ang dinadala kong bata ay hindi kay Ismael? What if it was the fruit of the heinous deed that bastard did to me? How am I supposed to tell Ismael this? It will literally break his heart, because that's what I'm feeling right now. At nakakaramdam ako ng labis-labi na pagkapoot.

I was about to type a message to ask what she wanted when she sent me blackmail.

"Makipagkita ka sa akin kung ayaw mong ikalat ko 'to."