MABILIS akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay ko sa pag-asang madadatnan ko si Ismael, pero ang tanging nakita ko na lang ay ang mga sako ng cat food pati na rin ang iba pang stock ng vitamins. What the hell? Ibig sabihin ang tinutukoy ngang Mael ng cashier ay si Ismael?

Agad na umakyat sa dibdib ko ang kaba lalo na't naamoy ko sa pamamahay ko ang matapang niyang pabango. How can he do this to me?

Pumunta siya rito, pero hindi siya nagpakita sa akin? Why? Anong trip niya sa buhay? Nagkaroon na siya ng pagkakataong magpaliwanag sa akin, pero hindi niya ginawa?

Buong gabi akong hindi nakatulog dahil sa inis sa kaniya. Wala nga siya sa tabi ko, pero kung inisin niya ako ay sukdulan.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Mael. Iniwanan ko na siya ng pagkain bago ako lumabas ng bahay. Napabuntong-hininga ako nang makita ang smart door lock na in-install ni Ismael noon. Right. He has access to this. Kaya malaya siyang makapasok sa bahay ko, kahit kailan niya gustuhin. Kalkulado niya ba ang mga kilos ko? Paano niya nalamang wala nang stock ng cat food? Sabagay, hindi na kataka-taka. Calculus professor siya, eh. Tsk. Alright. I'll just let you do what you want.

Pumasok na ako sa Marcus University, and just the same, nakalimutan ko na namang wala nga pala kaming professor tuwing sa first subject dahil wala nang calculus professor. Nakakalimutan ko palagi. Maybe because I got used to attending class early now. Mag-isa tuloy ako ngayon dito sa room.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa isang panahon ay kinabahan ako at umasang si Ismael ang papasok.

"Savannah? Ang aga mo naman!" bati ko.

"Because I know you will be here," sambit niya bago dere-deretsong naglakad papunta sa tabi ko. Bakas ang inis at galit sa mukha niya.

"Oh, bakit parang hindi yata maipinta 'yang mukha mo?"

Sumalampak siya sa upuan. "Paanong hindi? Nakakainis si Raviel!"

"Why? What did he do? Are you two dating now?" I inquired as I observed her rolling her eyes while putting her iPad on the desk together with her iced coffee.

She shook her head. "No! Why would I choose to date him? All he talked about was himself."

"Himself?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

"Yes! Habang naaalala ko, naiinis lang ako. He's the worst. He invited me to a mall and then went to the arcade. He left me standing there, watching him play. Like, I thought it was a date? He doesn't know how to respect me and my time," kuwento niya. Halata sa mukha niya na naaalibadbaran siya dahil sa paggalaw ng kaniyang mga kamay. Maging ang paggalaw ng kaniyang mga kilay ay nagpapatunay na sobra ang pagkayamot niya sa lalaki.

"And you know what else he did?"

"Ano?"

"He asked me to pay fifty-fifty! What a gentleman! I never thought I would experience such a date. I thought he was rich, but he's a cheapskate," she inflicted in sarcasm. "Grr! I hate myself for letting him do that to me! I don't deserve it! Imagine why my eyes sparked when he asked me out. Nakakagigil! I should have learned my lesson when he ruined your relationship with Professor Mondalla. He is a bad reputation!"

Natahimik ako hindi dahil sa mga paratang niya kay Raviel kung hindi dahil nabanggit niya ang pangalang iyon. I exhaled. Marinig ko palang ang pangalan ni Ismael; nawawala na naman ako sa focus. Lumilipad na naman ang isip ko at dinadala ako sa mga panahong kasama ko siya. Naririnig ko na naman ang puso kong dumadagundong para sa kaniya.

I tried to compose myself and replied, "So, turn off ka na kay Raviel? Hindi mo na siya gusto?"

Natahimik naman siya at bumuntong-hininga. "You know, I always want this feeling to stop. I am so annoyed by the fact that I like him. I don't even know if he likes me too or what his motive is for asking me out."

My eyebrows rose. "Motive?" Hindi ko naisip ang bagay na iyon.

"I mean, isn't it weird that he suddenly asks for me? He always wants you, right?"

"Well, I don't know about that," sagot ko.

"He did. I can see him looking at you every time because I am always looking at him. I just feel suspicious about being noticed all of a sudden by the man I like. Hindi kaya may kailangan siya sa akin?"

"Then, be careful. We really don't know what kind of person Raviel is. He helped me once get a job in a casino, and I am still working there as a dealer. He was the one who taught me that," I explained.

"What do you mean by casino? Are you talking about the Golden Red Casino?"

Tumango ako.

"Raviel's family owns that."

I gasped when I heard that news from her. "What do you mean his family owns that?"

"He truly is. Kaya nga naiinis ako kung bakit napakakuripot niya gayong marami naman siyang pera."

So it means the reason I was employed that fast was because it was their own casino?

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Umusbong ang pagdududa ko sa pagkatao ni Raviel at muling bumalik sa akin ang ginawa niya sa amin ni Ismael. Why did he take a video of us kissing? Why did he plant a hidden camera on my cat? How did he know I have a cat?

A lot of questions occurred, and now I have a certain reason to talk to him.

Time passed when my classmates entered the class. I saw Raviel, and immediately I darted a deadly glare at him. Napansin niya naman iyon, kaya nang matapos ang klase ay niyaya niya akong mag-usap. Hindi na ako nagpatubay-tubay pa kahit na nagtatanong ang mga mata ni Savannah kung bakit ako sasama sa lalaking iyon.

"What do you really want, Raviel?" deretso kong tanong sa kaniya na naging dahilan ng pagkunot ng kaniyang noo.

"Isn't it the other way, Jothea? It was you I caught glaring at me," sagot niya pabalik. I don't understand him or the way he acts differently every time. I considered him a friend before because he helped me one time and even backed me to get a part-time job. I'm thinking that maybe the reason he didn't tell me about him being the owner of the casino was that he didn't want me to feel burdened about it, but taking a good look at the big picture of it, Savannah might have a point, and Raviel has a hidden agenda.

"Right." I gritted my teeth. "I was dying to know what your motives are."

"Motives?"

I tried to raise a different issue to corner him. "Why all of a sudden do you ask for my best friend out to date her?"

I saw him smirking. "Why? Are you jealous? Was my tactic effective?"

I squinted, trying to gauge if he was telling the truth, but based on his aura, he was telling it the other way around. I won't buy his lies that he asked my best friend out just for me to get jealous. I need to know the real answer. "Of course not. Why would I be? There are definitely other reasons."

"And what are those?" he sarcastically asked as he stepped closer to me. He touched some of my hair strands and smelled them. "It is because I like you, and I am using Savannah to take you. I can see that it is working."

I grimaced as I removed his hand from my face. If it is not considered impolite to spit on his face, I will do so, or more likely, vomit. "Don't fucking kidding me, Raviel. Was it something to do with Ismael? Are you using me to destroy him?" Doon lang pumupunta ang hinala ko. Sa buong klase sa marketing kanina, iyon lang ang iniisip ko. Pinagtagpi-tagpi kong lahat at isa lang ang inuwian. Bakit nga ba niya kukuhanan ng video ang tagpong hinalikan ako ni Ismael noon? Kung sasabihin niyang dahil gusto niya ako, lumilihis lang sa katotohanan. It was purely to destroy Ismael. Bakit pa ba niya kami makikita sa penthouse kung wala siyang naka-standby doon na tumingin?

"Looks like your brain is damaged because of bereavement over the loss of your loved one." Kinatok niya ang ulo ko gamit ang dalawa niyang daliri. "How could you think that I'm doing this for that man? That's absolutely absurd."

"But the way you react now tells a different story, Raviel. You are absolutely spilling out the truth, don't you know? That's reverse psychology."

Napaatras naman siya sa akin na mas lalong kumompirma ng hinala ko. "I don't know your motives...yet, but I will make sure you won't destroy Ismael." Tinitigan ko siya nang maigi. "And be careful of your words. You won't use the 'loss of loved ones' on someone who is still alive. That's very offensive. It shouldn't be used for something shallow." I snapped my tongue. "Well, who am I to judge? I won't understand how a shallow brain works because my brain is damaged, isn't it?"

I rolled my eyes and turned my back to him. I was about to leave when he grabbed my hand and pinched me against the wall. We are currently here at the back of our building, where I usually smoke.

"Tell me, what does that man have that I don't have?" He was gripping my arms tightly. Alam kong namumula na iyon ngayon, kahit hindi ko tingnan.

"Do you really want to know it?" tanong ko. I gulped before I emphasized each of my words. "I only know what he doesn't have that you do. He doesn't have a shallow brain. Let go of me, sucker!"

Marahas kong tinanggal ang kamay niya tsaka naglakad palayo. Mabuti na lang at hindi niya ako sinundan o muling hinila dahil makakatikim talaga siya sa akin ng sampal. Ngayon malinaw na sa akin kung anong pakay niya. It was because he's before Ismael. Hindi ko na nga lang alam kung bakit. I will definitely tell this to Savannah because I am needing her help in this.