"I-Ismael, w-what are you doing?" nauutal kong tanong. Nakaramdam ako ng pagkailang. Hindi na katulad ng dati na kaya kong maging kahit na ano kapag nasa harap niya. Pinangungunahan ako ng hiya at kaba lalo na't nasa harap ko siya ngayon. Matagal kaming hindi nagsama kung kaya't hindi ko maiwasang makakaramdam nang kakaiba na para bang bago lang kaming magkakilala.

Magkatagpo ang aming mga mata. Nakatunghay siya habang ako naman ay nakayuko. Magkalapit ang aming mga katawan at ramdam ko ang kaniyang kamay sa mga hita ko. Ang kamay ko naman ay nakayukom sa ibabaw ng sandalan ng upuan niya.

"Raviel was just messing with us, Jothea. Jenna is my cousin on the father's side, just like Yves, who is my cousin on the mother's side. I have no one else, Jothea. How many times do I have to tell you that you are the only one I love? And why would I consider you my mistress when it was you I wanted to marry all this time?"

I was left speechless. Tila ba napuno ako ng impormasyon na kahit ni isa ay walang pumasok sa utak ko para maunawaan.

"Your classmate was right. I couldn't get back to my profession because I was preparing for our marriage, just like I promised. I gave you the ring with my oath, right? Doesn't that serve its duty to remind you every time?" he asked, while still staring intently into my eyes. "Oh, right, you removed it. Paano mo nga naman ba maaalala?" he mocked.

Napatingin ako sa kamay ko. Wala roon ang singsing na ibinigay niya sa akin noon. Gaano kasakit iyon para sa kaniya na para bang itinakwil ko lahat ng mga sinabi niya? All of his promises and assurances came back to me like they had happened just yesterday, haunting me.

Fuck. What have I done? Bakit sa lahat ng maaari kong makalimutan ay iyon pa?

I suddenly felt guilty. How am I supposed to face him now? I became so childish and hated him to the core when, all this time, he was just fulfilling his duty and responsibilities for me.

Pumatak ang luha mula sa mga mata ko. Napayuko na lang ako dahil sa kahihiyan habang unti-unti ring bumabalik sa akin ang iba pang mga alaala naming dalawa. Palagi siyang nagpaparamdam sa akin, pero ako itong tanga na sobrang hindi naniniwala. Was it a trauma response? Paano ko ito nagawa sa isang taong walang ibang ginawa kung hindi ipakita at patunayan sa akin ang pagmamahal niya?

Why am I so impatient?

He told me to endure everything and trust him.

Bakit hindi ko pa nagawa gayong iyon lang naman ang hinihingi niya?

"I'm s-sorry, Ismael..." paghingi ko ng tawad. "I'm sorry, n-nagawa ko na naman." Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko at hindi ko man lang magawang idampi sa kaniya. Sobra akong nakukunsensya sa nagawa ko. Gusto kong magalit sa sarili ko dahil ang walang kamuwang-muwang ay nasaktan ko na naman.

Naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa buhok ko at kasunod no'n ay ang pagyakap sa akin. "Shush. It's okay. I understand."

I shook my head. "You always do that, when all I did was doubt you. I even slapped you when you wanted me to hug you. I'm the worst."

"It's okay. I'll hug you instead."

I sniffed as I continued shaking my head. "Why are you so understanding? You should have abandoned me when you had the chance. You don't deserve someone like me."

"Don't say that," mahina niyang pagkontra sa akin. "You are perfect for me as if you were made just for me."

Bumitiw ako sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya at tinagpo ang kaniyang mga mata. Hindi ako makatagal na tumigin sa kaniya, pero sinubukan ko. Gusto kong makita niyang nagsisisi na ako, kahit paulit-ulit ko na lang ginagawa. Ano ba talagang problema ko? Kahit ako, hindi ko gusto ang sarili ko. Hindi ko nagugustuhan ang nagagawa ko sa kaniya.

"Ikaw pala talaga ang may karapatang magalit sa akin dahil napakatanga ko. I'm so sorry, Ismael. You were thinking about our marriage when all I did was hate you because you left me."

"At least you hate me for a good reason, and you never find someone else. I'm at ease. I can see that you really love me."

He keeps on blabbing a counterattack to my sentiments while caressing my hair and tapping my back. "I do. I won't hate you if I don't love you this much, Ismael."

"Then I love to be hated by you." He removed his hands from me and stared into my eyes. He wiped my tears before kissing my forehead. "Please keep on loving me, Jothea."

He planted a kiss on my eyelids, the tip of my nose, my cheeks, and down to my lips. The moment he claimed it again was the moment he conquered my walls and even my territory.

I can't help but cry. This reconciliation brings me a huge amount of peace in my mind and especially in my heart. Everything became vivid. What happened to us makes me yearn for him eagerly. Kanina lang ay nagtatalo kami dahil sa mga hindi namin pagkakaintindihan ngunit hindi naman iyon nagtagal. He really knows how to tame me, handle me, and understand me. He knows the right amount of patience is needed when it comes to dealing with a stubborn woman like me. He knows when it is the right time to push and pull. This man is a 10/10.

"I will, Ismael, and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

"No, it wasn't only your fault. You were right; I'm such a jerk. I was the one who left you and acted like nothing happened. I just trust you so much that you will trust me too, believing that I gave you assurance when it wasn't enough. I am sorry for leaving you and hurting you, my love." Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko.

I nodded. "I am sorry..."

"I said, it's okay. Don't dwell too much on our mistakes. Let's focus on how we can improve the situation, okay?"

Muli ay tumango ako. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko. Nawala lahat ng bigat sa loob ko. Parang nagkaroon muli ng liwanag ang paligid. Ganito ba talaga kapag nagkakaayos? Pakiramdam ko mas lalo ko siyang minamahal. Lalo na sa paraan niya ng pananalita na hindi ako sinisisi.

Matagal pa kaming nagkatitigan hanggang sa napatingin ako sa mga labi niya. Ganoon din siya sa akin. Nangangapa pa kaming dalawa na para bang tinatantiya ang isa't isa kung gusto ba naming gawin ang naudlot naming paghahalikan kanina sa opisina niya.

"Ismael, can I kiss you?"

Lumawak ang ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi, na para bang hindi niya inaasahan ang tanong ko. Tama lang ito, dahil kanina, ako ang bumitiw sa aming dalawa. Marapat lang na palitan ko ang nagawa kong pagbawi sa mga labi ko nang halikan niya ako kaninang umaga.

"You don't have to ask, my lady."

Napapikit na lamang ako nang ibuka niya ang bibig niya para lasapin ang mga labi ko. Agad na dumaloy sa katawan ko ang mainit na kuryenteng namamaso sa buo kong pagkatao. Nakakaramdam ako ng init lalo na't kung iisipin ang sitwasyong naming dalawa—nakasakay ako sa kaniya. I felt him hard between my legs, and I couldn't help but feel something inside me.

"Ismael, can we go home now?" bulong ko sa pagitan ng mga halik niya sa akin.

"Alright, baby."

*****

In his penthouse—that's where he brought me. The room filled with our moans and squelches as we kept on making love. I never thought this would happen so soon. We just met earlier again, but here we are in front of each other, doing the business we haven't done in the past few months.

My eyes slowly moved to meet his intense gaze. Kahit kailan, hindi nabawasan ang angkin niyang kagwapuhan kahit sa mga sandaling ito na nakakunot ang kaniyang mga noo habang tinatrabaho ako. He's gorgeous, and I can't stop thinking about how his life would be without me beside him.

I stretch my arms to embrace him. God, I really missed him—not just him on top of me pleasuring me, but I missed his existence—his presence that motivates me to live every second of my life.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapaluha. I sniffed as I brushed my tears away from my cheeks. Napansin ko ang pagtigil niya at pagbitiw niya sa mahigpit kong yakap.

"A-are you okay?" tanong niya na puno ng pag-aalala. "Does it hurt?"

Umiling ako.

"Don't you like it?"

Muli ay umiling ako. Mariin niya akong tinitigan na para bang sinusuri kung bakit ako lumuluha. "Should we stop now?"

Tuluyan na akong napaluha. "H-hey, what's wrong?" Umupo siya at kinabig ako upang paupuin sa kandungan niya. "What's wrong, baby?"

He was holding my waist and brushing it like he was comforting me, waiting for me to answer every question he asked, but all I did was cry in front of him.

"You're making me worried." Hinawi niya ang buhok ko, bago hinalikan ang pisngi ko. "Tell me, what is it?"

I gulped as I felt his kisses on my ear. "I-I just c-can't believe you're here with me now, Ismael."

Hinaplos niya ang mukha ko, bago ako binigyan ng matamis na ngiti. "Did you miss me that much?"

Tumango ako. "I did. Ikaw ba? Hindi mo ba ako na-miss?"

Ngumisi siya. "If I don't miss you that much, then I won't devour you like this." He claimed my lips passionately. It was as if my lips were the dreams that he longed for, and now that they were within his reach, he was savoring the last bit of them.

"I miss you a lot, Jothea; even now that you're here with me, my heart still longs for you. I want to tuck you beneath my skin. I want you this close. I want your hands rubbing on my warmth like you've been really cold before," he explained in his deep, hoarse voice. He then moved his lips down to my collarbone, sucked it, and left some love marks.

I arched my back when I felt his teeth on my nipple. He's licking and biting it while he's playing with the other one using his rough hand. "I want to eat every inch of you and check if it still reacts like it belongs to me."

Napakagat ako sa labi ko at napahawak sa balikat niya nang lalo niya pang paglaruan ang dibdib ko. "Look how hard your nipples are now. The more it reacts like this, the more I want to bite it."

"S-stop, Ismael...y-you don't have to describe it."

"But you're asking me if I miss you; I'm trying to explain so you will understand how much I do."

Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan iyon. Ramdam ko ang pagdila niya at ako'y nanghihina habang pinanonood ang ginagawa niya. He's gorgeous when he does that.

Bumaba ang halik niya papunta sa braso ko. Lalong bumibigat ang paghinga ko dahil sa matinding sensasyong idinudulot niya sa akin. I can feel that my womanhood is now drenching, and it's embarrassing because I know he can feel it since I'm sitting on his lap. At mukhang napansin niya nga iyon dahil ngumisi siya.

Sumandal siya sa headboard, kaya naman nagtataka akong tumingin sa kaniya. "Sit on me, Jothea."

Agad na nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko sa sinabi niya. "W-what do you mean, Ismael?" nag-aalinlangan kong tanong.

"Sit on my face."