I squinted toward the sunlight, my mouth dry from the amount of time I slept. The deep breath I took was punctuated with familiar floral scents, my vision coming into full focus so that my first view of the morning was the bouquet of flowers from Seokjin. He'd trimmed the stems and placed them in a pretty pink vase that I took a few minutes to admire.

Him and my dad's muttered voices were even more audible with the door left ajar, back and forth laughing and shushing as they reminded one another I was asleep.

They were doing just that when I finally made my way to the kitchen. It was always the room we found ourselves in the most, both of them leaning in across the island countertop toward each other in intense discussion.

"Finally, Sellie can help us." My dad exclaimed. "I want to add a couple more items to the menu once I'm back. We came up with six and need to narrow it down to two or three." He pointed at the sheet of paper in front of Seokjin, in that focused and passionate headspace my mom always referred to as chaotic but secretly adored.

"Can I get you something to eat?" Seokjin tipped his head down and raised his eyebrows at the same time, backing toward the pantry while answering his own question. "Actually, I picked up some of those muffins you love from Delia's the other day?"

I slid the page to myself, scrawled with random unorganized concepts and ingredients in a mix of their handwriting. "You're bringing back brunch?" I asked with an expectant smile, noticing the plethora of breakfast incorporations among their notes. Brunch was mom's favorite, and after she was gone it didn't take long for it to fall away as an option at the restaurant.

"I already talked to Donna about it. She says people still ask about our brunch menu after all these years." He responded. I tilted my head to peck Seokjin's cheek as he placed a saucer with a banana nut muffin in front of me, my attention back on the paper as he leaned into the counter on his elbows.

My mouth pressed together tightly as I tried making sense of their chaotic stream of ideas. They were going back and forth about a honey butter chicken biscuit, a combination that had been scribbled into the margin of the page. My stomach growled at the thought of every concoction they'd noted, sandwiches and platters that I couldn't wait to sample.

Seokjin held up a finger as another idea came to him. I'd taken a seat on a barstool, creating a more organized list of their plans while picking bites off my breakfast and sipping on the creamy cup of coffee Seokjin brewed for me.

"We should cook some of these for Seline to try." He looked to my dad for his approval, initiating my week of watching them battle it out in the kitchen like master chefs who urged me to take on the persona of a critical yet uplifting judge.

It was a nice distraction from the anticipation of my dad's approaching surgery, but even with Seokjin encouraging me to keep myself from being overcome with worry every evening, I still lacked sleep and held onto him extra tight.

We slept at my dad's apartment the night before his procedure, more bags than we typically carried packed by the door for the few days we'd be spending at the hospital. I paced to and fro until the sun was rising, double and then triple checking that we had every piece of paperwork, charger, and item of clothing that was necessary.

"She's still going at it?" My dad called from the front of the hallway seconds after his alarm rang through the house. I ignored him, continuing to put together a small cooler of snacks while Seokjin laid across the couch, barely awake and having long given up on trying to convince me to slow down.

"Leave her be, hopefully she'll stop once we're at the hospital." He responded, rolling over so that he didn't face the sunlight pouring through the curtains I'd drawn.

My dad chuckled. "Slim chance."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not right here." I stood from where I was bent to grab a small container of fruit from the refrigerator, shoving it into the cooler with a couple of ice packs and zipping it aggressively. I let out an agitated sigh, keeping my speed to move past them to the bedroom. "Just be ready in an hour."

I changed from my unslept pajamas into a comfortable matching set, picking my softest pillow from the bed to take for the days I'd be sleeping in a recliner next to my dad's bed.

The door creaked open before a minute had passed, Seokjin entering with caution. I'd run out of things to gather and do, sitting on the edge of the mattress with the pillow held against me like a piece of protection.

"Seline," he tried, kneeling in front of me to see into my downcast eyes, "baby."

"I need you to give me something else to do." I uttered behind a trembling breath, the checklist in my head complete so that I was left with nothing but my fears.

Seokjin's thumbs moved back and forth over the backs of my hands. He was patient, waiting until I lifted my gaze to him to reply. "You've done everything. Listen, today is a good day. The doctors won't use these words for a while, but after today he's cancer free." He didn't expect me to give an immediate response, his lips at the edge of my mouth as he apologized for their earlier teasing of my amped mood.

I was all too conscious of the attentiveness our assigned concierge and staff members showed from the moment Seokjin parked his car in the deck next to the surgical center. Our bags were taken and we were escorted to a private suite to settle in before heading to pre-op. My dad was calm and collected up until the moment they asked that he remove his wedding ring. It shook between his fingers when he pulled it off and slipped it into my palm.

He kept his eyes on it while I placed it into a coin purse that held a spare pair of earrings and silver dollar that'd been passed through his family for safekeeping. A nurse joined us to provide information about the length of time for the procedure and make introductions to the anesthesiologist. They stayed while my dad's surgeon answered any lingering questions, shaking my hand and allowing me a moment to kiss my dad's cheek before they wheeled his bed away.

Seokjin met me back in the waiting area, his head darting up as if he'd been anticipating my return. He stood and pulled his hands from where they were tucked into the pockets of his jeans, unfazed by the second family in the room as he smacked his lips against my mouth three times.

He was removing snacks from the bag of food we brought along as soon as we took our seats, insisting that I at least have a granola bar since it was nearing afternoon. We were good in the quiet, with my hand wrapped around and head resting on his bicep, the book I intended to read turned over in my lap. I couldn't focus on anything of importance, the light scent of fabric softener from his sleeve and movement of hands clicking with the pass of each second my last memory as my eyes closed from where they were set to a clock on the adjacent wall.

I woke with an unprompted startle, Seokjin's eyes turning from where they'd been transfixed on a TV in the corner of the room. "How long was I–" The words tumbled from my lips without pause between and he cut me off, answering before I could finish.

"Only for an hour." He lifted his fingertips to brush through the pieces of my hair that'd been disturbed while I slept to fall tamely past my shoulders.

I caught sight of the corners of his mouth turning down when I lowered my gaze from him, unable to mask my broken tone. "I'm okay," I breathed a lie to both of us as if either could be convinced it was true, "I think I could use a walk."

He was becoming too hard to look at. It felt nearly identical to the weeks after I first met him, working my damndest to hold my emotions together and stay detached to avoid the pain accompanying the love I carried.

Before he could offer to join me I was on my feet and following the signs that led to the restrooms around the corner.

My feet tapped against the floor, so clean that I could almost see my reflection in the shine as I sat on a toilet with the lid down and the stall closed. When I became too jittery to stay in my place I left, turning in the opposite direction. I moved from the surgical unit and past the bustling cafeteria, not paying attention to any of the signage until I found myself in an unknown part of the hospital.

It was quieter, serene with pale pink and blue balloons attached to a string that floated past behind an older woman headed confidently to a room on the floor. There were stacks of blankets in pastel colors obviously meant for newborns and several women with bellies expanded well past their feet being escorted in wheelchairs.

"Did you need help finding a patient?" A soft voice called out, pulling me from the trance I was in. Plastic crinkled as the silver-haired nurse pulled diapers as small as my palm from a bag, reaching back into the drawers of a rolling cart to gather more supplies.

I turned to her, uttering my reply and lacking confidence. "I'm looking for the waiting area."

She eyed me suspiciously, using her elbow to point down the hallway from where I'd just come. "It'll be on your right. Look for the wall with the cloud mural." She was too preoccupied with her duties to pay me much attention.

I thanked her, moving quickly in the direction I'd been pointed in to avoid drawing any more curious eyes.

The waiting room was too bright, a contrast to my melancholy, and the moods of families who chattered excitedly about their loved ones entering the world.

I got a laugh out of the soon to be grandmother who pitched affectionate nicknames for herself before settling on MooMoo. There were two aunties going back and forth about a piece of familial gossip so juicy that I wanted to gasp and an impatient boy waiting for the chance to meet his new sibling, standing from his seat each time a musical tune chimed over the intercom to signify the arrival of a new baby.

"–line. Seline." I couldn't be sure how many times Seokjin called my name before I registered the sound of his voice. He squatted across from me, a deep line forming at the bridge of his nose. "Come with me." His voice was uneasy, pleading.

Distress radiated off of him and I realized that in my anxiety, I'd triggered his. "I'm sorry, I lost track of time." I stood, looking around blankly at the multiple people who glanced our way.

"It's okay." He said. If he was upset with me he didn't let it show, slipping his hand into mine and leading us back toward the elevators that I didn't remember taking.

As soon as the doors closed he gave me the news, a message displayed on the screen of the flashing, vibrating pager he held in the hand that wasn't in mine. "He's out of surgery and in recovery."

"How long was I gone?" I questioned the moment a breath of relief left my lungs.

"It's been a couple of hours. Your phone was in your bag and it took me a while to find you." He responded.

I craned my head to the side to look up at him. He was stoic, as flat-mouthed as he could get and with a hard, contemplative stare. "I'm sorry." I voiced softly.

"You don't have to apologize. His surgeon is probably waiting to talk to us and then you'll get to see him." He nodded as the elevator stopped. I sighed with the quiet assurance of him lifting our hands so that his lips met my knuckles. He shifted his hand from mine to instead press it against the small of my back, leaving me with a curt promise.

"We'll talk later."

I was thankful for the surgeon's simplified explanation of my dad's successful procedure. He provided us with aftercare materials that I'd be able to review over the next few days of our stay in the hospital, leaving Seokjin and I with firm handshakes.

Not a moment had passed from us exiting the small, comfortable meeting room to my eyes being pulled to the packet of documents in my hand. Seokjin just as quickly took them, tucking them down into my bag full of other documentation while our concierge led us to my dad's suite.

There was a young, pretty nurse by his bedside injecting pain medication into his IV line. He was barely awake and still loopy from the anesthetic, looking at me through nearly closed eyes and with his gown hanging off his shoulder.

I stepped to the opposite side of his bed, leaning down to peck his forehead. Niyah, his current assigned nurse, made introductions and guided us to a whiteboard that hung on the wall with identifying information regarding the medical team.

She was bubbly with eyes that smiled every time she did, taking her time to answer the few questions I had and accepting my words of gratitude graciously. Over her shoulder I could see Seokjin, talking to my dad lowly and adjusting his gown before retrieving his wedding ring from the small container in my bag to place where it belonged.

Once we were alone I moved to my dad's side again, crossing my arms over the edge of the mattress to rest my head. He was on the brink of sleep again, muttering something incoherent before drifting fully.

Seokjin settled into a small couch, flush against the wall at the other side of the bed and let his forearms rest on his knees. My eyes were already heavy and I blinked longer than typical as I stood, making my way to where he sat.

He straightened his posture with my approach, leaning back into the seat with his arm draped across the back in invitation. I curled into him and pulled my legs to fit into the space on my other side. Each of us experienced an exhaustion that was similar but rooted in varying emotion. He breathed deep and slow, keeping me from sleep for just another moment to lull me tighter against his torso.  His lips feathered my forehead, puckering once before he used a curved finger to tilt my chin upward, capturing my lips before we succumbed to sleep.

Fluorescent lights are never fun to wake to, but my dad's voice, especially after a major surgery, made up for the overwhelming shine.

His voice was so boisterous that I guessed he was either bragging about one of the few things he took much pride in or telling a joke. Niyah's hearty laughter told me it was the latter. They both shushed each other, the nurse's voice lowering to a soft giggle.

"Sorry, I told Miss Niyah here that since I can't laugh too hard for now I'd make sure she laughed hard enough for the both of us." He grinned.

I caught onto the way he winced at the little movement he made. "How are you feeling?" I stood, Niyah busying herself with emptying the containers that collected the fluid draining from around his lungs.

"Good, a little sore when I move too much but I've had worse." He replied, answering the second question he knew I'd have before it could be posed. "He went to get you both dinner. He won't be long."

I hadn't been aware of the time since I woke, shades covering the view of night from the windows. After making sure my dad was okay, I freshened up in the bathroom connected to his room, feeling a little more rested and clearer on my inner turmoil.

Though he wasn't even half a day into his recovery, my dad shimmied his shoulders at the sweet snack Seokjin pulled from the single bag he carried. He spoke clearly despite having a mouthful of cake, scolding me for leaning in for a bite of his treat.

"This is my cake." I scoffed, smacking my lips at his childlike behavior as they chuckled at my expense. "Plus, Jin has dessert for you."

Seokjin stopped me from reclaiming my seat on the couch, holding out a hand so that I moved closer instead. "Come on, dinner's waiting upstairs." He offered.

It didn't feel good to reject him, but I looked at my dad, his eyes trained on the TV and a dabble of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. "I should stay."

"I spoke to the nurse. She'll look in on him while we're gone." He countered quickly.

My dad was already backing him, teaming against me with an obviously fake yawn. "Yes, go have dinner. I'll probably sleep the entire time." He waved me off, smirking as he winked at Seokjin.

The hospital was quieter at night, the dimmed lights on our floor making the walk to the elevator more relaxed than the one we took earlier. Seokjin kept close to me with a hand in mine while the other was draped with my favorite blanket, dragged along for our extended hospital stay.

"I love you." He breathed after pressing the button of the highest floor.  We didn't say it often, the knowledge that it was always true left to exist between us until moments we couldn't hold back from speaking it. Now, he said it as if he needed me to keep it at the forefront of every distortion in my mind.

"I love you." I echoed his words, followed by a ping that signaled our arrival to the top floor. We were met with complete silence and near darkness, our only light glowing from the edges of the door cast from a room at the end of the hallway to our left. Small medical offices lined both sides of the floor, the largest and our destination at the apex. I paused at the door, reading the plate that displayed the CEO's name and title while Seokjin pulled a single key from his pocket.

My question was stalled by the instant view from the open doorway, an entire wall of glass that gave us sight of the skyline. The moon was full and closer to the horizon, creating the illusion that you could reach out to touch its craters.

No matter how many breathtaking views I caught in my life, I never tired of appreciating every part of the world, natural and constructed. "How did you get a key to the CEO's office?" I posed, moving so close to the window that the tip of my nose brushed against the pristine glass.

"I asked for the best view in the building." He responded nonchalantly, eyes set on me when I turned back to find him leaned against the executive desk. "Come here."

He kept his palms pressed firmly onto the mahogany, fingers curled over the edge even when I stood in front of him. I had the sudden urge to unbutton his jeans and sink to my knees but he wanted my mouth on his instead. We kissed with fervor, his throat rumbling with low groans when I sucked at his lips and pulled him closer by tugging at the edge of his shirt.

"Let's eat." He spoke each word separately between final pecks.

My mouth was watering at the sight of the brown paper bag he pulled out, it's crinkling immediately giving away that he visited the only authentic Mexican restaurant in town.

I hardly finished half of my burrito, as big as my head and stuffed with nearly every ingredient imaginable. We sat across from each other, his back against the glass so that I could see him and the city from my perspective.

Though I initially thought I'd need the option to stare out of the window once we started to talk about my earlier trepidation, he met me with a look of comfort that made it easier to disclose the unsound deductions I made about myself.

"I just wish I was better at handling all of this. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed it's paralyzing. I was trying to keep it together but I couldn't. My mom...."

"Your mom?" He wondered about my incomplete thought.

The floodgates of emotion opened at her mention, my eyes clouded with tears that spilled over my cheeks as I spoke in broken whimpers.

"She would have been better at this, keeping everything organized and her head on straight. She wouldn't have to run away for hours just to stay sane. I should be able to do this." I rambled, unaware of Seokjin's movement, bringing him close enough to embrace me.

He waited until I was done, until hysterical hiccups subsided and the corners of my eyes reddened from brushing away tears with my knuckles. From where I cried against his shirt the fabric was damp, bunched and wrinkled in response to my face being pressed to it.

I sighed, leaning back on my palms with a final shake of my head as if it would release the pain. "I'm sorry."

"Why do you keep apologizing?" He retorted. I thought back to the two times I already had and while he didn't seem annoyed with it, he wasn't fond of the repetition.

"I feel bad putting this on you. Both of you are dealing with enough from your side of it." I shook my head, wanting to escape the weight of our conversation. Part of me was waiting for him to say something, anything, while the other was relieved that he hadn't attempted to tell me my thoughts were untrue.

When too much time passed I tried moving to another topic, momentarily forgotten since we left my dad's suite. "So, about this dessert?"

While Seokjin usually would have chuckled at my rocky aim to transition, he remained serious.

"After I tell you how wrong you are." He edged closer, my jaw tensing at the words I didn't want to hear. "You're carrying us and we probably don't thank you enough for it."

When my body language gave away my disagreeance he physically stopped it, lifting my chin so that I could see the sincerity behind his eyes. "Just listen and let me talk now." He continued. "I need you to show me this. I want this part of you too."

"You want this blubbering, terrified mess?" The question was rhetorical, meant to give us a moment of humor but he stayed focused, answering with conviction.

"Yes." He kissed me again despite the gross way I still sniffled to keep snot from leaking to my lip. "You don't need to hold everything together for us or be like you think your mom would. She'd be afraid too."

There was no erasing the feeling. We both knew that. Still, being close to him with a rich slice of chocolate cake was enough to hold me for now. He was okay with the heaviness between us, sitting in it with me until he knew I was ready for lightheartedness that didn't stem from a need to avoid everything I felt.

He released a mix of a laugh and scoff. "You know when I found you in Labor and Delivery earlier I thought we'd be having a different conversation."

I giggled at his ignorance of the medicinal circumstances in favor of something magical. "You told me that wouldn't be possible until at least a few months after you finished treatment." We had few discussions about the future, probably because of its uncertainty, so the things we had spoke of were easily remembered.

He shrugged and I couldn't tell if he was jokingly optimistic or desperately hopeful when he responded. "Stranger things have happened."

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Author's Note: Hi! I was reminded recently that it's been like way too long since I updated. Life has been lifeing ya'll, but I'm back. So much angst in this chapter and to be real even more in the next, but I promise we'll have more good, happy and lovey dovey feels coming soon. Thanks to everyone who has been supporting this book, old and new! There's so more to come for this story and those cooking in my head.